Asteroid impact. Illustration of a large asteroid colliding with Earth on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. This impact is believed to have led to the death of the dinosaurs some 65 million years ago. The impact formed the Chicxulub crater, which is around 200 kilometres wide. The impact would have thrown trillions of tons of dust into the atmosphere, cooling the Earth's climate significantly, which may have been responsible for the mass extinction. A layer of iridium- rich rock, known as the K/T boundary, is thought to be the remnants of the impact debris. — Asteroid impact. Illustration of a large asteroid colliding with Earth on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. This impact is believed to have led to the death of the dinosaurs some 65 million years ago. The impact formed the Chicxulub crater, which is around 200 kilometers wide. The impact would have thrown trillions of tons of dust into the atmosphere, cooling the Earth’s climate significantly, which may have been responsible for the mass extinction. A layer of iridium- rich rock, known as the K/T boundary, is thought to be the remnants of the impact debris.

JT Hilltop
One morning while sipping some of his favorite caffeinated breakfast beverage, Thors Thunderbolt, Cosmo noticed some strange things happening in his garden Earth. His jumbo creatures appeared to be having unusually sloppy sex far more consistently than before. Pangaea was becoming over crowded with baby creatures not to mention lakes of dino-sperm. Some of the creatures took on different characteristics. They were larger, wider, and exceedingly clumsy. Cosmo sensed some major adaptations taking hold. The sex also seemed to make the creatures very hungry and they were eating twice the normal amount of his marvelous treetops. Many seemed to favor this one particular bush, or rather one particular weed, which seemed to give them voracious appetites as well. And not just for food, but for more sex. Cosmo won’t swear to it but he believed munching the weed made his creatures laugh. At the very least they smiled more than normal. He wondered if it was co-incidence, or if this cannabis bush weed had unusual qualities to it so he took a few homegrown plants to try himself. He decided he would let them dry out and smoke some with a bottle of Pinot Neutron after dinner. As he continued to survey Pangaea another curious practice he observed. The creatures seemed to be fighting each other over sex, which was not really a colossal deal but it appeared that the winners where actually eating the losers as some sort of carnivorous prize. Believing it to be from the cannabis he referred to the practice as canibisalism. He opted not to try smoking the enticing weed just yet afraid of what it may make him want to do. The eating of the other creatures as a diet instead of just vegetation also made the meat eaters even bigger and stronger. He would need to keep an eye on these developments.
As time passed more and more creatures were killing each other and eating the remains. And damn were they multiplying. They engaged in sex virtually everyday and babies were everywhere. It was like some kind of Dino-nursery. Every day there seemed to be more and more, and nearly all the vegetation had been eaten. Not only that but they began biting kicking and scratching each other for no apparent reason. Many fights seemed to be over who had more dangling under their tail or who was going to screw the better looking female dinosaurs. Many times these fights caused some to fall down never to get back up. Cosmo was not happy with these developments at all. His garden of creatures was turning into a giant fighting fiasco. His giant behemoth experiments were simply much to big and clumsy. He decided he needed to start over and this time start with much more compact set of creatures. First though he needed a plan to extinguish and cover up the debacle of the dinosaur.
His first thought was to go subterranean. He began to churn up the ground at different points of the land mass Pangaea. The shifting of dirt created numerous effects. The mass of land split in various places and Pangaea began to break up into smaller lands. A few dinosaurs fell off the edges, but for the most part they rode the land mass that they happened to reside on and just sort of relocated. Two chunks of dirt headed out quickly, one due north and one due south. Each went as far as it could go until it turned into a giant massive iceball. Every dinosaur on these arctic edges froze along with it. The other land masses fared much better. Cosmo needed names now for the different masses. On the east he named his land masses North Columbia and South Columbia. Way across the newly formed ocean there was a dark mass he called Afrika, and a huge piece he called Eurasia. A smaller mass slipped down under while a very green land went slightly north. He would name them later. As for the dinosaurs they had begun to change and were ironically defined by their land masses. The creatures in North Columbia grew more aggressive body parts, like large razor sharp teeth, pointed spiny tails, and large muscular arms. Military adaptations. Cosmo believed they actually thought themselves superior and tried to make all the others live the way they did. Pretentiousauruses! The dinosaurs in Africa were very wild and it took on a predatory nature of survival of the mightiest. In Eurasisa half fancied themselves the more sophisticated and chic while the other half absolutely excelled in math. They had all begun to mutate body parts that were used as weapons or as protective amour. Spiny heads and necks, horns, shells, claws, Talons, scales and many other features that assisted warfare or survival. They continued cross breeding and a host of new genus’s were born. Now he had some walking on two legs, some on four, some eating only vegetation, some only other dinosaurs, and many eating both. The flying dinosaurs alone mutated into over 500 species. The fights became rampant and more frequent and quite frankly it was pissing Cosmo off a bit. The shifting of the land also had an effect on the once enormous Pangaean sea which was all the water surrounding Pangaea. The other lands had created borders which split the Pangaean sea into vast oceans. New weather patterns and water currents came into play, and many of the places he churned up dirt had formed piles, ranging from tiny molehills to humongous mountains that reached up towards the sky. At first Cosmo tried to make all the dirt piles as majestic as the giant ones but he quickly learned he couldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
As time went on things just got worse and worse. The changes in the garden plots were great, but the dinosaurs were out of control. In each land mass they were carrying on and destroying the vegetation, trampling everything in their paths, kicking the everlasting dinosaur shit out of each other. If that wasn’t bad enough the fornicating was maddening. No matter where you looked in the garden you could find many dinosaurs letting it all hang out ready for reproduction. Giant penispods galore. Humping and swamp hopping there was sex going on everywhere. Puddles of sperm gathered that drowned the lower vegetation and while they were knocking horns and creating future fossils it tore up the ground and caused many a fight to the death. Genus were being wiped out, it was a constant state of confusion. The trees they had eaten clear down to the roots. They simply had no respect at all for Cosmo, his garden, or each other and that was the final sipping stick! It was time for a raptor rapture!
The angry Cosmo had had it. He reached up into space and grabbed the biggest asteroid he could hold and hurled it towards earth with all his might. Had it not been an act of destruction one might have thought it a beautiful magnificent sight. Upon impact a huge explosion of colors, bright reds and yellows danced tangos across the planet. A blinding flash of white so brilliant it could be seen as far away as the Tolkien Galaxy. Flames that reached so high they tickled the moon and made it giggle and squirm. Sheer magnifigance. Why it was a fireworks display fit for the gods. But mere minutess after the glowing kaleidoscope of destruction lit up the skies as if to remind everyone that its beauty was marred by violence it was quickly replaced with an ear pounding roar. Bursts of concussion inducing reverberation accompanied the evening festivities with a mushroom plume of billowing smoke dressed in charcoal black from head to toe. A snap. A crackle. A pop. Within seconds garden earth became Earth Krispies. The explosion kicked up an awful cloud of dust with it that pulled the rug of sparkle pomp and circumstance right from under its cosmic ass. For the longest time Cosmo could see nothing but an enormous floating burntout dust bunny. Virtually everything was obscured and he had no clue as to the fate of his living garden below. One thing for sure, if any of the suns rays got through at all it was undetectable. How could anything live without food, without light, without sunshine? Cosmo was absolutely certain he had lost everything. He underestimated the ultra tiny earth dwelling insect known as the cockroach. Will anything kill those bastards?
As time went by the dust began to settle it was becoming apparent not much if anything would survive. Even with only a portion of the dust gone he could see there was not much sign of life. The vegetation tried valiantly to reach back up towards the sun but with limited success. The garden seemed still and void. Even Cosmo couldn’t detect the tiny crawling cockroach foraging at the base of the stringy vines of vegetation. But trust me when I tell you, those cucaracha’s marched on. The once magnificent dinosaurs however were not able to crawl between any cracks let alone march anywhere. A massive open graveyard was all the gardening god could see. Humongous piles of giant carcasses littered the ground and whatever ground that could be seen was scorched to a grayish black. Nary a leaf or a pine cone to be found. Not even a blade of grass on this once animated garden of green and blue. Stacks of bodies and body parts could be seen everywhere with billows of smoke reaching out to the Milky Way cluster. There was a stench quite unfamiliar to Cosmo, charred flesh smelled nothing at all similar to a god BBQ. To call the aroma unpleasant would be an understatement. The forces of fetid decay banded together with burning flesh and gunpowder. The acrid odors began an all out assault that would serve as a rank reminder of the magnitude of failure here. Battalions of rotted mounds of foul fecal sewage mixed with dino debris formed an aerial assault. The army of stench marched up Cosmo’s nose and set up a camp of odiferous angry troops behind his eyes. Some salted droplets of sorrow snuck down Cosmo’s cheek which he blamed on the carousel of stink spinning in his sinuses. Make no mistake though that was no dew drop, that was a teardrop
Denial is not yet just a river in Egypt. A deep sadness overtook the creator of the dinosaur. Still smoldering and becoming increasingly covered in dust Cosmo reflected on his once thriving lizard kingdom. Had they not been so enormous he mused, perhaps things would have been different. He wanted to have a way to remember the jumbo Jurassic relics . After some time many of the hearty vegetation had once again begun to sprout, rising up from the ashes. It seemed as though everything reminded him of his creatures. “I shall name this period of existence the cretaceous period in honor of my creatures. In order that no one, especially me, ever forget their magnifigance I shall create a living memorial. With that Cosmo placed very colorful vegetation he called flowers everywhere. At first the flowers were impractical, the only benefit being the ambiance and je ne sais quoi of their beauty and fresh interesting aroma’s. The wonderful aroma’s to cover the stench of scorched earth were amusing. He had no idea what an impact they would have later on. Flowers would become symbolic of love and beauty and figure into a strange talk between fathers and sons some day. People would fashion perfumes and air fresheners form their enticing smells and men would find them a beneficial tool in making up for mistakes. Flowers would proudly display their floral genitalia and bees would find them irresistible. Flowers would come to represent anticipation of sex for both honey bee and honey dear alike. Forever linked with love because that was why Cosmo created them, to remind him of his love for the once utopian behemoths. Beautiful flowers of white pink peach, purple, red, yellow, blue, violet, green and orange. Fantastically designed shapes of bells, funnels, trumpets, tubes, saucers, bowls and labia. Brilliantly displayed all over the land masses along with new and tastier vegetation. It was a sight to behold. An arboretum of the grandest scale any had ever seen. This colorful garden alone would have stopped a charging raptor in its path to gawk at the beauty and inhale deeply the scent of passion on this marvel of an orb. An ambush makeover on the grandest of scales.
Now a new task was at hand. “I will take my new plan to the BOCGG and see if the Gods will approve and allow me to once again have mobile life in the garden. It was time to face the rhythms melodies and harmonies expressed through instruments. Cosmo knew it was no use trying to pull the woolly mammoth over the boards eyes. Best thing to do was simply fess up and submit his urban renewal plan complete with manageable animals of different species to match the flourishing flora of Garden Earth. However, when Cosmo got to District Seven to request new life seeds, the Board of Co-operative God and Goddesses were waiting for him. They had apparently heard about the mass extinction back in Cosmo’s galaxy. They did not seem pleased.
TBC

Original Thought And The Prophet

On May 29, 2015May 28, 2015 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Whaaaaat?? Another sequel? Sequels are never as good as the original. Is anything as good as the original? What Is original? Now there’s a thought. But is it an original thought? Some say there is no such thing as original thought because someone somewhere has more than likely had that same thought before. Come to think about it I think I heard that somewhere before. In a way I guess that’s true of course, Tommy Edison gets credit for the light bulb but others claim it was discovered either simultaneously or perhaps even slightly before by someone else. Either way that light bulb has not only spawned generations of ideas it has become the icon of an idea itself. But was it original?
Scientists (or is it romantics?) tell us no two snowflakes are exactly alike but I personally find that hard to believe. What possible kind of study could encompass every snowflake ever? Millions melt before ever being checked. Is there some kind of snowflake database or snowflake genetic information storage cloud? Some haven’t even been created yet so all things considered I’m confidant at least two of those snowflakes in that Alaskan snow drift must be clones. So I will attempt to put original thought into my warped and frivolous snowflake perspective by doing what any original artist would do. I’ll steal it. Or borrow it at least, so this perspective is brought to you in original conceptual form inspired (and ripped off) of a book by the Lebanese laureate Kahlil Gibran. The Prophet.

