The Poet

poet

Self deprecation
Joy depravation
Misplaced aspiration
Despair cultivation

The life of a poet…. quietly crying, laughing while dying, constantly trying but losing or tying, tears always drying, brain always frying, never applying, so don’t be relying, He’s selling not buying

Turmoil eternal
An organic novel
Conflict resolution
Get down and grovel
spiritual revolution
Tales of real life
People love pain
Of other in strife
The loves of a poet…. forever uncertain of lover he’s hurtin’, passion subvertin’ and over exertin’ the victim of flirtin’ hides behind curtain, needs reasserting to carry the burden

Shares every smile
Shares every sorrow
Lends out his soul
For any to borrow
Low self esteem
Heart on a sleeve
Pray that the poet
Decides not to leave
The soul of the poet….however life goes, one thin he knows, he’ll struggle eternal with internal woes, reaps what he sows so whatever life throws he absorbs the blows cause that’s how he flows

Take a minute
To thank the writer
Painting words
To make life brighter

Hates his life, hates himself, carries all the weight
Bares his heart, bares his soul in an effort to create
Exists in strife, wallows in grief letting inspiration flow
Bears the wound, hides the scar, something you should know
The Poet

Shares his crazy just for you
Asks nothing in return
Makes you laugh makes you cry
While you can view him burn
PEACE

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TM, Exploring Life Philosophy With Drug Enhanced Acupunture, episode 10

forest

Previously on TM:

–That close JT, but it not movie, it reality. We live in three dimension but there are many dimensions, all stacked up against each other. Like movies at video store, ownry you cannot choose which movie you watch.
–No time to waste, gotta pick out my best clothes and get cleaned up, I’m going on a date that is about to change my plot.

