The Pond Of Reflection

 

 

Once delivered to the pond of tranquility
I longed to drink in it’s glorious stillness
Yet my restless soul remained not at rest
My spirit wandered aimless as a stranger
Unguarded and alone I traveled the wind
I the intruder feeling free to commit wrongs
I wandered free
I witnessed the leaves grow bold with color
Only to wither and fall free from their home
Even with the years of profound knowledge
The mighty tree was unable to hold it’s leaves
By the pond the tree outlived generations o life
Upon reflection leaves in the lake was my own
I became enlightened
Moving through the shadows of evening’s image
I had become the bearer of guilt’s incurred
At the same time a victim of my cycle vicious
Condemned to bear weights of self made burden
Where I sacrificed myself to the blameless redeemer
Who stood in judgment of the ill and illicit
Administering ultimate justice only in the afterlife
Which was my journey

Time chiseled away at my stony regrets
Wisdom finally blossomed it’s bright petals
I understood the separation of the just and unjust
The strangers and friends, the good and evil all
Destined to stumble upon their own ill stones
Whilst clearing the paths of their own choosing
In which all travel naked in the quest of eternity
To reflect the pond

 

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A Story About Nothing.. (excerpt from Transcendental Medication)

J.T. Hilltop

The smoke from the Sandal Incense went to my head making me slightly dizzy. As I sat on the doctors bed I was in one realm looking of seeming reality looking into another of…..well I‘m not quite sure yet. It was the freakiest hallucination I ever had. In my normal realm things made logical sense, but that other realm waqs so sensually enticing, it was full of smoke, mystery, and surrealality. Not a noxious smoke, more like an almost friendly and inviting smoke. The thought of sticking my entire head through the hole in the fabric of duality to see that realm up close excited me. This may prove to be the mother of all trips. Forget LSD man, this was the real deal trip like a peyote induced vision from a fucking Mayan priest. Then as if reality was worried it would slip away it answered me in Dr. Kha’s voice, “Come on in JT, you will find nothing here.”

