Existential Clock

an e clock

 

 

It all just dissipates
Everything you are
Disappears in a second
A million breaths in the air
A billion heartbeats silent
The world fades
Steam on a mirror
Smoke off a candle
Just gone
Forever

 

Memories never move
They stay where they lay
Leave when they’re forgotten
Like a dream in sleep erased
Abandoned when you wake
Or when you don’t
Everything passes
Time in a handful of sand
Slipping through my fingers
Waves crash to the shore
Then disappear into the sea
Here then gone
With the pulsing of a second
The existential clock ticking
Life is so precious
Be your own pilot
Fly your own vision

 
Waiting creates stress
Tomorrow keeps secrets
Until it becomes today
This moment is reality
No one lives yesterday
With the ticking of every second
Each heartbeat moves forward
Away from our birth
Closer to death
Each second wondering
If it will be that special tock
The stopping of the clock
When everything is gone
Except a distant memory
In someone else’s mind
Fairy tales fade
The existential clock spinning
We are precious
Live life now

 

Time is a vapor
Fogged on the stars
Shooting across the nightscape
Here then gone
A quantum tale to be told
Non linear progression
Seconds reflected in a speculum
A familiar song
A smile unobserved
An image left behind
My memories are not for me
But for you
Yours to clutch tightly
I give them to you
Memories are the morning dew
Like trying to hold onto a cloud
You can carry them with you
Until your song ends
The existential clock
Runs out one day
Redemption becomes obsolete
There is no ever after
Live and love in peace

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Carlos and The Age Of Aquarius (A cryptic mythic revelation of Music)

abraxas

 

A cryptic mash up free flowing tale of the spirituality of Carlos Santana and various mythological characters with a little hippie legend tossed in……..

This is the dawning of the Age Of Aquarius
Golden living dreams of visions and The minds true liberation
When the moonflower is in the seventh house
And Jingo aligns its Evil Ways……Carlos flies

 

The Pumas guitar sang me a tune
Revealing a painting hung on ancient wall
There the image of the whore I had once berated
Calling her name as I made love to my mother
My beloved Abraxas squealing delightful
Daughter of the clawed feline devil
Angel who shared my very own womb
I half god Castor the true son of Leda
Born of the rape by the swan chameleon
Hath stabbed to death my devious father
The frozen heart of Damien stopped
Vile chilled slayer of Pollex Gemini
But my deeds are etched deep in stone
Upon the hill of the angel Gabriel
Messenger of the creator on high
Mystic crystal revelation
Play on Carlos

 
As my sword pierced the burning spirit
A huge crowd sings of soul sacrifice
The Morning Glories fade to crimson
The whore of the Caravanserai pauses
Clutching me tight to her breast
Filling my mouth with lactic lifeblood
Offering me an oedipal choice
Take the life of Sophocles and the bed of Jocasta awaits
The rape of my mother and murder of my father
Blessed by the oracle of Delphi
The four elements remained in riddle
Revealing the Sphinx as a fraudulent god
So I destroyed the body of the lion
But the spirit of the head remained
Inscribed in the kingdom of Babylon
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Play on Carlos

 
The whispers of my love stricken Rhea
Sobbing behind a forbidden wall of sin
Begged me with tears most amorous
My brother please take away my virginity
Give fully yourself unto Magna Mater
Water bearer of my daughter Gaia
Sister of the father husband Cronos
Blessed incestuous communion
Now the face of the lion Borboletta
One of many morphed in the mane
Layered egos in regal camouflage
Brother father and raper of Europa
Bearing the fruit from the loin of Zeus
The hallucinations of the abalone bull
A song sung in voices Supernaturel
I begged of him strum his lyre once more
To escape me this life of indescribable pain
The Aztec Archer drew back tight his bow
Firing his arrow across the entire world
His message of peace love and music
And then he played a Samba for me
All I had to do was listen
Let peace guide the planets and love steer the stars
Play on Carlos