Follow Or Fall Behind
J. T. Hilltpop

To say the plot of my destiny changed because of Shay is an understatement. We have been together three nights in a row and tonight she wants me to come over and watch a movie because she needs to get up early tomorrow but still wants to see me. And man oh man do I want to see her, she’s on my mind like 24/7. I think about her at work, during lunch, in the shower, …well you get it, all the friggen time. And when she calls me Justin I melt, it sounds so incredible. Who would have thought a chance meeting on the street, with me being a clumsy oaf, could end up a serious relationship overnight? Not me, that’s for sure, but I remain convinced this is more than just a chance meeting. Call it Karma, or Kismet, or fate but the fact that her name is Shay, I met her a few hours after the most enlightening experience in my life so far, and that our chemistry was instantaneous and quite similar to what I feel for my whatever it is for Ambrosina from my “trip” is not random coincidence. Like Kha says, sometimes the universe jut conspires in our favor and balances everything out for us. But I need to remember she isn’t Ambrosina, she’s Shay and the depth of my Transcendental Medication adventures should probably remain secret going to the grave with me. I not only want to make love to Shay I want to be with her and some weird convoluted story of a mystery lover, paradise island, and hallucinations the doc calls reality may scare her off. I’ve been afraid to rush it, I don’t want Shay thinking I’m like a vulture boyfriend just looking for a quick jump in the waterfall pool but tonight felt like it may just be the right time. Tonight is the night I will literally knock her socks off. Or at least take them off.
After spending over an hour attempting to get every hair in place, remove all possible body odors, and actually ironing my shirt I was ready. I had stopped off and purchased a nice Chateneuf Du Pape burgundy and a wheel of Camembert which I found out was her favorite cheese. When she let me in my anticipation gene kicked in and the nervousness ensued. “Oh wow, nice choice there Justin, come on in and make yourself comfortable, I’ll open the wine to let it breathe. I picked out a movie, hope you like it.” I made my way to the couch and looked at the movie she chose. The Notebook! Shit! What exactly does that mean? Romantic? Sexy? Sexy romantic? She either wants to make love or wants to wait until we’re totally ready. WTH? Shay walked into the room and removed all my insane frantic uncertainties. She walked straight over to me and just about threw her mouth over mine as our tongues collided on the oral dancefloor jumping into saliva tango overdrive. In less than a second we were wrapped in each others arms clawing desperately in a passionate embrace. “Justin baby, I was gonna wait till after the movie but I think we better go make love right now!”
The two of us ran towards her bedroom taking off our clothes as we did and by the time I got to her bed she was completely naked and my pants were around my ankles prohibiting me from walking and forcing me to hop. As I bounced clumsily to her bed Shay put both hands on my under shorts an ripped them off. Together we flew onto her bed groping and clutching each others bodies. I remembered the lessons Ambrosina had taught me and immediately applied the experience into pleasing Shay by paying total attention to her sexual needs first. At first she resisted by grabbing my solid erection and stroking it gently but surrendered once I positioned myself between her thighs. Shay had completely surrendered to my touch trusting me to take her on a ride to ecstasy and I dove in head first. Literally. Well figuratively too, I put all my focus on satisfying her completely. We had both surrendered to each other and accepted responsibility for each others complete enjoyment, a perfect unison of sexual pleasure. I had learned my love lesson well and applied it to the one woman who has rocked the shit out of my world. We never watched the movie nor drank the wine, we stayed in the bed until morning.
Over the course of the night, in between the lovemaking sessions, Shay rested her head on my chest in such a way that we were totally unaware that life was going on all around us. I breached the subject of Dr. Kha and the clinic because I knew this relationship was headed somewhere that secrets like that shouldn’t be kept. Shay had heard of the clinic and was a little concerned, it has a reputation of being a little “out there” and many people thought it to be cultish in nature. I assured her it wasn’t anything like that but I know she was a tad uneasy about it. I was due back in the clinic in four days and a much ass I wanted things nice an smooth with me and Shay I didn’t want to end my journey yet. Thankfully Shay understood, or at least said she did so it was set. I was at her apartment every night before my clinic night and promised her I would call her in the morning.
As soon as I arrived Kha knew I was stressed, “Come on JT, come inside room, I see you trouble today my son, maybe best we no use tank.” I followed him into a small room with nothing but impossible geometric figures on the wall, as though it had been decorated by the great MC Escher. There was nothing in the room itself save a small table with four chairs around it, “Sit my son, I prace needles while you have hot cup tea and we talk. Today put needles in paste of Lophophora root from Chihuahuan Desert in Mexico, little stronger than last session but no need tank, ownry music and tea.” A soft melodic tune was seeping from the speakers that sounded like traditional Spanish Flamenco slowed way down. Shondra came in with a steaming cup of what I assume was tea, “Here you are Mr. Hilltop, Coahuila Tea with lime, it’s a special brew used by the Huichol Indians. Its so delicious its all I drink anymore.” She smiled warmly as she placed the steaming mug in front of me. The comfort of steaming tea and soft music put me at ease. Dr. Kha rolled his “tool” cart behind me, “Today feel slight burn but no worry JT, just drink tea and relax. So tell me son, what have you been up to?” He began placing the needles in my back around my shoulders and neck and as promised it burned slightly. “Well Doc, I met a nice woman and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. We talked about you and the clinic a bit.” I expected apprehension but he was calm as a cucumber, “Oh that very good, sound serious if you tell about your medication here. Tell me JT, does this girlfriend approve of you come here?” Here it comes, “Well I have to admit Shay was a little bit concerned, but I explained to her I was just looking for a profound philosophical answers and how it relaxes me completely. Of course I said nothing of my trips.” Kha had finished placing the last of the needles in my back and sat across from me, “Her name Shay? That interesting no? You know no such thing as coincidence in universe balance, eh?” This wasn’t the first time I put it together, Shea and Shay, and he was asking rhetorically, “Let me ask you something JT, when first you come here you ask why something instead of nothing correct?” I merely nodded because my eyelids were getting heavy an my lip were refusing to join in any conversations, “So you think maybe universe come from nothing yes? First was nothing then whether believe in god say let be light or big bang explosion create universe it must come from something right? How god become god or how atoms become bounce around to make explosion? But what not know is universe not first universe.” I continued nodding getting more and more sleepy by the second, “ Truth is my son, universe result not so much of big bang as loud pop. Universe squeeze through giant of black hole from other universe then expand like balloon because it equal and opposite reaction to black hole. It full of other smaller black holes and every black hole in universe will create new mini universe within a universe we call galaxy. That why so many galaxies, alternate dimensions, alternate realities. And law of physics in our solar system not same everywhere. Think about earth my boy, everyone walk same because law of physics allow very low resistance, gravity hold us down but if people need walk under ocean law of physics different. Cannot walk normal walk much slower and against much more resistance. Running underwater impossible for us but many creatures move around ocean very fast. Creature that live in sea must adapt to environment. Same in alternate dimensions and other galaxies, what seem normal right now perhaps completely different in other dimension, but you shall see that when you get to one. Today you will travel to meet Castomar. He will teach you dimensions and four truth, then next session I take you to god as I promise. But remember this my son, not everything what seem all time, if……
I must have trailed off and fallen asleep because I was awoken by the warmth and crackling sound of a small campfire. I was sitting cross legged somewhere outside, surrounded by a forest only Walt Disneys people could create. The crackling fire was in front of me, Dr. Kha across, Shea on the right, and an unkempt large hirsute man on my left. I shook my head in an attempt to iron out all the wrinkles in my mind. Shea noticed I was awake, “Well good morning old friend, how are you?” Shea was genuinely happy to see me and I him, I stood up and we embraced in mutual admiration of each other.
Kha’s voice broke the reunion, “No time for pleasantry JT, time for you to hike into Forest to see truths. This Castomar, he shall be your teacher.” I put my hand out to shake but he just stared at me and spoke in a deep firm voice “First things first boy, I’m not Kha and I’m not Shea. I’m not here to baby-sit you I’m here to teach you so when I talk you just shut up and listen. If I say to go somewhere you go, no questions. I move fast and I have a lot to show you in a small amount of time, if you can’t keep up I’ll leave your ass out there to be dinner to the wolves. Got it?!” My head was spinning a bit and he wasn’t waiting for me to regain my composure. Kha nodded for me to go. Shea shook my hand and said “Good luck buddy, you better get going. Don’t let that fool scare you, he’s a great friend and one of the best teachers you could hope for. But he does have a gruff style so you better hurry up. Just don’t piss him off and you’ll be fine.” I embraced Shea biding him a fond farewell as the voice of this tall thin nature man Castomar called out, “Hope your not afraid of snakes kid.” I followed Castomar into the forest with great trepidation. I hope its not warranted.
Shea called Castomar gruff. To call him gruff was an understatement. Dr. Kha warned me he was tough but this dude was all of six foot six and maybe two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle. Even his cheeks looked like they worked out. He wore a sort of long animal cloth robe tied with woven hemp rope. Combat fatigues and engineer boots. His head was covered with a green bandana with stringy brown hair hanging unkempt across his shoulders. It appeared as though it was allergic to shampoo. A strong stern face with a full beard that had gray streaks in it. If you told me he was Moses transported to a southern gun collector convention I wouldn‘t have doubted you for a second. But Grizzly Adams Castomar was my guide and not only that, in this ominous looking forest I would most likely fail to survive a day by myself. The thicket was dense, the tree’s full and humongous, and the ground was littered with dead leaves. I had to ask, “Um, Castomar, where exactly are we going?” He didn’t answer or look back, just kept forging a path through the shrubs until we cam to a huge flat rock. Castomar sat down and motioned to me. “Sit own kiddo, time for a water break. Don’t rink too much or too fast.” He pointed to a large mountain, “Up there is where we are going. That’s our campsite. It’s in a different dimension so the hike up there may seem strange. Here, drink some water.” His words had a sort of rhythmic accompaniment, like the scratching of ten gourds which got progressively louder. I accepted the canteen an listened noticing the ground moving around the rock, the dead leaves in constant motion. He was very tough looking, serious dark eyes but I detected an underlying compassion in his voice, he was talking tough not to scare me but to make me aware of danger. “You will hear strange noises and feel a few chills on the way. Pay no attention to the noises, nothing will harm you in the woods if your with Castomar. The chills you feel will be the passing through dimensions so at times your legs my feel heavy, or unbelievably light. Just keep forging forward, if you fall back you could end up stuck in a different dimension for a long time. Once we get to our cabin We’ll have some tea, find our learning spot an then I will explain the four truths. Right now we need to leave because the snakes are all gathering sensing prey” Snakes? Why does it have to be snakes? I kept my Iniana Jones joke to myelf but the next scene was like the one in the tomb. That rhythmic scratching was comin from hundreds of rattlesnakes which were also what the moving earth was. There were snake everywhere I looked, all sticking their fork ass tongues at me!
“This way boy, follow me quickly and I mean quickly!” We moved forward in double time now following an actual path not a forged by Castomar path. Not twenty feet into it I felt the fit chill he mentioned. I lost my equilibrium for a second, as if dizzy from spinning around. I walked behind Castomar as best I could but something kept pulling me to the right. Then I saw the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life, A giant hawk, the size of what I would guess a Pterodactyl would have been. First I let out a piercing shriek then this giant hawk thing let out a better shriek that almost knocked me over as it flew right at us talons extended and this huge blue beak wide open. Now it happened really fast so I can’t say for sure but I swear the beak had sharp vampire like teeth but its really unimportant because Castomar actually punched this giant bird of prey in the head and sent it spinning around in mid air. I expected to see feathers flying everywhere but instead of feathers it was some kin of long thin iridescent scales flying as this crazed animal cried out in intense pain. So intense was the cry I felt it tremble down my spine. I followed behind Castomar as he picked up speed. Behind me I could hear what must have been a few dozen more of those giant vultures shrieking and honking. As I approached a large tree fallen across our path Castomar yelled “Jump” to which I did. I floated through the air like Mike Jordan in slow motion traveling over thirty feet before landing softly. I tried to step but couldn’t as Castomar took my hand, “Just jump JT, only jump. You won’t be able to walk in this dimension.
I jumped and hopped motivating easily over great distance literally floating on air. My last hop found me face down in the in a mud. “Sorry JT, I forgot to tell you we were entering another dimension, but this is the last now its just a three mile hike up the mountain from here an its relatively normal.” I got up from the mud expecting to be dripping in wet cold earth but it was like sand on my face and fell away easily. “Man I gotta tell Mr. Castomar, this dimension crossing is some crazy shit. Are you sure its over?” For the first time I heard him laugh, a deep guttural laugh that caused me to instantly forget all I though about him and smile back. “JT, that’s the worst of it I promise. Well for now anyway, the trip back may be rough but we are in a much safer environment. Safe but still have to get to the cabin before the suns go down.” I looked up in the sky and instead of one big bright sun there was four small less bright suns across the sky. I didn’t want Castomar to hear so I mumbled to myself, “Jesus shit this is the weirdest god damn trip I’ve ever been on. And its only started.

