Silent Scream

silent scream

Confusion
Am I damaged?
Deranged?’
Rearranged?
Aggravated and depraved
Never to be saved
Go away
Just disappear
Panic and fear
My constant companions
Forever in tandem
Delusional confusion
Talking so random
The voices
The shrieks
Keeping me together
Tearing me apart
Causing my pain
Folding my brain
Origami nightmares
The stares
Under the stairs
The stares and the glares
Tingling arm hairs
Nobody there
Inside my head
Despair
Its not fair
The era of terror
Is real and forever
I’m broken
Fragmented
Screaming in silence
Denial defiance
I need fixing
Remixing
Not blind confinement
Just an alignment
Set my inner rhythm’
Back to the beginnin’
Don’t just remind me
Of failures behind me
I don’t need a jailor
Because of my failure
I’m only injured
Mentally battered
Broken and shattered
Brain splattered
Grey matter scattered
Doesn’t matter
They can’t hear
No one hears the fear
Screaming in silence
Internally violent
Help!
No one near
Closed ears
Yell and shout
Growing doubt
Help me!
I scream but nothing comes out
A silent shout
Vocal drought
Raucously chaotic
Without a doubt
Franticly psychotic
Is what I’m about
The maddening crowd
Getting much too loud
Carnival shrieks
From voiceless freaks
No help will arrive
Stuck on this ride
Self destructive slide
Even failed suicide
Hide
Been hiding for years
Eyes full of tears
Ears full of jeers
My panic my fears
They’re my team
My life theme
I hope this silent scream
Is only a dream
Can anybody hear?
Doesn‘t matter, it will all be over soon anyway.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline….1-800-273-8255
Criris Hotline….800-784-2433
Depression Hotline..630-482-9696
All numbers are toll free, confidential, and 24/7
Help is only a phone call away
Be heard
PEACE