 

I Wanna New Drug ( From The Insidious Adventures Of JT Hilltop)

new drug

 

J. T. Hilltop

The moment I saw the shit eating grin on Kens face I knew he had scored something special. My heart was racing even before any kind of chemical assistance would kick in. Will it be some opium streaked black hash? Some wheelchair gold weed or Thai stick?  Whatever it was I knew we were about to embark on an adventurous ride somewhere. “Yo, JT. Check this out Bro, my cousin Jerry just came from Brooklyn with this.”  Ken passed me a small tinfoil package, “Here man lets  do a line.”   I opened up the packet and noticed a familiar white powder, but it seemed almost wet. “What is it man, some super coke or something?”  Ken chuckled, “no no no man, this is fucking powdered THC, Jerry just calls it T. Its like all the good shit from weed all packed into this powder without smoking. You and me are gonna see just how powerful it is.”

Ken  used me as a barometer for his drugs because like him I have like a natural ability to metabolize drugs and  can normally handle at least a half a hit more than most kids. If someone did one hit of Blue Cheer we did two.  So if it freaks us out he dials it back or warns his customers how far to push it and if it doesn‘t get us jazzed he knows its weak shit. Carrie and I had been doing a lot of coke lately and frankly I wasn’t really digging it that much. I’d rather smoke a joint, eat a couple of ludes, and then just have sex or something. But everyone was chasing the coke high. This new T powder could be a welcome change, a new drug. I took the square piece of mirror from the table, poured out the powder, then went through the awesome ritual of chopping and forming two thick and two thin equal sized lines of the powder. Ken passed me a rolled up twenty dollar bill so I placed one end up my nose and bent over sniffing the first line like professional Dyson. Tilting my head back I dipped my fingers in my beer and dripped some into my nostrils forcing the residue further into my sinus cavity. It burnt a little bit and had a kind of chemical taste but it walloped me instantly at the back of my head turning it numb. I repeated the same processes on the second line passing the mirror to Ken. My nose hairs probably disappeared running away in flames but my brain would not be registering any pain. I felt it going right to the back of my cranium tickling my cerebellum.

It took about fifteen seconds for the inside of my head to explode. A mushroom cloud erupted in my brain  forcing my skull to grow like five inches to compensate for the euphoric growth. I imagined my forehead like a Cro-Magnon. Dead brain cells were being piled up in brain cell body bags by the endoplasmic reticulum synapse police as what was left of my sanity began triaging the remaining frazzled yet live cells. I got up to walk but my feet and legs had filled up with helium so I couldn‘t feel the ground. As I closed my eyes and tilted my head back I visualized walking, or rather floating in someone’s garden. The garden was beautiful full of running streams, fruit tees, and flowers. It seemed as though it should be familiar but I couldn’t ever remember being there before. None the less I wanted to walk through it until I noticed the paths were lined with what I  thought was cooked spaghetti. The pasta began slithering and hissing as it morphed into snakes. It felt like two people were watching me and I began chuckled thinking I must be in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve wondering who the fuck I was. I did however realize I was tripping and needed to master this new high so I focused as best I could.  I opted to try and negotiate a walk through the garden.  The helium continued to fill up in my legs. It was as though  I needed to be tethered like the balloons at a Macys parade or I may float away. I took a few steps forward without feeling my feet on the ground but going forward on complete faith that I still knew how to walk and the floor would happily meet my unfeeling feet. Everything looked distorted to the point of surrealism. Dimensions came and went or piggy backed on each other leading to total confusion. On top of that apparently some of the helium was escaping because as Ken spoke to me he sounded like Theodore or Alvin from the old Chipmunks cartoon. The world had morphed into slow motion, or maybe stop motion it was hard to discern.