TBC

Roll Credits

final

Opening scene held blissful promise
Sure to be a box office sensation
Two young lovers in a trance of passion
from seeds of their playful flirtation

Flames of love fanned with devotion
Two heart beating for a single goal
Love strong and true would see them through
As the warmth soothed them soul to soul

But as love bloomed something just felt wrong
Suspicion sprouted across their unity
Stale perfume and late night meetings
He began betraying her with impunity

Nights alone she cried to an empty bed
And that’s when the plot it thickened
A receipt for short stay motel in pocket
Faced with evidence she was sickened

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt
There will never be a happy ever after
She will take matters in her own two hands
And hang that bastard from the rafters

Another late night excuse stumbled home
Confronted with scornful green eyed fury
This time he’ll get what had long been coming
His angry lover would have to face the jury

Hair was messy but not even single tear
When she posed smiling for a mugshot
No need to wait for closing credits
She had kissed him with some buckshot

Epilogue

If you amplify your problems
The solutions cant be heard
Muffled rising above the din
They will lead to the absurd

It’s The End Of The World As We Know It

four horse

Many an Oracle has been round to tell
Their vision of flames burning in Hell
One thing in common never works out well
Yet high from the pulpit we still hear them yell

This is my vision perhaps tainted and dark
A ravenous blood journey about to embark
The largest of flames begins with a spark
Each and every ending must begin at the start

