Tag: poem

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Keith Jaret, The Existential Baker2 Comments

 

 

Death is the eater of time, and in the end, no one escapes time

Death knows not discrimination
It’s sojourner paid me a visit
Frigid fingers of finality
Toying with my bones
Sending chills to my marrow
Tapping into my syrup of life
Glaring his anxious eyes perniciously
Leering mockingly a disdainful smirk
Baited breath of icy anticipation
Whispering “Surrender and succumb.”

I will not surrender my memories
Attempting to soothe and assure
With words bluntly lacking hope
Is this it?
Is this when it ends?
My mind keeps on fighting
But my body betrays my aim
I turned to my center of strength
Found it full of positive energy
From sparks begun at my sacred hunting grounds
Through the ancient gallery of friendship
Up through years of developing the love
A wave of love and support
My army of love
With weakened élan I addressed him
“Not this time Death!”
Death moved slowly backward
Smirking with deep disdain
With a stinging smile replied
“When you’re time has come I will visit longer…

Life can change in an eye blink. When we are forced to deal with the loss of a loved one we are also forced to imagine life without them around. When it’s, you that may be the one lost you are forced to wonder how you can live without everybody you love or care about. It’s a far different occurrence to confront your past than to have your history facing you, but in the end, The love you make is equal to the love you take. I want to thank my army of love for lifting me through the first stage of this struggle, and for assuring me, you will always be there to help me through.

I’ve been through a multitude of experiences, and lately, it occurs to me….What a Long, Strange Trip It has Been….LOVE YOU ALL!
Live and Love in Peace

Say My Name

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Keith Jaret, The Existential BakerLeave a comment

 

 

You can say my name
But who am I really
What am I supposed to be
One thing for sure
I’m not a name
That’s not who I am
It’s a title assigned to me
By Mom and Dad
That’s how I came to be me
So who am I really?
A silk sheet thought
One fleeting random moment
A consequence of love
Shared by my parents
An accident of birth
You can say my name
But I’m much more than a title
Much more than a belief
I’m the only thing I could ever be
Something relevant
Just me
The one thing I will always be

Say my name but I won’t answer it’s just a term a verbal cancer of a terminal dancer or a necromancer out on his luck. I’m just a dumbstruck shmuck stuck on a shelf by myself, not some someone else but me. Don’t you see, what else could I be? Although many believed they could change me. Rearrange the stranger in me but its plain to see that only caused a derangement in me. Who’s to blame for all this shame? If it’s you…..Say my name

What’s my name
Monsieur insane
Homme sans cranium
A brainless geranium
What do I possess
All I have is an insignificant title
A given name and too much time
Straddled with faded memories
I try to hold on to my past
Hoping it may last
But it slips through my fingers
Pleading with me to forget
The memories needn’t even ask
I don’t want them
Memories cause sadness
Create melancholy madness
Yet they exist in me
On file
They do nothing but mock
Why shouldn’t they
They’ve done their task
They added to my being
They poisoned my well
Now they whisper my name
If only they could see behind the pain
Hear the screams of my fearful darkness
Feel the fires that burn through my soul
Maybe they would understand why I wish to forget
Know why I rail with constant regret
I wish I could delete them
But I live in their moments

I try to put that shit behind me but my ghosts always seem to find me, keep trying to define me or even realign me and try to destroy my virility. My natural ability doesn’t win me nobility but showing humility as I use it with civility. My good deeds bring me tranquility while I patiently wait the oncoming senility. That’s our brains delete button. One day I’ll even forget my name. I’m an enigma with shitty stigma if you hear me I can dig ya but I’m serious man I’m a mysterious man a delirious man without a clear plan. Life keeps maiming my brain make me believe I’m not sane allowing some demons to cause me shame and I know this sounds lame but if you need someone to blame it can be only one person……..Say My Name

Live and Love in Peace

T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE FESTIVUS

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A Festivus visit
J.T. Hilltop

T’was the night before Festivus
When all through the house
The computer was buffering
I lost the wireless mouse

The gluten free cupcakes were baked with such care
In the hopes that the end of GMO was soon near
The children ate sugar free Nestles they had snuck in their beds
As visions of organic plums danced in their heads

Mom in sexy teddy who was straddling my lap
Had just bound my hands with our Festivus strap
When down in the kids room there arose such a clatter
I uncuffed and got dressed to see what was the matter

Away towards the window I flew like a flash
Dropping my medicine and my now legal stash
It fell on the breast of the new fallen snow
I watched in paranoia as my weed fell below

When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
A hallucination of Gramps and eight tiny reindeer
Like a leprechaun in red so lively and quick
I knew in a moment my eyes played a trick