A squeaky mouse voice whispered in my ear, “JT, I’m too fucking high man. I can’t fucking move.” Then the squeaker began laughing. I looked over at Ken and his mouth was laughing but his eyes were like fixed, open but staring into nothingness and registering no emotion. He was seated in a multi colored cushioned rocking chair that was hovering a foot above the floor. Except for his laughing mouth he looked like he was frozen solid. Somehow I made my way over to him, “Are you okay Bro?” I think I was swaying, like a weeble that wobbles but doesn’t fall down but I can’t say for sure. Ken stopped laughing, “I think I’m a wax statue.” For  two seconds that seemed like sixty we both thought about what he said and broke out laughing. I laughed so hard I had to sit down, if only I could figure out where a chair was. It took us somewhere in the vicinity of forty five minutes to regain our composure. Or maybe it was two days, that was how high we were.

Once I was able to maintain a lucid thought I realized all the hallucinating I had been doing. Ken was back in that green recliner, I had legs, and I had visited the Garden Of Eden. Best hallucinations ever, we found a new drug and it was beyond groovy. But this shit was definitely way strong so it had to be cut with some mannitol. I knew instantly our entire town would put the cocaine on hold and get into this new THC.
TBC

Epilogue.        T became the new drug of choice, it was like being more stoned than you had ever been before without falling asleep.  After about six to eight  months reports of kids being hospitalized after using powdered THC and becoming paralyzed, like frozen. It seemed someone had adulterated the chemical by adding something far more dangerous and it quickly fell out of fashion. Much to my dismay cocaine once again became to drug of choice at bars. I didn’t dig coke too much because you only got one good rush from coke on the first hit then spent the rest of the night trying to relive it until your mouth hurt from grinding your teeth. Not to mention the paranoia it caused. None of that however deterred me from putting as much of it up my nose as I could afford. We invented snake lines which were the longest white powdered lines possible but it still had people going crazy looking for more. I continued snorting even though I didn’t particularly care for coke because it was still a drug and the rush of doing illegal shit was addictive. The shrinks later on would tell me I suffered from an addictive personality disorder but I still think like most kids I was just always looking for kicks, I just had a bigger sweet tooth for the forbidden than most.  Either way my mantra back then was most definitely  “I wanna a new drug.”

Existential Road Trip

journey

 

 

Journey of essence
To the center of self
Illuminating the awareness of all being
Pursuit of the light
Beacon of knowledge
Without eyes lie the truth of  all-seeing

 

A journey too far
To travel by foot
Paths that are littered with ominous dangers
Temptations abound
Tricksters are many
Offering treats of avarice masked in chambers

 

No one travels alone
Be in good company
Because the road can be eerily undetermined
Come take my hand
I’ll shoulder the load
Together unscramble a life giving sermon

 
The destination omega
To a wonderful world
The place where everyone’s dreams are conceived
Histories are written
Prophecies fulfilled
A fantasy that must be lived before its believed

 
Tread careful the avenues
Streets possess extra eyes
Recording our visions profound and soul deep
Sights that will take you
To the edge of the universe
Where mourning willows laugh as the hyena’s weep

 
But its not the destination
It’s the trip ethereal
The peace we search for must surely depend
On crossing river Styx
With paradigms of absolution
The final mile we will all make amends

 

 
All of us must embark on our own journey, and once we accomplish the search of our selves to figure out who we are the journey becomes enjoyable. Our paths are exclusive to ourselves but our destinations remain the same. It’s a path to enlightenment, or nirvana, salvation in heaven, rebirth, the collective consciousness, next phase, astral plane, or maybe just another rung on the ladder of life. Does it even matter? It takes a far better person than I to answer such profound queries but what I do know is no matter where or when or how we end up, we will all be there together

NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS

dad

 

 

A Little Ditty of Dads Advice
Stand up for yourself
You need to have guts
If he hits you hit back
No ifs ands of or buts

