Anecdote (p.I)

anecdote I

 

Anecdote

(Inspired by the fabulous Welch poet Mr. Zimmerman chose as a namesake)

 

 

In the end we are all just ghosts in the lives of those we encounter that share an importance to our own lives. Life is not a straight line or a cycle but an elaborately moving thread that touches millions of other threads in the ultimate fabric of the universe. Sometimes certain threads become entwined for long periods of time and become part of someone else’s patch of cloth, someone else’s story. Once we are gone our names begin to echo off the canyons of life in search of a legacy. We may never find it here on Mother Earth.

 

 

We are but anecdotes in each others lives

 

The moon smiled as it whispered her name

The wind screamed I love you to the sky

Perhaps a bit too loud

The sun clasped tight the latch of day

Sealing in the evening’s sweet song

Perhaps a bit too short

Gracefully she strutted across my life

I  behind in a cascade of stardust

An anecdote in the wake of her stride

 

 

 

Bound in passions of leather and lace

Squealing the promise of surrender

Bodies wrapped in tenuous pleasure

Tightly clung to our mutual destiny

She held me tight in the eyes of her world

Imprisoned was my weakened soul

Counting each breath in hope eternal

Feeling each beat of her rapturous heart

Knowing my devotions would one day become

A mere anecdote of her days gone by

A short chapter in her story of life

 

 

 

 

 

I peered deeply into my paranoia

The tide waning to an uncertain sea

Together we had floated o’er the oceans

Treacherous waves rising before the storm

Time was at hand

Exchanging glances to reveal our fears

She pulled my face tenderly to her breast

Comforted on her cloud of  compassion

We had entered the phase of our final countdown

We hastily reminisced with the ghosts of the fates

Solitude will be a continuous torture

Who were we, who was I, who am I now?

The years seemed deep and long of tragedies

Alone I face the story’s close

The Lone Protagonist

In the end merely an anecdote

To everyone I’ve ever known

 

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In Praise Of Punnery

pun

 

 

I just want to profess my love for one of humors most clever yet looked down of art forms. People say that puns are the lowest form of humor you could buy. That makes no cents. It seams (A hem) to me the higher a person is, the funnier the pun appears to be and the harder they laugh. You’ll get no boo’s if you give then booze. Or whatever else will raise the level of the pun to cause the funny bones to be so humerus. I for one am a huge oscillating air blower of punnery. It takes a clever use of word twisting, timing, and structure to create a successful pun play. There is an art to doing it correctly, if a pun is too loose it won’t fit in to your punch line and if it’s to tight you won’t be able to pull it off. (Ahem)

So next time you hear someone say that puns are the lowest form of humor, get them high. Then maybe they can take their hang ups out of the closet and give a few chuckles. Some good home groan will make them grown and shake their head for sure. In the meantime, keep punning and keep laughing, humor comes in all shapes and sizes and its all good…PEACE

 

The Hard Way

hard way

 

Everything in life is a gamble. The odds vary and the rewards vary and so do the risks. We begin to gamble from our very first breath and we continue to gamble until our last. Money, thrills, careers, love, and life. We gamble because life is a risk and I’ve taken many…….

 

The Hard Way

 

 

Take the long shot

The last toss across

A one roll bet

Curbside knucklebones

Ivory cubes of faith

Don’t make me wait

Give me a sign

Place those dots in line

Seven come eleven

Been so down lately

I’ll take whatever you’re giving

Come what may

This is my life

The hard way

 

Ante up

The chips are down

Feed the kitty

Deal a round

Maybe a boat

Or the dead mans hand

Take me down Broadway Lord

That’s a real plan

Been hitting too many potholes

My tell is showing clear

Been on the losing side of life

Been getting drunk on beer

Life ain’t so great

Just this one time

A royal inside straight

One last draw Lord

The river for my play

Gimme a raise

The hard way

 