Rear View Paranoid

REAR-VIEW

I thought my life was flashing before my eyes as paranoia began creating a vortex for its ascent from my stomach up into my head. Fear shot electronic impulses through my entire body as the flashing continued. Get hold of yourself dude, everythings cool!! Its an actual flashing not my life flashing. A quick peek in the rear view mirror reveals there is a cop car advertising its intentions behind me in my car. The cop car drove past me in pursuit of another driver. My adrenal glands began chuckling as the paranoia flew out the window into the cosmos. Those flashing lights weren’t for me at all. The welcome relief washed over me but the tension remained. WTF? At this point of my life I am an upstanding law abiding citizen. Well aside from whatever I may do in the privacy of my own home but that’s my business. My car is legal, I drive and obey the traffic laws, (like never speed when a cop is near by, etc.) so I have no reason to fear even if I do get pulled over. I no longer keep any stashes under my seat or papers in the console. Hell man, I even had my seatbelt on. So why this rush of paranoia every time a cop is behind me when I drive? Primal evolutionary instinct? Not exactly but it can be traced back to my teen years.
Like most of the derelict suburban youths of my era my first contact with police outside of school visits, or watching Dick Tracy and Courageous cat and Minute Mouse, was our own teenage version of cat and mouse with the cops. We wanted to get drunk drinking cheap beer or wine and they wanted to catch us and sadistically pour it out while sarcastically letting us know we should head home to Mommy and Daddy. In truth it was an okay relationship for both parties, they could tell the adults in town that the streets were free of drunken degenerate teen hoodlums and we only had to cry over spilled beer, not get in big trouble with Mom and Dad. But it all changed when the evil Satan Smoke, Beelzebub bud, the Devils Weed crept its vile horned joint rolled self into our teen culture. The sinister antichrist herbal delight swept into our teen lungs, relieving our teen angst, making us teen laugh, giving us teen munchies, and made us feel all around teen fucking awesome.
Unfortunately the post teen portion of suburbia was not as enchanted with wacky weed as we were, they were certain it would turn each and every one of us into drug addicted serial killers who threaten to tear and shred the very fabric of their three martini society to shreds. Our relationship with the police altered drastically at this point. The police needed to massage the concerns of the scotch swilling adults assuring them no marijuana could find its way into their neighborhoods but we wanted to massage our minds with that very same illegal weed of wit and wisdom. Now our job as teens was to smoke pot and get high free of handcuffs and the cops hoped to arrest us and lock us up so the rest of society could rest easy knowing the refer mad hooligans were locked up alongside murderers, rapers, and armed robbers. Where we belonged. (is there a special font for sarcasm?) Then and only then could society relax and take a deep breath. Not a breath test, because I’m pretty certain most of our parents would register above the limit for alcohol. Anyway, the dichotomy changed, we found better hiding spots and continued our evil ways and cops continued in fruitless pursuit of passionate pot puffing juvenile perps.
Once we began driving however, the cops had the advantage. With badge comes privilege and the police were willing and able to take liberties in their attempts to remove our liberties. Now they could exact their revenge for our ability to avoid capture by flashing those strobe like red lights to pull us over on a minor violation accomplishing two things. First they knew that it sent a surge of paranoia through our circulatory systems causing discomfort, perhaps even incontinence. That’s the primal response I was speaking of earlier. Secondly, a pull over and the badge equipped them with everything they needed to search our cars to find out where we kept our hash pipes or hidden stashes, because they knew we were still prolifically puffing the perverse pot of decadence. With any luck they would then have the opportunity to use the Miranda right speech they had committed to memory for real. The bust of the neighborhood, a few more hardened (well stoned anyway) criminals locked away making society safe to continue forcing its backward values on their youths.
So now, even when I’ve reached the age where high school students read about our antics of demonstrating while high on the woeful weed in their history classes I still stiffen in paranoia when a cops lights flash in my mirror. That’s living proof of evolution right there, my brain has adapted to the fear of danger caused by flashing red lights just as our ancestors developed the fight or flight response from being chased by ferocious human devouring animals. My children probably have this red light fear gene embedded in their DNA already. Or maybe its just a stoner reaction. If that’s the case I wonder is if this paranoid phenomenon will ever cease. Will I ever be able to drive normally when a cop is behind me? Am I destined to peering behind my wheelchair in the old folks home if a light flickers while rolling to early bird dinner?
I get that the institution of policing is important, ever since I reached the point I understood I really never was invincible I understood that believing in anarchy is a part of teen angst coming of age, but like I said, I obey laws. For the most part anyway, and the few laws I may bend are hardly worth punishing because I obviously will never learn and will never consider my minor indiscretions to be evil or wrong. But seriously guys, there must be a way to break this cycle of fear every time I see a cop.
PEACE

Love Memorandum

love memo

We were taught to create
A wonderful trait
Creating is great
Working together we build
Curiosity filled
And thrilled
Constructing with good reason
A perfect artesian
Adhesion

We were taught to destroy
Shooting a toy
A horrible ploy
What we don’t like we harm
Break a leg or an arm
Sound the alarm
Teach our children to kill
One less plateful to fill
What a thrill

Create or destroy – your choice
No fists to repent or rejoice
Just use your voice
Scream for peace from a mountain
Spout your love like a fountain
We’re all countin’
We need all to be strong
To know right from wrong
And get along
We need to stand tall in tandem
Hatred just seems so random
Here’s my love memorandum:

Stop all the hate
Before its too late
Open loves gate
Together we’re great
Share us a soul
Make it a goal
to keep your love whole
Smile and cajole
Take off the blinder
As a favor its minor
Be gentler and kinder
This is a love reminder
its not just random
It’s a love memorandum
Love, the more you give it away the more of it you have. Peace

Dream In Flight

dream

Cute little puppies we rocked the world
Initials etched into tree bark forever
Eternity we sought in a quest of true love
Sweet young romantics we dreamt oh so clever

I promised one day a world written in gold
My thoughts floating in love on bound papers
But she wanted everyone to know her by name
Misplaced our dreams in a haze of false vapors

She searched for a place to build her own statue
A cherished monument on the hills of the stars
Spreading her wings reaching out to the coastline
I stayed right here reaching across hometown bars