You Say You Want A Revelation
The first horse he came as white as the snow
Divide first then conquer was all he could know
The rider claimed conquest was his given name
Endless abyss shall I take you accepting the blame

The second horse came burning red as a fire
Apocalypses from great wars the only desire
Brandished a sword dripping crimson red life
Death will occur after much grief and much strife

The third horse majestic as black as new coal
Claimed balancing justice to be the main goal
Then killing millions with one swipe of his hand
Causing drought death and famine through every land

The final horse came with an extra saddle on back
Scouring the crowd for the companion he lacked
Some call him Grim reaper others Angel of Death
The smell of destruction on the pale riders breath

The four came together to cause undying pains
Warned the wrath of god shall be all that remains
The Pale Rider absconds smiling at our moronic prattle
Snickered as he placed me in his rider-less saddle

By the blood on the sword complete annihilation reigns
Spilling the entrails on the streets, smashing the brains
Practicing ceremonies of sacrifice to banish our pains
So God up on high can keep us all in his chains

Revelation is the cessation and damnation of every nation
Perhaps revolution is the only solution
Or just free your mind
Peace

One For The Road

meada

Meada Woolfe. I know nearly nothing about her, aside from where she grew up, the little of her life she shared with me, and that she was an extraordinary woman. You see I didn’t meet Meada until she was in her nineties, not even sure exactly how old she was at all. What I did know about this woman was her family abandoned her and missed out on some precious moments they will never be able to get back. It was in the seventies, I was eighteen years old and working in a nursing home as a cook/orderly. Meada was one of the patients there, one who at first I assumed had no family because no one ever came to visit her. That’s not entirely true, she did have a family, just not blood relative family. She has us, the staff. Meada was a favorite for two reason, first of course we all felt horrible she never had a visitor, but secondly it was her sarcastic wit. Meada would tell it like it is, not hold back anything. But she did it in such an endearing and cynical way, like the time she warned me if I let my hair grow too long I’ll start to grow boobs. I heard about that from the nurses for months afterwards, but that was Meada, funny, direct, and the type of woman anyone would be proud to have as a grandmother. In fact, she reminded me a lot of my own grandma, who meant the world to me.
Every time I vacuumed Meada’s room I stopped to chat with her because she was such an incredibly interesting person. She was born in Williamsburg Brooklyn during the migration of Irish, German, and Austrians and her Dad worked in a sugar refinery somewhere near the East River. They were family of moderate means, scrimping and saving to make ends meet and as a kid she dreamed of being an actress on Broadway, in a musical. When she was in her early twenties she got a job at The Bowery Theater and there was convinced by a director to take lead roll in a new form of theater, erotic theater. She sang nude and was cool with that but when her parents found out the family disowned her. She moved into lower Manhattan. After the erotic theater show failed she began working in taverns singing an doing what she referred to as “Whatever it took” to survive. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes when she spoke of those early days which she didn’t do very often.
She often spoke of her days as a “Flapper” during the roaring twenties and that’s when her face lit up. She met the man of her dreams and together they had three children, two daughters and one son, her “baby of the Family.” She showed me pictures of him in a uniform, apparently he was killed during the Korean war at the tender age of nineteen. She never spoke much of her daughters, loved her husband who also died young, and seemed to live happy life up until she was placed in the nursing home. She was a kick to talk with, veering off into nonsense on occasion, but lucid an endearing most of the time. We all cared for Meada Woolfe, she just had a special way about her and I like to believe I was one of if not the favorite of staff members. It was like having my grandmother back for me, I only wish I learned more about the two daughters.
On one very special day she was acting very secretive, asked me to come into her room and closed the door behind me. You really never knew what to expect from Meada so I was ever so slightly apprehensive. My concerns were totally unfounded because in typical Meada Woolfe fashion she came up close to my face to whisper, “JT, there’s something I want worse than anything in the world right now.” I braced myself, “What is it you need Meada my love?” Meada smiled an impish grim, “I want a taste of some good quality scotch, not that Seagram crap, something special. Just one little taste of Glenlivet, that’s what I want more than anything. It was my favorite drink back when I was free.” First the humor of the request hit me but quickly behind that concern, I wondered what she meant. “What do you mean when you were free?” She looked downward, that sadness back in her eyes, “My daughters locked me up in here over ten year’s ago and left me here to rot and die. They couldn’t be bothered caring for me and I have no one left to fight for me. That’s why I’m here in this prison, because I guess I wasn’t a good mother.” I was stunned. My heart sank and her sadness infected me as my eyes welled up with tears. This poor woman, a lovely, funny, interesting woman believes she is locked away because she wasn’t a good enough mother, when the truth is she is locked away because she has two ungrateful daughters. I knew what I had to do, to Hell with rules, if I get caught and fired it will be for a noble cause, to give Meada some love, which she richly deserves. “Of course, Meada, I’ll bring you some Glenlivet, but it has to be our secret forever, okay? I can get in big time trouble for this.” she smiled, shook her head, “thank you, I promise I will take it to my grave.” The sly look on her face told me she obviously already knew I would do it.
The next day I went out to find this Glenlivet scotch. About all I knew of scotch in those days was the crappy Seagrams she talked about. I was surprise to find out how expensive it was but what the hell, its for Meada so I went for it. The next day I snuck the bottle into the nursing home and hid it down the hall from her room. After lunch I took the scotch and headed into Meada’s room. Se knew the second I got there that I had the scotch because she smiled a huge smile. I had taken two glasses with me and poured us each a half glassful. “Here’s looking at ya kid.” I smiled at how clever I thought that was but Meada paid me no mind, merely clinked her glass to mine, “Cheers” and down it went. It was amazingly tasty, and not anywhere near as harsh as the crap I would drink. We did another shot an I told her I would hide the bottle and maybe every once a while give her a taste. “No, not necessary JT, you take the bottle home with you and toast to me every once in a while. I don’t want to make a habbit of this, all I wanted was to have a bit of scotch for the old times, just one more for the road.”
When I left work later that day I kept playing the incident over in my mind. Was I crazy? Did I do something really stupid? I attempted to justify my action saying that it was just a little scotch for a friend, not like I got her drugs or anything. Still, what if she ended up drunk an fell, or had a reaction because of a medication she was on? I decided she was right, I shouldn’t do it again, I’ll take the bottle home like he said and just forget the whole thing. After all, she seemed so very happy, much happier than I ha seen her before, so I gave an old woman one last taste of booze, one more for the road. I made peace with it.
The next day as I pulled up to the nursing home and saw the coroners wagon. Never a good sign, whenever a patient dies the coroner comes in and they sneak the body out the back so as to not scare the other patients. But one of them was likely gone. I walked in the back door an the staff were all in tears, and my best friend and nurses aide Liz looked at me. “Its Meada, she lost her battle with cancer lat night.” Liz was in crying, I was in shock. I walked over to Liz wondering if it Meada died because of the scotch I gave her. I placed my arm over Liz’s shoulder to comfort her, “Meada was a special lady huh Liz?” She couldn’t answer, merely shook her head and turned to hug me. “Liz, I did something yesterday that I probably shouldn’t. I gave Meada some scotch an maybe that’s what did her in.” Liz pulled away from my hug and looked at me incredulously, “You what?… You gave her scotch? No you didn’t, tell me you didn’t.” She looked at my face and my eyes told her that I in fact did. He stared at me for ten seconds before she broke out laughing, I mean really broke out. Nothing else to do, I began to laugh as well, and within seconds the two of us were hysterically laughing and shaking. I pulled my shit together and got serious, “Really Liz, I mean do you think I could have put her over the edge?” Liz stopped laughing and gave me a serious look before responding. “No, Meada had…..YOU GAVE HER SCOTCH??” To which the two of renewed our uncontrollable laughter, me saying yes in between laughs and Liz just saying “A HA HA HA HA” We laughed for over five minutes before we were able to have a serious conversation where she assured me Meada was going to die from the cancer last night anyway, maybe she knew and that’s why she said one more for the road.
That’s when it hit me. I had fulfilled a dying woman’s last request, I had risked losing my job, maybe even getting arrested I’m sure there was some crime there somewhere, to give a lonely woman her last request, One More For The Road. A final request she made of me, perhaps the one person in the world she trusted would do it for her. She has two daughters who will no doubt visit now to see if Meada Woolfe had any money, or hidden accounts or properties they may be entitled to. Funny choice of words, entitled to. Meada was entitle to their love, and at the very least a yearly visit, but instead had to settle for some short visits from the staff at her “prison” But you know what? I was the true beneficiary here, I got to know and love one of the most powerful characters I have ever had the pleasure to meet, and I know in my heart that I was the one who gave Meada Woolfe what she needed before she left this sometimes uncaring world. I hope that when my time comes I have someone to do what I did for me.
We each took a turn going up to the wagon to say good by. When my turn came I walked up to the half ambulance half hearse coroners wagon saying out loud, “Cheers Meada, when I get home tonight I’m gonna have a tall glass of Glenlivet just for you, one for the road, wherever that may take you. Here‘s looking at ya kid“……..PEACE