Pick a pony pacer

Put me on the fast track

Help me play the odds Lord

A rougher or a mud lark

Long shot or quinella

Odds across the board twice

At least the daily double

Triple would be nice

My Life is in a dead heat

On the dark horse trot

Be the one to beat

Let my luck run hot

A strong one in the chute

Really need a winner

Give me a good one today

That’s my dream

That’s my life

The hard way

 

 

Play them odds

At the table

Fifty to one will work

Praying for a win streak

Just a tiny perk

Been down so long I can’t see up

I’m slow at the pass line

Doubling down on everything

So tired of always losing

stuck on the rotted end

Load it up to let it ride

All in on one bet

Don’t call my bluff

Lord I swear ain’t lying

Give me just one let

All or nothing

Its on the number

Roulette ball is spinning fast

Losing is a bummer

I need a big one

Or I’m cashing in my token

This time I swear I ain’t joking

Giving it all away

And I’ll take my loss

The hard way

 

Time Chase

unfinished

We grab on desperately to our caches of memories petrified that if we lose them we have nothing left. Then on day we realize that those memories are merely vapors from echoes we once screamed from the mountaintops. It’s a tragedy when we run out of life before we run out of time…..

Life running out

Time standing still

Once full of wonder

He’s now had his fill

Behind his old sparkle

The light it grows dim

Underneath the smile

Is a world dark and grim

Running out of verve

But not out of time

Harder day by day

To be towing the line

Don’t let them see it

Don’t let them stare

Light up your candle

Hide from the glare

Condition and acceptance

That’s what they expect

When everything’s gone

You’ll still have respect

Give wink and a nod

Say everything’s great

Life will catch up to them too

Time is our fate

Shake Hands With The Devil

praise

 

 

His light was dark

Yet still my beacon

He led and I followed

Laughing and freaking

Awash in his repugnant fervor

My life preserver

Saving me

Praised by me

He used my primal fears

To console me

Control me

Owned my soul

Imprisoned me unto myself

Chained to my thoughts

I loved him

 

His hot breath on my skin

Felt like sin

Beautiful and gory

Exulted in glory

I was humbled in his presence

The great pretender

Soul mender

I surrendered

Unto his glory

Blinded by his majesty

Beholden in apathy

Serving him

Observing him

My kiss of death preserving him

Now and forever

I love him

 

Lord of all darkness

Giving me life

Reason

A purpose

A surplus

Of anger and hate

So sweetly irate

I need him

Need to be near him

To enter his gate

The gate of Hell

The putrid smell

His body so wet

Of black vile sweat

Pungent and beautiful shining off his flesh

I love him

Praise him

Shake his hand

Taste his blood

Oozing with vile hatred

Please him

Praise him

Squeeze him

Raise him

He is alive

He has risen

He is the power and the glory

Let me glow in his darkness

Deliver me to him

I love him

 

Understanding Nothing (Transcendental Meditation)

nothing

 

J. T. Hilltop

Chapter III

I laid there in the sand totally exhausted, happy, and satisfied beyond belief. The smile on my face was so enormous my jawbone ached and my eyes were nearly closed. I had just had the most incredible sex in my life and I couldn’t move. Desiree began to gently shake my shoulder apparently ready to go one more time but I was spent. I looked up saying ”Sorry babe I just couldn‘t….oh, Dr. Kha, its you!” The fog began to clear from my mind, “I see you make visit to paradise JT. Must be careful not to get too wrapped up in desires, make you feel good but also cloud judgment. But she teach you that not me, I teach you everything about nothing. If you want see opposite universe it take much more than acupuncture, incense, and meditation, you need Transcendental Medication. Tomorrow we put you in sensory depravation tank with special punctures dipped in mixture of essences from Belladonna, Angel Trumpet, and Nutmeg Paste. Essence will free mind and allow to see without eyes. Transcendental Medication. Ownry then JT will you see truth, opposite universe, and maybe even understand nothing. Tomorrow is day you begin journey to meet God face to face.”