She bartered her dream under sheets of white satin
Empty promises traded into evenings untrue
Fell victim to parasitic gold digging gourmands
Dined on of her spirit before turning the screw

Stoned on the journey all alone in the crowd
Salted droplets of blood running into her veins
Nursing her hopes with the scars of the dreams
Innocence and love had been circling the drains

And I was unable to nurture my dream as well
Story never written and name yet unpenned
Advised by the man with a rag and a shot glass
Shifting through ice cubes in search of a friend

Exchanging my keyboard for some bottles of faith
To erase the initials etched deep on my soul
Tree bark and memories are all I have left
Forgetting my past has been taking a toll

Two lovers in evening flying unbound in sight
Two dreamers not knowing nor touching their fate
The hopes of the lovers passed by without witness
Separate misfortunes that fate to never equate

No dream can soar without wings of aspiration
You can have whatever you want so they say
Beware when your dream takes off in the night
It doesn’t grab your soul as its flying away
Peace

BRAIN FLU

flu

Voices keep on taunting me
Tell me which one is right
Constant fighting in my head
Like a caged in cranium fight

Everyone just laughs at me
Whispering Kyle’s insane
They won’t get away with that
Ill show them fucking pain

I’m gonna go out and kill tonight
Someone has to die
Gotta go find a thrill tonight
That’ll really get me high

Just one thing I need to know
Not who or what or how
Only thing I need to get
Who’s that talking now?

They’re after us its time to act
Don’t listen Kyle don’t relax
Relax is what they want from you
Don’t sit in silence as you brood
Time to do it now time to act
You can do it
Act Kyle ACT!

They hate you -hit you- hurt you
They love to see you cry
Make them pay the little bitches
All of them should die
Do it Kyle, go on and do it!
Make their blood flow red
They don’t care about you Kyle
They only want you dead

No Kyle please he’s not real
Don’t listen to his crap
Don’t be a sap
Just get back in bed
He’s just a voice inside your head
He’s the one who wants you dead
Listen to me not what he said
He’s not real he’s just a voice
Come on Kyle you have a choice
Please Kyle Please take your pill
He only wants to see you kill

Not real? Not real? Of course I’m real
We’re each a part of you
Even that voice knows the deal
He’s just afraid but he’s still real
He’s no man
Afraid to take a stand
But we can do it we can kill
Its time to be a man
Get angry Kyle get good and mad
Let go Kyle and kill someone
It’ll stop you’re feeling bad
He wants them to hurt you
You know that he’s with them
They’re all out to destroy you
Kill while you still can

They don’t care Kyle
They don’t give a shit
They’ll kill you Kyle I swear they will
But we’ll have none of it
Time to fight, go ahead Kyle
Go and get the gun!
Get it now before you cave
Get it now its their blood you crave
They can’t laugh from in their grave

No please Kyle no, don’t get the gun, everything will be okay
Go back to bed get some sleep tomorrow’s another day
Don’t listen to him Kyle
He’s a chicken and a wimp
But he does have one point
Tomorrow Kyle is another day
Another day to disappoint
Another day of taunting
Another day of shame
Another day to make you sweat
Like its some fucking game
A day of laughing behind your backs
Get the gun Kyle get the bullets
Get it now
End their attacks
Remember Alice in the sheets
Remember Alice always cheats
Get the gun

STOP!
No more! My head hurts! Oh my Go it hurts so much!
Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!
Shut up all of you – just shut up!
Leave me alone please leave me alone. Get out of my mind
Someone please make them shut up make them stop!
Why do you guys all want to hurt me too?
What’d I ever do?
My heads all twisted my nerves are shot
I hate you all the entire lot
Why are these voice in my head
What am I to do?
Everyone keeps pushing me
I wish this shit was through
Yelling pushing shoving pounding
hurting inside my head
Get out of here go away all of you
I wish that I was dead
Then again, maybe you’re right
It all makes sense now Alice laughs
But the fault is hers
She laughs when I feel hurt
Maybe she’ll be happy
With blood all on her skirt
I’ll kill them both that wretched bitch
Her bastard boyfriend too
There’ll be hundreds dead tonight
Before the evenings through

But maybe I should take the pill
The one that makes me numb
That takes away the inner me
And leaves me feeling dumb
At least it makes the voices leave
For better or for worse
Plus one more night without the need
Of leaving in a hearse

Brain is hot, minds all sweaty
Voices start to muffle
Hope this brain flu ends on the med train
The Thorazine dull shuffle
Getting cool, heads quiet for a while
But who am?
Who are you?
And lastly,
Who is Kyle?