Ego Street

ego

The sun don’t shine on ego street
Dark so bright its blinding

Thunders up and down the lane
And the paths are ever winding

If you hang out on ego street

You’ll be surrounded by the plastic

No one says what they truly feel

Admiration oozes out elastic

Only way they can feed your ego

Is fabricating calculated tribulations

Spewing words engorged with insincerity

And orating counterfeit adulations

But Homie don’t play that, much to modest

When I speak its what I really mean

Never want to be dipped in iron pyrite

Always part of a more important team

So don’t look for me down on ego street

That’s not where you’ll find me hiding

Just truck yourself down to Humble Square

Cause Baby, that’s where I’ll be residing

Epilogue:

Don’t let second hand vanity
Embezzle all your humanity
You risk losing half your sanity
Cause that shits pompous profanity

Absolute power it can seduce
Hang conceit on you like a noose
Best to keep the bragging way down loose
And not treat people so obtuse

Common courtesy should not be uncommon……. Peace

Walk With Me

walk

Walk with me hand in hand
A journey through salvation
Discover how I became to be
From a lifetime of gestation

We are the sum of all our parts
The leading role of our own play
Forever morphing and evolving
A fragrant character bouquet

Been so many people
Lived so many lives
Won’t know exactly which I am
When that time arrives

Some of them I like a lot
Others not so sure
Wish some lives were swept away
Locked behind a door

But each of them are all of me
For better or for worse
Pieces of organic puzzle
Part blessing and part curse

Looking back my head held high
I wouldn’t change too much
Even with my clouded judgments
Every minutia and every touch

Cause in the end its quite a ride
A journey of elations
And each and every twist and turn
Adds to its excitations

Push it
Shove it
Live it
Love it
Walk with me through life

Transcendental Medication (Exploring Philosophy Through Drug Enhanced Acupuncture) E10

change plot

Previously on Transcendental Medication
We embraced so tight, neither of us wanting to let go, my body was shaking. “Ambrosina, tell me this is all real, it has to be

I had never before understood the true meaning of unity in love but Ambrosina and I had become one person, one concept. Love is bliss, a joy expressible in words.