And then a musician came to him and said “speak to us of music, how is our music not original?” And he answered “Music invades our sensory organs through repetitive and sometimes annoying arrangements of sound. Because we have only 12 notes in every octave it is extremely difficult to create a melody that hasn’t yet been played either in ones mind or on an instrument. Combine that with the fact most of us have been listening to music since our first lullaby and have no doubt watched enough television to have jingles burned deeply into our psyches its impossible not to be influenced by tunes we have heard before when we create music. One could pick up a guitar to start playing something perhaps having just heard that “Nationwide is on your side” commercial and unconscientiously letting the tune drift into what one was translating from mind through the guitar strings. That’s not to say that you can’t make an original song, but it must have come to you from somewhere in your past listening.” It’s called inspiration. Perhaps artists should be wondering where they came up with an original before accusing others of stealing their originals. Music is meant to be shared

And then a poet came to him and said “speak to us of poetry, are not poets original?” And he answered, “Poetry is a way of painting words into feelings and emotions. Poets help us to see ourselves in their flowing word canvas. Poems range in style and can be crystal clear to some while totally indiscernible to others. It is meant to be felt and understood not analyzed. Poetry is an expression of the soul often written while at our most naked and vulnerable selves, when we express our innermost thoughts in words. In that respect it is original, but are not words merely combinations of letters? We have only 26 letters from which to choose our order yet somehow we manage to confuse the usage of English language. But their there they’re, everything will be fine. You poets are indeed original human beings with fragile ego’s so for the sake of argument, yes, poetry is indeed original. But remember it’s the receiver of the poetry message who perceives the originality not the scribe.” It’s all about inspiration.

A Politian came forward and said to him “Speak to us of politics. Are not political ideas original?” And after regaining his composure from sarcastic laughing the prophet answered, “Politics and political opinions are like unwashed armpits. If you stay at home with them you can handle the stench of your own opinion but if you venture out in public best to deodorize your opinions if you value friendships. Its impossible for one to have their own original political opinion because every controversy known to humanity has been discussed, re-discussed, and-over-discussed a million times without an answer. Whatever stance you choose to take has already been taken. In addition, millions and millions of dollars have been spent to tell you what your opinion on various political topics are either through subliminal ads or motivational scam artists disguised as news agents with television shows who’s sole purpose is to anger you into an opinion based strictly on your religion and/or political party of choice. That is not to say you can’t have an original non political opinion of your own but to do that you would need to research the subject through trustworthy methods of information, then sit alone with only your thoughts and think it through. Devoid of outside influences if you concentrate long enough it is indeed possible to arrive at an original conclusion, but it is extremely difficult with all the information super highways and abundance of social media outlet trolls prowling around in the hopes of forcing their own opinion upon you. Otherwise we simply verbally regurgitate someone else’s. spoken thoughts.” That would be inspiring. In my opinion of course.

Next a scientist came to the Prophet and asked, “Why is there religion when we have science? Is not The Origin Of The Species enough?” He replied both religion and science serve a purpose. Science it the study of the world around us and religion is the study of ourselves. Science helps us to understand how and why things work but it can’t explain everything. It is based on testing and re-testing data to prove hypothesis and conclusions. For instance the age of the earth and the dangers of climate change. Religion attempts to help teach us about who we are but science is like a pesky mosquito that becomes more and more difficult for religions to swat.”
“The main problem with religion is most times it’s not a choice, more of a birthright. Often ones religion is determined by their parents or by nature of where they are born and they become defined by their rituals and beliefs. Religion is philosophical, it is based on faith not by cause and effect experiments. One must have faith that the religion they are following has all the correct answers, and the leaders of that religion who give those answers are interpreting the holy texts correctly. One Bible or Torah or Koran can be interpreted in many different ways which give us a massive variety of religions. We have used religion to explain the unexplainable since the dawn of time, assigning gods to nearly everything in nature. So it is useful in explaining the unexplainable and in teaching people how to act correctly as it applies to living together on earth when done correctly. If your religion includes science and instructs you on how to interact with the world then you are indeed lucky, and may possibly have found a true religion. If on the other hand you have become enlightened and reached a state of living that excludes the need for a conglomerate of teachings and beliefs your are even more lucky, because you can appreciate others beliefs while not allowing them to infect yours.” So religion is helpful in adjusting your soul and science is helpful if adjusting your knowledge. You must strike your own balance, but do us all a favor. Don’t attempt to force either upon the rest of us, let us all find our own way.”
And then a child came to him and asked “Well then Prophet, if musicians, poets, scientists, and theologians all contend they deal in originality and may perhaps be wrong then what exactly is original thought and how do we achieve it?” And he answered “let us start with what’s not original thought. Original thought is not learned in a school or institution. Education is a great thing and though it may seem empowering it can’t give you original thought it can only prepare you for it . Many of the young hipsters of the day believe that being able to quote famous philosphers or scientists makes them appear smarter than others because they possess the power of original thought but it doesn’t. It only makes them seem arrogant and out of touch. Education only gives us the foundations to develop original thought. The very second we enter the world we are being shaped by those around us. So to begin with we need to discard all the distractions of life. In order to achieve original you must put down the books, turn off all your electronic devices, and reach deep inside the self and get in touch with your soul, for it is the soul that is the one true original. Get educated then be your own inspiration..PEACE

The Miracle On Thirty Fourth Steep

On April 2, 2015April 1, 2015 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Following is an excerpt from the Twisted Tale’s Easter special version of the story of creation focusing on Jesus. The God Cosmo had found his companion Mary Anne pregnant with the gods son. When the time came for them to send their son down to the global spinning garden of earth they switched out their real son with the “virginal” birth child Cosmo had impregnated into the unsuspecting Mother Mary in a dream. Their child had been trained his entire life to take over as the son of God Cosmo and spread the word. ……….. The saga continues:

The Miracle On Thirty Fourth Steep

Now it was time for part two, the long awaited Jesus bait and switch. The real Jesus had been trained and taught what to do and now had to set out an find about a dozen disciples to help him get the word of Cosmo out and fulfill his Dad‘s prophecies. Fake Jesus was extremely confused but he took to Mary Anne’s tremendous maternal instincts. Besides that she had lots of computer games left from real Jesus so it made his identity theft a bit easier to swallow. Real Jesus on the other hand really had his work cut out for him. It’s not easy making friends when you’re a long haired unemployed sandal wearing guru who introduces himself as the Messiah. But that’s what Jesus was expected to do, make everyone believe he was put in this garden to save the farm. While strolling around near the sea of Galilee he met two men named Andrew and Peter.
It took a considerable amount of convincing and a round or two of his “Jesus weed” smoke but the two new friends finally came around. Apparently a rumor had been traveling the grapevine about some son of God or something like that so they agreed to follow Jesus to hear and spread his teachings. They had some drinking buddies who worked down on the shore fishing which Jesus thought would be a great place to find new followers. With his fantastic personality and great training from Mary Anne it wasn’t long before he had a handful, twelve to be exact, of happy J-weed toking admirers who were willing to call themselves the disciples. They sat cross legged in a large circle to introduce themselves to the newfound cult. The J-man took center stage “My Name is Jesus, son of the god Cosmo. I was raised by a Jewish carpenter who taught me his trade. It’s a complicated situation I will do my best to explain. Joseph raised me as my Dad but my real father, my biological father that is, is God Cosmo creator of the Garden Earth He sent me to this planet to teach man how to live correctly. Humans have strayed from the path of God Cosmo’s circle of life by creating wars, killing creatures they don’t like, and generally fucking up the entire landscape and acting like the garden belongs to them not to every living creature. So in a way I’m here to save you from yourselves. If you guys follow me, listen and learn from me, then together we can go back to following the natural laws of life and survival. Any questions?” Of course a litany of questions rang out like “Does that mean I don’t have to serve in the military? Can we still have sex? You mean we can’t kill any animals? Etc.” Jesus held up his right hand which would soon become his signature move. “Okay, okay, I get it, you all have a lot of questions. Let me just put it this way. If you follow me and do as I say you will all live happy and lets just call it totally fulfilled lives. Now in the spirit of Disciples Anonymous let’s hear who you are and what your names are because I think we’ll be hanging together for a long time here.

Each man stood to introduce themselves. “My name is Simon, sometimes known as Peter but that’s a long complicated story. Suffice to say it’s sometimes advantageous to have an alias. My brother and I met Jesus up the road there and had a long conversation that makes total sense. I have chosen to become a disciple. I want to follow and see this world get back to where it should be.” Next Andrew stood, “I’m Peters brother Andy, or Andrew if you prefer and I too want to follow.”Some of the guys were either being coy or were properly shy, “I’m James and I‘m ready” ..“ Me too, I’m John” ….“My name is Bartholomew but you can just call me Bartman. I believe in Jesus” …“I am Phillip, you can be my body guard and you can call me Al.” Of course there is always a devils advocate, even within the disciple community, “My name is Thomas and I must admit I am somewhat skeptical but I’m willing to give this guy a shot. But as I said, my name is Tommy, not the see me feel me Tommy but Tommy the suspicious. Scratch that, I’ll stick with Thomas but I have my doubts.” Next a burly bearded Fisherman’s Weekly correspondent stood, “ I be Mathew, or the Matt Man, and unlike the doubting Tommy boy here I trust in Jesus. I plan to one day scribe his biography.” A meek voice came next, “My name is James too, but to avoid confusion just call me Jimbo.” Nearing the end at last, “Ah… my name is like Thaddeus, no jokes please I‘ve been getting shit about my name since kindergarten so please call me Thad.” Only two disciples left, “Well this is awkward, my name is Simon too. I guess I’m gonna ask other Simon if you can stay with Peter to avoid confusion.” And finally the twelfth and last man stood. He was a fisherman but he also had a part time gig as a charriot salesman and was believed to have invented the term Sleazy Sale. “Hey Y’all, I’m Judas. Judas Iscariot and I do believe in Jesus and all his teachings. I will follow him and listen and obey. You are my liege, my lord Jesus, and I will be a faithful servant unto you to the end.” With a sardonic smirk Judas surveyed the group then directly at Jesus……“Trust me.”
So it was set that the J-man had a fresh set of disciples ready to go out and shake up the garden earth. It had been quite stressful on Jesus getting to this point so the J-man decided he was due some relief with ba little R&R. He went to a house of ill repute to choose a prostitute with which to help him relieve his pent up emotions. Her name was Mary (What Another Mary?) Magdalene and she did for Jesus what Jesus’ mother had done for Cosmo. She spent hours very skillfully extracting every ounce of seminal fluid in his body and did things to him he had only had wet dreams about before. She was satisfied beyond her expectations as well, I mean who wouldn’t with Jesus being half god and all, and she had a never ending smile pasted to her cheeks. Mary sensed more than mere sexual satisfaction she felt a deep connection to Jesus who instead of falling asleep afterward began describing his purpose in the garden. Mary noted some remaining stress, “Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to problems that upset you oh. Don’t you know everything’s all right yes everything’s fine, let the world sleep without you tonight.” Maybe it was the sexual explosions or maybe it was her tenderness, but it touched Jesus deeply. Oh, and also she literally touched him deeply again. Jesus feel more calm and relaxed than ever before yet physically aroused. “Mary I haven’t been totally honest with you.” The J-pole sprang up to make an exclamation point, “Not only am I here to save the garden earth, but I am also the son of a god. I have a posse of 12 dudes with me and we are going to change the world. So I was thinking, would you like follow as well?” Stroking this half god’s erection things became clear to her. No wonder she had multiples! Knowing she was in for some more orgasms she smiled even wider until the 12 dudes comment struck her. Worried she was being asked to pull a 12 car train in the caboose she glared at him suspiciously. “Are you saying I should follow you or do you expect me to do what I’m about to do with all 12?” Jesus shook his head an laughed, “No, of course not, its just me and you in that way. By the way, the sex has to be our little secret. On the surface we need to appear righteous and free of sin. In private, well anything goes baby.” Mary smiled. “Okay Jesus, I’ll follow you and be your maiden.” She skillfully guided him into her forest as they entered into hour five of non stop sex. After climaxing for the umpteenth time Mary Magdalene mumbled to herself, “Changing the world huh? Ha, and they said I would never amount to anything. Wish my friends could see me now!”