G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
……………..G’nite guys, see ya tomorrow
Seriously, if you need help ask and if you know someone who may be suffering from depression or any other psyche challenging issues reach out. No one should have to fight themselves alone. PEACE

Three Piece Blind

greed

Slinking from behind a shadow the three piece suit appears
You’re distracted by desperation as your money disappears
Right hand shaking yours with a smile of keen deception
Left hand shakes your wallet to complete an interception
Trust me my friend I have a deal you couldn’t possibly refuse
With my creative banking there’s no way that we can lose
Confides you reassurance with a smile that came from hell
His pen is dipped in ink of greed from Satan’s own inkwell
Sign right here, and here, and here it only costs your soul
Partnering with your money is the three piece’s only goal
Now you’re broke and suit gets fatter each and every day
Nobody’s cash will be secure if the three piece has his way
So be aware if a greedy suit skulks up on you from behind
You lose everything including hope when your faith is three piece blind

Fear Me

fear me

Fear ignorance and hate once decimated the world
Its making a comeback
Fanning its flames of anger over social media
Because of me
Get ready for the new apocalypse
Brought to you in living color
Exploding on your screens
Wars and disasters everywhere
At the click of a mouse
And I bring it to you free
I am fear
I am rage and fury
I am hatred
I am that I am
Fear me
Fear my deceptions
Hate your neighbor
As thyself
No respect
No compassion
Nothing matters
I alone am the center of the universe
Kneel and worship me
Me
Me me me
Fear me
Fear my deceptions
Fear my opinions
Fear my truths
Fear my lies
Be what I tell you to be
Think what I tell you to think
Sing your songs of me
Kill for me
Crucify the different
Crucify cultures
Genocidal murder
Murder is redemption
Redeem your neighbors
I am the pinnacle
Death is coming soon and you better be ready
Judgment day is arriving
Coming soon to a combat theater near you
I supply the anger
You supply the death
Seven deadly sins as one
Hate
Stand before me
Be judged
Feel the tremble
Fear me
Fear my wrath
Feel the paranoia
Deception reigns
Fear my dominance
Praise me
I am the savior and the destroyer
Redeem yourself to me
I have dominion over all things
I am angry
I am the Kingdom
The power
The glory forever
Fear me

Reboot, An Evolutionary Tale

part 2

Previously:

I’ve nothing but time young dude, so help an old man out here, what’s going on? Are you with the Geek Death Squad?”

Hey, are like Gandalf or something man? Is this Middle Earth here?”

“You head is spinning because of the buffering JT, it’s a side effect of dying. It will go away once your operating system is renewed.”

