Jesus Christ Superstar Do You Think You’re What They Say You Are?
JT Hilltop

News. North East West South. Good news, bad news, happy news, sad news. All types and in all types of type. There’s tragic news, welcome news, unwelcome news, news, news, news, all kinds of news. Some news has little or no consequence on your life and some comes hurling at you like a shit ton of bricks. So much news it‘s not fit to print. News can make you laugh or cry, chuckle or sigh, scream and die, or wish you could fucking fly. News is unstoppable, it can have no effect on your life or it can cause a drama laden pile of shit upheaval that it will change you forever. But one thing is certain about news and that is its gonna come. News is coming toward you and there ain’t a Goddam thing you can do to stop it. Mary Anne had just this sort of news for the God Cosmo and her news was one of those shit-tons that came on a speeding train out of control heading straight down the track with no one at the wheel. Not even Casey fucking Jones could’ve stopped this bitch train of news and like it or not the news was coming and Cosmo had better be ready. And once this news hits Cosmo’s fan there will shit flying across all the galaxies. The key difference between good or bad news is all in your perspective. “Cosmo my favorite god, the only God I have ever truly loved, I have some good news and some bad news for you and its basically the same. Remember that time we had our romp in the clouds in The District? You filled me up with joy, pleasure, intense feeling and….and a shitload of highly active God-sperm. There is no easy way to say this. You have a baby boy and his names Jesus.” A baby? That’s not your average local planet news, that’s God and Goddess dam intergalactic news! It’s the kind of life altering news that for some is incredible and joyous and to many others it’s indifferent. But for the vast number who get this news for the first time its frightening. It’s the kind of news that will have you running down the street screaming halleluiah I’m gonna be a parent or slam you headfirst into unprepared parenthood. “You have a son” is the very definition of life altering news. “You have a son, his name is Jesus” is beyond life altering, its planet altering, nay universe shaking! Cosmo repeated the name Jesus of Cosmo over to himself more than a dozen times until it finally sunk in that he had a son who is half God, half Non-God.
Now lets put some perspective on this news. Not your ordinary couple and seldom in any of the universes has this type of mixed marriage worked. Mary Anne is a Non-God from a planet in the Babaloo Galaxy who was at one time a God-Toy, or to put it in mortal terms, an erotic escort. Cosmo had paid special attention to Mary Anne and after their weekend fling thought he felt someone else in the room. Little did he know it was just his seedling. Cosmo is the God of The Milky Way Galaxy and was normally very careful on his sexcapades but it only takes one little slip and……well you get the rest. However we must keep in mind that Cosmo has always been a stand up god willing to do the right thing (for a God anyway) as well as quite resourceful. If anyone can put a positive gravitational spin on this news Cosmo could. So this news of baby Jesus would not be taken lightly. First things first let it be known that the moment it sunk in that mary Anne had conceived his only begotten son Cosmo understood his responsibility to both Mary Anne and baby Jesus. As much as he loved his bachelorhood the thought of a solid lifestyle held a degree of appeal to Cosmo. On the other hand Cosmo was quite the lover and never had a problem finding a partner. Yet many a night was spent lonely watching his garden of you mans and Mary Anne would certainly be of interesting company. A God has no qualms about past practices of their mates and frankly he appreciated what she did. Not to mention she is quite skilled at put a huge smile on the virile gods face that weekend. Come to think of it was as if she had surgically implanted that smile for over a week afterwards. Either way the bottom line is he had a baby and a responsibility to both the baby and the non god he had fallen in love with. Wait! What? Fallen in love? Certainly not fallen, perhaps he had stumbled in a profound like with her but love? Come to think of it he did create the fertile crescent while thinking of her beautiful hair (If indeed it was as he claims her head which was the body part he was thinking about). Maybe this news can be used for a positive effect on the three of them and for garden Earth as well. A plan was inseminated and the egg was ready to be hatched. Cosmo knew exactly what to do with the news.
Of course the news is also going to be heard at a Board Co-Operative Gods and Goddesses meeting in District 7. The board is like the gravitational black hole of universal gossip. Nothing escapes it. Whether it’s entertainment, breaking news or even just hearsay, all news that’s fit to print or printed to fit will find its way to District 7 in a radio-active flash. The best thing for Cosmo to do is to have his plan of action fully worked out before they summon him. Some mixed marriages have worked, a god and a non god can live a happy life but many a failure has been scandalized across the universes. With this plan however Cosmo was taking fatherhood to an unprecedented level . He had already sold it on his non god lover who had found herself in a awkward position of being the mother of a gods child. Ironically it was the twisting herself into an awkward position one pleasure soaked night that lead to her situation in the first place. For her part it was difficult to argue with a God to begin with but Mary Anne trusted Cosmo implicitly and his plan seemed to make sense. Truth be told she did have some reservations at first but after thinking the story through a few times it began to grow on her. (The plan….Not the God manhood) Her son would be a savior, a Christ. Her son would be the messiah of Garden Earth. She repeated it to herself, “My son, Jesus Christ, Superstar.”
It was much easier to get the Boards okay than Cosmo had anticipated. Who knows maybe it was his unending charm, maybe they dug the plan, maybe they were just tired of seeing him, or maybe they just wanted the messy scandal over and done post haste. Cosmo laid out in detail how he was going to offer his son as a virginal birth to be the son of Cosmo and help get the you mans to understand that they have strayed from the law of life, and had become a threat to the cycle. He would have a big hullabaloo when the child was born, have him disappear mysteriously while he learns how to teach the word of Cosmo. He will then spread the word of Cosmo and teach all the you mans about the necessity of his cycle of life. Cosmo schemed to find the right woman to impregnate and fake it as a virginal birth. It would go down in you mans history as an immaculate conception and the child would be the son of Cosmo and spread the word. Mary Anne would raise their son Jesus and train him for his mission at the same time. They would stay at an undisclosed location in District 7 where Cosmo could visit on weekends. When Jesus was ready and the time was right he would switch out the child on earth with Jesus and he could bring the you mans back to the path of righteousness. Then he could switch the body double back and everything would be right once again. A pretty brilliant plan if everything goes as it should. If!
The very first problem arose rather early into the plan. Cosmo chose a nice Jewish couple from Nazareth in the city of Galilee. Joseph and Mary. He visited Mary while Joseph was away and worked his sexual magic on her for hours filling her with gallons of egg hungry swimming godsperms. He had Mary believe it was a dream, a very sweet dream, and she would be none the wiser. Of course she became pregnant right away but the snag was in the child she bore. It was a female and Mary named her Rosemary. So he had to make a second attempt after allowing Rosemary to get a few earth years in age. The second attempt was successful after eliminating the x chromosomes from his body fluid. During the night in that session he told Mary he was an angel from the god Cosmo and that she would be giving birth to the son of a god and he would be the savior of the world. But in her dream she heard it as the son God, not the son of A god. When she woke she was even more confused (and satisfied) than the first dream. When she conveyed the story to Joseph he was very suspicious at first. “Wait, you’re telling me Mary that God had sex with you and you are carrying his baby? An angel told you to name him Jesus? And this happened while I was out of town?” Mary was struggling with it as well because the dream seemed so real, but eventually she was able to convince Joseph as well as herself. She told everyone that God has told her to have this immaculately conceived baby and that he was going to save the world. It was met with a cloud of doubt and cynicism, and rumblings of gossipy sordid affairs abounded. But it was as she would find out, not only her cross to bear.
They were advised by some wise men, three of them actually, that it would be best for everyone if the birth not take place in town. Considering it good advice they opted to go to a friends farmhouse in Bethlehem. They had the plan all set and knew God would be lighting the way with a bright star which as it turns out was really a comet by the name Halley. They found a little manger outside the friends farmhouse and decided that it would be perfect. The baby was born, Mary named him Jesus as she had been instructed, and things were going along as planned for a change. The three wise dudes had a baby shower and brought some cool presents and announced to the world that a baby had been born, and that he was the son of God, and he would be baptized by John, a famous revivalist that held people under water until they agreed to repent. He would then be hidden as he learned the word of God in the wilderness with nothing but his rod and a small staff.
To Be Continued……