I was feeling lost, my meditation combined with the doctors medicated acupuncture sticks was blurring the lines of sanity and manic realities. I was apprehensive yet I really wanted to see that other dimension, that strange new realm. I could be a witness to the practice of quantum mechanics.  I thought but I took it as more of his acting the teacher. Of nothing!  His voice was steady and even,  “That funny JT, about what Dr, Kha had said, that I will find  nothing and was further confused. Perhaps I was having  a lucid dream. If this is lucid dreaming I’m not sure I like it. I was in control of nothing. Jeez shit man, there it was again. Nothing!  Was I subjected to sensory depravation without my consent?  Maybe it was nothing. Oh fuck, not that again! Something’s going on here, unless it’s…..nothing.
I crawled through the tear in the fabric of reality cautiously wondering if my mind was playing some elaborate prank on me as payback for all the years of brain bending drug and alcohol abuses I leveled at it. Like here you go asshole, hows it feel to lose control. But that’s just pure bullshit man, my mind couldn’t be vindictive. Could it?  I decided to test the waters of my own sane logic to challenge his concept.  “So you say this is nothing Dr Kha? But once I acknowledge nothing doesn’t it become something. How can this be nothing if it is something you‘re teaching me? I know what nothing is, nothing is what poor people have and rich people need.” I looked up slyly and Kha smiled at me in a near condescending way. “Yes JT, I hear that before. Also if you eat nothing for too long you dead. Nothing funny about that, haha….Seriously JT you search too hard for nothing as thing but nothing is concept not thing. Suppose I tell you nobody get here before you JT? By your logic if nobody get here first then nobody must be somebody, because nobody was here. So I speak of nothing in philosophic term. Nothing is a void or vacuum where everything come from. All things begin as nothing. But in science nothing cannot exist because we are always surrounded by matter. Perhaps in black hole nothing exists, perhaps everything exist, impossible to know. So how get something from nothing? Listen  JT, the first organism of life was one singular cell which split into two, and that continue until mutations occur. Over millions of years those mutations become an abundance of life forms each with its own story. But it all come from nothing, just as the universe has. But let me speak in language that universal. Math.”
Many years ago human trade with round trinkets of metals. They count out how many trinkets in sand and trade for food, or livestock, or whatever. When all money trinkets gone nothing left in sand but big O. Therefore big imprint of O in sand come to represent new concept, nothing, zilch, zero.”  He took out a piece of paper and drew a big ole goose egg on it. “So this O here represent zero. Zero equal nothing. Now if I tear apart 0 it would be split much like the organism I mentioned and nothing become two somethings.” He ripped the paper in half to make his point. He scribbled a simple equation on one half of the paper, (1) + (-1) = 0. He smiled at me  “absolute.”
“Split evenly JT nothing equal two something, a positive one and a negative one. Same thing happen when  universe created out of nothing. First there  nothing, zero, then zero split into two portions, positive one, what you know as  Universe, and negative one, the one we are in now, alternate Universe. Newton figure concept out but never apply  to creation. Einstein as well. For every action there is equal but opposite re-action. This alternate universe you are in now is the opposite and equal re-action to your big bang universe you just leave. This Universe equal to your universe only opposite. The laws of physic opposite too. Here there no gravity. Planets push off each other like opposing magnets. The suns don’t give energy they extract it. Time very different here go backward not future. Here future is pat and past is future, but much beauty and wonder as universe you know. Alternate universe as real as your universe but it take some getting used to if you want to be here. And nothing is what make this second world possible. That  enough for one day JT, you come back in two days if you want learn more.” With that Kha disappeared as I slipped back from behind the bi-universal fabric of time returning to my cot in my real world and just closed my eyes.
I could still smell smoldering Santal incense and the music was still on only now it was soft drum beatings mixed with some sort of whirling organ sound softly playing repetitive chords. A young woman entered the room wearing a nurse uniform. I began to wonder if this has all been one crazy hallucination, maybe a flashback or something so I gave her a closer look. She was very attractive with piercing hazel green eyes and long straight burnt orange hair tied up neatly in a swinging ponytail but allowing perfectly cut bangs to cover her forehead. Her eyes were as stunning as a Montana sky and just as vast. I sensed both intense pain and intense pleasure in the depth of her retinas and I melted into her glance. Mesmerized I heard a soothing throaty voice saying, “You’re finished for today Mr. Hilltop, will you be coming back for another visit?”  Her bright red lips barely moved as she spoke making it hard for me to concentrate. She caught me staring at her eyes and I have little doubt my leer was bordering on creepy but I  couldn’t look away.  I was held hostage by her deep beauty, hypnotized with delight. I tried to look away but was drawn back to her face. The rosy red high cheekbones, \ flawless skin dotted sparsely with perfect freckles, and those deep red full and pouty lips were so warm an inviting.  I imagined the sirens sweet song dominating the entire essence of Ulysses. I began clumsily shaking my head and muttered a weak “yes, I would like that.” Sensing my awkwardness she smiled warmly,  took my hand and sat me up. It was then I noticed the acupuncture needless were all gone. “When would you like to come back for a session?”  I was feeling disoriented and only barely able to reply “In two days” The nurse put her soft full lips close to my ear whispering, “Come back Friday at seven JT. We have much to teach you. Remember JT, nothing ventured, nothing gained.” The warmth of her breath and moist spray of her tongue inside my ear sent shivers up and down my spine and gathered in an area which I feared had become obvious. Butterflies had left my stomach and created a chrysalis caravan traveling through my digestive tract straight towards my  reproductive organs. It was complicated  even more profoundly her sensual and suggestive tone echoing through my soul in a tease frenzy. I looked up to sneak  look at her in the hope of affirming my imagined connection but she was gone. Maybe she wasn’t even there to begin with, the line that separated reality from non-reality had become wafer thin.
TBC

Overdose

 

Not all wars are fought on battlefields but every war is real and deadly. This is in memory of a special friend, all others lost and those left to carry on. It should also serve as a warning to the young one out there that the lasting consequences far outweigh the temporary highs…..Peace

Trapped inside a life of ruin
Where I became a slave
The needle and the spoon
And the highs I always crave
I was already dead
Before the dope went to my veins
Easing pains with acid rains
All alone on the mainline
Far before my life’s prime
I OD’ed my body’s dead
Wish I’d chosen love instead
My lover cried baby come inside
But I hit the streets to find a high
She offered me a lovers charms
But it wasn’t her stuck in my arms
Now my dim lit room
Has become my tomb
Left this world too soon
Now I’m dead