 

 

Meet God face to face?! Well this is gonna be pretty interesting considering I can barely remember having ever believed in God. Oh I know there was a time but only because it was what my Mom told me to believe and I trusted her implicitly. Why would she lie about God? But around age six or seven my best friend and his family died in a house fire two days after his birthday party. Mom told me my friend was up in heaven now where he’ll be safe. I asked why God wanted the family and why he made their house go on fire and all she could tell me was that God had a plan and we shouldn’t question him, but I wasn’t buying that bullshit. I started having my doubts about this God character and his so called plan so I made up ways for him to prove himself to me. Instead of “now I lay me down to sleep” I engaged in conversations at bedtime with God. Only they weren’t dialogues they were monologues. Night after night. I only asked for small signs, no giant challenges, no plagues or forty day storms or anything like that. Something simple like make my covers fall off or scratch the wall. I never asked him to beat up my older brother or return my best friend and his family back to life or anything profound, just you know like leave a light on, move a book or something. Anything. But night after night, no signs, no answers. Mom took me to church on Sundays and even at that young age I could see it was filled with hypocrites singing and praying. Old man Martin who was perpetually drunk in his backyard all dressed up in suit and tie singing, hands folded. Old lady Brown kneeling on the pew. In whispers the adults called her a Jezebel. I didn’t know what that meant at the time but by the way the adults showed distain I knew it wasn’t a good thing. Years later I learned kneeling was a common occurrence for her but apparently kneeling was okay only if it was on the pews on Sundays. By the time I turned eleven I was already a full fledged atheist but I continued my religious schooling to appease Mom. I was even so fascinated or maybe hopeful I studied other religions as I got older. I learned more about God by more names than I thought possible and became more sure than ever that God doesn’t exist. At least not the God I’d been taught. And now after all that I’m meeting God face to face tomorrow! At least according to Dr. Kha. Well maybe God’ll explain why he never even tapped on my wall.

I was nervously excited as I entered the THC clinic the next morning. A nurse led me down into the basement and laid me down on a cot that was chained to a sort of crane with chains and pulleys. Like a harsh torture hammock. I looked up with a quick glimpse believing the nurse to be Ambrosina. She smiled at me, winked and whispered, “Later JT. I’ll see you later.” Before I could even answer Dr. Kha came in with a small silver table filled with needles and a bowl of syrupy liquid. “Must be excited JT, yes? First I dip pricks in essence, place them at precise point and then close you in tank. No incense, no music today, ownry serenity. When ready we let you free from tank and journey begin. Relax and enjoy enlightenment my son.” I laid there motionless, a combination of anxiety and excitement as Dr. Kha placed the dripping needles about my body like acupunctures. The needles were warm and wet. Six on my forehead, two in each ear, two in my neck, and at least a dozen in each leg. I could feel the essences making they’re way into my blood and it warmed my veins. I instantly relaxed the anxiety faded away leaving only a smile. I felt at comfort with the feeling because it wasn’t foreign, it was like the old days just before the LSD kicked in. I was about to start tripping like I had in my drug experimentation days and it warmed my soul with fond memories.

I was strapped in the hammock and lowered down into a tank of warm water as the lid of the tank closed leaving me in complete darkness. Total darkness with no sound at all. No music, no one near me, it kinda made me feel vulnerable, like a lamb waiting for slaughter. I was feeling a bit claustrophobic. Anxious, confined, alone yet strangely serene. Alone with my own thoughts. As time passed I began to wonder if perhaps this is a big waste of time. I became angry I was allowing this to happen to me. I wanted out. I called to Dr. Kha a number of times but he didn’t respond. I was alone and my anger faded into depression. I remembered the five stages of grief and realized I had just denied TM, then bargained to get out, got angry and finally depressed. I was now finally at acceptance. Total darkness. Alone with nothing but an irritating voice in my head insisting I was missing some major point about nothingness. My head was swirling with thoughts or maybe dreams of all sorts of shit, memories from way long ago, places I have been to, totally random things. I think I had some very bizarre dreams. I’m not even sure what’s a dream or what is a thought? From surreal to harsh reality it was one episode after another. The dream or thoughts seemed to float, moving as though filled with helium, the further they went away the calmer I got. After about…wait, that’s odd. I have no idea how long it’s been. I have no idea what time it was or how long I’d even been alone here in the dark. Had I fallen asleep? Has time stopped for me? As I pondered again the readmitted claustrophobia and panic subsided, sliding me into complete acceptance. Everything is serene, calm, and quiet. Existence is not as special or amazing as I thought. Oh I’ll give you the complexity of being a living breathing thing is quite extraordinary, what with networks of communication inside me traveling at mind bending speed, blood, oxygen, even the way I need to eat and void unnecessary remnants from food is amazing. And evolution, well what is evolution other than strategy of survival? But the FACT that I or anything exists here, right here right now on this seemingly huge planet is so remarkably insignificant when I think about it in Universal terms.