Now Jesus had his core group set. At the head was Jesus himself, secretly giving head was Mary the repentant sinner, and his new band of twelve merry men strolling through the countryside giving motivational speeches and teaching classes on how to live the natural laws of life. He made a quick name for himself with people all over the Middle East talking about the son of Cosmo. That was great but he needed something big, something real big. Something that would put him over the top and get him noticed throughout the entire garden. He needed a miracle!
His real Mom Mary Anne offered another bait and switch, this time a more obvious one. “I have an idea that should work like a charm honey.” There was a high profile wedding at Thirty Fourth Steep, a high maintainence valley outside of Galilee to which both he and his mother had been invited. It was a kick ass affair but the celebration had run out of Ernest and Julia’s Galilee jug whine. Mary Annes came to Jesus and whispered, “Honey, we’re ready, they’re all out of wine, are you ready?” Jesus was indeed ready, he had four gallons of wine hidden behind a tree. He spoke very loud so all could hear what he was saying, “Peter bring me some water.” While his Mom created a distraction Jesus switched jugs with the water Peter had brought and soon the party continued with all in attendance believing he had changed the water into wine. Now the J-ster had mad street cred’s. It was all anybody talked about for the next two weeks. “Did you hear about this guy Jesus? I heard he took a gallon of water and turned it into 20 gallons of preamo whine. An urban legend was forming and it got bigger as it grew. 20 turned into 40. 40 into 100. Soon he not only turned water into wine and brought 10 huge pigs to BBQ. He carried them across the river on his shoulders! It was incredible. Everywhere you went you heard about this dude named Jesus, his hooker girlfriend, and his 12 faithful followers roaming the world feeding the poor, healing the sick, and stopping wars in the name of the god Cosmo. The towns and villages were abuzz with hope for their future. Everyone was elated. Well not really everyone. Remember that dude Herod, and the salad loving Caesar? They were none to happy. Neither in fact was the hierarchy of the Jewish religion. Seems like Jesus was gonna have some splainin’ to do to the Romans as well as the Jews. Apparently hey don’t like having their authority challenged. Something evil was afoot…TBC

Apocalypse Wow (part 1) (A twisted tale from the unrepentant liar series)

On January 1, 2015December 31, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The last one picked is the one no one really wants on the team and Book of Revelations was the last one picked for the Bible. Coincidence? Maybe, or maybe Revelations was too fat, too slow, and too uncoordinated. Or maybe it was just that no one liked it. Maybe it flat out sucked at being Biblical. But whatever the case there’s only one way to find out for sure. No, not from a cable news network, like they’re ever reliable, no if we want to know the truth about Revelations there is only one thing to do. Investigate. And of course there is only one team of investigators we can trust, and that’s the team at “CSI, Garden of Eden.” So here is the story of revelations as told to the Christian Scripture Investigators from The Garden of Eden.

The CSI team has found DNA and other forensic tidbits hidden for ages in the scriptures. Combined with trace elements like epithelia’s, fingerprints, and other secret documents they uncovered the truth of Revelations as it appears in the very end of The Brand Spanking New Testament section of the book of all things. Our crack team of investigators has gone where no man has gone before, the final frontier of the holiest of holy books, the bible. Here’s what they discovered about the book of revelations, or as its known in the business, Apocalypse Wow.
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The book of revelations is somewhat difficult to tell because its told in some unusual circumstances. The CSI team has learned that story was first revealed to this tripped out dude John, who was locked up in prison in Pathos on a drug related beef. John in turn was requested to scribe this story while under the influence of some powerful hallucinogens. John had been a prolific writer who had already had a number of stories published in the New Testament. A few under the epistle category, and a gospel song called Psalm 43 (The P has the right to remain silent). John from Pathos, where he was known as the pathological prevaricating prophet of Pathos tells the testament during this exclusive interview in his own words. It includes the four headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow, the Liar of Judah, angels, trumpeters, the beast, a dragon, a false prophet, an arched angel, and of course no biblical tale would be complete without a whore, this one straight outta Babylon. Here’s the tape recorded testimony in his very own paraphrased words as he told it to CSI one day back in the late 60’s…..That’s 60AD, the decade of decadence. This is John’s version of events:

One evening while I was studying in the prison library the guard tells me I got this like visitor. Now not many of my friends come by and my family disowned me so my interest is how you say, peeked. A woman, not saying it was Jesus’ Mary cause I would never do nothing behind the J-mans back, lets just say she looked quite similar to Mary Magdalene. So Mary come in and lays a snog toggling of a kiss right on my mouth. I mean she gave me a tongue wrestling, saliva swapping smacker of a French kiss right there in plain view of everyone in the visitors cave. While we was moanin and goanin I could feel two slimy tabs of something slip off Maggs tongue. Oops! Yea I know, I said it wasn’t Mary Magdalene but she didn’t want us to end up some celeb scandal on the front page of the Abraham Inquirer. And let me tell you the J-man was one lucky Jew brother, Mare was one helluva kisser. Anyway She tells me to swallow, something you don’t normally wanna hear in prison, but I swallows the tabs. Then she tells me I just took two tabs of Cobalt Cheer acid. Man I was stoked, that’s some kicking cid right there my brothers, I knew I was gonna be tripping my nuts off. I smiled all the way back to my cell knowing what was coming. I got to my confinement cave and laid down on my stone cot while my bulge subsided, know what I mean?. After about a half hour or forty five minutes or so I hears this voice. Like I sit up right away and look around but there ain’t no one there. So I lays back down when the voice comes back, this time calling me by name. “Oh Jaa-ahn” So’s I shout who’s that, who’s there? And the voice says ‘Its me John, God.’ Now I’m thinking it must be the acid kickin’ in right? I mean the walls of the cave had been like breathing for a while and this voice was like soft and almost girly. Not the powerful deep voice you’d expect God would have, but the chick like voice insists. ‘Really John, its me God’ Then he steps out from the shadows and sure enough it is the almighty himself, God. Amazing how much Jesus looked like him, I mean like the spittin’ image. What else could I do? I sez, what’s happening God?”
Then he walks straight through the bars, not around them, I mean like right through them, like they wasn’t even there. Then he sez, ‘John, I’m going to tell you a story. I want you to write this story down and make sure everyone reads it.’ I’m really feelin ripe about now so I sez to him, you mean like a bestseller or something? To which he replies, ‘Ah…yea, something like that. But first try and get the story into the bible, because the book need a proper ending and this will be the story of the end and the new beginning.’ Now I’m really thinking the acid must be slamming the insides of my brain up against my skull or something but I figures maybe I should like play along and I sez to him, ‘Yea, yea sure Mr. Devine Being, whatever you sez. He goes on, “When I first created everything I had seven arch angels to watch over heaven and protect it. Six of these arch cherubs were cool, but one malignant rascal, Beelzebub, was just a real pain in the ba-donk-a-donk. Had to do everything his own way and refused to follow my directions. Finally one day I caught him rolling in the hayclouds with Gabriel’s teenage daughter and that was the last straw. I tossed him and his baneful ways out of heaven straight down to earth along with one third of the questionable residents of heaven, like my own heavenly flotilla. He went down to earth with the low-lifes and they formed a gang of goblin thugs calling themselves the Crypts. Picked the name of a sacred burial undercroft just to spite me. After that he enters the Garden of Eden, whips out his penis angling it in front of Eve like some big snake. Well of course his phallus being thrice the size of Adams Eves eyes widened, began to water and left her mouth agape which he quickly filled with an apple. He then seduced Eve enticing her to make love, five times, and that’s when all the trouble began. That was the fall of man, when Adam, teeming with jealousy and divine penis envy begins recruiting humans for his own gang to exact revenge. So I had Gabriel, a very trusted angel form a gang up here first because I knew there would someday be a major showdown and the humans wouldn‘t stand a chance. He formed the Bloods of my blood, after my sons prophecy. We call them the Bloods for short, and it created a rivalry that would be the mother of all rivalries. Positive vs. Negative, Life vs. Death, Good vs. Evil, none of them have anything on the rivalry of the Bloods vs. Crypts. One day we would have our gang lords get together for an epic rumble. This showdown will be called The Rapture. Are you getting all this down John?”
Now I knows I’m still tripping and all but I’m starting to think maybe this shit really is on the up and up so’s I keep scraping away on my stones getting down his words so I could one day write the book for him.Being an ancient journalist of course I had questions, so I asks him to explain to me how this Rapture thing is gonna go down. Then something happens that may sound like a fairy tale or a hallucination. He floats up to the ceiling an sez come on up John it will be easier if I show you”
Now I’m flipping ya know? I’m like how the brimstone am I supposed to get up there, but before I even gets to thinking about a strategy I was lifted right off my feet and floated right next to him. Honest to god, from Gods mouth to my ear he whispers, ‘Watch this. These guys can really stir it up’ A light went on and I swear to you it looked like a giant flat screen TV in HD. The images seemed so real. There was a stage with seven muicians. Al Hirt,Loius Armstrong,Wynton Marsalas, Miles Davis,Chuck Mangione,Maynard Fererson, and Dizzy Gillespie. Not just ordinary musicians each stood with a trumpet in their hands. The seven Trumpeters. They jammed away non stop for about an hour and that’s when the real show started!

TBC

Living La Vida Existential

On November 10, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Is your belief system stressing you out with too many demands? Why not try Living La Vida Existential. Belief systems are so difficult to maintain these days with all the rules and regulations and the conflicting messages. My creator all mighty its hard maintaining any religion these days. I mean love thy neighbor, unless they’re gay, no unmarried sex unless you wear religious garments, a bunch of commandments to uphold, just way too much work remembering how to make the verse from whatever your good book happens to be to fit into the desired result. Are you tired of having to go to a house of worship once a week? Got bruises on your knees from too much kneeling? Maybe you’re tired of having to admit the evil rule breaking you committed during the week to an obscure stranger in a dark box? Are you looking for a belief system that doesn’t cost you so much money, even going as far as having baskets shaken in your face shaming you into giving up your hard earned cash? Does your religion make so many demands on you want to scream, “I’m mad as the burning afterlife and I’m not gonna take it anymore.”? Or scare the actual Hell out of you by threatening to send you straight to Hell? Would you like to stop having to fold your hands and talk to yourself before bed, listen to your stomach growl with hunger while everyone has to wait for that one person to say grace? If so, then Living La Vida Existentialism may be right for you. For a limited time you too can become an Existentialist and throw away all the categories and labels religions place on you. It’s easy, all you have to do is believe in yourself. So hurry, this offer expires when you do so act now!

Thousands of people have been turning away from the out-dated teachings of organized religion. If you like belonging to a group but would prefer something more modern, more flexible and reasonable maybe its time for change. Why not considered Living La Vida Existential? Being an existentialist is fun and easy to do, plus it free’s you of all those pesky tenet requirements of organized religions. The best part is you can do it in your spare time in the privacy of your home or office, or even while texting from the bathroom. Not only that, it cost no money and is open to absolutely everyone, no experience required. All that is required is an open mind, and you already have a mind so wait no longer. Open it up to a world of possibilities. Forget all those ugly theological labels, like gay abominations, lustful coveters, or sinners in the war on god. Existentialism is skin color blind, gender blind, and practices actual non judgmental living, not the phony non-judgmentalists who pray and point their finger calling others names (No, pray was not a misuse, its a play on words. Its okay to joke when your existential) Sexual orientation remains your business in existentialism. Its all about living your life the way it should be, free of all the garbage that has built up over the ages such as attempting to explain the unexplainable with cartoon precision. Wile E. Coyote can paint a usable tunnel because its The Roadrunners will. Don’t involve yourself in a which came first argument, the egg and the chicken arrived simultaneously and have always been. We are here and we are alive, what difference does it make when we first came to be here on this planet? Be fair, be just, and forget about judging others, just enjoy life while your living it. No need to condemn your neighbors and call them unholy, that won‘t help you live well. No need to force others to believe what you believe either. Why you don’t even need to exclaim to the world that existentialism is the one true religion, and practitioners of any religion other than that is an express ticket to damnation. Its not a religion, it’s a REALigion.

Actually, its not a religion at all, it’s a philosophy, more like Hakuna Matata, or Karmic Existence. It’s a very common misconception, existentialists are often misunderstood, sometimes even by other existentialists. They are not nihilists or anarchists, not Pagans or polytheists, not occultists or Satan worshipers. Nor are they atheists, although by strict definition most existentialist are Atheist, just not practicing Atheists. No need to go to an anti-church and praise scientific logic, deny God, or sing songs like “Imaginary Grace” or “The Old Rugged Death Penalty”, just accept that there is an abundance of ignorance in the world and let those who don’t get life have their bliss.

Existentialism is a philosophical belief not a faith. Many people today are jumping on the ex tr ain because its believed that existentialist are clever intellectuals that speak in profound quotes of some of the more famous existentialists. “I think therefore I am”, “He thought therefore he was“ “He will think therefore……” you get it. . While most of us are indeed very clever, we are no a bunch of beret wearing brainiacs who sip cappuccinos at cafes and discuss matters of global implications. You don’t need to be a college graduate and read every work of Kierkegaard, Sartre, or Kant. Many existentialists are just average people whose beliefs do not fit in to a mainstream belief that we were all created by the one true creator be it God, Yahweh, Jumping Jehovah, Allah, or He-Man Master of the Universe. We don’t need a structured religion to explain to us how we should live our life, what will happen to us if we don’t follow the rules, what happens when we die, and who is the one we must consider to be superior to everyone and everything in the universe even though we are the tiniest speck of a planet in an unimaginable vastness. Simply, everyone is equal and deserves equal respect. That’s not to say we can‘t believe in divinity.