Fuck Dee Bays, I’m going where I wanna go dead or not! Stick it myself?! I‘ll stick it where the fucking sun don‘t shine baby. One last ride downstream, to hell with Interface Mountain.
II
The anger began subsiding while having fun jumping from rock to rock attempting to negotiate my way downstream. The ice cold water rushed up over my feet, some rocks were slippery some not so much but all in all I just had a great time laughing and jumping. Who needs serenity? Rock jumping was always one of the most fun things my friends and I did when we were teens on our vacations in the Catskills. Criss-crossing the streams looking for the water falls, stopping to smoke some weed here and there, just the most carefree days ever. Those were the days man, getting stoned, listening to rock, climbing rocks, riding down waterfalls, skinny dipping, making love out in wilderness, doing whatever we wanted without a worry in the world. It was so much fun and so relaxing. I was so into the memories I barely even noticed that the fish in the stream were hopping along following me downstream until I heard one speak. Yea, yea, I know, it sounds all hallucinationy and trippy, a little too much THC, but I hadn’t smoked anything in ages and wasn’t in possession of anything now. But I had no doubt it was a fish talking when it jumped out of the water addressing me directly , “Isn’t this great? Makes me feel so serene.” I laughed, partially because a fish was speaking to me and partially because I was feeling giddy, “Yea your right there Mr. Trout, it is almost serene. Its actually…..wait….Did you say SERENE?” Trouts were now jumping all over the place. I heard a stupid fish tell me it felt serene, just like the old dude wanted me enjoy. Co-incidence? No way! I spoke to all the trouts in a voice loud enough for all to hear, “Okay, way to weird, there’s something fishy here!” The trout all began jumping and giggling, “We’re all fishy JT, on a scale of one to fin, we are most definitely fin possessing talking fish.” Now I’m conversing with a group of rainbow trouts! “Cut the shit! Fish can’t talk, is that you old dude?” But the giggling touts wouldn’t stop, I felt like I was trapped in some Billy The Big Mouth Bass infomercial. My own personal Hell, a bunch of fish making fun of me. “Old dude old dude fish can’t talk, young dude young dude fish can’t walk.” A chorus of trout singing like school children. One trout stopped in front of me peering up from some rocks, “Fish can’t talk? Says who JT? We have always talked, you just never cared enough to listen JT. You humans are so wrapped up in your own worlds you never take the time out to try and communicate with other species unless its for your benefit or pleasure. You trap animals in labs for testing, stick us in zoos or aquariums so your kids can gawk at us, or pen us up and force feed us to make us big so we can feed and clothe you. You always act like you’re the most important thing on this planet but you’re far from it. Only in your deaths are you ever properly humbled. That’s why you guys only get rebooted. You’re no longer a part of the cycle of life, you disregard the laws of nature. Time for you to leave this stream, you don’t belong here. We don‘t want you here.” All the other trout had become silent creating a pounding silence that I remembered all too well. All the times I got into real bad trouble with Mom and Dad they would gang up on me to grill me with questions and accusations to near breaking point. I remember the silence thundering out a pulsating uneasy rhythm, a loud yet inaudible thumping warning me that I had no way out, I was caught. Busted. This is absurd! I want to cry because a trout just put me in my place. I felt a tear sneak out and roll down my cheek. As if on cue a towel hit the top of my forehead and covered my face. “Wipe off the tears JT, time to go.”
I recognized the voice in an instant. Old dude. “Hey man what was that all about? You get talking fish to make a point for you? Then force me to dredge up an unpleasant childhood memory? Why, just because I wouldn’t do what you wanted me to? Okay I get, I get it, you win old dude. I’ll go to the top of the mountain. Just no more of this weird shit man, it’s freaking me out. I just wanna get this over with.” I waded through the stream to the bank in the direction the towel had come from. “You don’t need to climb anywhere JT, you’re at the top of Interface Mountain.” I wiped my face with the towel and looked around astonished. Sure enough, I was at the top of the mountain looking at an amazing waterfall just below my feet. The water shot out a good ten feet over the mountain to what had to be a two hundred yard drop of sparkling silver sheets of moving water. “How the…what the….I thought you said you weren’t a wizard old dude?” Old dude was now sitting in front of me suspended in air without visible support, “I’m not a wizard JT, I’m a cloud, a data base. Its not Dee Bays, its D-Base. I am all the genetic information of humanity, the database of human existence and evolution. You’re here to be rebooted into another human life form but first I am attempting to load some information into you so the next human will grow up with some of your memories.” He placed his hand gently under my chin and closed my gaping jaw, “Wait, what? You’re implanting memories in me before letting die? I don’t get it, why?” Before I knew it I was sitting suspended in front of him. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, I mean I’ve been through a very strange death ordeal, the geek, Gandalf here, the mountain, talking to some angry trout, so why not float on air while some cloud injects me with memories? Sounds pretty plausible. “Not implant false memories in you JT, just pass along your DNA with a little more information designed to get humans back on track in evolutionary terms. Not so much passing you memories but more like echoes of memories. Did you ever just know something and not remember why you knew it, or gone somewhere familiar? Or see a place that intrigues you an you can’t figure out why? That’s not coincidence JT, its memory echoes of previous lives. You have echoes in your head that track back as far as the dawn of civilization. Take the fight or flight gene, or the fact that toxins smell putrid to you. Those are echoes you have from previous lives, ones who discovered the hard way that toxins can kill. That’s what evolution does, it takes these echoes and creates new defenses and strategies from them. Unfortunately, somewhere shortly before the Agricultural Revolution humans began practicing rituals that go against the law of nature. Life my son is a system of perfect synergies. Trees absorb the energy from the sun, supply homes to millions of creatures, give us oxygen, and when they die they feed millions of micro-organisms which are eaten by insects. The insects are eaten by larger predators and those predators eaten by even larger ones. And when creatures die they feed the vegetation through decomposition. A perfect system. Well perfect until humans began burning their dead, bogarting the vegetation, and killing other creatures because they MAY eat plants you determined you could own. You can’t own things that grow freely, but humans don’t care about that, they lock up food keeping it away, tear apart ecosystems to build factories. You destroy more than you create. Progress is one thing, you’re evolving to be smarter yet you still aren’t smart enough to see how life works. Not just for humans, but for all things.”

