Joint Therapy for Manic Monday

joint therapy

Every Monday it starts out the same way
Complaining about everything just to complain
Worthless words ponding with hammer force
Another set of vocal nails piercing my brain

Why not just shut up, stop the barrage
Everybody has got their own issues
They continue filling me full of their woes
Chill out with a damn handful of tissues

But the bitching keeps pounding into my ears
Until my brain feels like its gonna burst
Full of opinions and my coworkers gripes
Bitchin’ and moanin’ is the absolute worst

Gotta go or I’ll blow today
Gotta fly or I’ll die today
Gimme crap and I’ll snap
Shut your trap or I’ll slap today
No more flap no more yap
Your gonna get a wrap
Cant take no more of this crap today
I gotta get away
Everybody just shut
Its time to cut
And escape this damn rut

Slipping away to commune with mother nature
Dried out, seedless, and rolled in a nice fat stick
Strike a match and inhale the sweet ass relief
Oh yea much better man that does the trick

As the fumes rise up I feel the happy go in
Gently tugging at my mouth and I smile
Music rocks to push out the people poison
Now I can finally relax and chill for a while

Their problems and gripes go out with the tide
Bullshit fades away sinking down the drain
Joint therapy makes me feel so damn good
One more doob to cancel the rest of the pain

One toke of the smoke
Bullshit starts to choke
A little marry jawanna
In my bathroom Nirvana
Herb bud of chronic
Ear bud of sonic
Add rock to the mix
Now I got my fix
Makes the deal so real
Stone mass appeal
I smile away merrily
Relief is joint therapy
Now me and my smirk
Can get back to work
Until tomorrow

Taking Chances

take chances

This could be dangerous lets think it through
Young minds considering the wrong side of the law
None of us sat back but dove straight in head first
Without a thought if any consequence lay in store

Way back in the days when we took chances
We let not a soul tell us how we should act
Pissed in the wind without using protection
Mindful supervision was something we lacked

Back when we were young
Left no single bell unrung
No song unsung
No fence could keep us away
All we did all day was play
Doing it our way
Took on every single dare
Lived a life without care
So full of flair
Lives were full of fast romances
Writhing in horizontal dances
Just taking chances

Back in the day without a worry to be had
On life we kept the toughest stronghold
Indestructible bodies we were never defeated
Taking chances was just the way we rolled

Then our own children broke all of our rules
Responsibility suddenly became our new goal
Protecting our own kids from making our mistakes
Trying to teach them the safest way to roll

Back when were old
Talked of how we rolled
We broke the mold
Taught our children rules
They laughed at us old fools
Stubborn mules
Taught them what to see
Be the best they can be
Be better than me
Tried teaching them from the start
Taking dares won’t set you apart
Taking chances is not so smart

Time is a boulder rolling downhill
Gathering moss like no rolling stone
Of all the things we wish most now
We hope we never have to go it alone

I coulda been a contender
A lifetime full of splendor
But I surrendered
Never made a name
Never found my fame
So who’s to blame?
Take a closer look
At the chances we took

Silent Scream

silent scream

Confusion
Am I damaged?
Deranged?’
Rearranged?
Aggravated and depraved
Never to be saved
Go away
Just disappear
Panic and fear
My constant companions
Forever in tandem
Delusional confusion
Talking so random
The voices
The shrieks
Keeping me together
Tearing me apart
Causing my pain
Folding my brain
Origami nightmares
The stares
Under the stairs
The stares and the glares
Tingling arm hairs
Nobody there
Inside my head
Despair
Its not fair
The era of terror
Is real and forever
I’m broken
Fragmented
Screaming in silence
Denial defiance
I need fixing
Remixing
Not blind confinement
Just an alignment
Set my inner rhythm’
Back to the beginnin’
Don’t just remind me
Of failures behind me
I don’t need a jailor
Because of my failure
I’m only injured
Mentally battered
Broken and shattered
Brain splattered
Grey matter scattered
Doesn’t matter
They can’t hear
No one hears the fear
Screaming in silence
Internally violent
Help!
No one near
Closed ears
Yell and shout
Growing doubt
Help me!
I scream but nothing comes out
A silent shout
Vocal drought
Raucously chaotic
Without a doubt
Franticly psychotic
Is what I’m about
The maddening crowd
Getting much too loud
Carnival shrieks
From voiceless freaks
No help will arrive
Stuck on this ride
Self destructive slide
Even failed suicide
Hide
Been hiding for years
Eyes full of tears
Ears full of jeers
My panic my fears
They’re my team
My life theme
I hope this silent scream
Is only a dream
Can anybody hear?
Doesn‘t matter, it will all be over soon anyway.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline….1-800-273-8255
Criris Hotline….800-784-2433
Depression Hotline..630-482-9696
All numbers are toll free, confidential, and 24/7
Help is only a phone call away
Be heard
PEACE