A rainbow of eagles his coursers they came
He yelled at all eight and he called them by name
Yo Bashful yo Sleepy yo Doc and yo Sneezey
Hey Dopey and Grumpy and Happy and Sleezy

Hidden in the dresser where Mom hides her thong
Now dash away dash away while I get my bong
Then in a twinkling they climbed onto the roof
A dancing red leprechaun this must be a goof

I took a hit off the bong and was turning around
I opened my hand my pipe dropped to the ground
The dude dressed in faux fur from his head to his foot
He as laughing so hard he never noticed the soot

Bundles of sweet buds there on top of his back
Just like a drug peddler carrying a big fucking sack
His eyes how they twinkled, and his dimples they sank
His cheeks red as roses but his stare was so stoned it was blank

His droll little mouth drawn up like a joke
His beard on his chin was snow white from good coke
The stump of a chamber pipe he clenched in his teeth
Second hand smoke circled my head like a wreath

He had a broad face and a middle aged belly
I aired my first grievance “Yo Santa you’re smelly”
He was also too chubby quite a right fat old elf
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
He rolled a sweet fatty he bought from a dread
He spoke not a word but played his big role
In the middle of the room placed an aluminum pole

With a feat of strength placed a finger to his nose
An sniffed up more coke through a dollar bill hose
His grievances he aired till his team blew the whistle
And feats of great strength had broken the thistle
But I heard him exclaim the aluminum pole out of sight
Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night

Enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate but take time to love. If someone says Merry Christmas say thanks, if someone says Happy Hanukkah say thanks, if someone says Happy Kwanzaa say thanks or if they want to honor all and say Happy Holidays say thanks. Be grateful anyone is willing to share good tidings or acknowledge your well being in anyway be grateful because the message is the same…. Live and Love in Peace during this and every other season!!!! Don’t hold onto love, share it….

WHAT IF

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Keith Jaret, The Existential Baker3 Comments

 

A metaphoric chance meeting
A cliché reuniting yesterdays love
Two hearts that once beat together
Cashing in on one of fates offers
After thousands of unshared sunsets
So many that came and went unnoticed
Now two proverbial ships clash
I saw my childhood love by chance
We began to share our histories
So many years have passed yet…
Seems not a day of that on her face
What else but fate could have brought this
An opportunity to explore what if
What if we had shared our lives
What if we had never parted ways
What if we had lived our dreams
What if……

What if you stayed and we prayed and made the life we weighed instead of the charade we played which ended in a relationship delayed and decayed? What if you gave me one more chance and we expanded the romance and danced to enchantment, took a stance, one more ride on that promised moonbeam. Plans and schemes for a love supreme. That was our dream. However it seems this memory is just a fantasy because you see… We both have responsibilities to our spouses and our families so we must choose to let this be, nothing more than a wish unredeemed. Anyway who cares, what does it matter, what’s the diff. Then again…..what if
What if we had stayed together, built a happy life together. A house a home a picket fence, some kids some pets, no regrets living the suburbs and all the rest.
But then again what if we stayed the course affected by a dissonant force creating cheating and sexual discourse? Ending in a bitter divorce. Anger hatred bleeding sorrows terminating our tomorrows. Or not

That was then and we are here now
A night to share one magical chance
We shared a bottle of sweet memories
Numbing the pains that lost time brings
The familiar touch upon my hand
Eyes searching to find forbidden pleasure
Our lips begging for one more reverie
One last delusional trip to speculation
Anything is possible in a dream
And a door once left unlocked
May be stepped in from either side
Maybe if we both open up that door
We can be soothed hearing the echoes of love
Bouncing and tumbling or crumbling across time
The train whistles a warning of truth
We had both chosen out own fate
Its far too late

I can’t count the hours spent in distain, torturing myself with no self restraint. Pelting my mistake with drugs and with sorrow. Living in misgivings for giving up on tomorrow. Treated her shitty when life became gritty. I bathed in Self pity, moved to the city nearly drowned in my trance. Always thought I’d get one more chance, one more opportunity to show some romance. We both found a life, husband and wife and to ruin that now would cause nothing but strife. Cause it’s not just us two. There are children involved and our lives have evolved.. I felt broken hearted in waters uncharted because nothing gets finished if it doesn’t get started. But I’ll always wonder…
What if we had never parted

With a passionless kiss we said farewell
Best to leave it as old friends this night
What never really was can never be
Time seems to travel so damn fast
If you don’t pay attention so much goes unlived
I have negotiated too many wrong turns
And sometimes it seems it will never stop
I know that not to be true for I fear one thing
I am nearing it’s end so must listen to reason
Reason tell me a love lost is gone forever
But I choose not to listen to reason
You never lose what you hold in your heart
I have been through too many rotations
Seen things on this earth not possible
Yet somehow negotiated through blind faith
So I shall close my eyes and believe in one thought
Anything is possible
What if