Existentialism does not rule out the possibility of a creator although for the majority if there is a creator its nothing like the one most of us were force-fed as children. No all-knowing all-seeing god who demands praise from everyone, sitting on a metaphoric throne waiting for us to come to him. No angels waiting up in a gated paradise community playing incessant harp music in the clouds as we ascend to heaven. But that’s not to say that some form of energy or entity didn’t have a hand in getting the ball rolling so to speak. For existentialists it’s a little clearer than believing a magic image in the sky that is watching over everyone to make sure we behave. It seems a bit arrogant of a god to take credit for all the good shit that happens but then when the fecal matter hit’s the oscillating rotary alter everything goes to, pardon the expression, Hell in a hand basket. No waving of the hand explaining things away by way of mysterious ways being worked we’re apparently not clever enough to understand. That kind of deck stacking would have you banned from every casino from here to the Netherworld. It’s more about a cycle of life, we’re born, we live our life, then we die. We exist in that cycle just the same as every non worshiping living thing on earth. I can’t prove this but I firmly believe bacteria do not worship any pathogen gods or pray in any amoebic temples yet they live the same cycle we do. The bottom line is everything lives, everything evolves, and everything dies. Respect all life.

We all accept that others lived before us, and others will live after us, and in every religion death is an accepted stage. However temporary, whether it leads to paradise, another life, another stage of existence, a box bed covered with dirt, a reduction to ashes in an urn, or pure nothingness it happens to us all. What occurs after death we tend to disagree, but everyone pretty much agrees death is imminent. Except maybe Donald Trump, he believes he can build his own tower in heaven greasing the almighty palm enough to buy himself a private room in eternity. Trump eternal? Talk about living Hell! But we exist in the here and now and frankly if there is a god it will have zero effect on how I choose to live my life, which by the way is far more Christian than most Christians I know. Maybe they should actually read the entire bible and not just the parts they enjoy bragging about. I mean really, what is religion anyway?

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Religion is described as an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. That makes your religion a random happenstance, an accident of geographic birth not very different from gender, or class. Existentialism is relatively simple. Our existence precedes our essence leading us to an understanding that the self is what’s important, that we are merely tiny specks on tiny cogs in a vast and complex universe. It gives us the ability to defy classification, especially when it comes to religion. Its what’s in our hearts and our minds that matters. Live your best life, treat others as you wish to be treated, help out your fellow humans when they are in need, share and do not judge how others live their lives. Live and let live. Many religions claim to teach those principles yet they condemn others for their lots in life. Its hard for me to get behind a religion that tells you we are all of Gods children then tells you if you’re gay you are an abomination. Clearly forgetting judge not lest ye be judged. It irks me to see a person on social media claim their love of God and tell me how blessed we are and how we should rejoice in one post on social media, then spew hatred at someone because their politics are different than a friend (or ex-friend once politics enters the relationship) in the next. Unfortunately it seems we live in an age of rage, intense hypocrisy, especially among the holy rollers. Religion shouldn’t allow you to feel superior, but humble. Unfortunately most religions fall far short on the humble. This is the main reason most existentialist show distain for religions.

So that’s my take on existentialism, not right for everyone but especially handy if you’re a recovering Catholic, a confused protestant, a paranoid closet Muslim, or a doubting Hindi. Practice whatever damn religion you want but before you continue your religious commitment take existentialism for a test ride around the block. Terms and conditions do not apply, no scrolling past a million words to reach an I Agree button. If your still unsure, ask your clergy if existentialism is right for you. Wait! Check that, better if you just ask yourself the way I did.

I was born scraping and scratching my way through life and now I’ve reached a point where death becomes more and more imminent every day. One of the cruel jokes of life is when we finally much of living is bullshit we are too tired to live the life we should. We allowed money to be the center of our lives, putting us not in a solar system like every other living thing, but an economic system in which we all revolve around money. I should stop before I become more like the people I’m ranting about! Damn, looks like my equine ride has been puffing my weed again. Time for me to get down of my high horse. PEACE

