In our relentless pursuits in the search of finding ourselves
Some document their emotions others place them on shelves
As I scribble aimlessly through life I know one thing istrue
Many are remembered by the masses, many just by the few
Tag: poem
October Go Away
Megan “Little Little” Jaret… Did you ever know that you’re my hero
How beautiful the tree colored lanes
Vividly vibrant and richly chromatic
Crisp morning air filling up incognito
Evenings chill settling in so dramatic
Innocent faces in Halloween masks
Bags full of trick or treat sweetness
That was the October that I once knew
In peaceful autumnal completeness
But on a precarious cold day one October
Hearts were wrenched straight outta our chest
Our baby girl taken away in an ambulance
Left us profoundly confused and depressed
After one year of hospitals doctors and testing
Another October morn came around to betray
That day all of our hopes prayers and dreams
In one harsh second were all washed away
Much too distinctly I remember that moment
So clearly do I envision the sad in your eyes
Our final day of all the tears shared together
Etched in regret cried our final good byes
We knew that your pain was monumental
It made our hearts overflow with dismay
Letting go was so dramatically painful
October won’t you just please go away
Cruelly each year we are choked with a flashback
Of the worst possible days in both of our lives
The harshest month of the year is upon us
With merciless regularity again October arrives
Filled with thirty one days of emotional torture
We attempt to force our misery down underneath
But something draws us to that one vivid morning
We stared speechlessly numb and unable breathe
A parents reflection should only consist
Of holding hands with unsolicited smile
Not the burden of carrying recollection
Of bitter days from the loss of their child
Time now passes by with tremendous effort
Relearning how to live and to manage the grief
But all of our bitter October anniversaries
Are far too short on sparing us any relief
So October please hurry past without haste
It hurts us both all this month every day
If mercy is real please let it be tangible
October won’t you just…….. go away
Love you Mighty Meg
Peace
I’m Fine She Said
He inquired are you feeling allright
You’ve been looking kind of down
Never listens to what she’s responding
This time distracted by familiar sound
She said I hate my life I want to die
I just feel like I’m always alone
He held one hand up in the air
With the other grasping his phone
She continued sometimes I don’t even care
If my entire world would come to an end
I mean we all gotta go sometime ya know
But he was deep in conversation with friend
She just sighed, grinned and turned away
Didn’t feel deserving of devoted attention
The same routine that he always followed
Feeling she isn’t even worth any mention
And he never listened anyway barely ever heard a word
If only he took the time out here’s what he might have heard
I’m just a ghost
A random phantom
I’m here but everybody see’s past me
I’m unworthy
Undeserving
I have opinions but nobody ever asks me
I’m never missed
I get dismissed
Like I don’t exist
Someone unkind is in my mind
They talk so loud
Form a crowd
I hear far too many voices scream in my head
My brain is melting
Nothing is helping
Soul outta control
Would anyone even notice if I was here dead
Having a bad day
A bad week too
The bad just never stops
God dammit I’m having a meaningless sucky life
And you don’t hear it
You don’t know me
Never look inside
Or you’d see me struggling with my internal strife
Never goes away
Same shit everyday
A Never ending cycle
Only thing on your mind
How to get me primed
I’m drowning in this massive sea of dread
My solution has no problem
My answer has no question
All you care is to see me naked in your bed
I’m just your toy
To give you joy
I’m here and I’m at your service
A sexual toy
For you to enjoy
that’s only scratching the surface
My life is morose
I feel gross
Comatose
I got nothing
I am nothing
Worthless
Serving no purpose
I wish I’d pass away
I hate myself
I’m gross
Burnt toast
I’m a ghost
His ears and eyes were open but his mind was shut tight
The hour will be much too far passed at his feeling contrite
With an evasive glance in her direction
He inquired what was it she had just said
She mumbled soft s’no problems Hon
Just got this slight pain inside my head
Deep down inside her spirit broke
Her neglected soul took to crying
A happy chameleon outside on her face
But internally her heart was dividing
Here ya go Babe a couple of aspirins
I bet that will help ease your pain
You believe you know just what I need
But you don’t know I’m halfway insane
With hand in the air “Hold on one sec Babe”
Johnnie needs to talk about something frustrating
She considered an end game of one thousand pills
He stayed wrapped up in deep conversating
No one had listened and not one soul knew
The pain she kept well hidden inside
All that they heard is it’s okay I’m fine
Nobody to comfort her world as she cried
Bravely she faces one last “how are you”
Fighting the forces at work in her head
Her eyes tell sad stories her mouth something else