Live and Love in Peace

 

 

Conspiracy Theory

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conspiracy

 

 

Shhhh
Someone’s listening
They always are
Surreptitiously
Reading emails
Tapping phones
Analyzing words
Reading my mind
Subliminal control
Threw away the microwave
Maybe they’re in my TV
Or in my laptop
Burrowing like moles
The government
Collecting data
Another eavesdrop

 

Tin foil hats, alternate facts, telling us this when we know it’s that. What the fuck is that about? I want them quiet but the voices shout. The NSA is watching out spying lying and causing doubt.
A fly in the ointment like an annoying clairvoyant who deploys their poison as an employment of their enjoyment, surreptitious and vicious and downright pernicious. With a drone in control they patrol an annoy ya till you bust with paranoia designed to destroy ya. I implore ya to get a lawyer before you’re no more.

 

 

Doomsday preppers
Gas masks
Bomb shelters
The enemy within
Ready for war
Let the end begin
Waiting in judgment
Armageddon beckons
The Rapture begins
The world in wreckage
Climate change is a hoax
Just an icecap melting
Pelting and welting
Disregarding pi
Phony flag fly
On lunar surface
Fake moon landing
UFO’s have no standing
Alien museum
Area 51
Beware of your government
They’re closing in
They fucking know who I am
Another scam
It’s a systemic violation by the Illuminati nation
Killing me subliminally
Second by second

They weave a conspiracy without a shred of coherency if you don’t believe me come here and see me . A life dreary inside a conspiracy but my hallucinations seem so real to me and oh so near and dear to me that sometimes I feel that I’m Timothy tripping Leary. MK Ultra prey of US vulture. A controversial universal hurdle giving purple nurples. Who and why keep on making those Goddam crop circles?

 

 

Templar Knights
Freemason secrets
Removing our rights
Bilderberg agenda
Money is king
Outlook is bleakness
No brass ring
Cross and bones
Conspiracy freak out
I see a pattern
No
I see many patterns
Don’t trust a soul
People act like I’m crazy
But I still wonder
Is the holocaust real
Or right wing thunder
Is it in my head
Is my brain creating danger
Is Paul really dead
Was J man in a manger?
Happy birthday Mr. President
Did you sleep with Marylyn
Smoke pot with Andy Warhol
Maybe try heroin?
Who was on that grassy knoll
Was it the FBI or CIA
Mafia or NRA
Did the KGB blow John away
Did Ruby silence everyone’s play

 

Who killed Kennedy us or our enemy? Maybe it was it a mafia remedy?
Doc says I’m just susceptible but that just isn’t acceptable, that‘s completely imperceptible. But drugs make it acceptable so I eat five pills to help me chill. The theories fade I’ve had my fill, these theories will not strip my will. But still…… the possibilities make me ill. I no longer know what’s truth….or what’s just theory. That makes me teary…..

Live and Love in Peace

 

HOPE PEBBLES

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There was a time
Seems like ages ago
When things appeared clear
There was hope and a dream
That people of all color
Race religion or orientation
Could live in peace
Maybe I was too naïve
Maybe I was too full of promise
Maybe I was a dreamer
But I believed
Back when I was young
I believed in life
Back when I was young
I believed in peace
Back when I was young
I cared
Tossed pebbles of hope into the sea of confusion
Just to watch the ripples
Ripples of freedom
I believed
Now I look at the man in my mirror
He looks sad
He no longer see’s the ripples
He no longer tosses pebbles
He looks like he gave up
But a closer view
Into his noble eyes
He is merely tired from belief
Massacres will do that
Rivers of blood and no one is building a bridge
But deep down in my heart of hearts I know
That even the smallest ripple
Charged with positive energy
Can make the difference
I didn’t give up
I looked away
My eyes filled with clouds
It took too many life experiences
Too many bad choices
To get where I am now
But I did learn from those ripples
I have maintained one life rule
Never make an enemy out of anyone
Sometimes it’s hard to live by
Sometimes it’s the only way that matters
But I think it makes sense
Without enemies we can truly live
If we live for today
We invest in tomorrow
I never fully understood this before
Never heard the proper words sung
Yet I truly believed in love
Back when I was young
I’m gonna grab me some new pebbles

Switch it up now…..