Cosmo’s Guide To Cosmic Gardening

On November 6, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

PART 1. NOT JUST DUST IN THE WIND

Where should I begin? In the beginning God created the heaven and earth? I think that opening line is taken but it begs the question why are we really here? Some say in the beginning there was a vast empty space, a nothing vacuum in a nowhere space until a bunch of atoms spontaneously appeared and took to flying around everywhere (or nowhere depending on your view) when suddenly two overly aggressive atoms collided causing a huge explosion. Spontaneous combustion. The Big Bang! Yea, right! First nothing and nowhere then all of a sudden a Universe so huge it has no end. Wait, hold on, even better, first there was nothing and then the one and only god created shit to keep him from being bored. Spent six days building it then chilled for a few million years. A massive universe with one teeny weenie little speck where he created the supreme lifeforce, human beings that looked just like him, to rule over everything. First nothing then one man, one women, an apple and a snake. Now that’s even funnier! As a matter of fact both of these comical stories are a source of great humor and hilarity and the butt of many jokes at The Board of Co-operative Gods and Goddesses out in District seven. At any decent cosmic cocktail party you’ll hear no less than a hundred jokes about various theories of how life came to be in any of the life gardens but the Earth stories are by far the most numerous. The “monkey trials” keep gods and goddesses laughing for hours on end at inter-galactic get togethers. There’s not a god worth his sodium chloride that hasn’t heard of Darwin, Moses, Jesus, Mohamed, Elijah. Or the Talmud, Koran, The Bible, even The Upanishads. Stories of a pure evil horned devil with blood dripping from its hands and fear bolts being shot from its eyes keep them rolling in the anti-matter with tears of laughter. Satan, Lucifer, Serpent of Evil, Beelzebub, so many knee slapping names for the antichrist. Oh yes, the earthlings grown by Cosmo are a source of great amusement to all the gods. All the gods? Am I saying there really are many gods? Does a pope defecate in the woods? Is a Polar Bear catholic? Can white bears jump? Of course there are many gods, and many galaxies supporting forms of life. Did you really think you were the only living beings in the entire universe? Jeez, and I thought Wookies were dumb. Well sit back you Vader naysayer and let me tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Well maybe a fabrication or two along the way because YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
In the beginning, Once upon a time, at the outset, none of these phrases apply because life is a circle with no beginning and no end. There just simply has always been many gods and goddesses with endless open space and these gods have varying responsibilities. Gods and goddesses are each given their own garden plots which you call galaxies. They tend their gardens and grow life in a variety of forms. The gods and goddesses perform many tasks such as making gardens spin, enforcing the law of gravity, some create laws of physics to apply differently in different particular purpose. Some create wind and motion to make global area’s different but the brightest gods and goddesses get selected to the Board. There they ponder deeply the laws of the universe and how they should be applied everywhere. These are the most intelligent gods and goddesses and they hold court to make the decisions that effect all forms of life. No cosmic gardener can grow anything without their approval. It’s known as The Board of Co-operative Gods and Goddesses. (BOCGG) They made the decisions that effected the farmer gods who were expected to grow and experiment with the various galaxies across the universe. Each galaxy was tended to by its own god. There was great and clever Simon in the Tolkien Galaxy, Mychrighton in the Andromeda Strain Galaxy, The red haired beauty Lucille who watched over the Bobaloo Galaxy, Luke-ass who presided over The infamous Jedi Galaxy that was far far away, and so on. Here in our Milky Way galaxy, the farmer was and is the god Cosmo. Such a good farmer is Cosmo that they named the entirety of space after him. The vast space of the universe came to be known as “The Cosmos”. Travel was known as Cosmic travel, knowledge as cosmic knowledge and any left out odds and ends in space became known as Cosmic debris. Hey there brother, I’m not jiving you bout that Cosmic debris! Cosmo is indeed an accomplished cosmic gardener, in fact he is somewhat of a legend among the other gods. In Solar system 728KJ he had cultivated nine grooving spinning garden orbs he called planets. From the tiny and excruciatingly hot mercury, to the equally tiny but totally frozen Neptune he tended to all nine magnificently. Like the giant Jupiter (which for some reason had red eye in all the family photo’s) with an assortment of moons, and the ill advised named Uranus (No need to tell you the jokes at The District with this one) . He put some cool looking bangle bracelets around the lovely and mysterious Saturn, and named two of the planets after his own Mom and Dad. The entire universe was touched at the naming of Venus and Mars. Yes Cosmo had really taken pride in that particular solar system. But his pride and joy and claim to fame is most assuredly for his work done on one particular planet, known throughout cosmos as garden earth. Garden earth is a rather insignificant looking planet in solar system 728KJ. It is the third planet from Sun 728, and has the benefit of the perfect amount of sunshine. Earth also has a considerable amount of water on it which is the other essential ingredient in growing things. Sun and Water in abundance makes for a smashing garden. Cosmo wants to make planet earth, in solar system 728KJ the most prolific and successful garden in all the universe. With a vast ocean to create clouds which would in turn drop water back into the garden a system of synergetic energy is created. Cosmic irrigation! Garden earth is a thriving ever-growing populace world. A wide variety of vegetation and many roaming creatures inhabit the garden.
But what you see on garden earth today is not how it was at the beginning so put on your seat belt as we travel back in time to see how this all came to be The Planet Earth. Catastrophic is the best way to describe his first attempt. Maybe he wasn’t mature enough or maybe like a fool he just rushed in but either way it’s a story that is told and retold as far away as Gabor40904 which is about eight billion gazillion gamma light years away. To you that would be a mere two point five septillion miles give or take. At any rate here is what happened in Cosmo’s first attempt.
When a god reaches a certain age he or she is given a Galactic Farming Starter Kit. In the starter kit comes a package of sea monkeys which gods could use to populate in any gathering of H2O. These sea monkeys would eventually grow into all sorts of different weird looking creatures. Some even had 8 legs! But, that’s way in the future as evolution thrives underwater. The problem was that no one could see the assortment of single cell creatures in the Pangaean Sea of garden earth. Cosmo wanted more on his special planet. He wanted some things that he could watch and toy with and keep as pets. So with the BOCGG approval Cosmo sent away for the “Advanced” farmer kit which comes with both aqua mobile seeds and terra mobile seeds.
Cosmo surveyed his round global garden noting the huge land mass which he had called Pangaea. It was enormous but completely unadorned and surrounded in entirely by water. Cosmos first brilliant concept was born. Edible vegetation. Not just pretty to look at like in other gardens, he wanted to develop some of his vegetation as energy giving edible substances. He developed gargantuan trees and shrubs which would absorb energy from the sun storing energy and converting some into oxygen. Now he could create some creatures and they would have food and be able to breath. Brilliance had come to Cosmo in a dream. He was being chased by a creature with a long neck and large mouth with sharp teeth. This would be his first creature. What should he name this creature? Jar Jar Brinks? No, that’s stupid. He thought out loud. “Lets see, the creature was chasing me and my buddy Steggo and when it got near it bit Steggo’s ass. Steggo yelled out damn man, now my ass is sore and.” He stopped in mid sentence. “That’s it! I’ll call him sore ass! No, not sore ass, Steggo’s sore ass. To avoid any divine libel law suits it was suggested he make it one word. It sounded smart and sophisticated as stegosaurus so he went with that. Now for some other creatures for stegosaurus to play with.
So Cosmo created an assortment of giant creatures. Long necks, smaller faster creatures, a few with wings, and one really scary one. He made up weird names for them like Stegosaurus, brontosaurus, Pterodactyl (He also invented the silent letter which would cause all sorts of shit in years to come), and his personal favorite, the frightening one, Tyrannosaurus Rex. For weeks the great god Cosmo played with his new dinosaurs. He started to get a little worried when he saw them chewing on the tops of all his beautiful vegetation, but realized that they needed to eat something. My creator almighty they have appetites bigger than their damn bodies. Seems the more they ate the more they expelled from there butts. Some of it a horrible almost violent smelling gas which was a bit of an embarrassment to Cosmo when other gods came to view his garden. But the solid stuff actually deteriorated and made the trees and shrubs grow even better. It seemed like a perfect system. Everything depended on everything else to survive. The sun gave everything energy and sucked up water to make clouds, the clouds returned water to cool things off in the garden and help grow the vegetation. The vegetation gave air and food for the creatures , and the creatures pooped out food to feed the vegetation. A cycle was created which Cosmo referred to as “The cycle of life.” A theme that would forever define his garden no matter what thrived in the garden beds.
One morning while sipping some of his favorite caffeinated breakfast beverage, Thors Thunderbolt, Cosmo noticed some strange things happening in his garden. His creatures appeared to be having sex repeatedly and Pangaea was becoming very crowded with baby creatures. And some bi-saurus creatures were looking stranger, larger, wider, and Cosmo sensed some major changes. Having sex also seemed to make the creatures very hungry and they were eating twice as much as usual. One particular bush or rather one particular weed actually seemed to give them voracious appetites. Not just for food, but for sex. Cosmo won’t swear to it but he believed it made his creatures laugh. At the very least they smiled more than normal. He wondered if it was co-incidence, or if the cannabis bush had some unusual qualities to it so he took a few homegrown plants to try himself. He decided he would let them dry out and smoke them after dinner. As he continued to survey Pangaea another curious practice was observed. The creatures seemed to be fighting each other over the sex, which was not really a colossal deal but it appeared that the winners where actually eating the losers. Believing it to be from the cannabis he referred to the practice as canibisalism. He opted not to try smoking the shit just yet afraid of what it may make him want to do. The eating of the other creatures also made the eaters even bigger and stronger. He would need to keep an eye on these developments.
As time passed more and more creatures were killing each other and eating the remains. And damn were they multiplying. They engaged in sex virtually everyday and babies were everywhere. Every day there seemed to be more and more, and nearly all the vegetation had been eaten. Not only that but they began biting kicking and scratching each other for no apparent reason. Many fights seemed to be over who had more dangling under their tail or who was going to screw the better looking female dinosaurs. Many times these fights caused some to fall down never to get back up. Cosmo was not happy with the with these developments at all. His garden of creatures was turning into a giant fighting fiasco. His giant behemoth experiments were much to big and clumsy. He decided he needed to start over and this time start with much more compact set of creatures. First though he needed to extinguish and cover up the debacle of the dinosaur.
His first thought was to go subterranean. He began to churn up the ground at different points of the land mass Pangaea. The shifting of dirt created numerous effects. The mass of land split in various places and Pangaea began to break up into smaller lands. A few dinosaurs fell off the edges, but for the most part they rode the land mass that they happened to reside on and just sort of relocated. Two chunks of dirt headed out quickly, one due north and one due south. Each went as far as it could go until it turned into a giant massive iceball. Every dinosaur on these arctic edges froze along with it. The other land masses fared much better. Cosmo needed names now for the different masses. On the east he had North Columbia and South Columbia. Way across the newly formed ocean there was a dark mass he called Afrika, and a huge piece he called Eurasia. A smaller mass slipped down under while a very green land went slightly north. He would name them later. As for the dinosaurs they had begun to change and were ironically defined by their land masses. The creatures in North Columbia grew more aggressive body parts, like large razor sharp teeth, pointed spiny tails, and large muscular arms. Cosmo believed they actually thought themselves superior and tried to make all the others live the way they did. Pretentiousaurus! The dinosaurs in Africa were very wild and it took on a predatory nature of survival of the mightiest. In Eurasisa half fancied themselves the more sophisticated and chic while the other half absolutely excelled in math. They had all begun to mutate body parts that were used as weapons or as protective amour. Spiny heads and necks, horns, shells, claws, Talons, scales and many other features that assisted warfare or survival. They continued cross breeding and a host of new genus’s were born. Now we had some walking on two legs, some on four, some eating only vegetation, some only other dinosaurs, and many eating both. The flying dinosaurs alone mutated into over 500 species. The fights became rampant and more frequent and quite frankly it was pissing Cosmo off a bit. The shifting of the land also had an effect on the once enormous Pangaean sea which was all the water surrounding Pangaea. The other lands had created borders which split the Pangaean sea into vast oceans. New weather patterns and water currents came into play, and many of the places he churned up dirt had formed piles, ranging from tiny molehills to humongous mountains that reached up towards the sky. At first Cosmo tried to make all the dirt piles as majestic as the giant ones but he quickly learned he couldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
As time went on things just got worse and worse. The changes in the garden plots were great, but the dinosaurs were out of control. In each land mass they were carrying on and destroying the vegetation, trampling everything in their paths, kicking the everlasting dinosaur shit out of each other. If that wasn’t bad enough the fornicating was maddening. No matter where you looked in the garden you could find many dinosaurs letting it all hang out ready for reproduction. Giant penispods galore. Humping and swamp hopping there was sex going on everywhere. Puddles of sperm gathered that drowned the lower vegetation and while they were knocking horns and creating future fossils it tore up the ground and caused many a fight to the death. Genus were being wiped out, it was a constant state of confusion. The trees they had eaten clear down to the roots. They simply had no respect at all for Cosmo, his garden, or each other and that was the final sipping stick! It was time for a raptor rapture!
The angry Cosmo had had it. He reached up into space and grabbed the biggest asteroid he could hold and hurled it towards earth with all his might. Had it not been an act of destruction one might have thought it a beautiful sight. Upon impact a huge explosion of colors, bright reds and yellows danced tangos across the planet. A blinding flash of white so brilliant it could be seen as far away as the Tolkien Galaxy. Flames that reached so high they tickled the moon and made it giggle and squirm. Sheer magnifigance. Why it was a fireworks display fit for the gods. But mere seconds after the glowing kaleidoscope lit up the skies, as if to remind everyone that its beauty was marred by violence, it was quickly replaced with an ear pounding roar. Burst of concussion inducing reverberation accompanied on this evening with mushroom plume of billowing smoke dressed in charcoal black from head to toe. A snap. A crackle. A pop. Within seconds garden earth became Earth Krispies. The explosion kicked up an awful cloud of dust with it that pulled the rug of sparkle pomp and circumstance right from under its cosmic ass. For the longest time Cosmo could see nothing but an enormous floating dust bunny. Virtually everything was obscured and he had no clue as to the fate of his living garden below. One thing for sure, if any of the suns rays got through at all it was undetectable. How could anything live without food, without light, without sunshine? Cosmo was absolutely certain he had lost everything. He underestimated the ultra tiny earth dwelling insect known as the cockroach. Will anything kill those bastards?
As time went by the dust began to settle it was becoming apparent not much if anything would survive. Even with only a portion of the dust gone he could see there was not much sign of life. The vegetation tried valiantly to reach back up towards the sun but with limited success. The garden seemed still and void. Even Cosmo couldn’t detect the tiny crawling cockroach foraging at the base of the vegetation. But trust me when I tell you, those cucaracha’s marched on. The once magnificent dinosaurs however were not able to crawl between any cracks and did not fare well. A massive open graveyard was all the gardening god could see. Humongous piles of giant carcasses littered the ground and whatever ground that could be seen was scorched to a grayish black. Nary a leaf or a pine cone to be found. Not even a blade of grass on this once animated garden of green and blue. Stacks of bodies and body parts could be seen everywhere with billows of smoke reaching out to the Milky Way cluster. There was a stench quite unfamiliar to Cosmo, charred flesh smelled nothing at all similar to a god BBQ. To call the aroma unpleasant would be an understatement. The forces of fetid decay banded together with burning flesh and gunpowder. The acrid odors began an all out assault that would serve as a rank reminder of the magnitude of failure here. Battalions of rotted mounds of foul fecal sewage mixed with dino debris formed an aerial assault. The army of stench marched up Cosmo’s nose and set up a camp of odiferous angry troops behind his eyes. Some salted droplets of sorrow snuck down Cosmo’s cheek which he blamed on the carousel of stink spinning in his sinuses. Make no mistake though that was no dew drop, that was a teardrop