But I died right at the start
First time I took the needle
Pointed it at my heart
I died a million times
Death by China white
Powder in my blood
Darkness in my nights
Cotton wad and spoon
The glow of flickering candlelight
Figured only way to cope
Was to cop a bag of dope
Skag instead of food
A crust of bread and such
Couldn’t get enough
Until I got too much
Now I’m dead
And I can’t go back
Overdose
A nice way of saying suicide

No Tea Or Sympathy On My Visit To The Not So Pearly Gates

J.T. Hilltop

All these years wondering who God was and if she…..or he exists and I have to die to meet my creator only to find out  it’s a nerdish looking scientist who calls himself Al. What are the chances? Feeling a bit brazen now that I’m dead I asked Al The Creator if this was some weird drug and alcohol fueled dream hallucination and the fucker just smiled at me with an all too familiar condescending sneer.

Al scoffed at me. “A dream you ask? Did you ever stop to even wonder what dreams are JT? For that matter why you dream?” The smug smile on his face took on a devious leer. I began to wonder if he was God and Satan wrapped in one neat little package of divinity. “Your brain takes in all the crazy shit you’ve processed throughout the day, mixes it up with whatever it wants from your past, puts them in a theatrical blender and pours the results into your head making you wonder if its real or some weird movie. Your computerized brain messes with you by presenting the entire series of events in an abstract manner making it as disjointed and confusing as possible. Tell me son, how do your dreams start?”   I pondered this and for the life of me I couldn’t remember how my dreams begin or end, it‘s all just like a mottled up middle without a sane plot. Before I could answer Al continued, “All day long your brain is very busy collecting information from your nose, ears, eyes, and skin. It has to filter out what’s unimportant, put what is important into memory, and still be ready to make split second decisions on even mundane things you do daily. Simple things like washing your hands. While your washing thousands of events are happening right where you are standing. Things you don’t see, hear, or smell, or rather don’t notice because your brain views them as insignificant so it doesn’t process them. Maybe it’s a tiny hair strand floating by in and endless feather drop. Knowing its there is of no use to you at the moment so your brain collects the images and sounds, places it in mental file cabinets for later use, and concentrates on more important things like reminding you to rug your hands together with soapy water. Sounds, smells, and sights are in full force around you all the time, so your brain puts you on auto pilot, while it continues to search the world around you. It’s a very busy job and it juggles millions of bits of information. The brain loves to work and thrives in busy situations making decisions every split second. Then at night you turn out the lights and go to sleep leaving your brain with little to do, not much in the way of senses to process. Now its  almost like your brain is bored while you sleep so it makes up frightening images some so scary you may wake up in a sweat. If your brain has been overworked it will make it seem so real you wake up wondering did that happen or was I dreaming? Other times it will cause you total confusion by showing you something so ridiculous you’ll wanna pinch yourself when you wake. Most of the time you just wake up so confused all you can think when you wake is what the fuck that was all about. You forget the events before you ever reach the bathroom to pee.
You remember your sexual dreams as an adolescent? Okay, I won’t go there and embarrass you, just know your brain really enjoyed fucking with you back then and  got your body to respond in any number of ways. As if puberty wasn’t hard enough! Pun intended by the way JT.”  Again a devious smile. “You live in an age of over-information son. I’m here to help you sort through all the bullshit so you can move on and understand your role in the universe. In my universe.”
Maybe I was over-reacting, or tired and out of sorts but for some reason the last part stung a little bit. His universe? I still wasn‘t completely convinced I wasn‘t dreaming this scenarion up as a result of the cholesterol alcohol and drugs overload. “Your universe? So you’re back to that huh? So what, you’re….you‘re who then? God, Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Lord of Lords, The light? The omnipresent creator of everything? You, a nerdy little scientist with messy hair, a lab coat, and clipboard! You just look so insignificant, no offense, but I really expected the creator to be a bit more, oh I don’t know, regal and grandeur, maybe some big smoke monster or something.” The diminutive scientist/mathematician smiled. “I’m sorry to disappoint you JT, but as I told you before I am merely a manifestation, an image you have created in your own mind  to fit the role of one with enough knowledge and ability to create life. Universes are created by scientists, not gods. So I appear to you as you envision a scientist. This clipboard is a prop. Have you seen me use it for anything? What do I need a clipboard for. It’s even you talking except when the info is over your head. So blame yourself if you’re disappointed, I’m not here to make you feel good about yourself, I’m here to tell you what you don’t know about yourself. If you don’t want to hear let me know and we’ll call it quits and you can just move on.”
Again the term “move on” hung out in suspended animation with a sinister undertone. But this time I was being scolded at the same time. I tossed the term around my bruised mind, “just move on.” Mover on to what, to where? Maybe it was best to allow calmer heads to prevail and hear him out.
TBC

