Don’t Look Back

crew

We reach a point in life when there is more to look back on than forward to and pause to reflect. Oddly sometimes the ones we felt our closest friends from our carefree days harbor ill will and some we never stopped to get to know as deeply as we could have we learn to be worthy of true friendship. True friends possess the ability to forget the nonsense that youth often brings and remember only the good times, the bonds, the laughs, and the stories of legend from their hometown.

My Crew

Where are they now
Where have they been
Whats become of the crew

We lived hard and free
We did what we pleased
Good times we had more than a few

We laughed and we cried
And together grew wise
A life filled with laughter and smiles

But we grew up so fast
Choosing personal paths
Between us grew years and grew miles

If They Could See Me Now

Rib Eye

Rib Eye he won’t talk to me
Why I wasn’t told
But time and distance have a way
Of blurring days of old

Perhaps the memory’s not so clear
With flashbacks too selective
Not gonna lose one night of sleep
Some friendships are subjective
(At first it hurt your snubbing culture, you devour gossip like a vulture)

Streaker
Rolling in bills to make a straw
Becoming such a dirty habit
Could trust him with my girl or dog
Until he killed the rabbit

Streaker lives in gated housing
Handcuffed to his fears
Stole some paper to wipe his nose
Still has four more years

(I get the blame for many a crime, but I ain’t the one serving time)

Blondie
Shared a love of little pups
We were quite the pair
Scratched our initials in a tree
Carnal pleasures on a dare

But Blondie she snuck out of town
Her head bent down in shame
Pissed at all the years she wasted
Trying to take my name

(I’m sorry you had me at my worst, but no one ever forgets their first)

Speed

With the pedal to the meal
Speed flew all around town
A huffing and a puffing
Stuff that grew from underground

His Mama went an left him
His Dad just never was
He’s driving like a zombie now
Looking for more buzz

(Take a closer look at the crew and figure out the one not true. Don’t believe everything you hear Speed)

Miles

Miles he was my main man
Through thick and thin we rode
I got stuck on pins and needles
To him my life is owed

Miles pain was deeper than a well
So abysmal it made him to pull it
I was too late to try and pay him back
friendship ended from a bullet

(To you my blood I always toast, scarecrow you I miss the most)

And then there is JT

Forever taking something
To boost his self esteem
All to often misunderstood
Lives hazily in his dream

Took way too much medication
Never seemed to get his fill
Searching for his confidence
Hoping to find it in a pill
The Gang

Times we had were priceless
Carefree loving friends
Thought we’ be forever but
Sometimes friendship ends

Back then we were the brains, the bold, the beauty, the racer, the biker, and the fool on the hill
Now we are the recluse, the criminal, the missing, the lost, the dead, and the dying but still trying. Where we are has nothing to do with where we were but everything to do with who we were. Time to grow up.

New Paradigm (Double Edged Sword)

sadist

The scars of his words will never fade

Hiding the bruises from his hit parade
Across her neck his fingers played
“Come my sweet child don’t be afraid”

Near every night behind mommies back
Daddy sadistic begins the attack
She wished she had strength to stab in a knife
Too shamed to fight back and regain her life

Inside she cried
Nowhere to hide
Her hero had lied
Wish he had died

People downstairs yet she feels so alone

It makes her ears bleed to hear that fuck moan

She hates the sick bastard straight down to the bone

A callous old pervert laughs a despicable tone

Everybody loves him because nobody knows

Behind bedroom curtains betrayed blood flows

Her anger and anguish continually grows

Some day she will fight back defending the blows

Inside she cried
The bastard lied
All hopes subside
Inside she died

Suddenly it just stopped when Daddy was bored

From out of her room little sister was lured

Gathered her anger and questioned her lord

Then straight through his heart plunged the double edge sword

Oblivious in prison she’s just serving her time

Pre meditated murder they named as her crime

The punching and raping now seems so sublime

Kill a sadist -go to prison- the new paradigm

Inside she’s dead
Free from his bed
She smiled as he bled
But he’s finally dead

Little sister is confused but safe in her room

Never had to deal with the pain or the gloom

Big sisters away Mom cries all the time

Prays every night for a new paradigm

The place where this happened where it went down

A place called “this never happens in this kind of town”

A sickness this vile needs a double edged saber

Look around closely you could save a neighbor

Inspired by a newspaper article from back in the seventies.