Regrets, I’ve Had A Few




What do I regret?
In somber reflection
I’ve destroyed many hearts
Without ever wondering why
Perhaps it was an inept attempt
At protecting my own
Last night the first I ever broke
Came to visit me at my home
An echo of loves labour lost
Flowing passions turned to frost
I served us up a cup of tea
Brewed from past sorrow
And a lost memory
A reminder of who we used to be
Back in the days when believed
We could be free
Dancing and laughing in the sand
Searching out that distant land
There was a time we had it all
Why did the walls of the sandcastle fall
She said “lover what went wrong?”
“All we have left is this sad sad song
What happened to our youthful glow
Where did it go?”
I don’t even remember what we fought about
But I know our clock ran out
Before we ever arrived
Meandered down so many paths
No answer found but one question asked
What can we do to make love last
Before you know it the clock tics away
And time goes by so fast
Suddenly your future is in the past
Jumbled days fall through the cracks
Different truths and different facts
Tiny moments had profound effect
Some small decisions went unchecked
Small pieces of life
With big consequence
Love in fraudulence
Life altering experiences
Seemingly forgotten
The rancid and rotten
Then suddenly remembered
Yet the query still at play
Never learned how to make love stay
Witnessed four births
Sat through four deaths
Religious tests
That change you
Make you forget
I broke many hearts
That’s what I regret