Lamentations At An Ancient Banquet

 

For so many years
I’ve been a bench
For weary souls to rest
Share the worn out dreams
Reveal their tired secrets
Toss the burdens away
Lay them on my shoulders
Bathe in the comfort of my words
But the weight has buckled
I have grown tired
I look into my windows
See an old man waiting
Just waiting…..
It’s my turn to sit
I’m tired of begging for scraps at my own table
I want to dine at the ancient banquet

Lamentations At An Ancient Banquet
It’s my time to be sitting
On a bench of salvation
Instead I waste my time
With self reflective meditation
And self inflicted medication
I know I’m merely waiting
Just can’t work out why
Looking for the answers
As if written in the sky
Shaking off the midnight fog
Looking deep inside my eyes
Granite tears fall in the cracks
Things I don’t wanna recognize
Tombstones in my side view mirror
Angels floating in my front view path
A Pale Horse saddled lays in wait
The devil smiles and seethes in wrath
I’m not ready yet
But its getting late
So I wait
Further up the road
So I can unload

Tired of all the irritating hating so impulsive and degrading. Little minds overcompensating smart minds fall deflating. No creating or thoughtful debating as for me I’m only waiting. Waiting and anticipating its so god damn mind frustrating.
Before my eyes my life is flashing from all the bashing time has fashioned while inside my head is thrashing from rehashing all the baggage I kept stashing and the shit I left behind.
Now I’m blind
The running kind
The final line
Seems that’s to be my fate
Sand passes through the hourglass
I just sit and wait
I wait because I know
The secrets from beyond
Are preparing to reveal themselves
Preparing to respond
But the mysteries of the living
The quandaries never solved
Plus everything I’ve left undone
Will never be resolved
Ends will never tie
Nothing more to do
So all I do is wait
Wait until I die

So I asked This God A Question…Why Wars?

 

(excerpt from Cosmo and The Garden Earth) J.T. Hilltop
I do admit I was quite impressed by Cosmo, this God or Galactic Garden Creator, this claimer of Universal Existential Knowledge, this mindfuck Guru who had snatched me into some cyber world he called his garden Earth. A cosmic gardener he claimed, one of many each tending to gardens in their own galaxies. He had explained many basics of how humanity came to be what it is but left a glaring omission without explanation……