The shouting of my name woke me up, the familiar voice of Shea, “JT! Come on buddy, its time to go.” This time I wasn’t angry at him, I wasn’t panicked, I was okay with it, with everything. My huge smile and I walked down the mountain oblivious to our surroundings.

Changing The Plot
J.T. Hilltop

“Please relax while I remove needles JT. I take them out an we give you towel, your body very wrinkle. You in tank for long time my boy. There bed in other room, have something to eat and take nap, when you wake we talk.” I obliged willingly or not, I could barely move. The water from the tank rushed off me and I felt Kha removing the acupuncture needles. Like a zombie I got off the stand of the deprivation tank, walked into the other room and picked up a sandwich. I felt sensations similar to a hangover, but not a feel sick with pounding headache hangover, more like a mental or emotional hangover. The acupuncture had given me some hallucinations but they seemed awfully real to me. My body was certainly feeling the after effects of making love, climbing up waterfalls and such. Emotionally I feared I was in love with a vision but her touch and her words were so real. Ambrosina taught me what love is then told me I would meet her back in my own dimension. I’m not sure what she meant but I believe her, believe in her. As I attempted to sort everything out I looked over to the bed. The bed sent me an invitation so I accepted hoping to become one with the mattress. I lay on my back while reviewing my trip, or whatever the fuck it was I was on. While on some kind of island paradise I learned of love, of free will, and that my conception of time is seriously erroneous. There is a god though nothing similar to the one I was taught as a young boy, and this creator is a female perpetuating a swindle using the bible to conceal real truths, of which apparently there are only four of. Kha promised me a meeting with her to finally explain what nothing is to me. My mind went back to the times I had with Ambrosina. I smiled contentedly before falling into a deep sleep.
As I opened my eyes before I could even focus I sensed someone in the room with me. “Finerly wake up, eh JT?” I was still groggy as I stretched my body, “Yes Kha, I’m awake. But I’m also a bit confused, how much of that was real and how much was a hallucination?” Kha handed me a bottle of water, “It all real my son, it ownry seem like hallucination because it not what you used to as reality. We do again next week and then you get better understand.” He was cleverly dismissive but I pressed him, “I saw Ambrosina again, and I met Shea. They both talked about my time stream, and about the four truths. What did they mean by that?”
“My son you are a curious one, so full of question. Next week we talk of forces, or truths, but for now I tell you about time stream. Each of us have own time stream an we intersect with many other time stream. But you cannot intersect with time stream that not in your own time, like your great great grandfather. That cause big paradox for your reality. Remember time is no straight line, time is like big ball of tiny strings. Okay listen, if you view your life like a movie reel, opening credits to ending credits your life can play like a film. Remember in school when you watch a movie and the teacher played it backwards to rewind. Everyone laughed, it look really funny, but even backward everything in the movie still happen, ownry not in same order. Points of time can be manipulated but not change, everything still happen. You know JT that when you see star shooting across sky it burn out many many years ago, but ownry now you see it. Time same, happen already my son. Every life already finish maybe millions years ago, my life, your life, even Ambrosina life. Your reality, your life stream is ownry how you experience it. You get what I mean?” I gave it a few seconds to sink in, it’s a pretty radical concept that is far from anything I had ever conceived. If I’m understanding him every life has already happened, and each of us are experiencing it in real time as it applies to our point of history. “I’m not sure Kha, but I think so. Your telling me everything has already happened, many years ago like that star, but I’m watching it like a movie right now. Is that it? Doe that mean its not real then?” The old man suddenly seemed so much older, as though I had been gone for years and not hours. Have I aged as well? This is too much to process, what’s real or not real, old or young. “That close JT, but it not movie, it reality. We live in three dimension but there are many dimensions, all stacked up against each other. Like movies at video store, ownry you cannot choose which movie you watch. Movie already happen, but you see movie from start to finish. That your time stream, your history. You very curious and open minded man JT, that’s why I chose you for Transcendental Medication program. But for now I think better you consider all you have learned so far for one week. Take time to sort through, go live your life and forget about all this time stream and dimensions until next session. We have plenty time to talk about time and dimension next session.” As much as I wanted to know I also knew Kha was right, I should figure out all I’ve been through for a bit. Maybe some wine, a night out, to prepare myself for the four truths. I will meet Ambrosina again, I will meet God, then Kha will explain the four truths and the dimensions. No need to overload my fragile brain at this point. Remember what Shea said, change my plot, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going home to figure out how I can change my plot. “You’re right Dr. Kha, I should take the time to sort things out for myself, decide how I want my plot to change.” Kha smiled but I could see a bit of confusion in his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t know about changing plot lines. That’s cool, something I know that he doesn’t. With that I felt much better, got up and left. ‘See ya next week Doc!” I sensed the wind of his head as it shook back an forth trying to figure me out. That made me smile even more.
I walked down the street with an exuberance I haven’t felt in years. Life was good, I was feeling great and in control. I can’t change the parts of the story already lived, I can’t change the final chapter, but I can alter the coming events. I can write my own history. I was literally bouncing with joy as I walked and spun around saying over and over, “I’m changing my plot” Proceeding with my head in the clouds I spun right into another person knocking them backward. “Oh my god I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, totally my fault, are you all right?” As I reached out to help this person regain the balance I had inadvertently compromised things got even better. It was a lovely young woman. She was more than lovely, she was striking. Thick long onyx black hair in tight curls surrounded a beautiful face with high cheekbones, deep hazel eyes, and soft lips accentuated with the perfect amount of rich red lipstick. I held her by her arm, all five foot two of her. She glared at me, “What the Hell are you doing mister?” I employed my best puppy dog eyes and half smile, “I am so sorry maam, I just got some really good news and I guess I wasn’t paying attention.” Her glare softened as she realized I wasn’t being an asshole perve. We locked eyes and I saw something very familiar and enticing in her eyes, “Well I hope the news was real good because you damn near knocked me over.” It wasn’t anger, more like a flirt so I jumped at the opportunity, “Oh indeed it was, I received news I would be running into a beautiful girl soon and she would accept a dinner invitation and well, here you are, and I I literally bumped in to you!” In an attempt at being coy I gave her my sexy eye look. She tilted her head glancing at me sideways with pursed lips, “seriously, does that lame line really work for you?” It wasn’t a challenge it was banter, “Truth is I never tried it before. But I am hoping it will work, so maybe if I start again. Hi, my name is JT and I’m the jerk who almost knocked you over just to say hello. I am terribly sorry and would be honored if you would allow me to make up for it by taking you to dinner.” She reached into her small purse, took out a pen and a business card flipping it over. After writing something on it she said “My name is Shay, here’s my number. Why don’t you call me tonight and We‘ll see what happens?” I accepted the card as she spun around and walked away. I watched her for a minute, then looked at the card. ‘Shay huh? That’s a pretty name, I am definitely gonna be calling her.” I walked the rest of the way home consumed by our exchange, never once realizing her name was the same as the one in my Transcendental Medication journey. The plot was changing and I wasn’t even aware.
The rest of the world continued completely unaware of the majestic occurrences I had experienced. I had half a sandwich with a big frosty mug of Brown Ale while unable to get the gorgeous Shay from my thoughts. I couldn’t wait until tonight, I took out the card with her number and called. “Hello?” Like a teenager I paused thinking maybe I should hang up, but then how will I ever change my plot if I don’t take a chance. “Hello Shay, its me JT, you know the sexy man the knocked you off your feet earlier today?” Now I realize there is no way one can tell over the phone how someone is reacting but I could swear she blushed and smiled, “What took you so long? And you never actually knocked me off my feet.” After a short pause she continued, “Well are you gonna ask me to dinner or just let the tension build up? I love it when the plot thickens.” I was speechless for a second, did she say the plot? Oh my god this has to be kismet, maybe this is my Ambrosina! Better remain collected, if I start talking about my journey she’ll think I’m crazy for sure. I swallowed hard and did it, “Can I take you to dinner Shay, like maybe right now? I-I mean tonight?” I was excited beyond belief so many possibilities dancing through my head, “I would like that JT, but I have to tell you I don’t normally date men who have initials for a name, what do the initials stand for?” I paused, no one has called me by my name in ages but this woman is turning me inside out. And I’m liking it. “Well, I had kinda hippie parents, my Dad was a joker of sorts, so they name me Justin Thyme, you know like he arrived just in time? That’s why I go by JT, but you can call me Justin.” She laughed out loud, a beautiful wonderful laugh. Oh My God! What is happening to me? “Okay Justin, how about you pick me up at seven? We’ll take it from there. Use your imagination and come up with an idea that will knock my socks off an maybe you will knock them off. I don’t make plans, I hate plans, I like things to be kind of….improvisational.” I haven’t been called Justin since the third grade but it sounded so natural coming from Shays lips. And she hates plans, lives her life like an improv just like me. A dream come true, this must be love. “I will pick you up then, just need to know where.” She gave me her address which is a sure sign she is interested and feels safe with me. No time to waste, gotta pick out my best clothes and get cleaned up, I’m going on a date that is about to change my plot.
TBC