Work hard in school
Don’t become a putz
Get your diploma
No ifs ands or buts

You all need haircuts
You look like lost mutts
Find yourselves a job
No ifs ands or buts
You need to stand up tall
No time to be a klutz
I can’t stay here forever
No if ands or buts

Raise your own family
Love has no shortcuts
Give all of yourself
No if ands or buts
When its time for me to go
When I strut my final struts
Smile and carry on
No if ands or buts
I made a lot of mistakes in my quest to be a good Dad, but I always tried to keep the torch lit so I could pass it to my children. My kids have kept the torch lit showing the way for their own families and have done a far better job than I did which is how it should be if progress has any hope of moving forward. I am very proud of my children despite my shortcomings they have prevailed and excelled as parents which is a job suitable only for someone who can handle the daily parental pressures of be driven nuts. No ifs ands or buts.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Hate, a Freestyle Rhyme

grave

 

Rhyme in double time

Hate ain’t worth my shit
So why are so many people so damned full of it
Hating on people who disagree
I hate hate so why hate me
People are spewing and stewing acrimonious
With  copious associates of holiness that preach loneliness
But they’re so fucking erroneous its near felonious
Just let it be
Don’t hate me
I don’t share your views or watch your favorite news
That’s no excuse to expose verbal abuse on the innocent few
Because your anger stews
Bury your hate in your own backyard
Stand guard down the boulevard
Shoot a criminal without a card
Stand your ground
The right to kill is profound
If you’re white and homebound or have your money way uptown
You can kill with impunity
The white community gives you immunity if the victim lacks opportunity
Use affluenza as the cleanser
Disenfranchised is a prize  to despise
A head to hang on your wall
Because tree limbs they fall
Aren’t you embarrassed at all?
Skin like charcoal hanging from your flagpole
You asshole!
He’s human he has a soul
A wife and children too just like you
Seeking sanctuary
Before you put them in the mortuary
An age old story
Which is always their fate
When people love to hate

Oh my God it’s the KKK
I see a man with a rifle looking my way
His eyes think I want to take his guns away
I say no way but  he runs away
We only want to make sure you don’t shoot your way
Using a Regan Ray gun star war death ray
Defend yourself that’s okay but don’t kill a man cause you don’t like his way
With bullets and blood on your fingers
The white hooded hatred lingers
Hiding in churches of right-wing singers
Speaking of God but hating  n-gers
Despicable religion of hate
Its not to late
But…
Its mind blowing
Hateful embers glowing anger growing
Knowing that were rowing into Hell with water flowing
The hostility is showing  listing to ill winds blowing
While I’m reaping what I’m sowing and so on and so on
Woe is all of us who go on trying to show love
Man of cloth singing Jesus
Leads us in songs of libel
The misplaced preacher stabs me with his Bible
Wants to kill me I’m his rival for his own holy survival
For my lifestyle
Because I may be an abomination
Another rendition of his Heavenly contrition
Asking for sedition of a manic condition
While he seeks admonition from a burly mortician
Which is the definition of my premonition I will die of his volition
Because he hates my position
Like it’s a vicious religious sickness
But whoever I decide to have lie beside me
Isn’t  in need of his forgiveness
Because it ain’t none of his damn business
Let us live it without a  suspicious witness judging how we live
We all have love to give
Let’s regurgitate hate
With our love we regulate
Black gay or straight
Don’t carry the weight of your hate
Heavy lies the onus its never too late to
Eradicate the spite of hate and make it cease
Replace your scorn
With love and peace
Please hear our plea’s for peace

 

Because it ain’t none of his damn business
Let us live it without a suspicious witness judging how we live
We all have love to give
Let’s regurgitate hate
With our love we regulate
Black gay or straight
Don’t carry the weight of your hate
Heavy lies the onus its never too late to
Eradicate the spite of hate and make it cease
Replace your scorn
With love and peace
Please hear our plea’s for peace