Denial is not yet just a river in Egypt. A deep sadness overtook the creator of the dinosaur. Still smoldering and becoming increasingly covered in dust Cosmo reflected on his once thriving lizard kingdom. Had they not been so enormous he mused, perhaps things would have been different. He wanted to have a way to remember the jumbo Jurassic relics . After some time many of the hearty vegetation had once again begun to sprout, rising up from the ashes. It seemed as though everything reminded him of his creatures. “I shall name this period of existence the cretaceous period in honor of my creatures. In order that no one, especially me, ever forget their magnifigance I shall create a living memorial. With that Cosmo placed very colorful vegetation he called flowers everywhere. At first the flowers were impractical, the only benefit being the ambiance and je ne sais quoi of their beauty and fresh interesting aroma’s. The wonderful aroma’s to cover the stench of scorched earth were amusing. He had no idea what an impact they would have later on. Flowers would become symbolic of love and beauty and figure into a strange talk between fathers and sons some day. People would fashion perfumes and air fresheners form their enticing smells and men would find them a beneficial tool in making up for mistakes. Flowers would proudly display their floral genitalia and bees would find them irresistible. Flowers would come to represent anticipation of sex for both honey bee and honey dear alike. Forever linked with love because that was why Cosmo created them, to remind him of his love for the once utopian behemoths. Beautiful flowers of white pink peach, purple, red, yellow, blue, violet, green and orange. Fantastically designed shapes of bells, funnels, trumpets, tubes, saucers, bowls and labia. Brilliantly displayed all over the land masses along with new and tastier vegetation. It was a sight to behold. An arboretum of the grandest scale any had ever seen. This colorful garden alone would have stopped a charging raptor in its path to gawk at the beauty and inhale deeply the scent of passion on this marvel of an orb. An ambush makeover on the grandest of scales.
Now a new task was at hand. “I will take my new plan to the BOCGG and see if they will approve and allow me to once again have mobile life in the garden. It was time to face the rhythms melodies and harmonies expressed through instruments. Cosmo knew it was no use trying to pull the woolly mammoth over the boards eyes. Best thing to do was fess up and submit his urban renewal plan. However, when Cosmo went to request some new life seeds, the board of co-operative god and goddesses were waiting for him. They did not seem pleased.
The Board of Cooperative Gods and Goddesses convened in an area of the universe known as District Seven, or just “The District” as gods called it. The District was like the universes capitol. A retreat for any of the gods who wanted some R and R from controlling everything. Restaurants and a few pubs, recreation areas where they could swim in warm liquid methane or play a few rounds of Gomf (Gods Only Mortals Forbidden). They could visit the Library of Everything, catch up on current events in any galaxy, or just relax. It was also where the BOCGG held court to make decisions that effected the entirety of everything. Unfortunately for Cosmo that was precisely why he was here in The District on this day. To go before the Board and issue a plea for forgiveness and the go ahead to start over.
The tallest of the gods spoke first. “Cosmo, you have made a gargantuan mistake in trashing your garden. You broke a law when you interfered. If you check page 7 of the BOCGG codebook it clearly states than no god may interfere with the natural progress of any form of life anywhere. You have deliberately destroyed the entire garden. What have you to say of yourself?” Cosmo knew it was senseless to lie to the gods because they can tell instantly. “Yes its true, I destroyed the giant dinosaurs I was growing but in my defense they where way too massive and ate tons of vegetation each day. And they were destroying each other and all the beauty around them. They would have destroyed the garden in no time. I felt it best to begin over with a much more efficient and intelligent design. If you gaze now upon the garden you will see it is perhaps the most colorful in the universe. I have grown many shapes and colors on earth and it is more magnificent then ever before. It even smells nice.“ Cosmo presented at bouquet of beautifully arranged flowers from Earth to each of the Goddesses. Instantly he had won the lady lords over and he knew it. “All I need to complete this garden is some new life seeds so I may create new creatures, much smaller in stature and less capable of destruction. I have learned much from my mistake. From the ashes of my galactic faux pas I have come up with a cutting edge form of existence I call the cycle of life. Given the chance it could become a prototype used all over the universe. I would be overjoyed to have the opportunity to institute it on Earth and make a garden more worthy of The Board. I deeply regret having caused such destruction. I promise will not ever mingle in the affairs of what grows within the confines of my garden ever again.” Tall God gave Cosmo fifty lashes with the high beams from his angry eye sockets. “Indeed Cosmo, we all witnessed disaster even from as far away as we are.“ Time to lay on some god charm so with kindergarten eyes and trademark flirtatious grin he said, “Well did you at least enjoy the light show?” He handed him a picture of the new colorful planet and an earth cigar. Tall God visibly softened his stare and playfully rolled his eyes. Cosmo was one of the most handsome and charming of all the gods and was well liked in every corner of the universe. He quickly submitted his new and improved garden blueprint which was in fact quite impressive. This seemed to satisfy the gods who were all nodding their heads in agreement. The Lengthy Lord spoke again. “The Board is impressed and looks in anticipation of this cycle of life. So it shall be Cosmo, you will go back to Solar System 728KJ and replant, but may I suggest you use your new life seeds more wisely. There be no need to rush things.” He shook his lean angular noggin and threw up his overstretched arms. “Why is it you young gods are all so fucking impatient these days?” Cosmo agreed that he would indeed secure a well thought out plan this time and thanked each god individually. No slouch at schmoozing was Cosmo.
A smart schmooze as well. He called his good friend Kirk T Spock from the galaxy Vulcan and invited him over to discus some ideas and smoke some of that tickle weed from his garden. He had finally got up the nerve to try it and was blown away at the results. He rolled many of the new cannabis silly sticks and gave them to his friends. Now it was a favorite all over and grown in nearly every galaxy. Kirk has a rather successful galaxy himself. His most impressive garden has much more of a modern look focusing more on technology than things like vegetation and floral arrangements. Teleportation and lasers were more important there. Eating food was not an event as it would be on earth but a pill in the morning gives every creature the optimal energy needed, so eating was essentially unnecessary. For the most part all galaxies were like that absent of Cosmo’s brilliant cycle of life. In comparison to his garden most of the universe is cold and uninviting. But Como enjoyed Kirk’s array of interesting life forms. Unlike Cosmo he had already asked for and received intelligence seeds. One day he would request them as well, but first things first. He poured them each a long mug of Amber Idol, the favorite carbonated malt beverage of the gods and lit a doob. As they drank and puffed they read the guidelines set forth by the boards codebook. “Okay, rule one is something about allowing for some hurdles. On Vulcan I call them will call them clusterfucks, but you need to come up with your own term.” Cosmo loved the term clusterfuck but Kirk was right. “Yea, too bad. I dig your name but I don’t want to diss your ass. Hey that sounds kinda funny. Diss your ass. Disaster ass. No, disaster. That’s it, Natural Disasters.” And so Cosmo first set about to make some severe weather currents. He created hurricanes for the Atlantic and Typhoons for the pacific. “And how about this, I’ll make these storms cause flood producing waves that can change the tides?” Even Kirk was getting excited now, after all, who doesn’t love inventing tragedies? “ Ha, that will create a shit storm. Theres a good name too, storm. Oh yea, that’s good Cosmo, call the waves tidal waves and the disruptions storms.” They felt a slight wind crop up from his newly formed weather pattern. “Holy shit! What a great idea. I will make some winds super strong. Strong enough to take things as heavy as the mighty dinosaurs I grew and fling them around for miles. I’ll call them tornadoes and I will put them mostly in the middle of this huge land mass in the Northwest.” Kirk couldn’t help but get a playful jab in at his friend. “Mighty dinosaurs? More like huge humping humdingers. You think you could come up with a wind stronger than those putrid explosions they expelled from themselves?” Cosmo took a joke well and shrugged it off. “Ha ha, humping humdingers my ass, more like formidable flatulent fornicators.” They took a few minutes to laugh uncontrollably not because that was funny, but more than likely because the doob was such good quality. Kirk got his laugh muscles under control and continued. “I bet they’ll come up with a catchy name for that area like tornado road or tornado cul de sac or something. This is great fun!” Cosmo was very excited now. He decided he would make some droughts and some overflowing rains to add to the storms to create challenges and confusion on earth. But that wasn’t enough, he needed something else. He chugged down some carbonated nectar of the gods and began thinking while the beverage began to bloat his stomach and dizzy up his head ever so slightly. After a half hour the inspiration opened its hand and slapped Cosmo upside the head. Cosmo let out a huge belch that shook the whole garden. “Oh man, that’s perfect. “I will add something uncontrollable that comes from inside the gardens own stomach. Like a burning hot burp” Kirk laughed half from the weed and half from his amazement. “A burp. How do you come up with these ideas?” Another long chuckle. “I get my inspiration from you my logical friend. Up out of a mound of dirt will come some really hot melted rock. I will name the disaster after you Kirk. Kirkeruption.” Kirk was touched but very modest. “Don’t use my name use my galaxy name. Call it a Vulcano!” Cosmo understood his reluctance to have his name immortalized. That was the type of god Kirk was. “Let’s compromise and call it a volcano. I will force rock up like a belch so fucking hot it will flow like burning water until it cools. I will make volcanoes and sprinkle them around everywhere. Maybe even some underwater. Oh yea, these will create massive headaches.” Cosmo could not help but laugh out loud. “This will be the greatest garden ever.” Kirk T. Spock recited all their concepts out loud then shook his head and repeated twice in a slow speech, “Fascinating.”
The two high empirical horticulturists chugged down the last of their beers, finished the jolly joint and sat back. Cosmo was quite satisfied with himself. But had they thought of everything? “Lets see, I have major storms, the cold ones creating avalanches, the warm ones floods, landslides, and huge waves. I have volcanoes that will erupt spitting boiling shit on everything. What else? Hmmm, maybe I should create something that causes destruction that can’t be seen coming. Some kind of organism that can destroy from a micro sneak attack.” Kirk was quite impressed. “Wow, an unseen micro-organism that is so miniscule they won‘t even have a clue whats attacking them. Brilliant!” Cosmo continued enthusiastically. “The sun will shoot out flares and make droughts, the storms will make floods and chaos, the volcanoes will ruin everything near it, and the microorganisms will attack things unseen. I will create fire, but I won’t introduce that quite yet. Not until I have something around that can exploit it. I think I have everything covered.” Cosmo laughed so hard that he shook. Kirk was preparing to leave when one last thought hit him. “Hey wait a minute! Why don’t you make something that will make everything shake uncontrollably. It will knock shit over, cause things to tumble down, and any life form you have will quake in its boots.” Cosmo never ceased to find amazement in his friends concepts. “Absolutely! That’s the final piece, Earthquakes! Without warning I will cause tremendous shifts underneath the ground. Not a single creature will know who is at fault.” Kirk pulled a transponder from his pocket. “I think your off to a great start Coz. Thanks for the nectar and the weed. Sweet Mary Jane that was some good shit. At any rate good friend it’s time for me to leave. Let me know when you have your creatures. Can‘t wait to see this cycle of life.” He lifted his transponder and hit some buttons. “Co-ordinates set. Beam me up Scottie.” In a flash trillions of tiny pixels of colored dots spun in frantic circles and poof, Kirk was gone. Happy with the events of the day Cosmo took a well deserved nap.
Feeling refreshed after his nap it was time to do some more creating. Cosmo took his new life seeds and began. “Now what shall I grow? “I will create a variety of species. Like a couple of million. I’ll have bacteria, fungi, crustaceans, insects, birds, reptiles (tiny versions of his beloved dinosaurs), birds, fish, and mammals. I will let all these species evolve. Yea, that’s fucking it. Evolution. I will let things change and adjust to their environments. Maybe even evolve into new species. I will give one or two species the ability to reason. To be able to think like I do.” He gave this some consideration. “Well maybe not think like I do, but to be able to reason. They will be able to use and make tools to make their lives easier. But I don’t want to get to far ahead of myself here. I’ll let that happen in a few million years. Oh but wait, what’s a year going to be for them?” Cosmo remembered a trick his friend Simon used in his garden in The Tolkien Galaxy. Each planet had its own system of time. A full trip around the sun will be a year. Each spin of the planet will be a day. So for Cosmo every million years on earth will equal one god year. That settles the timing issue. This is when the fun began for Cosmo. He used his imagination to come up with a large variety of creatures and would make them all dependant on each other. He made some that ate only vegetation, some that ate only other living moving things, and some that ate both. That part at least worked well for the dinosaur era. The cycle of life. When something dies it will rot and become food for the vegetation. Everything depending on other things. Bugs that eat dead leaves and convert it to useful fertilizer. Birds that eat the bugs, animals that eat the birds, and bigger animals that eat those animals. I will allow everything to thrive as it struggles to survive. Just let nature take its course so to speak. Then he can watch how they deal with and evolve from the disasters. The plan was set and the new garden, the new world had begun.
For a few years, oh I’m sorry, for millions of years things went along great. A variety of life forms walked feely in the garden and found ways to survive and multiply. To avoid the whole fornication fiasco he came up with a variety of different ways to reproduce. Some eggs were fertilized inside bodies and some outside with many different strategies. Some had only one offspring at a time, some many, and some even thousands, or millions at time. There were many that even reproduced completely on their own without assistance from another member of the species. For the most part however it was a contribution from a male and a female of any particular species. This gave the happy creator a wide spectrum of creatures he could make. Bacteria living in an unseen world, insects so tiny that millions could thrive in small areas, and then his array of animals. That was the glory, Cosmo’s animal kingdoms. He started in North and South Columbia. He created an assortment of smaller animals, some sneaky and underhanded like rats and weasels, he created mice and chipmunks, minks, ferrets, gophers, and his sexually proficient rabbits. He gave them unusual but deadly defense systems like the quills of the porcupine or the stench of the skunk. One creation was always stealing shit so he gave the raccoons bandito eye masks. Mid size creatures also coexisted there with wolves and coyotes, and the hot looking foxes. Slightly larger were his deer, cattle, moose, and elk. Cosmo loved having ferocious animals around so he had some fearsome groups of bears to strike fear in the hearts of everything. Next he duplicated these animals in Euroasia, but he added a whole slew of more interesting animals. With a larger land mass he could afford larger animals. He created horses, camels, donkeys. As a nod to his beloved dinosaurs he created a sleeker and more refined version of his woolly mammoth, the elephant. Also some variations on his mountain lions he made tigers and Bengals and leopards. Why even a twist on his grizzly pals across the ocean he made a strain of Panda bears. Next his attention went to Africa where he would have his real masterpieces. Ferocious predatory animals was the rule here. Giant Lions and Tigers, super fast cheetahs. The Fierce large mouthed crocodiles, charging rhinoceros, the hungry hungry hippos. A absolute menagerie of animals One species of animal was vegetatarian but too short to get at the tops of the trees where the healthy vegetation grew so he stretched the neck and he had a giraffe. He filled the skies with an uncountable amount of birds of all shapes and sizes, then put wings on some mice and called them bats. But the most important of all the animals he created were the primates. Gorilla, orangutan, lemur, Loris capuchin, Ape, monkey, and chimpanzee. At first he had them living in the trees, swinging around on vines and gathering fruits from the branches. Then a funny thing happened. They climbed sown from the trees and began walking, stumbling really, on two legs. Cosmo knew in an instant that if any creature would deserve intelligence seeds it would be them. He watched them with much anticipation.
Yes he had grown a fine garden. He used wit and wisdom and had created a self sufficient world. He thought it would be funny to throw a few curve balls and make some strange animals. He noticed there were no animals on his land down under and immediately came up with some great idea’s. Kangaroo’s that will hop and box, a confused animal. Legs like a lizard, body like an otter, and face like a duck. Put it all together and it’s a duck billed platypus. Marvelous little creature. But he wasn’t done. Wallabies, Nubat, Wombat, and Koala. A kookaburra bird and some flightless birds with the tiniest brains possible. He also thought it would be funny to see how something does without any arms or legs at all. Yuck. Worms and slugs and snakes for all the land masses. He took another flightless bird and dressed it up in a tuxedo. Penguins thrived all over but did especially well in the very cold regions. What an infinite variety of animals. His one last brilliant move was to enlarge the skulls of many of his primates, so that one day he could grow larger brains in them.