I really had to mull this over, I mean I dig that he‘s right about some things but we need to survive as a species. I can think of a number of assholes that could use some of his echoes, but why me? “So stop me if you heard this before, you want to plant that info into my DNA like a gene splice, send me down the river where I’ll be what? Born again? Are you Gandalf the Baptist or something? This is crazy man. Listen old dude, all due respect, but I am not like that, I care about the planet and what humans do to it. Okay, I may not belong to Greenpeace, I’m no Ralph Fucking Nader or anything but I did my part and I love animals. Not like throw red paint on a mink coat PETA love but loved none the less. I understand we treat animals real shitty sometimes and I wasn’t like a vegan or anything but I understood and disliked the way animals were treated. Hunting for sport seemed selfish and wrong to me. I respected other life forms and have always kept an open mind about life. Now I’m dead and you keep playing head games trying to make me feel bad about how humans have acted and frankly G its not my damn fault. I care and I understand. Why not peddle this stuff to the jerks who need it” Old dude was smiling like he had just sunk my Battleship. “Yes JT, and where do you think your feelings came from? Evolution takes many years, many generations and your generation was a big step. But lately humans have been stepping backwards and going back to the old school concept of destroy whatever doesn’t fit your needs. So we are renewing our efforts to help save humanity by reprogramming your evolution. That cable I gave you is loaded with echoes which you will pass on in an attempt to get humanity back on track before they destroy themselves completely. If humans don’t evolve correctly there will be no need for an asteroid to cause mass extinction, you guys will blow the whole planet up by yourselves. The cable is attached to your body, just take the other end just like a USB terminal, plug it in over there then ride the falls to your reboot.”
I felt for the cable and sure enough, it was attached like an adult umbilical chord. I stuck the other end into a waiting socket and the sensation of spinning returned. I was buffering. I turned to look at Gandalf one last time and jumped into the waterfalls into total darkness. Wonder who I’ll be this time.