Super Nova’s, Black Holes, Quasars, and galaxies, those are amazing. Time and space being curved or the possibility of alternate universes, that’s amazing. I’m nothing, just a teeny weenie blip of nothingness in time and space. I giggled as I watched that thought float away when I thought I heard a voice. “Now you are understanding nothing JT. You are ready to see alternate reality.” It was Dr. Kha’s voice but how? Must be a camera or some sort of electronic monitoring he used. “No use camera, no use device JT, ownry listen to you.” Wait! What did he say? Listening to me? But I’m not talking I’m only thinking. “Not thinking JT, talking. Not words out loud but still talking. And we hear you. You are ready to come out now.”

The pulley’s lifted the makeshift cot upwards as the top opened brining me not into an office but in a clearing in a mountain wilderness blistering with life and color. Oh my God the colors were so deep and rich, so real. I was inside a melting crayola colored landscape beside a stream. Dr, Kha was there along with two strangers. “Come sit down with us JT, we share herb of life… You come to me asking why there is something instead of nothing, yes? I ask you now, why it cannot be something and nothing?” I asked him who the two men were and he told me they would lead me to God after I finished my lessons. He handed me a long pipe which I took readily inhaling almost instantly. The smoke had a minty smoke flavor and was not in the smallest way irritating. I held it in like it was pot until it exploded inside my head. Actually exploded. My head must have grown ten inches. Images where fractured as if they were photos layered on top of each other and superimposed. I tried to stand up but instead floated, or better hovered effortlessly as the three men laughed. “I don’t see what’s so funny, everything is out of focus. Motion, Time, sound, even life is out of focus.” The men continued laughing until Dr. Kha pointed to me, “Seem you forget pants JT. You come ownry in underwear. You are right everything out of focus. That how world really is. You see on quantum level now, you move with quantum motion and see with quantum eyes. You think unreal but exact opposite. Everything around you in constant motion JT, but your non quantum eyes cannot perceive. That why most people can never see God. I believe if most people really were able to see God they be scared, not elated. You see realities now JT, in your normal world nothing really what it seem to be. You are going on journey most people cannot handle, that what Transcendental Medication do my son, it open your mind and eyes to realities clouded by limitation of human perceptions. Dreams are real perceptions JT, ownry seem too abstract to you to be real. You not have pants on because it dream that haunt you as child. That’s from the drugs. The medication will help you confront many uncomfortable dreams you have had but also some very good dreams. And dreams you have not had yet. A new era of perceptions waits for you JT, you were chosen for this journey. Your two guides are messengers of God and I am your handler. The three of us will lead you on journey of everything , something, nothing, and true God after you visit Ambrosina for lesson on desire and power. Go to her, she waits for you and you must first understand yourself before you can know nothing.” Dr. Kha smiled at me like a teacher, or a father maybe, “Take your boat.” I looked at the stream which had my little row boat from my previous visit tied to a tree. “Just get in boat JT, and follow river. You will know when to…. get off…Ha ha ha. Then when you come back we discuss your perceptions” What an odd sense of humor, an old man like Kha using a sexual double entendre about “getting off” I thought to myself as I got in the boat. Dr. Kha untied the rowboat setting me free, “Not as old as you think, but much older as well JT.” I heard all three men laughing as the boat headed to wherever the current took it. How the fuck could he hear my thoughts? I’d better be careful what I think.