What’s the matter JT, did you not understand?” I reflected a moment before responding. “No, I think I understand our evolution on a certain level, something like fate and survival strategies determined our paths and the consequences on earth but something still bugs me.” So I asked this God a question, “Why wars? Why were so many wars necessary? Did we need to kill each other without even knowing who we killed or why we killed them? Is it to fulfill some cosmic prophecy? I mean it’s like the history of humanity was written in blood and not ink. Why do we need to constantly be at war somewhere with someone to continue evolving?”
I watched intently as Cosmo thought deeply before answering. He was calculating the appropriate assessment. “War is a complicated existential concept JT, and the state of what it has come to be is a bit hard to explain because like humans, war evolved. If you think about it you‘re involved in a war the very second you leave the womb. There is a war between bacteria and antibodies that begin with your first breath and continue for years. But you ask of human participation in wars so let me start at its beginning and see if I can outline it for you.
When the garden Earth was still very young I tended to various growth beds of life. It was concentric, my pride and joy I called the cycle of life. The insects ate vegetation, birds ate the insects, the small animals ate the birds, and the apex predators ate the small animals. When they died the replenished the garden in many ways. Feeding scavengers, enriching the soil, everything contributed to the garden and nothing went to waste. The decaying bodies fed the vegetation, all the basic cycle of life. As for humans though a new phenomenon appeared sometime in the early portion of your civilization. Greed, and vanity. Both attributes greatly disturbed the garden’s cycle. Through vanity the humans began burying their dead, so they wouldn’t be disfigured if there was an afterlife. There is no after, there is just life. They were supposed give back to the garden but their new beliefs prevented that from happening. You see in the beginning many different tribes were forming who shared my one common concept. They understood and observed a basic law of Garden Earth. A law was quite simply that every creature has the right to achieve its survival in the garden. What a creature cannot do is deny any other creature its right to its own survival strategies without benefit. But in one little corner, or more accurately a crescent, of the garden a certain species became greedy, felt empowered. They figured out a way to manufacture and horde food withholding it from smaller species. They penned animals behind fences for milk and eggs, and eventually family meals and learned how to cultivate and manipulate vegetation. This would eventually become known as the agricultural revolution. Why they horded so much food that no one in the tribes ever went hungry. From this surplus the species prospered, and when a species prospers that much it has growth spurts. Did they ever! They were eating and fornicating so much that the population doubled, then tripled. This created two major problems. First it was getting too crowded, and second by hording so much food it was depriving other creatures of an opportunity to feed causing some species to die out. To make shit worse, if a fox or a gopher or a crow or any other creature tried to eat the horded food, they not only killed the hungry thief, but they attempted to annihilate that entire species of the hungry creatures to prevent future thievery. Just because they MIGHT take some food at some point. But it was the overcrowding that really set the fecal matter hurling towards the rotary windmill.
The tribes began forming imaginary lines and began laying ownership claim to the land, and all the animals and vegetation on that land. As a few generations passed by the people began forgetting the time when the garden belonged to everything and soon the people were growing up with the notion that their parts of the garden actually belonged to them by virtue of their imaginary lines. As they worked the land they tried to figure out why some harvests would suffer droughts or flooding storms. They began to fear that a higher power was responsible so they invented more gods. Oh mercy did they invent gods. Hundreds of them, maybe thousands. A god that made it rain, or a god that controlled the wind. Even the big beautiful sun was a god. They began making sacrifices to these gods. Animals, other humans, whatever they felt would make the gods happy so they could continue to horde food and land. Somewhere along the line one culture came up with the concept that there is only one god, the true god. This somehow gave them superiority because they were the culture that knew the truth. When other cultures challenged that belief they would destroy the threateners so their god wouldn’t think them wimps. They began building armies to protect their belief and to protect their imaginary lines. The weapons they once hunted with now became instruments of destruction used on any human that challenged their land ownership or their one true god. So the armies began killing in the name of god and they began killing any who trespassed their land. Their land! Oh that makes me laugh. No, it makes me angry. The ones in authority were charging people money to live on my land which they called their own because of some stupid imaginary lines. They wanted more land, they made the imaginary lines longer and wider.” Cosmo stopped to catch his breath as he was visibly upset. I wanted to change the mood so I asked, “You keep saying imaginary lines, are you talking about borders? Borders are important because they separate areas of land.” A funny sound came from his nose like a nasal windstorm or something, and I wasn’t sure if the smile on his face was sincere or sarcastic. Maybe both. “Where