Reboot , An Evolutionary Tale

reboot

Part I

Last thing I remember was sudden darkness and the sound of shattering glass all around accompanied by a coarse rhythm of twisting crunching metal. Car accident? Yes, yes that’s it, I was driving down the highway in a mad rush because I was late for work and then…..and then… then what? Everything is so damn foggy. Wait! Where am I? Feels like I’m in the haze of dry ice smoke at a rock show but maybe its?…Well it sure don’t smell like weed so probably not a rock show but where am I? What’s with all the smoky mist? I was in my car on the way to work and what? Oh shit now I remember, some asshole came across the median and right into……. Oh fuck, I was in a bad accident, I’m in a hospital. Yea, that’s it, I’m in a hospital and….. No wait, that can’t be right, the mist, no tubes or wires, no beeps, not in a bed, I’m…ah I’m in a…No! Wait! I’m fucking dead man? My flair for the dramatic not yet dead I paused for effect…..That’s when it began to settle into my head. I was killed in a car accident and now I’m in….. In where? The morgue? Heaven? Purgatory? The “Heaven Can Wait” waiting room? Is my AS2 guardian angel Clarence Odbody coming to take me away and earn his wings? But that’s not possible, I’m an existentialist, and if there is God he isn’t about to let me hang out on his turf, he’d probably send me to one of those special places I hear them talk about in churches. So then just where the Hell am I, pardon the expression? Actual Hell? As I was pondering my death fate a loudspeaker broke the unearthly silence. “Hilltop, Justin Thyme? Is there a JT Hilltop here?”
Before I heard this announcement I was merely confused. I thought I was all alone but I must be in a group of some sort and someone is paging me. Now its like “Peeewwww…. Mind blown!” Here I am trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my death when I get mind-fucked by a loudspeaker. Do I stand up or do I pretend I didn’t hear it? I was right at the point of making a decision when I noticed standing right in front of me was a young dude. “You’re JT, yes?” I gave this, this, umm, entity the once over. A nerdy looking kid somewhere in his late twenties with thick rimmed glasses and a bargain store suit that was a bit to big for his small clunky frame. He had thick but very short dark black hair and not a hint of a smile on his face. He didn’t even look my way as he was running his eyes over something on a clipboard waiting for confirmation from me. After a few seconds of silence he spoke in a monotone voice, “Don’t make this difficult Mr. Hilltop, you’re already dead so you really have nowhere else to go. Just come with me please.” He never even waited for acknowledgement just began walking away. I stood and blindly followed out of the misty mist.
At first I was kinda hoping he was in search of his lost personality but I wasn’t gonna wait to find out. I decided I would try and engage this nerd so maybe he could help acclimate me as to just where I was, “So this is your job? You come to bring the dead to their destination? Who exactly are you working for?” His pace quickened, “Something like that Mr. Hilltop. I work for no one and everyone now just come along please, no time for idle chatter.” I processed his statement. No time? Maybe he has no time but if I’m dead what the fuck do I care about time? “I have nothing but time young dude, so help an old man out here, what’s going on? Are you with the Geek Death Squad?” The nerd shook his head as though I was exasperating to him, “Mr.Hilltop you died! You have ceased to exist. You were in a car accident, a drunk driver hit you head on. Looking over your file sir it seems about as an appropriate way to die as I’ve ever seen given your pension for the bottle. That or cirrhosis anyway. Your at the terminal right now, and please no lame jokes about the name terminal its been done a few million times over the years by people far less witty than you think you are. I’m your agent assigned to take you to your Sherpa who will assist you in your transition. Now please keep quiet and continue to follow me we’re nearly there.” The only sound after his stern admonition as the tapping of our feet and the cursing under my breath.
I reached the end of a hallway feeling like my head was spinning. Not really dizzy, but constantly spinning. Grumpy the young douche-nerd opened a door speaking to someone on the other side, “I have a very uncooperative Mr. Justin Thyme Hilltop here sir. He never shuts up and he is now your problem, not mine. He’s all yours Dee.” The door opened wide so I walked inside, or actually outside. I found myself on a beautiful mountain about half the way up. Surrounded by gorgeous greenery of tree’s and shrubs, the sound of running water combined with an assortment of indefinable sounds made from various animals. An old man with long white hair complete with matching silvery beard stood in front of me. “Hey, are like Gandalf or something man? Is this Middle Earth here?” The old man smiled warmly like…..well like Gandalf actually, “No Justin, I’m not Gandalf, I’m certainly no magician or wizard and this is nothing like Middle Earth. This