He had also filled the oceans with an array of new creatures to evolve along with the single cell sea monkeys he started with so very long ago. From tiny little cuddly fish to gigantic orcas. He even snuck a few dinosaur size creatures deep in the oceans. Blue whales, giant squids. Cosmo allowed the creatures to rule their own world under the sea. He created underwater vegetation and planktons and clams, oysters ,mussels. Everything as brilliantly colored and co dependant as the world above the waves. But just to make it more interesting Cosmo added some sharks, some poisonous jellyfish and a few other predatory fish and sea creatures. He made eight armed octopi, horseshoe crabs, and starfish. In another display of his incredible humor and insight he created sea horses and made them the only thing in the garden that gives birth via the males. This gender bender of a mix up will keep them guessing for years to come.
Now his world was set and all he could was wait and watch. He had created a near perfect world and added some special fertilizer which would quicken the pace of evolution. New species were cropping up every day for Cosmo. He was tending to his garden, keeping it watered and full of sunshine and just watched. One day he noticed that the big hairy apes of his walked steadier and more efficiently on two appendages. Cosmo decided it was time this species received actual intelligence. Why they had already made a choice using some basic logic. They were finding food scarce and climbed out of the trees and walked in search of more food. These primates show great promise so Cosmo decided to go back to the Board of Co-Operative Gods and Goddesses to plead his case for intelligence.
When Cosmo finally got back to the Board he could sense that they were feeling exceptionally agreeable but he was still a bit wary from his previous visit. He presented his plan to add intelligence to some of the primates in his garden. Of course it was tall god who spoke up first. “Ah yes Cosmo, intelligence. Why is it that all you gods eventually want to give your gardens an intelligent species? It seems to me that you wouldn’t want them trying to understand what you understand, yet you all want it sometime. You do recall the fiasco in Solar System 928MJ in the Chimera galaxy, yes Cosmo?” Cosmo did indeed remember what had happened when the god Botchiegalloup added intelligence to one of his creations. He had this odd looking species of a five legged giant oval animal with three mouths and ten arms. Once it developed intelligence its only focus was finding the god Botchiegalloup and destroying it. Oh my supreme being that was a battle royale. Why Botchi had to call in gods from all the nearest galaxies and they were losing ground every day. The board had to come up solution so they looked to the wisest of farming superstars the lovely goddess Lucille. Luscious Lucy was a goddess to remember. So incredibly funny with a mind that wouldn’t quit. She could make you laugh one second then gap with wonder at her knowledge the next. The Bobaloo Galaxy was a model galaxy filled with laughter, music and merriment. Its design however was anything but comical. An absolute genius Lucy had come up with advances in gardening that nearly every aspiring farmer subscribed to. She came up with a new phenomenon called a black hole At it’s core the black hole has so much gravity in the fucking thing that it sucked in planets for millions of miles around. Nothing could escape its gravitational gullet. Not even light could get out once the hole got it in its grasp. Once put in place the Crimea galaxy became nothing but a black hole. Botchiegalloup has never farmed since. “Of course I remember the debacle of the black hole, but there have been successful intelligence programs as well. What of Simons galaxy ? The Tolkien Galaxy has lots of successes like the Hobbits, The Efts, The Elves and such. Why I have seen a few flying objects I could not identify on earth and I am sure they were from another galaxy. It can be done, it just needs to be tended to cautiously.” The tall god knew of more than one successful thinking gardens but he didn’t want to make it seem to easy for Cosmo. “Well I tell you what Cosmo. We will bring it up tomorrow with the board over a few pitchers of Meade during happy hour. I will propose your request of intelligence officially and we’ll see what the board has to say. As for The Tolkien Galaxy, do not forget how it almost got destroyed by the Orcs. And keep in mind the dinosaur debacle you had, many still laugh about that one. Anyway, leave me your resume and list of accomplishments. That will help your case.” Cosmo thanked tall god profusely and did as he was advised. The following day he waited outside the god bar hoping to have his answer. He heard much laughing. That mushroom juice he added to the Meade must have done its job.
After an excruciatingly long hour Tall god came out to meet him with a shit eating grin on his face. “I don’t know what you put in the Meade Cosmo but if its something that grows in your garden it’s a fucking winner. The board has approved your request for using intelligence, but want me to stress that you use it wisely and sparingly. I will bring you intelligence seeds tomorrow. Now go out and have some fun before heading back to your Galaxy tomorrow. We have a new shipment of god toys that act very strange indeed after only one large cup of Meade. I will see you on the morrow” Cosmo was overjoyed and shook tall gods hand. “Thank you so much, I promise you won’t regret this.” The smile walked away from tall gods face. “I am sure that I won’t regret it Cosmo, I just hope you won’t. Anyway, you can thank us by shipping us some more of whatever you spiked the Meade with. Now get your god ass out of here before they change their minds.” The smile came running back and jumped on tall gods face just in time for him to go back to happy hour.
Cosmo left a very happy god. Now he could go hang out at The Hershey Bar, get plastered and enjoy some of the new god toys that Tall god spoke of. Cosmo walked up to the bar, ordered a large Meade and sat down. From the corner of his god eye he spied his old friend Simon, whom he had just spoken of to Tall god. Cosmo called out, “Simon old friend, your god ears must have been ringing with joy. Why I was just bragging to Tall god how well your Tolkien Galaxy has turned out.” When Simon stood up he towered over just about everyone. A tad shorter than Tall god, yet enormously wide. His torso was so big and round that many joked he must have swallowed one of his planets whole. Though none brave enough to say it to his face as he was as foreboding as he was large. His massive thighs stood like oak trees holding up a huge muscular frame. A god who loved to fight and had a reputation for putting out the lights of many a challenger. But as frightening and ornery as he was, if you had the opportunity as Cosmo had to really get to know him, he was the best friend you could ever hope for. When he met Cosmo’s gaze Simons huge orange eyes lit up and a giant smile took over his entire face. Simon was also an endlessly jovial god. When I say his smile took over his face I mean it quite literally. His mandibles had developed the ability to dislodge and become unusually huge. It was most likely a mutation made to help accommodate his voracious appetite and deep bellowing belly laugh which he invited into the room for all to hear. “Oh my supreme being if it isn’t Cosmosaurus himself.” Simon immediately filled the airwaves with his infamous laugh. He could say things about you that might normally erupt in a war if anyone else said it. But Simon did it lovingly with a decibel challenging laugh. All one could do was smile and enjoy some of the excess mirth his body exuded. Cosmo smiled a big smile as well and the two hugged. When Cosmo looked at Simons smile, a thought hit him. Maybe I could use that for my snakes and let them eat other things whole. How fucking cool would that be? Cosmo’ss thought went on vacation as his body was near crushed under the weight of Simon’s constricting bear hug. “Well supreme being damn it Sime, how the fuck have you been? Haven’t seen you since your hashish experiments. It was so impressive and cool that I planted some in my garden.” Simon was blushing now and he placed his hands on his thick curly long locks of sandy colored hair and threw them into the air. “Ah yes, the laughing root labs. Still going strong all over Tolkien.” He looked to the bartender. “Dean, give my old friend here a large Meade Plus on me.” He then turned to Cosmo. “Pound down that lame drink there and try this new one. Laced with some shit called Opium. I got it from the Ming Dynasty Galaxy. This shit kicks some serious god ass. Speaking of god ass Cosmo, what say we indulge in the new toys that arrived last week.” Of course Cosmo was game for anything, so he guzzled his plain Meade and took a sip of his Meade Plus. “Wow Simon, this shit tastes great.” Simon let a quick chuckle sneak out which actually shook the bar. “And less filling ha ha. Just wait until the Ming shit kicks in. You will feel it everywhere if you catch my drift.” Cosmo did indeed catch his drift. The stories of Simons escapades with the lady gods were legend. “Hey Simon, I am getting some intelligence enhancer for earth tomorrow. How did you get yours to work so well?” Simon took a large gulp of his Meade Plus, and wiped his huge disjointed grin with the back of his oversized paw of a hand. “Oh shit Cosmo, you are gonna love this shit, but it takes a little work. The first species I gave it to was the repojacks. I just used a dab to experiment with and they learned language almost immediately. But I made the mistake of trying to guide them telling them what they should do. One day the leader of the repojacks comes up to me and starts to bitch up a weather pattern. He says to me, ‘We can’t seem to do nothing right for you. Simon says do this, Simon says do this we do this, Simon says do that, Simon says do that we do that, but the one time we do that without Simon saying you make us start all over again. It’s like a fucking kid game or something. Then they tells me we have decided to quit your Simon sez do this game and play our own game of tag and you are not it. We are it and you can’t do nothing about it. Well I was having none of that shit so I made everyone Midas tagged turn to gold ice.” Out came the famous belly laugh as Simon was obviously quite amused with himself. In between choking laughs Simon explained how the “Mother Fuckers” inadvertently discovered freeze tag. After about six and a half minutes of uncontrollable laughing the two old friends took deep breaths and deep sips of Meade Plus. “My point being Cosmo, as tempting as it is I think it is better to not have our creations worship us. It only leads to revolts. I almost got caught by the board on that one. But, it IS your garden, so you must choose how you grow it. Make sure you give it to an appropriate species and keep both your eyes on them at all times. Just have fun and by all means do not rush things.” This being the second time today he heard this, Cosmo made a note to himself to heed the advice. He listened but he had already made most of his plans. Right now it is time to enjoy this evening.
The Meade Plus was doing its job well. Cosmo was feeling as happy as if he had had some mushroom juice. He felt the happy but not only happy he was also feeling unusually strong, especially in his god loin region. He had a sensation that his all his muscles had gotten bigger, but especially that pleasure muscle that hangs between his legs. Time now to experience the attributes of some of the new god toys.
New god toys was code for a breed of lady god pleasers that are specifically bred to help satisfy a gods sexual needs. For the Goddesses they had goddess toys as no god could fully satisfy a Lady Lords near insatiable sexual appetite. Like everything else both gods and goddesses have a strong and fervent desire for sex and a seemingly unending performance need. Unlike non-gods, they can not only last as much as 8 hours straight, they can enjoy as many as 12 partners in a row, or even at the same time. Their sexual prowess goes beyond anything any intelligent species could ever even imagine let alone perform. So new “god toys” were indeed a special treat and this new batch would be no exception.
No sooner did Cosmo and Simon get into the playroom when already the zippers of their trousers came down. As one would expect the extremely large Simon was well endowed in every area of his body. A slightly too audible gasp was heard by the first god toy that touched his play tool. Cosmo couldn’t help but look over and the appendage was so huge even he blushed. “Oh my Creator man that thing is too big. You will break the new toys as surely as I stand here in envy.” But Simon was paying him no mind and had already taken 3 toys off to ravage and enjoy. He carried one over each shoulder while the third clung with her legs tightly bound to his oak tree thigh while holding on to the joy handle with both hands. Simon disappeared into a private room and it instantaneously filled with screams, squeals, and a chorus of “Holy Shit that thing is enormous”. Cosmo had only one single god toy caressing his much less imposing yet still impressive love muscle. The god toy looked up and was instantly and happily struck by Cosmo’s good looks. He has an angular well defined face with a nose that seemed to be chiseled in place perfectly. His long dark black hair rolled over his broad shoulders in layered waves. Unlike Simon there was not a single ounce of excess body fat on his well defined muscular body. His chest puffed out proudly on its own and had just enough hair on it .His arms were like argon filled balloons. He ha a smile was every bit as engaging as Simons without a trace of the gregariousness. The god toy spoke to him. “My but you are handsome, you are by far the best looking and easiest to look at god I have ever seen. I can tell I am truly going to enjoy this assignment.” Cosmo flashed her a smile so alluring she made a soft purring sound. The second he looked at her fuscia pink eyes he knew he wanted her to be exclusive. She had tight blue and green corkscrew curls that formed bangs above the sexy eyes and her head was framed perfectly with platinum hair in the shape of a crescent. The tips that disappeared under her chin were ebony black. A sight to behold. Of course her body was bred so close to perfection it didn’t seem fair to other females. Long muscular legs with perfectly proportioned hips. He pulled her hand away from his crotch and scooped her up in his strong arms. “Then lets get a private room and begin enjoying each other.” The god toy smiled as it was the first and quite possibly last time a god would treat her so tenderly. “Have you a name young maiden? Mine is Cosmo, but I prefer to be called Coz.” God toy looked up and said “They named me Ginger, but my real Name is Mary Anne.” Cosmo smiled another winner, “Ah that’s great, I think I like Mary Anne more than Ginger. I shall refer to you as Mary Anne and request you for the entire night.” Mary Anne blushed at the thought of being an exclusive. “Are you sure you don’t want a few others Mr. Coz?” Cosmo stared at her with eyes so filled with lust and passion it would have melted the butter clear through the refrigerator door. “First of all Mary Anne, its not Mr., but just Coz, and second, I prefer to concentrate all my enjoyment on the most beautiful maid and you are by far the hottest babe in The District. And its not the Meade Plus talking.” While he was talking Cosmo, I mean Coz, unbuttoned her blouse. He reached inside and cupped her smooth and delicate lady lumps paying extra attention to the nipple. Gently twisting his fingers as he inched his lips towards her at a teasingly slow rate. Her breathing was deep and heavy and her eyes burned with desire. When he clamped his warm lips over her soft full lips their tongues exploded in a furious search. Wrapped around each other the tongues danced and twisted to a passion rhythm. She arced her hips and Cosmo pressed his groin into hers. He could feel her loin shudder beneath her skirt and was well aware of how his touch had rendered her helpless. A shit storm of physical pleasure was about to explode between her legs and Mary Anne was quite willing to set the charge. Her hips swayed rhythmically anticipating the take off of Cosmo’s missile into her love canal. T minus ten, nine, eight, and within seconds the rockets red glare disappeared deep inside of Mary Anne orbiting her pleasure zone. Her sexy lips were adorned in bright red gloss and they parted slightly to allow a sensual hum sneak out and hang in the air like giant cloud. Her large pink saucer eyes now focused on Coz’s with intent directed at satisfying him like no one before.
During their nine hours of exclusive bliss no less than eight god toys had gone in and out, pun intended, of Simons room and each lasted no more than two hours before being replaced. The squeals were non stop and Simon cold be heard roaring with delight on several occasions. By contrast, Coz had only one visitor, the very lovely Mary Anne the entire time but the squeals and roars were every bit as ferocious and ten times as passionate and meaningful. The noticeable difference was that Coz’s roars and Mary Anne’s screams had an addded tenderness and order to them. When Cosmo had finally exhausted his final lust thrust everything ounce of Mary Anne was filled with love liquid. Coz was exhausted yet overflowing with pleasure and the room was filled of the smells of nine straight hours of love making. Mary was full as well having just been injected with a massive amount of god seamen. So much had Cosmo come inside Mary Anne that every time she sneezed a handful of microscopic god sperm snuck out into the night for a moonlight walk. Conceiving child is somewhat of an occupational hazard for god toys. It isn’t common but it does happen, and like most gods Cosmo refused to use a hefty bag. The thought of pregnancy crossed his mind but by the time it got to the other side it was forgotten. Pregnancy wasn’t able to cross Mary Anne’s mind, at least not for the moment. The nine hours was normal for Cosmo but it had taken quite a toll on Mary Anne. Physically exhausted, her curly platinum blond an patchy colored hair was tussled and matted and sat like an eagles nest above her head. The tight blue and green curls all but gave up curling and lay as limp as Mary Anne herself. She stared up at the ceiling as if still stunned by an amazing dream. The smile on her face would make Simons best smile hang its head in defeat. Her smile was immobile, sitting on her face on its own accord because Mary lacked any energy. Even as Cosmo got up to leave and thanked her the happy glossed over orbs remained fixed on the ceiling. Unable to move, the smile unwilling to leave, she laid there in bed as Coz kissed her gently on the forehead and told her he would never forget her. It’s quite possible she nodded or shuddered a thank you, but if she did it was imperceptible to the naked eye. Or the naked anything else for that matter. Cosmo wrapped on Simons door and yelled out “Good bye old friend, until next time.” Perhaps it went unheard, or perhaps Simon was in a position that prohibited response, but the squeals continued albeit with less than half the enthusiasm shown earlier. It was time to get some sleep and pick up his intelligence seeds the next morn. There was much to be done. As Cosmo left the room he heard a barely perceptible moan that sounded like “mmmmm so fucking good, so fucking good, thank you Cosmo, thank god. mmmm” There was something else in the air too, something Cosmo could not recognize. It almost felt as though someone else was in the room.

