One Last Smile

one last


What can we say when the world holds still

Both breath and soul have departed

In place of joy we have but time remembered

Our lives reduced to years

But those years are mine to own

And my years with you were the best of my life

And I will hold them until no strength remains

To praise my fond apparition of before

I place the phantoms of our time to word

Because when memories are afraid they will be forgotten

That’s where they go

To become stories or song

Words of love

Words of joy

Even words of anger

So that never shall we either forget

Despite my pain I smile for you one last smile

I’ll make it the best smile I can manage

In that tomorrow when I awake alone

I’ll still be part of your memories too

Live and Love in Peace, A very Happy New Year….Make some great memories this year


Who I Appear To Be




Everybody has their chameleon, a way to hide their inner self. When we’re with people we slip on our alternative skin an appear to be someone else, the one we call our true selves. We hide the inner self because it frightens us. We worry if the inner us is revealed no one will like us, not even ourselves. We live in what we appear to be but slip in and out of the inner us when no one is around. Sometimes we spend so much time going back and forth we forget which one we are, we slip a bit to deeply into our dark selves. Many times I wonder who am I today……


My Dad never even tried to understand me

His self importance was the rule of the day

Whenever important questions burnt within me

He shrugged his shoulders and pushed me away

Reading words he found inside a fortune cookie

Was the only advice he ever donated my mind

Dismissed dismayed dejected and disappointed

All my dad ever really left me was behind



My brain is bruised my mind abused my thoughts unused

I’m alone…..confused

Can’t sleep

I’m on the edge

Falling over

Slipping down deep

Gotta move

My insides are spinning

The walls are closing in

And I’m stuck in it

The pressure is so painful


Coming undone

I’m broken

Not joking

Insanity on thin ice

Seams are bursting

Jesus Christ

I want to die

Which me am I?


Here’s the deal

Death has it’s appeal, no more pain or illusion

No confusion

Maybe I’ll find dignity in self termination

No more repetitive aimless wandering despondantly

I know the end will bring me my total isolation


But I’ll be free

No horns no sirens not one fucking phone call

I’ll finally be able to get a good night sleep

Or maybe I should make a deal with my big bad wolf

Who keeps hiding in my psyche so deep

Now I see

I can’t make a pact with the devil because the devil is me


If he dies so will I

Lose my flesh lose my bone


The devil just never shuts up

Forcing his thoughts in my head

Tells me

I’m the monster from under my bed

He mocks me and taunts me

The dark passenger haunts me

Makes me doubt and deplore me

He will never leave me alone

He reminds me I’m nothing

My soul he keeps crushing

Let go with a whimpering moan

Float away

Or stay?

Who’s making my mind up anyway?

I know I’m the one who must choose

And you may think you know me but…

I’m really not who I appear to be








Laughter Is Far More Than Mere Medicine




J.T. Hilltop

It’s a running joke. No, I’m not talking about the potential candidates running for president constantly flaunting of their assholiness, what I mean is laughter being the best medicine. Although I must admit some of the ranting of those running for president are far more ridiculous than any slapstick routines I’ve seen. The bottom-line is more than just a venue in Greenwich Village with popular acts, the bottom line is that the most creative, concise, profound, and just plain sensible information about life, love, and politics have come by way of brilliant comedians.


It started with Lenny Bruce, although admittedly I’m too young to have seen his act live I certainly have learned much about censorship and abuse of power from Lenny. But the first comedian who really made sense as well as developing my sense of humor was a big fan and learned much of his craft from Mr. Bruce. George Carlin. From the Hippy Dippy weatherman to the brightest funnyman who ever shed light on social and political issues in a way in which we could all understand. George Carlin not only made me laugh, yes out loud long before lol was a thing, but he also helped put so much more into perspective in a way which I personally could relate to. George helped me to understand my nagging sense of spiritual emptiness as well as my frustration with authority figures, ie Washington DC. Through his brilliant use of comedic perspective George Carlin shed an enlightening perspective and helped me to sort out my life issues with a hint of sarcasm and a ton of laughter. Thank you for the medicine George, much of what you said still rings true in so many hearts.


When George passed away a deep chasm of a void needed filling. His humor was so sustainable because unlike many jokers who tell the same jokes in different ways (sort of like reporters asking a set of questions that sound eerily similar to the first one they asked) his humor had evolved. But the void remained, thankfully to be filled in from an alien from outer space, Mork from Ork. Robin Williams was the next comedian to enter my little world with a handful of laughter medicine. Different from George but equally as talented and funny. Robin taught me that living my life in an improv format was okay as long as I kept my perspectives. The main difference for me was that Robin was equally adept at playing dramatic roles, but none the less his humor not only comforted me but it also helped to validate the social and political issues I had developed from following Mr. Carlin. The recent tragedy of losing Robin hit hard on a number of levels not the least of which was his ability to rise above his inner demons for as long as he did through the use of laughter.