Rear View Paranoid

REAR-VIEW

I thought my life was flashing before my eyes as paranoia began creating a vortex for its ascent from my stomach up into my head. Fear shot electronic impulses through my entire body as the flashing continued. Get hold of yourself dude, everythings cool!! Its an actual flashing not my life flashing. A quick peek in the rear view mirror reveals there is a cop car advertising its intentions behind me in my car. The cop car drove past me in pursuit of another driver. My adrenal glands began chuckling as the paranoia flew out the window into the cosmos. Those flashing lights weren’t for me at all. The welcome relief washed over me but the tension remained. WTF? At this point of my life I am an upstanding law abiding citizen. Well aside from whatever I may do in the privacy of my own home but that’s my business. My car is legal, I drive and obey the traffic laws, (like never speed when a cop is near by, etc.) so I have no reason to fear even if I do get pulled over. I no longer keep any stashes under my seat or papers in the console. Hell man, I even had my seatbelt on. So why this rush of paranoia every time a cop is behind me when I drive? Primal evolutionary instinct? Not exactly but it can be traced back to my teen years.
Like most of the derelict suburban youths of my era my first contact with police outside of school visits, or watching Dick Tracy and Courageous cat and Minute Mouse, was our own teenage version of cat and mouse with the cops. We wanted to get drunk drinking cheap beer or wine and they wanted to catch us and sadistically pour it out while sarcastically letting us know we should head home to Mommy and Daddy. In truth it was an okay relationship for both parties, they could tell the adults in town that the streets were free of drunken degenerate teen hoodlums and we only had to cry over spilled beer, not get in big trouble with Mom and Dad. But it all changed when the evil Satan Smoke, Beelzebub bud, the Devils Weed crept its vile horned joint rolled self into our teen culture. The sinister antichrist herbal delight swept into our teen lungs, relieving our teen angst, making us teen laugh, giving us teen munchies, and made us feel all around teen fucking awesome.
Unfortunately the post teen portion of suburbia was not as enchanted with wacky weed as we were, they were certain it would turn each and every one of us into drug addicted serial killers who threaten to tear and shred the very fabric of their three martini society to shreds. Our relationship with the police altered drastically at this point. The police needed to massage the concerns of the scotch swilling adults assuring them no marijuana could find its way into their neighborhoods but we wanted to massage our minds with that very same illegal weed of wit and wisdom. Now our job as teens was to smoke pot and get high free of handcuffs and the cops hoped to arrest us and lock us up so the rest of society could rest easy knowing the refer mad hooligans were locked up alongside murderers, rapers, and armed robbers. Where we belonged. (is there a special font for sarcasm?) Then and only then could society relax and take a deep breath. Not a breath test, because I’m pretty certain most of our parents would register above the limit for alcohol. Anyway, the dichotomy changed, we found better hiding spots and continued our evil ways and cops continued in fruitless pursuit of passionate pot puffing juvenile perps.
Once we began driving however, the cops had the advantage. With badge comes privilege and the police were willing and able to take liberties in their attempts to remove our liberties. Now they could exact their revenge for our ability to avoid capture by flashing those strobe like red lights to pull us over on a minor violation accomplishing two things. First they knew that it sent a surge of paranoia through our circulatory systems causing discomfort, perhaps even incontinence. That’s the primal response I was speaking of earlier. Secondly, a pull over and the badge equipped them with everything they needed to search our cars to find out where we kept our hash pipes or hidden stashes, because they knew we were still prolifically puffing the perverse pot of decadence. With any luck they would then have the opportunity to use the Miranda right speech they had committed to memory for real. The bust of the neighborhood, a few more hardened (well stoned anyway) criminals locked away making society safe to continue forcing its backward values on their youths.
So now, even when I’ve reached the age where high school students read about our antics of demonstrating while high on the woeful weed in their history classes I still stiffen in paranoia when a cops lights flash in my mirror. That’s living proof of evolution right there, my brain has adapted to the fear of danger caused by flashing red lights just as our ancestors developed the fight or flight response from being chased by ferocious human devouring animals. My children probably have this red light fear gene embedded in their DNA already. Or maybe its just a stoner reaction. If that’s the case I wonder is if this paranoid phenomenon will ever cease. Will I ever be able to drive normally when a cop is behind me? Am I destined to peering behind my wheelchair in the old folks home if a light flickers while rolling to early bird dinner?
I get that the institution of policing is important, ever since I reached the point I understood I really never was invincible I understood that believing in anarchy is a part of teen angst coming of age, but like I said, I obey laws. For the most part anyway, and the few laws I may bend are hardly worth punishing because I obviously will never learn and will never consider my minor indiscretions to be evil or wrong. But seriously guys, there must be a way to break this cycle of fear every time I see a cop.
PEACE

