EPIC FAIL

 

 

 

(National Suicide Prevention Lifeline..1-800-273-8255)

 

In the abyss of my desires
Under my hopes and dreams
Lie my unspoken thirst
To commune the beyond
Will I pass unto the gates
The passageway to eternity
Or does my fear of dying
Cause me to tremble with life
Shall I stand naked to the sun
Ready to melt into its warmth
Or shiver alone above the moon
Embrace the mother of all children
Soothe my soul asleep at her breast
Alas when I enter the realm of silence
I will finally be able to sing my song
When I reach the apex of my mountain
I shall finally be able to climb upward
And when Mother Earth claims my legs
I shall finally be able to dance
All I have to do is Die

 

Death is the female betrayed
The sweet song of Circe
The siren without mercy
But don’t expect her to curtsey
She comes clothed in a shroud
Whispering a dirge and a vow
But I can’t hear
The silence in my head is way too loud
My ears are exploding with trumpeting blood
An internal flood
A voice keeps urging me to do it
Go on…..End it
Type a goodbye note and send it
A life suspended but not extended
Don’t be offended but I don’t recommend it
Still the pain increases with no release
There’ll be no peace until I’m deceased
I need Mother Teresa
Nobody cares about a life in pieces
I feel defeated
Tried to die but failed completely
Many attempts veiled discretely
Not sure when but I’ll try it again
I need it to end…….but
How to do it?
A handful of pills to flood my brain
Take away all this insane pain
A razor to coax the syrup of life
Drain my blood to end my strife
Or will my loss of hope dangle from a rope
Perhaps I can finally OD on dope
Why do I even try
Why do I listen to the voice inside
Telling me I should die
Be better off dead he said
But I’m a failure inside
I didn’t even cry at my failed suicide
My sanctimonious attempt
With no final ride
So let me confide about all of my lies
I hated myself since the day I was born
Grew up busted disgusted and often forlorn
But that is my onus my own cross to bear
Bitching and moaning how life isn’t fair
Nobody cares
Death may not be me answer but still I try
To celebrate the day of my suicide
I don’t know, just guess I wanna die
Can’t figure out how I should say goodbye
I’m an epic failure need a suicide seminar
I failed at every suicide I’ve tried so far
Just can’t kill myself which I find bizarre
Maybe I should stop trying
I really suck a dying
Hopefully today I’ll get hit by a car

 

I lost a friend of mine since kindergarten to suicide. We lost touch and I found out later in life but it still haunts me. I suspect most of us have been effected by at least one suicide close to us, and I also suspect like me many of you have contemplated it however fleeting for at least a moment. Unlike the song in MASH suicide is not painless, especially to those who need to pick up the pieces. If ever depression send you down the road of self incrimination without a view of resolve, call a friend, write a letter, contact someone. I’ll listen, your family will listen, and if you need a stranger, The National Suicide Prevention Helpline is 1-800-273-8255.….
Live and Love in Peace

 

 

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3 thoughts on “EPIC FAIL

  1. Tears have fogged my eyes, and the roar of a scream rings out in my ears
    Not now but always forever. that moment when a heart, my heart was ripped apart
    Not a parents death, not childhood molestation My inability to compete with the dark thoughts that brought the end to my sisters life 35 years have past ,the whys are no longer important, the path of sorrow ,tears and struggles her children walk is oh so difficult as they have found comfort in addiction and more pain and more sorrow They know that I am and will always be here for them but not with addiction’s betrayal and theft and lies. Epic Fail brings strength ,hope and the reminder of compassion coursing through my healing heart. Thank you

    • beautiful sentiment, I again urge you to share your words, mine have brought me much piece and purpose. I walked the path but was fortunate to be saved by the very friend who took his own life…I knew your sister very well and share your pain..

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