The ride didn’t take very long because I could see a woman in the distance waiting on shore. I wished the boat over to her and it went of its own accord. When I got out I was back in the island paradise where Ambrosina had so totally controlled and dominated me bringing me to the most incredible orgasm of my life. I got off the boat with profound anticipation and walked up to the woman waiting. I knew I was looking at Ambrosina but she appeared so different. Her hair tied in a ponytail wearing very little make up. She was dressed casual yet somehow stern. A beige corduroy button down dress with matching skirt. In place of the sexy shoes were low heeled casual loafers. Sensible shoes! She appeared demure and intimidated as she walked up to me, placed her mouth right at my ear an whispered, “If you want me you have to take me tonight. You have to want me bad enough to force me.” As she walked away I watched her ass bounce lightly back and forth giving me a semi erection. Despite the changes I wanted her in the worst way. The lust built up inside my loins and I knew I would do whatever I had to in order to make love to Ambrosina again. But how to start, I’ve never forced anyone before, that’s rape! Ambrosina turned around looked at me with her incredible sensuous eyes. I glanced down at her lips as she mouthed, “I’m ready JT, come take me. I’m here to service you. I give consent but I want it hard!” I knew I had the power to ravage her and it felt invigorating. I had this tingling feeling I was really gonna dig being Transcendentally Medicated and my now full on erection nodded in agreement.

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

Cerebral Cabal

cerebral

 

Fireflies behind my eyes

Fluttering about

Blinking

Chattering

Softly first

Then screaming

Shut up!

Make them go away

They don’t belong

Who are they?

Why are they in my head?

The answer is within

I am anger

Rage

Livid pain

Burning eyes

Staring hatred

Searing skin

I am you

I am fear

Shivering alone

Petrified

Trembling pain

Paralyzed by thought

Stuck in your worthless void

I am you

I am insignificance

The losing team

Last place

Again

Dejected and ashamed

I suck

Its your fault

I am you

I am guilt

Mortified

Humiliated

Crying in the shadows

Face charred red

Head hung low

Abased, abused

I am you

I am contempt

Displeased

Disgusted

Rotting in your presence

Disdainfully at your side

Putrid vile fool

I am the stench of you

I am you

I am disgrace

Undeserving

Ridiculous

Pity the petty maggot

 

We are you

United and free

You’re cerebral cabal

We are desperation

We are loud

Listen to us

We are you

You are us

All talking at the same time

So an idiot slug like you understands

You are nothing

Open your ears

Hear the disgust

Open your eyes

See the truth

You are an aberration

Miscreant

Wretched piece of nothingness

Go now

Hurt someone

Devour someone

Kill someone

Kill yourself

 

Quiet!

Its you that must die

A capsule of therapy

To help me forget you

A bottle of strength

To shut you up

Make you scatter

Make you leave

You never stop

Leave me alone

You are not me

I am not you

I will stop you all

It will end

We will end

All things must end so let my ending be a new beginning or let me go to sleep

 

Just Messin’ Around

messin

 

Silk Tie Samurai swings a platinum hammer

Isabella at his side what a mamma jamma

Big foot Banjo strumming catfish blues

Working for the Samurai to get his baby shoes

Samurai getting high on tabaccky wacky

Exercising downsizing gotta fire a lackey

Silk Tie feeling pissed picks up the silver axe

Just like Dizzy Lizzie gave out forty whacks

Strumming sad was Banjo a blowin’ in the wind

Got the axe cuz he was lax now he’s getting skinned

Cloud nine the hand out line guzzling down his booze

No healthcare welfare and he got nothing left to lose

Lyric spitting Bobby was a preacher smoking grass

Tripping to the other side on a window pane of glass

Tell us bout the weather Bobby tell us bout the times

Dr. Seuss be feeling loose throwing down some rhymes

Searching for some messages in a bottle full of hope

Mr. Jones got him stoned then strung him out on dope

Lulu Voodoo promised Biggie Karmic retribution

A total loss to the boss is Lulu’s Voodoo solution

 