Live and Love in Peace

Lost Souls




In memory of a special friend who saw the needle, and all those who survived the damage done. This is a POV piece written from the perspective of people I know and people I’ve known. Addiction is too often viewed as a habit acquired from weak willed people who are low life’s but few addicts set out to get strung out. There are many types of addictions but one of the meanest and hardest to break is heroin.
(In Stream Of Consciousness beat/street rhyme)
I sold my soul
In a dark back alley
Somewhere over there
The city of despair
Where running water
Remains constant
As the despondent
Hiding in dark corners
Amongst the unwanted
Individual and habitual
Cat and mouse ritual
Looking for release
From a world of strife
A way to erase
An unforgiving life
We just want peace
How I wish this shit would cease
Now everyday I need my fix
Started out just for kicks
Basement window transactions
3AM without distractions
We thought we were Kings of the night
But we were just kids on the run
Looking for fun until we got strung
And now we just can’t seem to get right
Enslaved to the world of dope
Trying to understand the dream
Of promise minus the hope
I was a glassine dope fiend hooked on powder self esteem
Popping tons of Benzedrine smoking and toking green weed
Ripping off a limousine hiding from the blue machine
Be quarantined and unredeemed if I don’t get my doped blood clean
Needed someone to intervene so please find that dopamine
Help me flee this fucking scene
Someone please
Save me from myself
I’m a ghost
A blank eyed phantom
Stagnant and abandoned
Searching for good times
Coping dimes
Scoring bundles
Committing crimes
Shootout in the jungle
It’s a asphalt rumble
This concrete struggle
Galleries full of users nodding
Where rigs boot blood
Poking and prodding
Trying to help me hide myself
Make me into someone else
For at least a few blissful hours

Dirty needles carbon spoon candle wax is melting soon
Arm tied off, red balloon mainline skag, shoot the moon
Milking blood in my harpoon hoping to remain immune
caught in a poppy typhoon getting sick but fixing soon
Someone better hear my tune before I drown in the black lagoon
Or am I doomed
How did I get here? Am I repulsive or simply compulsive?
It started recreational galloping the horse inspirational
Then authority became confrontational
Yet it seemed educational…. Sensational
Shooting the avenue recreational Lower Eastside invitational
Where drugs are inescapable and school was plain incapable
Of teaching even vocational or being motivational
Its reprehensible indefensible and dispensable
Yet there I was insensible
China White incomprehensible
It isn’t easy to break free
The entire culture had a hold on me
The vice no longer remains
Rid myself of the chains
Stopped the pains
Of hating the person I’d become
Desperate and always glum
What ever happened to
That boy in grade school
Who got along well with others
Loved by neighborhood mothers
Followed instruction
Why the destruction
Why the seduction
I was a well behaved child
What set me so wild?
Why was it me who survived
Why am I alive
But Randy took the dive
Why did he get the shot
That ripped through his veins
And stopped his heart
Life’s no fucking fair
Until you care
Live and Love in Peace

Mighty Meg


These words are not meant to elicit sympathy or empathy or instill a sense of sadness or regret, but to inspire an urgency to express love, to share love, to experience love, and proclaim love before time denies you that privilege….   Live and Love in Peace