Rhyme in double time

Hate ain’t worth my shit
So why are so many people so damned full of it
Hating on people who disagree
I hate hate so why hate me
People are spewing and stewing acrimonious
With copious associates of holiness that preach loneliness
But they’re so fucking erroneous its near felonious
Just let it be
Don’t hate me
I don’t share your views or watch your favorite news
That’s no excuse to expose verbal abuse on the innocent few
Because your anger stews
Bury your hate in your own backyard
Stand guard down the boulevard
Shoot a criminal without a card
Stand your ground
The right to kill is profound
If you’re white and homebound or have your money way uptown
You can kill with impunity
The white community gives you immunity if the victim lacks opportunity
Use affluenza as the cleanser
Disenfranchised is a prize to despise
A head to hang on your wall
Because tree limbs they fall
Aren’t you embarrassed at all?
Skin like charcoal hanging from your flagpole
You asshole!
He’s human he has a soul
A wife and children too just like you
Seeking sanctuary
Before you put them in the mortuary
An age old story
Which is always their fate
When people love to hate
Oh my God it’s the KKK
I see a man with a rifle looking my way
His eyes think I want to take his guns away
I say no way but he runs away
We only want to make sure you don’t shoot your way
Using a Regan Ray gun star war death ray
Defend yourself that’s okay but don’t kill a man cause you don’t like his way
With bullets and blood on your fingers
The white hooded hatred lingers
Hiding in churches of right-wing singers
Speaking of God but hating n-gers
Despicable religion of hate
Its not to late
But…
Its mind blowing
Hateful embers glowing anger growing
Knowing that were rowing into Hell with water flowing
The hostility is showing listing to ill winds blowing
While I’m reaping what I’m sowing and so on and so on
Woe is all of us who go on trying to show love
Man of cloth singing Jesus
Leads us in songs of libel
The misplaced preacher stabs me with his Bible
Wants to kill me I’m his rival for his own holy survival
For my lifestyle
Because I may be an abomination
Another rendition of his Heavenly contrition
Asking for sedition of a manic condition
While he seeks admonition from a burly mortician
Which is the definition of my premonition I will die of his volition
Because he hates my position
Like it’s a vicious religious sickness
But whoever I decide to have lie beside me
Isn’t in need of his forgiveness
Because it ain’t none of his damn business
Let us live it without a suspicious witness judging how we live
We all have love to give
Let’s regurgitate hate
With our love we regulate
Black gay or straight
Don’t carry the weight of your hate
Heavy lies the onus its never too late to
Eradicate the spite of hate and make it cease
Replace your scorn
With love and peace
Please hear our plea’s for peace

Rhyme in double time

Hate ain’t worth my shit
So why are so many people so damned full of it
Hating on people who disagree
I hate hate so why hate me
People are spewing and stewing acrimonious
With copious associates of holiness that preach loneliness
But they’re so fucking erroneous its near felonious
Just let it be
Don’t hate me
I don’t share your views or watch your favorite news
That’s no excuse to expose verbal abuse on the innocent few
Because your anger stews
Bury your hate in your own backyard
Stand guard down the boulevard
Shoot a criminal without a card
Stand your ground
The right to kill is profound
If you’re white and homebound or have your money way uptown
You can kill with impunity
The white community gives you immunity if the victim lacks opportunity
Use affluenza as the cleanser
Disenfranchised is a prize to despise
A head to hang on your wall
Because tree limbs they fall
Aren’t you embarrassed at all?
Skin like charcoal hanging from your flagpole
You asshole!
He’s human he has a soul
A wife and children too just like you
Seeking sanctuary
Before you put them in the mortuary
An age old story
Which is always their fate
When people love to hate
Oh my God it’s the KKK
I see a man with a rifle looking my way
His eyes think I want to take his guns away
I say no way but he runs away
We only want to make sure you don’t shoot your way
Using a Regan Ray gun star war death ray
Defend yourself that’s okay but don’t kill a man cause you don’t like his way
With bullets and blood on your fingers
The white hooded hatred lingers
Hiding in churches of right-wing singers
Speaking of God but hating n-gers
Despicable religion of hate
Its not to late
But…
Its mind blowing
Hateful embers glowing anger growing
Knowing that were rowing into Hell with water flowing
The hostility is showing listing to ill winds blowing
While I’m reaping what I’m sowing and so on and so on
Woe is all of us who go on trying to show love
Man of cloth singing Jesus
Leads us in songs of libel
The misplaced preacher stabs me with his Bible
Wants to kill me I’m his rival for his own holy survival
For my lifestyle
Because I may be an abomination
Another rendition of his Heavenly contrition
Asking for sedition of a manic condition
While he seeks admonition from a burly mortician
Which is the definition of my premonition I will die of his volition
Because he hates my position
Like it’s a vicious religious sickness
But whoever I decide to have lie beside me
Isn’t in need of his forgiveness
Because it ain’t none of his damn business
Let us live it without a suspicious witness judging how we live
We all have love to give
Let’s regurgitate hate
With our love we regulate
Black gay or straight
Don’t carry the weight of your hate
Heavy lies the onus its never too late to
Eradicate the spite of hate and make it cease
Replace your scorn
With love and peace
Please hear our plea’s for peaceRhyme in double time