In The Details

details

He’s merely a concept
A human idea
Vague explanation
Born out of fear

The dark and the dreary
Covered in sin
Its nobody’s fault if
evil creeps in

Repugnance encompassed
Beastly and wicked
malevolent destruction thats
Biblically fitted

We created this concept
A dangerous idea
To resolving transgression
And temper our fear

Monster Mephistopheles
Dangling a probe
Smirking in judgment
Blood soaked black robe

three six river Styx with
Soul taking pacts
Strong arming angels
to perverted acts

Lord of the Darkness
Treacherous Prince
Bloodsucking vermin
Sanguine death wince

During good versus evil
Armageddon prevails
In a quest for the Devil
Its in the details

We never can see him
We know he is near
To blame for our sins and
explain profound fear

Cast out the evil
Cleaning the heart
The devil in the details
Will tear good apart

In My Arms

once

Once I held you in my arms

You gave me such a rush

Filled with blood of happiness

With just one simple push

Once I held you in my arms

And let you come inside

Hope replaced my agony

Made misery subside

Then you held me much too tight

Imprisoned my every thought

Made me see you every day

The heartaches that you brought

How you got under my skin

Clutched tightly to my heart

Threatened you would never leave

Swore You’d never part

Then I broke free of the strangling grasp

Discarded all your charms

But memories here are scratched in red

From when I held you in my arms

I know for some of you it’s hard to understand why, but if you can imagine pains so totally encompassing someone feels compelled to sell a piece of their life for a modicum of relief you may begin to understand why many people turn to addiction in an attempt to validate their existence. Please don’t condemn them, too many close to me have lost to their addictions, and every last one of them was a beautiful but tortured soul. To all those who are falling, those who fell ,and for the few who have defeated addiction I dedicate this to you. PEACE

This Way To Egress

egress

A satin switchblade dark evening moans

Bedroom dark and shady

Violet teardrops in shards of promise

No way to treat a lady

A distant echo of agonizing cheer

Acting like he bought you

Dreams of lace caressed in crimson

Not how Mama taught you

Circus message send painful rhythms

Pounding through her head

Cries flow soft through ears unopened

Yearning to be dead

This way to Egress written in the dark

Only one way out

Fading hope a dispassionate plea

Showering in doubt

Unsuspecting partners dance alligator tango

Squirming on the sheet

The pearl stiletto in and out

Flaming from the heat

Teardrops flow in restoration

Accompanied by moans

Breathless bodies lay in tandem

A shiny pair of bones

Lovely child in distress, come with me to find egress

Under the stars, behind the stripes

bible

Wearing patriotism to cover hate
Dressed in stars and stripes
A voice so loud saying nothing new
More bitching and a few more gripes

Talks of freedom born of blood
Lamenting those who died
Then hit’s the pub to drown his life
And excuse his misplaced pride

Drowning sorrows in alcohol
While remembering the flag
Hoping he drinks enough courage
To find and bash a fag

Its gays he blames for his lot in life
They’re destroying all his space
I guess the African Americans
Have finally found their place

He only needs someone to hate
Either sexual or tribal
And gay pride is his hate de jour
It says so in his bible

Don’t be fooled by bullshit talk
Of words red white and blue
Its really hate wrapped in his flag
That’s where his color is true

Cause if his life was on the line
A gay man his only savior
He’s tell him how much he approves
Of “homo” sex behavior

Five Cold Stages

meg walks

DENIAL

It didn’t happen
She cried, tell me its not true
I’m not ready to say good by, there’s so much left for us to try

She’s gone
I cried, taken away
I just want to hold you tight, rocking in my arms tonight

We miss her
She should still be here for sure, our baby girl safe and secure
Didn’t want to say good by

ANGER

I’m angry
She cried, whys it have to be
She was strong the loss will numb me, you had no right to take her from me
I want her back

I Hate you
I cried, you call yourself a god
I had my doubts before you stole her, let me hold her and console her
I deny you

BARGAIN

I swear
She cried, its not too late
Turn back time and let me get her, promise this time I’ll do much better
I’ll do anything

My fault
I cried, maybe if I prayed up high
If worship could make her not be sick I’d build a church brick by brick
Then tear it down cause it’s a lie

SORROW

I feel so sad
She cried I love her so
Take a pill to ease my plight, cry myself to sleep each night
I’ve never felt such pain

I want to die
We cried, we miss her so
What’s the reason we should live, our only child we had to give
It makes no sense

SURRENDER

That’s life
They cried, now go live yours
Another child’s world soon will start, who’ll need your love and guiding heart
Still we want to die

Move on
They cried, the pain will leave
Pain never seems to go away, we ache from scars everyday
Time heals nothing

Psychologist call the last stage acceptance, but its not acceptance but surrender. My heart will never accept a reason for my baby girl not being with me but I surrender to the fact that I can’t change what is. Take the time today to tell those you love just how much they mean to you before time sneaks away.

Megan Laurine Jaret, we miss you everyday. Today we should be celebrating your 24th birthday, instead I’m here typing through the teardrops on my keyboard trying still to figure a way to cope without you. Time never heals, it only teaches you a way to manage through your days. In the short time you shared your life with us you taught us more than anyone should need to learn. I’d give up everything to have you back. Since you’ve been gone life has become more difficult, but every time I believe I can no longer go on you fill my heart with your presence and help me survive. I truly have no idea if there is a god, if angels exist, or if there is some higher plan, but I do know that in this vast mysterious universe there are powers that defy logic, forces that unseen can make us strong. Megan is my force, and that force is in my heart with every breath I take. The strength of your love is what keeps me going, I only wish we could be going together. I love you my Little Little

Where Have All The Flower Children Gone?