The new social media landscape full of hype flight and escape is trying to reshape or undrape our opinions through digital tape showing us the way we had better take. A step to the future where children are hugged not numbed out or drugged and people have trust our phones aren’t bugged but I think its too late…. We’re fucked because Atlas has shrugged.
We scream out political views whichever side we choose I hate him he hates you is that true or fake news. What we will lose? I mean how much abuse are we able to absorb? Seems We’re cruising to an apocalyptic bruising like pathetic losers. Constitutional misuse by abusers and willful accusers abusing the snoozers. Become a refuser.
Join the resistance be one of the rebels’ grab a handful of pebbles toss them in the sea until the ripple settles
And hope will be leveled, not disheveled or unsettled but real…
You think cause We’re all dopes if you post a slanted story it’ll dash our hopes down some slippery slopes in the hopes we believe you like you got us on the ropes but before you post another bullshit roast…….
…Look it up on Snopes

Live and Love in Peace

Opiod Solutions

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My life sucks
I hate it
So I hurt myself
Not cause I dig pain
For the medication
Them Oxy’s help big time
Not just for the ache
But for the torment
The hurt in my mind
One makes it easy
Two make it fade
What will three do?
Maybe it will go away
That and a few beers
No more tears
So I get numb
Novocain for the brain
My life still sucks
But I don’t give a shit
So I get even more numb
Finally I’m happy
Don’t fucking care
Maybe I’ll take some more
What bad could happen?
If I take too many
Worst that can happen
I may not wake up
That doesn’t scare me
Something much worse could happen
I might awaken
Find my feeble existence
Is continuing to be
I hate this feeling
I hate this life
Slaving to my emotions
Shackled to my fears
One sure way out
Death
This is the night I do it
Swallow a handful
Get the fuck away from here
But wait….
Maybe I’ll leave the light on
Just in case I come back home

Kick it

I wanna perish but I still cherish the love and affection even though I’m embarrassed in fairness I’m suffering from over impairment
Not to exasperate one good lesson in oppression but my obsession is a digression into a deeper depression. With a jump into aggression a head shrinking session might lesson the tension. Bur t what the Hell for?
My funeral pyre will burn till they tire of the muck and the mire of my death fire the higher I aspire the more dire I cry….Help me before my desire becomes my qualifier for expiring.
I know I should stop before I die or transpire but truth is…….
I still wanna get higher

Seasons Change, Northeastern Exposure

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Through spring and summer
The leaves on our trees
Don masks of splendor
Boldly displayed thickets
Fragile chameleons of life
Poised in veils of chlorophyll
Hiding their true colors until Autumn
When the weather commands them
Strip off their sleek jade facades
Allow the leaves to glow true
In their natural nakedness
Astounding crisp colors
Emblazoned in fiery reds
Dazzled with robust yellows
Tickled with inspirational oranges
Natures fireworks to rival our own
Until the trumpet of ice chill wind
Blows its harsh cacophony
Enticing the leaves to dance and slip free
An exodus from their branches
Spinning and tumbling towards earth
Determined to enrich the soil
While the tree’s skeletal remains
Stand in defiance of the cold air
Unafraid of the contemptuous freeze
Ready to bear the weights of winter
With it’s biting chill of snow and ice
Vowing to return fully clothed
Come the loving warmth of Spring
Yet each season bears its mysteries
Autumn owning one of the best
Over the last few weeks
The oaks dropped their seedlings
A treat for the hungry squirrel
In response the grey playmates
Plant acorns across the land
Hiding them for the future
But who’s future?
In the haste of the cold
The little creatures forget
The home of their hidden treasures
Where seeds are given a chance to grow
One day a mighty oak itself
A long lasting stanchion of life
Home to generations of birds
As well as small animals
And an ecosystem of insects
Sacrificing themselves to Mother Nature
With nary a complaint they join the seasonal displays of Mother Natures Beauty, offer food and homes to any and all creatures, give us oxygen, stand tall and glorious for our ocular pleasures, and entertain us with the mystery ff the cycles of life. That’s one of the perks of living where seasons change…Live and Love in Peace

October Blue (Why Take The Children)

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Keith Jaret, The Existential Baker2 Comments

 

 