Hate ain’t worth my shit
So why are so many people so damned full of it
Hating on people who disagree
I hate hate so why hate me
People are spewing and stewing acrimonious
With  copious associates of holiness that preach loneliness
But they’re so fucking erroneous its near felonious
Just let it be
Don’t hate me
I don’t share your views or watch your favorite news
That’s no excuse to expose verbal abuse on the innocent few
Because your anger stews
Bury your hate in your own backyard
Stand guard down the boulevard
Shoot a criminal without a card
Stand your ground
The right to kill is profound
If you’re white and homebound or have your money way uptown
You can kill with impunity
The white community gives you immunity if the victim lacks opportunity
Use affluenza as the cleanser
Disenfranchised is a prize  to despise
A head to hang on your wall
Because tree limbs they fall
Aren’t you embarrassed at all?
Skin like charcoal hanging from your flagpole
You asshole!
He’s human he has a soul
A wife and children too just like you
Seeking sanctuary
Before you put them in the mortuary
An age old story
Which is always their fate
When people love to hate

Oh my God it’s the KKK
I see a man with a rifle looking my way
His eyes think I want to take his guns away
I say no way but  he runs away
We only want to make sure you don’t shoot your way
Using a Regan Ray gun star war death ray
Defend yourself that’s okay but don’t kill a man cause you don’t like his way
With bullets and blood on your fingers
The white hooded hatred lingers
Hiding in churches of right-wing singers
Speaking of God but hating  n-gers
Despicable religion of hate
Its not to late
But…
Its mind blowing
Hateful embers glowing anger growing
Knowing that were rowing into Hell with water flowing
The hostility is showing  listing to ill winds blowing
While I’m reaping what I’m sowing and so on and so on
Woe is all of us who go on trying to show love
Man of cloth singing Jesus
Leads us in songs of libel
The misplaced preacher stabs me with his Bible
Wants to kill me I’m his rival for his own holy survival
For my lifestyle
Because I may be an abomination
Another rendition of his Heavenly contrition
Asking for sedition of a manic condition
While he seeks admonition from a burly mortician
Which is the definition of my premonition I will die of his volition
Because he hates my position
Like it’s a vicious religious sickness
But whoever I decide to have lie beside me
Isn’t  in need of his forgiveness
Because it ain’t none of his damn business
Let us live it without a  suspicious witness judging how we live
We all have love to give
Let’s regurgitate hate
With our love we regulate
Black gay or straight
Don’t carry the weight of your hate
Heavy lies the onus its never too late to
Eradicate the spite of hate and make it cease
Replace your scorn
With love and peace
Please hear our plea’s for peace