She sailed into the world
On a gilded cloud
Stars bursting pearl cinders
Platinum moon smiling bright
Comets holding their breath
Circadian rhythms echoing softly
Feathered creatures flapped and crooned
Morning sun rose in admiration
Butterflies danced in adulation
A magical sensation
Cosmic jubilation
Her name murmured softly in the wind
Megan Laurine, Warrior Woman
Mighty Meg
The Universe is put on notice
Our precious diamond would shine
Lifting us towards utopia
Eyes that comfort and soothe
Contagious engaging smile
Igniting the fires of cosmic reality
Life gleamed undiminished
Until the ills of fate crept in
Left its loathsome stench
The burnt smell of betrayal
A gallery of people beside her
The walls of the hospital drenched
In the tears of so many children
Who had come this way before her
The walls screamed in exhaustion
Hearing the Wailing of despondent parents
An unending corridor
A spiral staircase to Hell
The halls of healing fell silent
Machines of life monitoring no more
No longer having purpose
Boasting an analogy of our reality
A once Technicolor world
Now gray cold and lonely
Our crying eyes watched
As heaven burnt to the ground
The smoke blurred our vision
From Iscariots lips
A burning ember kissed my cheek
Leaving a deep laceration
A scar leaving a furrow
To be forever filled with despair
The world turned inside out
Senseless and absurd
Void of purpose
Hopelessness abounded
But a natal event
Lifting our wings once more
Liberated Megan’s legacy
To be shared with everyone
Twenty five years ago today
A tiny little spark soared up in the sky
Finding her place amongst the stars
Where she shines her light on us everyday
We love you Meg
Shine on you crazy diamond


Sin Times Seven




With a profound yearn I stared
Eyes aching inside my head
Dare I attempt stealing a peek
Peel back the jaded curtain
Glimpse inside the forbidden mind
Will I see my intimate solicitor
Fantasy goddess bathed in lust
In the bedroom of debauchery
Nay it is the reflection of Narcissus
Smiling back at me before the fall
Shall I sip from this abundant pool
Stare naked in the waves of deception
Ingest the water of ravenous virtues
Sate myself on mutual salaciousness
Or shall I keep this bliss for myself
Exile her to my bed chained in apathy
Enslave her tortured devotions as mine
Rage against the betrayal of desire
Exploding fury upon our rapture
Engorge ourselves on pleasure and pain
Until we can consume no longer
Our lethargic bodies idle and degenerate
Lust suffering listlessly in atrophy
Destroyed by each deadly sin
Times seven
Live and Love in Peace

Climb Of Freedom




My past is my prison
Shame forged shackles
Enslaved for too long
When will I know freedom
Be proud of my name
Unchain my tortured soul
Find a sanction of solace
Immune from all my evils
Shall it be only once I cease?
Some say when you die
You must carry your cross
To the top of the mountain
The precipice of redemption
To confront absolution
Others say when you die
It’s the souls you must carry
Of all you have wronged
Their full ballast on one shoulder
Far to much weight to bear in solitary
Yet the path must be mine alone
Achieve my tribulations unencumbered
Atop the cliffs of eternity
Frightened I request company
Yet I know in my heart
I must climb up that onus unescorted
To the peak of my own making
Where my virtues are stained in blood
And my merits abashed into ruins
There I must stand before providence
Naked in my atonements
That I can finally commence
The unburdening of my ills
Then is when I find freedom
I’m also told that this is only a story
Archaic tales of meandering souls
But what are our souls
But a collection of our stories
Waiting to be told
Waiting to be free

Live and Love in Peace


There Was A Time




There was a time
When I looked ahead
Infinite roads of gold
I believed I could reach out
Grab my future
Life was within my grasp
I was the master of time
Now I just look behind
And its all so far away
So elaborately distant
Far out of my reach
I dropped so many moments
But there was a time
There was a time
With the eyes of youth
I could see ever so clear
Knew just who I could be
But I became far too many
I don’t even know which me I am
I been so many lives
Seen so very many sunsets
Since the days of my youth
That my visions clouded
Now my eyes only see
A ravaged reflection
Of what the present holds in its arms
But there was a time

There was a time
I could have owned the world
Ruled my very destiny
Gardens of adventure
Mine for the taking
Living the life
Scratching my name in the stars
To leave my mark
Now life has done the etching
Tattooed on my soul
Scars of the past
Reminding me always
That there was a time

Time is the ultimate in freedom, it can never be chained, never be stopped. There are many important times but no time is as important as right now. I’m never am sure of where I’m going or how I’ll get there but one consistent in life is time. Time is everything that ever was or ever will be and at a certain point it feels like its all happening at once. You can look ahead or look behind, your choice, but you can’t change it or erase it because time never stops or starts it just is. And was or will be. Time can be measured in seconds, hours, days, years, decades, or whatever delineation we assign it but for each of us time is right now, this very moment. There are times we recall and times we forget but one thing I’ll always be able to remember is….There was a time