is Interface Mountain, I am your Sherpa, Dee Bays. Its my job to lead you back to the Mainframe after discovering your rightful place. Hopefully you can be re appropriated correctly.” I chuckled, “You’re who then and this is what now? Sorry old dude but I didn’t get a word of what the hell you just said. All I wanna know is are you the one who can tell me what exactly is going on here?” The old man had very old eyes, much older than even he himself, yet they were incredibly calming. It was as though those old eyes were a separate entity that seemed to put me at ease. Old dude placed his arm over my shoulders, “It’s okay Justin, or do you really prefer JT?” I smiled, “You can call me whatever you want but I prefer JT. How much longer do I have?” The old dude let a small laugh slip out, “Are you in a hurry JT? I can speed this up if you want?” I was pretty sure he was teasing me but just in case I answered with fear and desperation, “No,no,no, seriously, I’m in no hurry. Its just….Well my head is spinning and I feel confused.” Old dude began walking up a mountain path signaling for me to follow, “You head is spinning because of the buffering JT, it’s a side effect of dying. It will go away once your operating system is renewed. When someone dies their faith dictates their destiny, and you my friend to use a Zodiac analogy, are an Existentialist with Buddhism rising. Therefore your destiny is to reach a sort of nirvana of your own through serenity. You don’t get to reincarnate exactly, no heaven or hell for you but you get to see what really happens at the top of the Hill of Life, Interface Mountain. Some get to believe they are in heaven or hell, some Jahanna or Jahannam, still others get to believe their fates are to be placed on various cycles of life. But in the end it’s all the same, everyone goes to the top of the mountain.” I thought this over in an attempt to make sense for quite some time as I aimlessly followed him up the mountain path heading toward the sound of running water which was getting closer and closer.
Within minutes we reached the source of the sound, a running stream, where old dude sat down. “Sounds serene, yes JT?” I sat as well, “Yea serene, but why would I want serene now? I mean I’m dead right? So why wouldn’t I want to take one last fast ride with blaring rock music? What’s so cool about serenity if that’s what I’m always gonna have now?” He looked at me with a hint of curiosity, “I think you are misunderstanding JT, you’re not going to be surrounded with serenity, your going to be surrounded by nothingness. No serenity, no rides, no music, nothing! This is your last chance to enjoy the feeling serenity brings so enjoy it. Once you complete the climb its just over. Nothing, kaput, nada. Your life has ended my boy and there’s no turning back, no other worlds, nothing. Everything ceases.” Suddenly those warm comforting eyes seemed cold and dispassionate, “Well then why the fuck are we doing this? Just let me fucking die for Christ’s sake!”
The old dude stood up speaking in an exhausted tone, “Maybe its best if you finish your trek alone. You’re in such a hurry to finish dying just go on ahead by yourself, stick it yourself!” He handed me some kind of cable wire, turned and walked away. Feeling a strange aloneness I began chatting myself up, “Who fucking needs him anyway. Stick it myself? What a dick, doesn’t even speak English right. I’ll stick it myself all right. Maybe I won’t even go up the mountain, maybe I’ll just run down the stream. The fuck with him man, I’m outta here.” I turned and began following the stream towards the bottom of the mountain. “Fuck Dee Bays, I’m going where I wanna go dead or not! Stick it myself?! I‘ll stick it where the fucking sun don‘t shine baby. One last ride downstream, to hell with Interface Mountain.”
TBC

Galactic Drainpipe

black

Not even light can elude its powerful clutches
As if the universe inhaled one cavernous breath
Are they potential portals into ethereal worlds
Or quantum vortexes of planetary death

Behold the mighty its strength unchallenged
Come near and get sucked deep into the void
Orbit too close and feel the might of its grasp
Once super massive gravitation is deployed

Primordial Implosion straight outta the big bang
At the galaxy center its the event of the horizon
Cosmic space-time in one weightless singularity
The power of the black hole is constantly rising

Peering out the window at the edge of all time
With whole new worlds stretching out from within
Stare into the abyss who knows what you may see
A multi-dimensional kaleidoscopic tailspin

Is it the gravity center of every galactic life-form
Perhaps a wormhole leading us to multiversity
Or a mysterious anomaly with no hidden agendas
Debate best left up to the scientific university

Swaddled in a mysterious cloth of the unknown
Subjected to theories of both fiction and fact
Brilliant minds have devoted to unravel the riddle
Not sure how or why galactic drainpipes react

A dark swirling cauldron of cosmic Jambalaya
Time light and mass funnel down in stellar rain
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
So what’s coming out the other end of the drain