Grief is a bomb
It never stops exploding
Fills our worlds with chaos
Unrelenting and uncaring
Constant burning flames
Entering out souls
Our hearts
Reminding us how weak we are
Today I remember myself at my weakest
My baby girl
Taken away on this day
A beautiful shining star
Extinguished
It’s so unfair
I was supposed to be her strength
Hold her up with all my might
I held her so hard
I tried so much
I believed so strong
Poured my entire soul into my baby
Yet I failed
Still Megan I hold you in my heart
Every aching second
Of every single day
Time never passes
Not one single tick
Without a thought of you
I still don’t understand why
Many have reasoned
That you have gone with God
My baby is an angel at his side
But what need has any god of a child?
Who but the cruel and ruthless
Would erase the innocent
Not any God I can accept
We needed you here
But this isn’t about me
This isn’t about God
It’s about you
Yet still people have suggested
Perhaps God broke me to be rebuilt me
I never asked to be rebuilt
If true he took from my inner self
The most important part of me
The most true and honorable piece of me
My attempt to be her Dad
Is not unconditional love the most true?
But their God left a gaping abyss
An endless hole in my heart
No way to fill a hole that has no end
Yet on some arcane level
It was losing you that brought me to my awakening
Suffering…
Suffering is what made me who I am
All that remains now
Is my memory and
An existential mystery forever unsolved
An unanswered question asked for eternity
Why take the guiltless children?
Used as an innocent pawn
Why my baby?
She was not born to us of mere flesh
But of a longing of life
A desire to spread her wings and soar
An opportunity to exist
A chance to shine bright
Why was she deprived of life
Deprived of her own Goddam fate
Taken from us in a single morrow
I could drown in my tears
So many have I cried
Be lost in the light
So dark had my soul become
Been lost forever in the pain
So deep was my anger
Yet each day I must rise
Without your smile
Each day goes on
Without you
Everyday I struggle to wake
For without my child
I had no reason to exist
I would gladly perish
To give you a shining chance
One chance at living
But if living means this pain
I wish it not for you my Megan
For those who I share love
I continue on wounded forever
Now every earthly rotation hence
October comes at me hard
Stalking me like a villain
Reminding me of it’s power
The dominance it holds o’er me
Even with all its beautiful colors
With it’s clean crisp morning air
October darkens my doorstep with gloom
Obscuring my memories of what could have been
My Megan
Leaving me scarred
Tattoos carved deeply in my heart
All I have left now are those memories
Of a profound innocent loved shared
And the pinwheel above your new room
Which spins wild upon each visit I make
Each silent visit
Though I want to join you
I can’t sleep beside you yet
For there are others that still need me here
So sleep now my “Little Little”
I can celebrate not this October
For our memories can ease our pains
Or they can devour us
I hope for the former
The anniversary this month brings
Is forever unwanted
Yet this horrible pain
Is all I have left……
I never sleep during October
I only cry

Live and Love in Peace

GO TO HELL

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Truth be told I will be seriously disappointed if once dead we are reduced to two options, either go to heaven and live in boredom or go to Hell and live in flames. Frankly the repetitious and cloying sweetness of doing nothing for eternity would drive me to Hell, which begs the question…..What happens when one goes to Hell?

 

Once I’m passed my expiration date
Where shall I dwell
Will I be delivered unto heaven
Or will I end up in HELL
In the world of Satan
Where nothing gets healed
Burning in eternal fire
Or in damnation my true self revealed
Like Dante traversing the 7 burning rings
Where consequence causes the fiery stings
No more in aimless pursuit
Of pleasures of flesh
But buried in torture
Without any rest
Kick it……

I’m a Goddam Irie ite, trying to do it right, a precious bird in flight who never learned wrong from right yet still somehow my star shines bright despite the shite….so out of spite I got into a fight crushing some poor bastard with all my might, took his life and ended his plight and that’ how I ended up a hellbound blight
So now the bitch is deceased.
His soul has been released and my chances of hell are ten times increased yet I’m at peace cause in my mind he deserved to be fleeced ….Or at least uncreased. So now my life is on lease to the devilish priest. So I deserved what I earned when my ass got burned, that’s how I learned to give up my turn and here in Hell is where I burn

 

 

The world of Satan
Where nothing gets healed
The rings of flames
Where the truth is revealed.
Find your real self in the Valley of hate
The very first second you get passed the gate
Abandon all hope ye who enter here
Surrender to me, surrender to fear
Beelzebub conquers Beelzebub wins
Happy to watch us devour our sins
Laughing and chuckling in the house that he built
Snickering at us as we choke on our guilt
Pursuing our pleasures that make us all moan
While seeking the answers best left alone
This is the sad tale the only one I can tell
If Jesus ever saw me he’d say… “Go To Hell!”
Kick it

The devil seduces us and introduces us to shit there is no use for us the he reduces us. Turns us to dust while we choke on our lust losing all trust in a fit of disgust.
Who can we turn to who to believe? We kneel and we pray as we weep we’re deceived. Here we receive the troubles we perceive and the sins we conceived. I’m going to Hell to learn and to grow, try to be pure as the new driven snow but Fuck it man I died a long time ago…… I just didn’t know

 

Live and Love in Peace