Love Memorandum

love memo

We were taught to create
A wonderful trait
Creating is great
Working together we build
Curiosity filled
And thrilled
Constructing with good reason
A perfect artesian
Adhesion

We were taught to destroy
Shooting a toy
A horrible ploy
What we don’t like we harm
Break a leg or an arm
Sound the alarm
Teach our children to kill
One less plateful to fill
What a thrill

Create or destroy – your choice
No fists to repent or rejoice
Just use your voice
Scream for peace from a mountain
Spout your love like a fountain
We’re all countin’
We need all to be strong
To know right from wrong
And get along
We need to stand tall in tandem
Hatred just seems so random
Here’s my love memorandum:

Stop all the hate
Before its too late
Open loves gate
Together we’re great
Share us a soul
Make it a goal
to keep your love whole
Smile and cajole
Take off the blinder
As a favor its minor
Be gentler and kinder
This is a love reminder
its not just random
It’s a love memorandum
Love, the more you give it away the more of it you have. Peace

Dream In Flight

dream

Cute little puppies we rocked the world
Initials etched into tree bark forever
Eternity we sought in a quest of true love
Sweet young romantics we dreamt oh so clever

I promised one day a world written in gold
My thoughts floating in love on bound papers
But she wanted everyone to know her by name
Misplaced our dreams in a haze of false vapors

She searched for a place to build her own statue
A cherished monument on the hills of the stars
Spreading her wings reaching out to the coastline
I stayed right here reaching across hometown bars

She bartered her dream under sheets of white satin
Empty promises traded into evenings untrue
Fell victim to parasitic gold digging gourmands
Dined on of her spirit before turning the screw

Stoned on the journey all alone in the crowd
Salted droplets of blood running into her veins
Nursing her hopes with the scars of the dreams
Innocence and love had been circling the drains

And I was unable to nurture my dream as well
Story never written and name yet unpenned
Advised by the man with a rag and a shot glass
Shifting through ice cubes in search of a friend

Exchanging my keyboard for some bottles of faith
To erase the initials etched deep on my soul
Tree bark and memories are all I have left
Forgetting my past has been taking a toll

Two lovers in evening flying unbound in sight
Two dreamers not knowing nor touching their fate
The hopes of the lovers passed by without witness
Separate misfortunes that fate to never equate