The Decade That Was
Once upon a time, there was a creative thought, which blossomed into a fine young idea. That idea was nurtured and guided so it became a sound and just suggestion . As it grew it evolved into a brilliant well thought out concept. Because the concept had such universally beneficial implications it rose up into an action. The action was pure an meaningful and reached so many other open minds that it morphed into a movement, and it was the most glorious movement the world had ever seen. It was a movement dedicated to equality, world peace, harmonious existence, and awareness. Seeking a better world through music, inclusive lifestyles, positive politics, and the ability to question injustices perpetuated by governments. Like most good things authorities believed it needed to be compartmentalized so it was labeled a decade. The decade became turbulent and pushed our tolerance to the limit. The decade ended. Time passed, and the decade was reduced to a memory of drug induced youth protesting without direction, and the memory began to fade.

Only wanted to live in peaceful bliss
World peace love and happiness
Place the hate down a deep abyss
That’s the utopia we all should miss

No one cared about your race
Accepted all in loves embrace
We were in such a happy place
Until it fell and crushed our face

Now so many years gone by
Often times I wonder why
Did the movement have to die
Was the decade one big lie?

Looking back we had a goal
Drugs sex and rock and roll
Scuse me while I light a bowl
Get high on the grassy knoll

But in the end the dream is done
No more flowers in the gun
Flower power was on the run
If nothing else we sure ha fun

Quest for peace replaced by greed
The hell with what poor folks need
We all have our own mouths to feed
Don’t have time to hear them plead

But take a minute and reflect
At all the rights we keep in check
And thank a Hippie what the heck
For trying to make this world correct

PEACE….FOR EVERYONE..IMAGINE, NEVER STOP DREAMING

What is it your looking for my child?

kells

Many years of journey searching for the truth
Where is it that we find it?
Never in our youth
No not in our youth

A child reached up and grabbed my hand, tell me please don’t lie
My heart it full of heavy thoughts
Are you going to die
Papa will you die

Do you know God Papa
Mama says you may
Are you meeting God papa
Please don’t go away

Do you talk to God Papa
Do you know how pray
If you talked to God papa
What is it would you say

Mama said you doubt Papa
Why don’t you believe
I will talk to God Papa
I’ll pray to her this eve

So many times I’ve wondered why it takes so long to learn
The hardest lesson in life I think
Not easy to discern
Never could discern

Slow down my child you needn’t rush
Sit down here on my knee
Your story’s not yet written child
You’ve still so much to see

The world is big so much to love
So much you’ve still not done
One day like me perhaps you’ll have
A daughter or a son

Love is what we need the most
Its love that bring us bliss
If some day you have a child
you can tell them this

.Life is precious just like you, Here’s what I believe
It matters not where we come from. It matters what we leave
I leave behind a world of love, A world I shared with you
And even when I’m gone dear child, I’ll still be here with you

I don’t know if God exists
But I’ll be in you heart
As long as you remember me
We’ll never be apart

Sometimes in life we must shed tears, that’s the world we live
Don’t hold your love it here to share
Remember and forgive
For me child please forgive

Who Am I

who

Once I was a lover, a hater a friend
A beggar a bandit my shoulder to lend
A father and brother even a son
I cheated and lied tried to save everyone
Cleaned or cooked whatever the chore
Did what was needed to even the score
A loser abuser of every drug I could find
A kind hearted servant dulling my mind
I’ve been so many people I can’t keep it straight
I’m forever on time or I’m early or late
But who am I now’s not who I was then
Constructed destroyed and built up again

Conceived out of love

Born of distress

Scolded and beaten

A gentle caress

A work still in progress

Script still unwritten

Running for decades

Twice shy and twice bitten

Once I was a lover, a hater a friend
A beggar a bandit my shoulder to lend
A father and brother even a son
I cheated and lied tried to save everyone
Cleaned or cooked whatever the chore
Did what was needed to even the score
A loser abuser of every drug I could find
A kind hearted servant dulling my mind
I’ve been so many people I can’t keep it straight
I’m forever on time or I’m early or late
But who am I now’s not who I was then
Constructed destroyed and built up again

So who am I now

Who was I before

The sum of our parts

In a revolving door

The whole of ourselves

Half the battle I’m told

Is what we become

Before we get old

Once I was a lover, a hater a friend
A beggar a bandit my shoulder to lend
A father and brother even a son
I cheated and lied tried to save everyone
Cleaned or cooked whatever the chore
Did what was needed to even the score
A loser abuser of every drug I could find
A kind hearted servant dulling my mind
I’ve been so many people I can’t keep it straight
I’m forever on time or I’m early or late
But who am I now’s not who I was then
Constructed destroyed and built up again

Motion gets slower

Limbs they grow weak

Thoughts way too foggy

Can’t get enough sleep

The show must go on

That’s what I hear

The suns going down

And evening is near

Once I was a lover, a hater a friend
A beggar a bandit my shoulder to lend
A father and brother even a son
I cheated and lied tried to save everyone
Cleaned or cooked whatever the chore
Did what was needed to even the score
A loser abuser of every drug I could find
A kind hearted servant dulling my mind
I’ve been so many people I can’t keep it straight
I’m forever on time or I’m early or late
But who am I now’s not who I was then
Constructed destroyed and built up again