Be The First One On Your Block To Have Your Boy Come Home in a Box

be the first

Schoolyard fights and bloody noses just one of the crowd
Trying to find his way through life he never got too loud
Normal kid in a normal life just like a million others
Mom Dad an older Sis, four young and faithful brothers
Born another average healthy kid just like you and me
Do the right thing god and country a soldier he would be

Blacklight posters
Day glow paint
He’s a rebel
No restraint
Beatle boots
Pointed shoes
paisley print
Bell bottom blues
Long hair hippie
Aint no biggie
English fashion
We love Twiggy
World on fire
Burn baby burn
No deposit
No return

Grew so fast and learned so much in a boring little town
Never let the weight of world fall and take him down
Kickball baseball young kid games a catch out back with Dad
Had a Duncan yo-yo, lava lamp and every latest fad
Did his homework studied hard and earned himself good grades
We rode our bicycles every year in the holiday parades

Monkees on TV
Batman too
Ginger or Maryanne
Which one would you do?
A groovy story
Of a groovy bunch
See the Lone Ranger
On his box of lunch
Granny and hillbillies
Tripping Dick Van Dyke
Flipper the dolphin
Bronson on his Bike
99 and Maxwell
A very pretty witch
Saturday morning cartoons
Scooby & Ritchie Rich