do you live JT?” I proudly informed him I was born and bred in New York. “And what makes you so different form someone born and bred in Connecticut, or New Jersey? Or even Oklahoma for that matter? Do they have three arms in New Jersey? Five legs in Connecticut? Perhaps they are half bovine half human in Oklahoma! Of course not. Aside from a slight difference in the way they pronounce words, or the words they use to describe things like soda in New York, or pop in Oklahoma, you are all the same. You see JT, borders don’t separate people from other species of people, they are just arbitrary lines that make you think you belong to something. Like New York which you so proudly proclaim. You are no different from a JT from Oklahoma, except maybe a bit different in a cultural sense . You can’t step over a line somewhere and not find people similar to the one on the other side. We look for the differences in each other instead of the similarities. If you look closely at other races you will find far more similarities than differences. You bleed the same, cry the same, even laugh the same. That’s part of the problem. You have forgotten that in the end you are all human. You all want to love and be loved, you all want to live a happy and healthy life, you all get sick or injured and you will all eventually die. When you really think about it there are much more traits you have in common to others than there are that make you different. Why even more similar if you take religion out of the equation. If there were no Jews, or Muslims, or Hindis, or Christians how would you define your differences? But I suppose you will go on believing that it is important to consider yourself in some way better than other humans. That’s why war JT. That was how it began, war was a child protecting its ego from the rest of the world.”
“And the armies got bigger and stronger, and the weapons more and more advanced to give whoever had the most money to pay for the best equipment. Ah yes, once greed reared its ugly head humanity was done for. The larger landowners had better weapons and machinery and therefore built stronger and deadlier armies to protect them. It wasn’t enough to have more than enough food, they wanted to have it all. Control the food and you will control the world. Wars raged on in a struggle to control the food and hence the people, and to keep everyone in line it was important that everyone believed the armies had god on their side. Sounds a bit ridiculous when you think about it. All loving God wants you to kill or maim other humans. In the name of God my ass, it is clearly in the name of gold, or oil, or rubber, or anything else that can make one rich with the false perception of power. War had and has terrible consequences. Death and destruction resulted in a bid for the powerful to become even more powerful. It’s easy to see what horrible atrocities could come out of war but there were unintended consequences occurring as well.. The most hideous was the buying and selling of other humans. Slavery was a direct result of war. When one army decimated another those unfortunate enough to live were turned into slaves. Why? To work the land so the owners could own more and not have to pay. Buying another human being. Despicable, yet an accepted practice everywhere. Now they owned the land, the food, some of the animals and even other humans and industry flourished. War had become a teenager feeding on greed and lust for power. Yea, things were out of control, people killing in my name, killing for power, killing out of lust. That’s why I sent my son down in the garden, to put them back on track. To get them to understand that they should worship no one but accept everyone. They needed to revert back to a culture of existing with the rest of the garden”
Cosmo paused here as though reflecting on sad moment or maybe a happy moment he could never relive in his past. I know the look because I feel it myself so often. Call it melancholy, or nostalgia, it’s a feeling that can drive someone mad if they keep trying to find it. That was okay with me, I needed a break from this heavy discussion because my head was spinning. After a five minute pause, Cosmo continued.
“ Well that sure didn’t work out too well. When my son witnessed so much greed and lust and crime and trickery it pissed him off. He began to use my name to warn them of my fury so instead of a message being go back to living together and love all it became do as I say or deal with the wrath of Cosmo, who they renamed Jehovah, Yahweh, Allah, or God. They gave my son so much shit he changed his message. Out of anger it became follow me and do as I say or my Dad will kick your ass. Just as quick as a nuclear fission things turned from bad to worse and religion split off into a few different major groups, all agreeing on only one thing. That their religion is the one and only true religion and all others must be killed. That God created earth for humans but only for the humans that know and understand true religion. Bah!. So they did what they always do to a threat to their egos, they killed my son to erase his message. A horrible way too. It’s almost like they had to think of the most heinous way for him to die. I guess it made them feel all chest puffy or something. They had no idea how little and insignificant they were. Like any other gnat in this galaxy, their entire species could be wiped out in one giant swat and the universe would continue as though they never existed. But war was now becoming a young adult, and the weaponry just got more and more advanced. Bombs, missiles, planes, tanks, all the best and biggest in high tech murdering. Not that they should stop there, why of course there would be biological and chemical weapons as well. All the way up to the ultimate bomb. The atom bomb. The garden was taken over by the most destructive species that ever roamed the planet. Humans!”
TBC