Looking Back In Anger



It could have been Tuesday
Or Thursday
The days all seemed the same
Maybe it’ll happen tonight
Or maybe tomorrow
A painful waiting game
But I knew it was coming
Or was it going
Only time can know
Why did I need to watch it
Or worse, live it
See the cancer grow
Cancer is an arrogant shit
Stepping on hearts with depravity
But I remember you you shit
That very night it took my Mom
Cancer spun and waltzed to the ballroom floor
In an ugly miasmic dance with death
Teasing and taunting
Till we could take it no more
Sucking up all her breath
She didn’t even know she was at home
Thought she was alone
Didn’t know how much I cared
Cancer took her brain away
Left her lonely and scared
With vile indifference
Some unfamiliar eyes looked my way
Like they had something important to say
But it wasn’t mom who was staring
The eyes were too angry
Then in my Moms deaths voice to taunt me
“Who are you? Why are you here? I don’t know you”
“It’s me Mom, your prodigal son. I’ve come back home.”
“You’re not my son, I’ve never seen you before in my life”
The anger in her eyes was vaguely familiar
At the same time completely foreign
Still they cut like a razor through my soul
Bleeding out the shame of virtues past
Burning a hole in my confidence
It wasn’t her it wasn’t her
It was the Cancer talking
Leaving me wounded
One final indignity
To taunt my reflection
Cancer cares for no one

Memories are like watching reruns of our lives. Many make us smile, swell with pride and feel the comfort and warmth of an epoch of our younger days. Sometimes they bring on a state of melancholy leaving us yearning for those days while others make us outright sad and depressed, especially when the memory is of something ripped from our hearts. They come as an ending, a final memory, the last episode. This is inspired from my final memory of my Mom who passed from cancer many years ago. I left home when I thought I had become a man to become an adult on my own terms which intensified the already established rift between my mother and I. Fortunately mere months before she was diagnosed with cancer we had come to understand and appreciate each other and our relationship had returned to a strong mother /son bond. On the downside, this made the end so much harder…

The Sun Also Rises



Props to Papa

Stealthily the sun soars above our heads
In a glorious haze of red and yellow
Stretching its warmth over the horizon
Playing solar games in the mountains
Until her once bright light tires and dims
She courtesy and dips below the surface
Allowing darkness to create mazes and enigmas
The sun does set
Perplexities that plague a generation
Lost in search of awaterbead drop
Of integrity from a world immoral
Decadence and depravity amongst
The promise of reassurance and love
Only to crumble under dark shadows
Of the evil lurking in midnight mists
The hope of liberation rises with light
A sensual bright enriching solar massage
Which breathes life into the elusive dying
Men drink and fight so with the bulls
With delicacy and grace their women
Soothe their angst with enigmatic skill
Allowing the sun to ascend triumphantly
For what profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun*
Even as nightfall sets upon a generation lost in it’s own obscurity
The sun also rises


With sincerity she glides up on shore
Her shining bright diamond arrows
Shot across from a maroon Kimono
Bursts brilliance across our vision
Shedding it’s luminosity across a horizon
Opening the portals of our enlightenment
Yes the dependable sun will again set
But the sun also rises
*Ecclesiastics 1:3


Live and Love in Peace

I Love You Man



Forgotten laughs
Turn to sighs once
A piece of childhood
Retires to memories
I heard the news
A boulder on my heart
Haven’t seen him
Since life happened
Yet somehow I still miss him
Miss the carefree times
Fearless sled rides
Down the glistening crescent
Crashing and laughing
Into diamond ice drifts
Not noticing the cold
Fires of friendship glowed
Bonfires of the innocent
Strolling on our bikes
Kick stands banana seat
Three speed really neat
Nowhere to go
But so much fun
Getting there
Carefree nights
Listening to crickets song
Camping out so tough
In the backyard
Looking up at the stars
Wondering who we are
Who We’ll be
Asking about life
But like clouds in the sky
Life passed us by
Our very first cars
The girls and the bars
Dreaming about playing guitars
Until life took control
Different nights on a different day
Life can be funny that way
Finding love getting jobs
Get away from the mobs
Then came the day I moved away
Yea man, life’s funny that way
After so many sunsets
Its much too easy to forget
That the best friends I had
From my mirrors rear view
Were much closer than they appeared
All along
With a blink of an eye
Our lives passed us by
And the love of a friendship
Fades and runs dry
Memories in storage now
In the gallery gone
Where my space awaits
To become the past
Those days found a home in my heart
We had the best of times
Maybe that’s why I’m numb
But my heart breaks not for myself
It aches for the family
Of my childhood friend
Who welcomed me into their home
And still to this day
Allow me into their hearts
Bryan…. I Love You Man
Rock In Peace sweet childhood soul mate
Live And Love In Peace