But when his number came up he was selected in draft
Moving to Saigon where he’s sure to get the shaft
Fighting for his country and for his family’s honor
The general never told Mom that her son will likely be a goner
Its easy when you send young kids to someone else’s shore
While yours are at home safe and free from being drafted into a war
Assassinations become the norm as well as governmental con
John -Bobby -Martin King I turned around and they were gone

Gone, baby, gone
Died for his country
Mama carried on
Daddy even cried
Lost his first born son
How did all this happen
When will all this end?
VD crabs the clap
Malaria and typhus
Forget about disease
Cuban missile crisis
Drop the bomb
Drop the bomb
Kill the dirty commies
Blow up Viet Nam

Just one more of many deaths to parade across the news
So many young ones died for Nielson ratings and reviews
A grisly war played out on screens all across the TV nation
To prove they care they give the maimed a purple commendation
Too many of our children harmed, too many now deceased
While oil and giant businesses continue getting greased

Does it matter
Who cares
Brother’s dead
Mom in tears
Wounded soldiers
That’s their fate
Vets get help
Too little too late
Protest march
Peaceful rally
Songs of freedom
Tin Pan Alley
Pete and Woody
Jim ‘a crowin’
Bobs freewheeling
Wind is blowing

We need to stop the killing and fighting war is just insane
Finding peace solutions seems like what we should obtain
As humans keep on dying for the power and the oil
The annihilation of our planet seems to figure in it all
We have to make them listen to the peaceful rants and raves
Or the place of all our residence will be dead and in our graves

Make Love
Not War
Flower Power
Feed the poor
Turn on
Tune in
Hawks and Doves
For the win
Elect Nixon
He’s great
Impeach Nixon
Watergate
Denounce war
Declare peace
Increase love
Let hate cease

I long for the day when every nation declares peace on every other nation. You may say that I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one. I hope some day you’ll join us, and the world will live as one. Thank you John Lennon, there are some who still strive to keep your dream alive…..Imagine That! PEACE

Universal Culture

culture

The Universe Is A Petrie Dish
J.T. Hilltop

There are those among us that believe that we are the ultimate creations, the single most important species in the universe. No, not the Kardashians, I’m talking about the reverently religious zealots who still insist that the universe was created by the one true creator, theirs. The ones that say earth is only 6,000 years old and science is pure nonsense. Bad news my zealot friends, the truth is we are a small speck of a culture dish being studied under a microscope. The bacterium on slides we viewed in biology labs in high school haven’t even been discovered yet by the ones studying us. To them the bacteria we observe microscopically is still a hypothesis called quantum theory and they are searching for the Higgs Bosen, or God particle which in reality is our very own staphylococcus. Get it? Well don’t, it’s a bitch to get rid of. So anyway that essentially makes us pathogens to these humongous scientific creatures who have us in their Petrie dish. Whaaaaaat? Okay, a little perspective.
As we will learn, assuming we pay attention to the new show Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey, (On NatGeo.. highly recommend!!) there are many universes, a multiverse not just the universe we can’t even seem to find the end of. Personally I think instead of just exploring all over the universe trying to find the end one of us should just stop and ask directions. Unfortunately that would involve admitting we are not the smartest species in this universe let alone the millions of others out there. At any rate, our universe is situated in a huge scientific lab that makes the large Hadron Collider in Europe seem laughable, almost like a tiny little ant farm being viewed from the moon. Not our moon, Io, one of Jupiter’s moons.
The truth is our universe does have limits in the way of a spherical finite dish with a circumference as its boundaries. Our seemingly never ending universe is a live active culture in large round dish known as Experiment#541728226, and it is stored along with hundreds upon hundreds of other universe dishes all containing planets, and solar systems, and galaxies, and quasars, black holes, pulsars and super novas. Or as the multiverse scientists call it, Cosmic Bacterium. To us, our planet has a multitude of different species including humans, but to the Cosmic Scientist its merely an experiment and we are what they call micro-humanoid genatlium, a parasitic bacteria they discovered on the hairs of the genitals of a species from their world similar to our primates. They loving refer to us humans as GBHB. (Gorilla Ball Hair Bacteria)
Now I know this all sounds a bit far fetched but when you really think about it its not much different than many of the tales of the various religions around our own world. Aside from the obvious burning bushes, floating zoo’s, talking donkeys, salt pillar people, and river parters of the regular sort we have a religion created by a sci-fi writer, ones that focus on magic spells, UFO’s, cosmic light people, and even a church of euthanasia, which promotes cannibalism, suicide, and sodomy. And that’s not even the most bizarre, there is a group of people who believe the illuminati impregnated a women with Satan’s sperm and delivered the baby antichrist (Was its Moms name Rosemary?) They also believe that Nicola Tesla was originally from Venus and that we are conducting cloning experiments on Mars. Now I ask you, is a universe that’s a petri dish in a cosmic laboratory really all that out there?
I mean really, compare my theory to creation theorist that include leaders who convince their followers to drink poison Kool aid, commit mass suicide to transport their souls to a spaceship, allowed themselves to be killed while locked in a building, and finding assorted methods of death to escape the coming apocalypse by being reborn on a planet orbiting the star Sirius. I’m serious, Sirius!
Shit, by comparison my theory sounds almost plausible, or perhaps even sane! Hell, maybe it is sane, maybe I’m on to something. Perhaps the end of the world as we know it won’t be so spectacular, perhaps our world will end when the scientist in charge of experiment 541728226 gets frustrated at their progress and dumps the entire universe sown the drain. Or maybe I watch too much Doctor Who. But hey……Ya never know!