 

Who Is God And Is he an Existentialist?

 

 

(An excerpt from “Cosmo And The Garden Earth”)

Now I’ve done more than my fair share of hallucinogens in my day but believe me this was no chemically induced manifestation. The most remarkable thing happened. Cosmo’s arms came right through my computer screen and grabbed by the shoulders. As if I had been transformed into a wavelenghth of pixilation energy I entered into the story coming face to face with the god I had been writing about. I was confused beyond galactic proportions, “Oh My Cosmo, did I die?” My mind was racing. No harp music, that has to be a good sign, but there he was as big as life. His voice was less godly than I anticipated, no thundering roars, just a friendly statement as if he were a college professor, “I understand you have some profound questions JT. Come with me and I will try to give you the answers. We’ll be traveling in a way you are unfamiliar with so just remain quiet and observe” I was stunned but in some sort of trance. Cosmo took my hand and even though I had a keyboard full of questions I walked alongside this sprirty thing in silence. We walked through some type of city street then through a building. I then realized it was the New York Stock Exchange but it was cold and unlit and we could hear people trying hard to yell over each other. It was as though I were seeing it in different dimensions piled on top of each other. Epiphany! We were. Through another dimension and we found ourselves walking through a bank, also cool and unlit this time filled with voices in a language I could not understand. Through another dimension we found ourselves in some sort of foreign government building, a palace or some ultra rich home, and finally through a concrete graveyard. Just as quickly as it had gotten cold and dark a light appeared and a wave of warmth spread over my body. We were walking along a beach I had gone to many times in my younger days, and then through the familiar streets of my youth. The city that watched me grow from a boy into a man. The schoolyard field I learned to place baseball in, the playground complete with see saw where I learned the mechanics and necessity of teamwork, school, cars, bars, all of my youth. He led to some sort of park that was filled with elements of my past life. Everywhere I could see and hear children playing and laughing. I couldn’t help but smile as Cosmo walked me through the most carefree times of my life. At long last we came to a path in a wooded area that led to a clearing. “There JT, over there. We can sit there and talk.” I almost ran up to the clearing and found a spot to sit. I had so many questions and I wasn’t sure where to start but as it happened I didn’t need to. Cosmo looked me in the eyes and this is going to sound strange but I got the feeling I was looking at everyone I had ever known. Cosmo spoke clear and soft. “JT, you have many questions and I will try to answer them as simply as possible. First you want to know the purpose of life?” He flashed me the largest and warmest smile I had ever seen.

Its not God that works in mysterious ways JT, its love. Love has the power to create mystery. You remember one of your favorite all time movies? How about this line, “You’ve always had the power to get home. You just needed to learn how to use it?” Its not a co-incidence that it’s a wonderful life came out the same time. “To my brother George, the richest man in town” Through entertainment Love tried in1933 to show you all what’s important and what is real, but it never caught on as anything more than simply entertainment. People still went about learning to hate, to be greedy and jealous. The opposite emotions of love overpowered the minds of humanity.” He sat and stared reflectively out at the children playing so I took the opportunity to ask a question, “Am I dead?”. Again the warm smile, “JT my son, death is not something to fear, its merely a stage. What’s important here is that you understand life, not death. Things are what they are because love lost out to power. The planet earth really is a garden, and it needs cosmic tending. All I’ve done is shown you your history. Just watch a while.”