Robotic Dreams

cyborg

 

 

 

A cyber womb
To a metal tomb
Blueprinted from humankind
Kinetic chords
Silicon lords
Created from grand design

Scientist had him
Named him Adam
An irony of the new tech age
A lithium heart
Therefore he’s Descartes
Growing robots has become the new rage
Circuits of rage
Synergistically made
Humanity had better beware
Artificial intelligence
Packaged in elegance
Cyborgs are now self aware

Humiliated But Happy (Good bye Self Esteem)

self esteem

 

Kicking it freestyle about getting kicked when you’re down
All is not fair in love
My woman gave me an ill berating
It was humiliating and debilitating…
Downright deflating
My self esteem needs rehabilitating
Save that heat for Satan
Haters gonna keep on hatin’ and hatin’ is so aggravating
Frankly I just tired of waiting
Anticipating
My turn to be real
Spinning my luck at the Karmic wheel
To get my payback from way back
I’m a throwback on Prozac
Having to tiptoe from the git go
Who’s been outsmarted
By Lady Coldhearted
Where all this shit started
It was mean to strip the sheen off of my self esteem
Like some glycine queen
She snuck up like the bee
I closed my eyes so I could see
She stabbed my back and she blindfolded me
Set me free
To stumble aimlessly
Searching for some self esteem

I was depressed n’ obsessed
Screwed by the best
It was disgustin’
I was too trustin’
While I was working and hustling she was midnight lusting
Thrusting and busting
It’s a trust thing
It musta been
She said trust me
Left me emotionally castrated serrated and frustrated
Then rubbed my wounded faith with salt….
I’m needing Gestalt
But in the end its my fault
Took my eye off the prize
I was ostracized
Sized up and cauterized
No surprise
Flaunting some dude
Right before my eyes
She should be exorcised for that exercise
But I got wise
I got it straight
Too little too late
But I don’t hate I’ll take the burn
Live and learn
I took the blow
My dignity had to go
Self esteems at an all time low

She built me up and tore me down
Made me her clown with the run around
Then demonstrated how she conjugated
With heat
What I’m trying to say is she’s a cheat
Stomped my heat with both her feet
From someone else’s back seat
I can’t compete with a sexual athlete..
Bittersweet
But now she wants to reconcile
Crying like crocodile
Tears that only last a while
I should cut her free
Ignore her plea and let her be
Find another love for me
But then I saw her smile
Standing strong is not my style
So it would seem
I know I should kick her ass downstream
But I’ll take her back
I got no self esteem
Doesn’t matter I’ll probably get run over by a truck anyway

SHE HIDES

a tear

 

 

There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
She’s living in Hell but she hides it so well
Promises lost
Abandoned
Like an unopened package
Left in the storm
Pieces of dreams
Scattered across a highway
Fade into fog
One horror filled sunset
One mortal error
A vow broken
A veil fades to black
Hidden from sight
She hides alone
Concealing fright
Her chameleon smile
Shines like she’s fine
But her withered eyes
Can’t hide the whimper
The sobbing from her soul
Living in half
Chained to her memories
Despondent inside
The pain of loneliness the weight of despair
Thinks life would be better if she just didn’t care
So she hides
Stretching each sunrise
To her duty of care
The demands of children
The veins of her heart
Survival her goal
A day at a time
But oh so alone
Its just so exhausting
Life on a treadmill
Trying to outrun stress
No one to shoulder
The burdening tears
Staring at the vodka she hides under the sink
Come my best friend lets have us a drink
She hides
There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
You’ll never see the hurt because she hides it so well
She turns up the music
So no one will hear
The sound of the scars
That beat from her heart
The wounds lay open
She turns out the light
Feels for some comfort
But touches the wind
All that remains
One lonely sheet
And yesterdays dreams
You can’t hug a memory
Or so it seems
Alone in bed every nigh until the torture subsides
Alone in her bed
She hides