With Robin gone another huge void had been created. The next laugh man I latched onto for medicinal joking was Jon Stewart. Jon had transcended social issues to a completely new level, delving ever deeper into politics and the disgusting hypocrisy and corruption while brining it to light in a serious way via his brilliant comedic outlook on life. As a note of accomplisment Jon Stewart was incredibly significant in the passing of the 911 first responders bill to make sure they have medical coverage. It absolutely astounds me that a single person on Capitol Hill needed to be shamed into voting for the heroes that answered the call on the darkest days our country has see3n in modern history but then again, congress are humorless jokes. Jon went up and down the corridors of the building with some responders having to shame them into agreeing to even put the bill to a vote which only strengthens my position that comedians should have more influence on social and political issues. I compare Jon to Johnny Carson on two levels. One I remember my father, despite leaving early for work in the morning never missing The Tonight Show and laughing so loud it often woke me up. I would later learn that Johnny Carson was dishing out the daily social news stories with his own brand of humor. But more than that, Jon Stewart like John Carson before him kick started the careers of many a comedian, the most notable in Jon’s case Steven Cobare, or more pretentiously, Cobert pronounced Cobare. Using incredible wit combined with profound wisdom, both of these jokers are able to place today’s issues in an understandable if not always humorous way.


There have been other laugh makers that helped shape the social and political landscapes, Monty Python, Prime Time Players, Second City among others. All have helped us to not only make sense of a complicated world, but to be able to laugh at the same time. It’s ridiculously hard to remain sad or angry while we’re laughing. That’s why I stand by the statement laughter is the best medicine. I will however admit, that some substances make the laughter even funnier, but these are humor additives not humor itself even if they sometimes make us laugh without understanding why we are laughing.


In conclusion, in a recent election in Brazil an actual clown, not clown in the sense of those running for president in the US, Tiririca, was elected to Brazilian Congress. Notably he too is a Republican but perhaps its not the same in Brazil as it is here. In summation, maybe it’s time we form an independent political party and load it up with doctors of comedy who can administer the medicine we all need these day, laughter….



Cosmic Umbilical Chord




The two greatest mysteries surround the two most profound events in our lives and we have no recollection of either. Birth and death. But some believe there is a connection somewhere in the universe when each of us is born like a cosmic heartbeat. We’re aware of it as we enter the world but soon forget how to hear it. It is like an echo that connects our birth to our death and draw each other closer until destiny catches up. Maybe the echo is god, maybe our guardian angel, or maybe it’s the physical form of a fate accompli. Then again maybe it’s simply a mystery which should always remain a mystery until our time is done, when the truth, no matter what it is, is revealed us. Maybe its our cosmic umbilical chord to be cut when we enter a new state of consciousness……………


A crackle across the first second of eternity

With a universal spark somewhere in time lost

Linked up to the existence of one brave new life

Bouncing off the stars in search of inevitable grace

To create a countdown from my vital existence


A cosmic echo which sprung from my virgin heartbeat

Connecting my Alpha to the edge of the Omega

A faint rumbling, a sonic thumping of newborn élan

The umbilical message reaching the will of my ego

The louder it gets the closer I am to my death


I have learnt at birth to ignore its constant pulse

Each tick a metronome in time with termination

Yet every second deaths drumbeat pulls me nearer

Casting dark shadows from my embryonic journey

And every sun it burns out leaves a Cimmerian shade


There in the dark shadows of my solitude I meditate

Contemplating the phantoms of yesterdays dreams

For it is alone in the darkness with my passionate ego

My eyes see that the shining light illuminates a path

And my ears hear the cosmic heartbeat which keeps drawing me closer

I reach out to meet it with joy



Republican’ts And Demochats



(Modern free form beat poetry)

Just cause you’re on the right

That doesn’t make you all right

You looking through on the left

Act before nothing is left

I am politically ambidextrous

So impress us with your expertise


It makes you uncomfortable

Cause you just can’t understand

So you create a bunch of labels

Spread em all across the land

It makes it easier when you to file me

So you can defile me

That way you don’t have to get to know me

So show me

What you think I am


You put people into compartments

Your absurd

You treat us like cattle you can herd

You pompous turds

You don’t even know who we are

We’re not just a vote

A banknote

We’re a group of living concepts

Its nonsense

Indivisible with no liberty, no justice at all

The righties calls the lefties all fools

Singing E Pluribus Unum

While your screwin’ em

You’re gonna ruin em

So what am I to the far right side?

From a group of radical ignoramus?

Think that you can tame us?

I dare you!

Do my thoughts scare you?

Am I a tree hugging hippie

Who loves Mother Earth

I have since birth for what it’s worth

I’m the resistance

It’s just a philosophic difference

Try it it wont hurt

I care about rights of women

I believe in equal rights

Democracy isn’t exclusive to the whites

We are a salad of cultures held in check by you vultures

But you can’t understand

I care for my fellow man

You’re just a Republican’t

Who thinks he’s a republic can



And don’t be looking so smug and deft

Over there on the left

You don’t like me either

You just want to invoke my vote

You make me nervous

The only thing you ever served is lip service

All you do is talk

You can’t get women’s pay equal

And it won’t happen

I’ve seen the sequel

The poor receive wages of sin

For gods sake let refugees in!

Why are guns still a thing?