Silt Tie the sneaky guy creeping out with Jill at night

Knocking boots with Juicy Jill somewhere out of sight

Juicy drains the bosses tie then gives an extra shaking

Husband Jack don’t have the knack of brining home the bacon

Yesterday is over but today is on the move

Looking back on happy days getting in a groove

No tell Motel where Isabella done lost her crown

Tie mounted Jill uphill and Jack came tumbling down

Hey man don’t ya let yer past come into play

The most important history is the one you make today

Don’t swim up a waterfall with your head a going under

Won’t see hidden lightning afore ya hear the silent thunder

Bosses secret spinning round caught in the storms eye

When Isabella gets the facts sparks is goanna fly

 

Make love make time I’ll be yours and you be mine

Keep the promise if you wannna have a diamond shine

If you cheat you feel the heat from the fires of divorce

Silkies fly was open wide and Juicy was the source

Sang the song of love gone wrong came like a cinder block

Isabella got all the bucks and Lucy got his…

Locked box treasure stock full of pyrite gold doubloons

Underneath the darkest skies he’s howling at the moons

Crude dude Buddha Belly dressed in a solid gold tuxedo

Turn around he’s outta town where the hell did he go

Now stupid fella and Isabella dancing tangos in her bed

Doesn’t learn a lesson but he getting real good head

Out to the temple where Buddha spews silk advice

Shouting for bloody Hari Kari into the mirror thrice

Now Mr. Luck big bucks owns the Silk Tie Gambling House

His daughter loves a renegade think the dudes a louse

But baby girl with the golden curls opens up her gown

Every time her Running Bear lets his pants fall down

Switchblade Renegade plays baccarat with Silkies daughter

On a bleak losing streak completely drunk on holy water

So Bigfoot and Running Bear got into a big fat hassle

Buddha Belly and Golden Curl snuck off to Silk Tie castle

Silkworm Samuri fired each employee there on the spot

Trying to cool the whole town down his daughter running hot

Food stamp lava lamp Bigfoot and Lulu skip outtta town

Renegade was going up and Baby Curl was going down

Belly and Isabella ran away while Silk Tie and Lucy split

Every batter gets a splatter when the fan gets hit with shit

 

 

 

Pieces Of The Past

yesterday

 

Tiny brushstrokes of a portrait

Pieces on a canvass

Time bandits

Stealing moments

Charting memories

A life on loan

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

Yesterdays pieces of ourselves

Parts of our puzzles

Triumphs and troubles

Maps of our experiences

No glory just our story

What are were

Flesh blood and bone

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

Lyrics of our songs

Sung with glee

Enthused

Tempered with blues

Notes on a scale

With a soft groan

A whispering moan

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

We are the words of our poem

Gloriously described

On our hearts inscribed

Words of love

Hopes and dreams

Written by us

And those we have known

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

A patch quilt of memories

Past and present

The good and bad

Bought and spent

Inerasable lines

Deep and furrowed

Reaped and sown

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

Never meant to last

Pieces of a storm

Here and gone

Passing through

Today

Never meant to stay

How fast we’ve grown

To be alone

Alone at last

Just pieces of the past

Visit but don’t stay in yesterday for the destination is not of our choosing. Our journeys however belong solely to us….PEACE

 

Five Words

five words

 

 

Heart on high alert

Frustration rising

Panic coursing through blood

Time excruciatingly painful

Every tic a pounding

A rhythm of frenzied dread

Waiting to hear

Waiting to know

Terrified of truth

Nagging doubt

Praying your wrong

Waiting

Nervous

Frightened

Hope almost out of reach

Disarmed

Begging to get an update

Then you hear the five words

The five words that change your life

“We did everything we could”