No dream can soar without wings of aspiration
You can have whatever you want so they say
Beware when your dream takes off in the night
It doesn’t grab your soul as its flying away
Peace

BRAIN FLU

flu

Voices keep on taunting me
Tell me which one is right
Constant fighting in my head
Like a caged in cranium fight

Everyone just laughs at me
Whispering Kyle’s insane
They won’t get away with that
Ill show them fucking pain

I’m gonna go out and kill tonight
Someone has to die
Gotta go find a thrill tonight
That’ll really get me high

Just one thing I need to know
Not who or what or how
Only thing I need to get
Who’s that talking now?

They’re after us its time to act
Don’t listen Kyle don’t relax
Relax is what they want from you
Don’t sit in silence as you brood
Time to do it now time to act
You can do it
Act Kyle ACT!

They hate you -hit you- hurt you
They love to see you cry
Make them pay the little bitches
All of them should die
Do it Kyle, go on and do it!
Make their blood flow red
They don’t care about you Kyle
They only want you dead

No Kyle please he’s not real
Don’t listen to his crap
Don’t be a sap
Just get back in bed
He’s just a voice inside your head
He’s the one who wants you dead
Listen to me not what he said
He’s not real he’s just a voice
Come on Kyle you have a choice
Please Kyle Please take your pill
He only wants to see you kill

Not real? Not real? Of course I’m real
We’re each a part of you
Even that voice knows the deal
He’s just afraid but he’s still real
He’s no man
Afraid to take a stand
But we can do it we can kill
Its time to be a man
Get angry Kyle get good and mad
Let go Kyle and kill someone
It’ll stop you’re feeling bad
He wants them to hurt you
You know that he’s with them
They’re all out to destroy you
Kill while you still can

They don’t care Kyle
They don’t give a shit
They’ll kill you Kyle I swear they will
But we’ll have none of it
Time to fight, go ahead Kyle
Go and get the gun!
Get it now before you cave
Get it now its their blood you crave
They can’t laugh from in their grave

No please Kyle no, don’t get the gun, everything will be okay
Go back to bed get some sleep tomorrow’s another day
Don’t listen to him Kyle
He’s a chicken and a wimp
But he does have one point
Tomorrow Kyle is another day
Another day to disappoint
Another day of taunting
Another day of shame
Another day to make you sweat
Like its some fucking game
A day of laughing behind your backs
Get the gun Kyle get the bullets
Get it now
End their attacks
Remember Alice in the sheets
Remember Alice always cheats
Get the gun

STOP!
No more! My head hurts! Oh my Go it hurts so much!
Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!
Shut up all of you – just shut up!
Leave me alone please leave me alone. Get out of my mind
Someone please make them shut up make them stop!
Why do you guys all want to hurt me too?
What’d I ever do?
My heads all twisted my nerves are shot
I hate you all the entire lot
Why are these voice in my head
What am I to do?
Everyone keeps pushing me
I wish this shit was through
Yelling pushing shoving pounding
hurting inside my head
Get out of here go away all of you
I wish that I was dead
Then again, maybe you’re right
It all makes sense now Alice laughs
But the fault is hers
She laughs when I feel hurt
Maybe she’ll be happy
With blood all on her skirt
I’ll kill them both that wretched bitch
Her bastard boyfriend too
There’ll be hundreds dead tonight
Before the evenings through

But maybe I should take the pill
The one that makes me numb
That takes away the inner me
And leaves me feeling dumb
At least it makes the voices leave
For better or for worse
Plus one more night without the need
Of leaving in a hearse

Brain is hot, minds all sweaty
Voices start to muffle
Hope this brain flu ends on the med train
The Thorazine dull shuffle
Getting cool, heads quiet for a while
But who am?
Who are you?
And lastly,
Who is Kyle?

G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
……………..G’nite guys, see ya tomorrow
Seriously, if you need help ask and if you know someone who may be suffering from depression or any other psyche challenging issues reach out. No one should have to fight themselves alone. PEACE