Cause you don’t do a God damn thing

But chat

To fat cats

Just like the right

You never even fight

You ain’t all that

You think you’re a democrat

But your just a demo chat

Talking us under a bus

Living among the upper crust

Tossing us crumbs from your linen tablecloth

What disgust



Neither side has an exclusive on deceit

Stay out of my kitchen if you can’t take my heat

You politicians caused the wreck

With you one hand pledging allegiance

While the other takes my check

You call me a communist but who pays the fucking lobbyist?

A trusty Politian standing an untrusting shade

If things all go your way well man I guess you got it made

But your pact is with the hateful

The insult of the day

Wish you were an illusion but you’re an illusionists to stay



Republican’ts and Demochats

Enslaved to fat cats

Know what? Go on ahead

Beat the crap outta each other

Call each other names

Continue playing games

You’re all lame

Off base

Peace is the tortoise in this race

Your rabbit hate has a rabid fate

And hates gonna lose

Hates an obstruction which thrives on destruction

Someday you’ll understand

Hope it s not to late


You run a Presidential race

To dominate the rate race

Forgetting the human race

The one race we all must win

Humanity is our kin

People full of hope and love

Try to remember that before you destroy the world

Keep us alive

Peace is the most noble struggle to survive




I may be a dreamer but I’m not the only one….Peace Out


A Sonnet For Narcissus




The fountains of Narcissus

Lay still in pools at lull

No longer rushing waters

The tides have risen full

Peer into its vacuum

Where deadly ripples form

The circles tell the story

A world of life forlorn

Just one look

You’ll be hooked

But don’t stare too hard

Or too deep inside

An evil killer lurks

Where monsters hide




In the shadows of my ego

The phantom self lay hidden

In the corners I fear to tread

I’d wished that I had ridden

Clings tightly in disdainful glee

Claps enthusiastic ovation

To witness for the world to see

My glorious humiliation

In a vision of rebellion

Internal battles leave their mark

From wars fought through the years

Scars so red and scars so dark

With tears that tell a story

Somehow I’m still alive

To fight the future battles

So narcissus can survive


Met A Girl

sad song



Glistening snowflakes fall and melt

Leaving no evidence of their plight

History or memory, truth or tales

But their grandeur survives in my mind

For but a fleeting moment

Until sand castles wash out to sea

Rainbows glories fade

Cotton candy skies dance away

And moonbeams light the way

To a starless day



Memories are tales

Our life and loves

Inscribed in our hearts

Which beats out our songs

We sing to ourselves and weep

We sing to ourselves and smile

Each memory another stanza


I Met A Girl

I met a girl who sang the truth

The way loves tune should be

Her words rang out so beautiful

But she wasn’t singing to me

Met a girl who sang her story

Or maybe it was only one memory

A voice of silk and words of hope

But the tale seemed sad to me


Met a girl who sang soft and blue

With warmth my heart was mended

A bluesy tune that wasn’t sad

Until the music ended

No song is sad

No tale Mournful

No story wistful

Until the song is finished


What’s Going On




Guns don’t kill people, mental health issues kill people, most of the time with guns. What’s going On? I won’t go as far as to blame any individuals rhetoric for the cause of a terrorist attack like the one at Planned parenthood but certainly many politicos have created a petrie dish environment growing cultures of hate and anger using rhetoric to get attention. But don’t blame them they need a bump in the polls or an endorsement of votes and we buy into it. We don’t have to. We should demand better from ourselves as well as our politicians but instead we find ourselves entertained by schoolyard bully tactics both in the media (And don’t blame them, it’s you that’s watching. They just give you what you want) and in social media. If you want to incite a spewing of hateful vitriol from your friends or followers it’s quite simple. Pick a hot button issue, express your opinion, and wait. Before long you will have a thread of people either agreeing or thinking up clever ways to call you ignorant without using the actual word or revealing themselves as racist or fake religion mongers.

We are supposed to be an advanced society, it’s about time we start acting like it. Demand responsible conversations with a common goal of finding a solution instead of a bunch of blowhard egotists pointing their fingers at each other. I’m talking about Politian as well as us friends, myself included. There are simply too many guns on the street, not an opinion, a reality. Take out the votes and money and find a compromise that includes allowing responsible gun owners to own guns. Not arsenals, but a responsible compromise. Stop whining that someone’s coming to take your guns away, defend your right to own by showing responsible methods of gun ownership, not everyone should have a gun. We could live with that, and so will a lot of other innocent people. Maybe some mandatory safety classes. We did it for cars, why not for guns? Religion? Freedom of religion also means freedom from religion. Go and practice (and I mean practice, not just quote your scriptures to fit your narrative) but don’t try to force your religion on me. Save yourself, not me, allow me to choose my religion. These are the tools we need to find solutions, not point fingers and call each other names.

I get it, I’m an unrealistic dreamer of peace, I still believe that the world can live together in harmony as one not because I’m naïve, but because I’m optimistic. But I’ll tell you this, without us idealists, us romantics and dreamers all you will be left with is a bunch as assholes pointing fingers at each other hurling insults and deciding who is to blame for fucking this world up completely. I’d rather die believing in a world where  peace is possible than live in a world without hope… Live in Peace, Love in peace……Believe!!