It was beautiful. Children on see-saws and swings, running and playing tag, climbing on the monkey bars. In the field kids playing kick ball, and softball. I saw young couples walking hand in hand smiling and looking into each others souls, and butterflies and blue jays, intricately woven spider webs, running streams with waterfalls, and wonderful colored animals of all types seemingly dancing. I wondered at first what these sights were all about then as if in a dream I saw the sun rise slowly over the ocean, float across the sky and gently kiss the tops of the trees as it set. Darkness with the largest fullest and most beautiful moon I had ever seen. And it was all alive and covered in sounds of life and love. Then I realized its what Cosmo wanted me to see. The parts of life that make us smile and laugh and give us a feeling that can’t even be found in any words no matter how descriptive. That indescribable feeling of bliss, of such wonderful happiness. The beautiful things around us that need only be seen and appreciated without questioning.
I let this all sink in for a while. It was beginning to Make more sense to me. Our culture created gods and religions for someone to blame for our bad habits and mistakes. I came back from the walk refreshed and I think I was beginning to understand things better. It really is a breathtaking garden filled with so many wonders and so much brilliance. I began to understand what privilege it was to walk in it, and be a part of it. Part of millions of years of life. But the inquisitive nature in me, the hunter instinct if you will, still hade profound questions left. When I got back Cosmo was waiting and ready. I guess he was predicting the future as well. “All this is beautiful Cosmo, and I realize how fortunate I am to be part of it no matter for how long, but I still can’t stop wondering how it all began. Who created the universe?” Cosmo was rubbing his chin and in that instant I thought about how that was exactly what I did when asked a difficult question. “No entity created the universe JT. It has always been and always be, but it will take on different forms. You humans have done incredibly well in your studies. You have discovered the basis of everything. The atom. A center or nuclei with various electrons an neutrons spinning around it. What does that Resemble to you JT? What else has a center with many things spinning around it?” Sometimes an epiphany is so simple you feel like slapping yourself yet the feeling is such an awesome rush. “Your talking about the solar system aren’t you?” I didn’t ask the simple question because I wasn’t sure, I just wanted to hear more. “Yes JT, that’s correct. Everything in the universe has the same basic make up, a center with various types of energy spinning furiously around it. There really is no universe JT, there is a multiverse. A number of universes all spinning around a central nucleus. The universes collide on occasion and are reformed. Tell me JT, have you ever looked into a three sided mirror, you know the type when you try on clothes and want to view your clothing from different angles? You can see yourself in the mirror looking at yourself look in another mirror. And if you look in that mirror what you see is you looking in another mirror. Can you imagine that going on forever? Do you think that at some point you will see yourself not looking in another mirror?” I remembered how fascinated I was as a kid when I looked in the never-ending mirror, but how the hell did he know? As I tried to process the information the best I could muster was a weak “I can dig it.”
“Well now JT we are at the one real question that keeps gnawing at you. Now is the time to answer if there is a god. Is that what you want to know JT?” The nail could not possibly have been hit more squarely on the head. “Well yea, I guess that’s the real question. I mean the universe thing kinda fucked with my head a bit but on some abstract level it makes sense. But what of this God thing, I mean you are obviously here so are you God or…..” Cosmo put up his hand to stop me from talking and allowed a small chuckle to escape. “I guess that’s what we’re here to find out, yes JT?” I shook my head wondering if I were to wake up in an asylum but Cosmo continued. “Yes JT, god does exist but it’s not the God you or anyone else has been taught. Its funny to me how you humans look up to the sky in search of God. You look up as though heaven is up in the sky somewhere. Look out JT, look in front of you, to the left and right side of you. Look behind you..” When I looked out into the woods it was absolutely filled with life. All types of animals and beautiful plants and flowers, and tree’s, all just living happily and freely. “You see that JT? That’s God. All of it. Collectively. God isn’t a creator, not some entity you need to kneel before and worship. What kind of a god would that be? Sounds more like an owner. God is not an owner, god is a state of mind that humans have forgotten and one which has been horrendously forsaken. God is love. That’s why people say God is everywhere JT. You are surrounded by love so always in the presence of God. But you need to love to be love and that means everything. God doesn’t create misery, or suffering, humans did when they began to misuse love. You need to love the slimiest rat or the most beautiful Cat equally, because they are God as well. The cockroaches and spiders you get all jittery over, they are God. You need to lose all the misconceptions you have been taught. You all do if you really want to go on as a species. There is no one or no entity that can save the human race, the human race has to do that.”
I sat there for what seemed like hours and the truth is I have absolutely no idea how long it was. It had been a mindblowing meeting and it took me a long time to sort through everything. So I can dig it, the purpose of life is life, to embrace it and enjoy it and just be a part of it. I know now that a search for the one true god is pointless because it will change nothing, nothing at all. I still don’t understand why there is so much suffering and pain in the world and while I understand the how of war I am at a loss still as to the why. Yet something inside had touched me in a very deep way and I was beginning to think I understood. It was up to me to get the word out, to get other people to understand how great life I and most important that we are on the brink of losing in a war we don’t even know we are in. I had to come up with a way to educate, to warn others but what can I do? I am not a guru, no one really listens to me. Then a thought struck me. All through my life I had learned many good lessons from reading. From the very beginning my Mom and Dad told me stories to help me understand the right thing to do. It’s through stories that we learn the most in life, so I sat down at my keyboard and wondered how I could make this an interesting story that people would enjoy and thereby get Cosmos message out. I was blank for over an hour, then suddenly a thought jumped up and down and grabbed my head in both hands. It was a familiar phrase. “Begin at the beginning.” Simple and not surprisingly when I began at the beginning I was at the middle and at the end, It was beginning to sink in. The cycle of life had always been and always will be, but the characters and locations may change. I wrote this story in the hopes that it may get some people to change the way they think. Then I did what any self respecting human would do. I smiled from ear to ear and continued to enjoy my life.
PEACE