Fear Me

On September 4, 2014September 2, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Fear ignorance and hate once decimated the world
Its making a comeback
Fanning its flames of anger over social media
Because of me
Get ready for the new apocalypse
Brought to you in living color
Exploding on your screens
Wars and disasters everywhere
At the click of a mouse
And I bring it to you free
I am fear
I am rage and fury
I am hatred
I am that I am
Fear me
Fear my deceptions
Hate your neighbor
As thyself
No respect
No compassion
Nothing matters
I alone am the center of the universe
Kneel and worship me
Me
Me me me
Fear me
Fear my deceptions
Fear my opinions
Fear my truths
Fear my lies
Be what I tell you to be
Think what I tell you to think
Sing your songs of me
Kill for me
Crucify the different
Crucify cultures
Genocidal murder
Murder is redemption
Redeem your neighbors
I am the pinnacle
Death is coming soon and you better be ready
Judgment day is arriving
Coming soon to a combat theater near you
I supply the anger
You supply the death
Seven deadly sins as one
Hate
Stand before me
Be judged
Feel the tremble
Fear me
Fear my wrath
Feel the paranoia
Deception reigns
Fear my dominance
Praise me
I am the savior and the destroyer
Redeem yourself to me
I have dominion over all things
I am angry
I am the Kingdom
The power
The glory forever
Fear me

Reboot , An Evolutionary Tale

On August 29, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Part I

Last thing I remember was sudden darkness and the sound of shattering glass all around accompanied by a coarse rhythm of twisting crunching metal. Car accident? Yes, yes that’s it, I was driving down the highway in a mad rush because I was late for work and then…..and then… then what? Everything is so damn foggy. Wait! Where am I? Feels like I’m in the haze of dry ice smoke at a rock show but maybe its?…Well it sure don’t smell like weed so probably not a rock show but where am I? What’s with all the smoky mist? I was in my car on the way to work and what? Oh shit now I remember, some asshole came across the median and right into……. Oh fuck, I was in a bad accident, I’m in a hospital. Yea, that’s it, I’m in a hospital and….. No wait, that can’t be right, the mist, no tubes or wires, no beeps, not in a bed, I’m…ah I’m in a…No! Wait! I’m fucking dead man? My flair for the dramatic not yet dead I paused for effect…..That’s when it began to settle into my head. I was killed in a car accident and now I’m in….. In where? The morgue? Heaven? Purgatory? The “Heaven Can Wait” waiting room? Is my AS2 guardian angel Clarence Odbody coming to take me away and earn his wings? But that’s not possible, I’m an existentialist, and if there is God he isn’t about to let me hang out on his turf, he’d probably send me to one of those special places I hear them talk about in churches. So then just where the Hell am I, pardon the expression? Actual Hell? As I was pondering my death fate a loudspeaker broke the unearthly silence. “Hilltop, Justin Thyme? Is there a JT Hilltop here?”
Before I heard this announcement I was merely confused. I thought I was all alone but I must be in a group of some sort and someone is paging me. Now its like “Peeewwww…. Mind blown!” Here I am trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my death when I get mind-fucked by a loudspeaker. Do I stand up or do I pretend I didn’t hear it? I was right at the point of making a decision when I noticed standing right in front of me was a young dude. “You’re JT, yes?” I gave this, this, umm, entity the once over. A nerdy looking kid somewhere in his late twenties with thick rimmed glasses and a bargain store suit that was a bit to big for his small clunky frame. He had thick but very short dark black hair and not a hint of a smile on his face. He didn’t even look my way as he was running his eyes over something on a clipboard waiting for confirmation from me. After a few seconds of silence he spoke in a monotone voice, “Don’t make this difficult Mr. Hilltop, you’re already dead so you really have nowhere else to go. Just come with me please.” He never even waited for acknowledgement just began walking away. I stood and blindly followed out of the misty mist.
At first I was kinda hoping he was in search of his lost personality but I wasn’t gonna wait to find out. I decided I would try and engage this nerd so maybe he could help acclimate me as to just where I was, “So this is your job? You come to bring the dead to their destination? Who exactly are you working for?” His pace quickened, “Something like that Mr. Hilltop. I work for no one and everyone now just come along please, no time for idle chatter.” I processed his statement. No time? Maybe he has no time but if I’m dead what the fuck do I care about time? “I have nothing but time young dude, so help an old man out here, what’s going on? Are you with the Geek Death Squad?” The nerd shook his head as though I was exasperating to him, “Mr.Hilltop you died! You have ceased to exist. You were in a car accident, a drunk driver hit you head on. Looking over your file sir it seems about as an appropriate way to die as I’ve ever seen given your pension for the bottle. That or cirrhosis anyway. Your at the terminal right now, and please no lame jokes about the name terminal its been done a few million times over the years by people far less witty than you think you are. I’m your agent assigned to take you to your Sherpa who will assist you in your transition. Now please keep quiet and continue to follow me we’re nearly there.” The only sound after his stern admonition as the tapping of our feet and the cursing under my breath.
I reached the end of a hallway feeling like my head was spinning. Not really dizzy, but constantly spinning. Grumpy the young douche-nerd opened a door speaking to someone on the other side, “I have a very uncooperative Mr. Justin Thyme Hilltop here sir. He never shuts up and he is now your problem, not mine. He’s all yours Dee.” The door opened wide so I walked inside, or actually outside. I found myself on a beautiful mountain about half the way up. Surrounded by gorgeous greenery of tree’s and shrubs, the sound of running water combined with an assortment of indefinable sounds made from various animals. An old man with long white hair complete with matching silvery beard stood in front of me. “Hey, are like Gandalf or something man? Is this Middle Earth here?” The old man smiled warmly like…..well like Gandalf actually, “No Justin, I’m not Gandalf, I’m certainly no magician or wizard and this is nothing like Middle Earth. This is Interface Mountain, I am your Sherpa, Dee Bays. Its my job to lead you back to the Mainframe after discovering your rightful place. Hopefully you can be re appropriated correctly.” I chuckled, “You’re who then and this is what now? Sorry old dude but I didn’t get a word of what the hell you just said. All I wanna know is are you the one who can tell me what exactly is going on here?” The old man had very old eyes, much older than even he himself, yet they were incredibly calming. It was as though those old eyes were a separate entity that seemed to put me at ease. Old dude placed his arm over my shoulders, “It’s okay Justin, or do you really prefer JT?” I smiled, “You can call me whatever you want but I prefer JT. How much longer do I have?” The old dude let a small laugh slip out, “Are you in a hurry JT? I can speed this up if you want?” I was pretty sure he was teasing me but just in case I answered with fear and desperation, “No,no,no, seriously, I’m in no hurry. Its just….Well my head is spinning and I feel confused.” Old dude began walking up a mountain path signaling for me to follow, “You head is spinning because of the buffering JT, it’s a side effect of dying. It will go away once your operating system is renewed. When someone dies their faith dictates their destiny, and you my friend to use a Zodiac analogy, are an Existentialist with Buddhism rising. Therefore your destiny is to reach a sort of nirvana of your own through serenity. You don’t get to reincarnate exactly, no heaven or hell for you but you get to see what really happens at the top of the Hill of Life, Interface Mountain. Some get to believe they are in heaven or hell, some Jahanna or Jahannam, still others get to believe their fates are to be placed on various cycles of life. But in the end it’s all the same, everyone goes to the top of the mountain.” I thought this over in an attempt to make sense for quite some time as I aimlessly followed him up the mountain path heading toward the sound of running water which was getting closer and closer.
Within minutes we reached the source of the sound, a running stream, where old dude sat down. “Sounds serene, yes JT?” I sat as well, “Yea serene, but why would I want serene now? I mean I’m dead right? So why wouldn’t I want to take one last fast ride with blaring rock music? What’s so cool about serenity if that’s what I’m always gonna have now?” He looked at me with a hint of curiosity, “I think you are misunderstanding JT, you’re not going to be surrounded with serenity, your going to be surrounded by nothingness. No serenity, no rides, no music, nothing! This is your last chance to enjoy the feeling serenity brings so enjoy it. Once you complete the climb its just over. Nothing, kaput, nada. Your life has ended my boy and there’s no turning back, no other worlds, nothing. Everything ceases.” Suddenly those warm comforting eyes seemed cold and dispassionate, “Well then why the fuck are we doing this? Just let me fucking die for Christ’s sake!”
The old dude stood up speaking in an exhausted tone, “Maybe its best if you finish your trek alone. You’re in such a hurry to finish dying just go on ahead by yourself, stick it yourself!” He handed me some kind of cable wire, turned and walked away. Feeling a strange aloneness I began chatting myself up, “Who fucking needs him anyway. Stick it myself? What a dick, doesn’t even speak English right. I’ll stick it myself all right. Maybe I won’t even go up the mountain, maybe I’ll just run down the stream. The fuck with him man, I’m outta here.” I turned and began following the stream towards the bottom of the mountain. “Fuck Dee Bays, I’m going where I wanna go dead or not! Stick it myself?! I‘ll stick it where the fucking sun don‘t shine baby. One last ride downstream, to hell with Interface Mountain.”
TBC

Empty Anointment

On June 1, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

A bright shining halo of burnt orange light
I Turned my eye to escape its sharp glare
Entered the shrine of the illustrated windows
Looked around but found nobody there

Prayed for the light to shine and enlighten
Begged someone for a real show and tell
Just needed a message that I’m not by myself
Negotiate the stairways of heaven and hell

I sensed near a presence indignantly stern
Stood frozen after I felt the piercing glance
Felt a harrowing figure of my non redemption
With his deep voice pounding he broke my trance

“You shall wallow in shame and inferiority
I’ll strike you down just prove superiority
So stand here trembling amongst the minority
Or concede to my flock join the moral majority”

“Come forth to donate and cleanse your reputation
Return every Sunday and seek divine reparation
The cost of enrollment will pay for my vacation
Mercy and damnation harbor no discrimination”

I stood and stared with nothing to say
The false prophet had spewed out his lies
Promises made on the mist of the fog
Liturgical vestments were just a disguise

“It’s from your imitation I need to be saved
Integrity seems to have snuck out the door
You fill up my cup with deceitful betrayal
Discouragement burns from each little pore”

Undaunted he towered across the artificial alter
Confidence flowing rapid across the River Styx
With great condescension he laughed in my face
His sacrosanct words from a mere bag of tricks

“Kneel before me I’ll free you from despair and distain
Grant you enough individuality to clutter your brain
It may cause you to ponder you’re rational mind
If you seek redemption then join my campaign”

It wasn’t redemption that brought me inside
No need of sanctuary or someplace to hide
It was mere curiosity that brought me the question
Don’t need to anyone to validate my indiscretion
False ecclesiastics can grow like a cancer
I need only look in myself to search out my answer
On the shoulders of angels the devils they fought
Praise him or fear him the difference is naught
It isn’t the redemption you’ll find in the end
In communion of life we will finally transcend

Terrapin – The Journey

Tag: religion

Highjinx At The Hershey Bar / from Cosmo and His Garden Earth

From Cosmo and His Garden Earth/ The Mass Extinction

Original Thought And The Prophet

The Miracle On Thirty Fourth Steep

Apocalypse Wow (part 1) (A twisted tale from the unrepentant liar series)

Living La Vida Existential

Cosmo’s Guide To Cosmic Gardening

Fear Me

Reboot , An Evolutionary Tale

Empty Anointment