With an artificial smile “I’m fine” she said
Peace
Alone in a Crowd (Crying In The Dark)
Even surrounded by his best ones he always feels alone
Rowdies all around him yet he’s forsaken to the bone
No one never hears his cry never hear the reclusive moan
Maybe that’s the reason why he’s always getting stoned
Good time Charley acting like he’s havin’ so much fun
But his lonely feelings always keep him on the run
Damn good thing this lonely man won’t ever have no gun
After one empty drunken night his livin would be done
He’s the loner in a crowd
Crowd that’s shouting loud
No one can even hear him
When he floats out on his cloud
Ain’t never gonna hit his mark
Got no fire ain’t got no spark
In his room he sobs all alone
Cryin’ in the dark
Underneath that happy smile depression hides inside
Ain’t no one for him to talk to no one to confide
No one will ever hear the voice he has to hide inside
But his head’s a screaming on a non stop torment ride
Tortured while you’re wide awake no way to have a life
Answering to your emotions at the tip of a sharp knife
Wish someone would see inside at his internal strife
Take away his loneliness an give him back his life
He’s a loner everywhere
No one will ever care
Hopes nobody finds him here
Hiding in his dark despair
Ain’t never gonna hit his mark
No ambition not a spark
In his room he sits all alone
Cryin’ in the dark
Joint Therapy for Manic Monday
Every Monday it starts out the same way
Complaining about everything just to complain
Worthless words ponding with hammer force
Another set of vocal nails piercing my brain
Why not just shut up, stop the barrage
Everybody has got their own issues
They continue filling me full of their woes
Chill out with a damn handful of tissues
But the bitching keeps pounding into my ears
Until my brain feels like its gonna burst
Full of opinions and my coworkers gripes
Bitchin’ and moanin’ is the absolute worst
Gotta go or I’ll blow today
Gotta fly or I’ll die today
Gimme crap and I’ll snap
Shut your trap or I’ll slap today
No more flap no more yap
Your gonna get a wrap
Cant take no more of this crap today
I gotta get away
Everybody just shut
Its time to cut
And escape this damn rut
Slipping away to commune with mother nature
Dried out, seedless, and rolled in a nice fat stick
Strike a match and inhale the sweet ass relief
Oh yea much better man that does the trick
As the fumes rise up I feel the happy go in
Gently tugging at my mouth and I smile
Music rocks to push out the people poison
Now I can finally relax and chill for a while
Their problems and gripes go out with the tide
Bullshit fades away sinking down the drain
Joint therapy makes me feel so damn good
One more doob to cancel the rest of the pain
One toke of the smoke
Bullshit starts to choke
A little marry jawanna
In my bathroom Nirvana
Herb bud of chronic
Ear bud of sonic
Add rock to the mix
Now I got my fix
Makes the deal so real
Stone mass appeal
I smile away merrily
Relief is joint therapy
Now me and my smirk
Can get back to work
Until tomorrow
Taking Chances
This could be dangerous lets think it through
Young minds considering the wrong side of the law
None of us sat back but dove straight in head first
Without a thought if any consequence lay in store
Way back in the days when we took chances
We let not a soul tell us how we should act
Pissed in the wind without using protection
Mindful supervision was something we lacked
Back when we were young
Left no single bell unrung
No song unsung
No fence could keep us away
All we did all day was play
Doing it our way
Took on every single dare
Lived a life without care
So full of flair
Lives were full of fast romances
Writhing in horizontal dances
Just taking chances
Back in the day without a worry to be had
On life we kept the toughest stronghold
Indestructible bodies we were never defeated
Taking chances was just the way we rolled
Then our own children broke all of our rules
Responsibility suddenly became our new goal
Protecting our own kids from making our mistakes
Trying to teach them the safest way to roll
Back when were old
Talked of how we rolled
We broke the mold
Taught our children rules
They laughed at us old fools
Stubborn mules
Taught them what to see
Be the best they can be
Be better than me
Tried teaching them from the start
Taking dares won’t set you apart
Taking chances is not so smart
Time is a boulder rolling downhill
Gathering moss like no rolling stone
Of all the things we wish most now
We hope we never have to go it alone
I coulda been a contender
A lifetime full of splendor
But I surrendered
Never made a name
Never found my fame
So who’s to blame?
Take a closer look
At the chances we took
Silent Scream
Confusion
Am I damaged?
Deranged?’
Rearranged?
Aggravated and depraved
Never to be saved
Go away
Just disappear
Panic and fear
My constant companions
Forever in tandem
Delusional confusion
Talking so random
The voices
The shrieks
Keeping me together
Tearing me apart
Causing my pain
Folding my brain
Origami nightmares
The stares
Under the stairs
The stares and the glares
Tingling arm hairs
Nobody there
Inside my head
Despair
Its not fair
The era of terror
Is real and forever
I’m broken
Fragmented
Screaming in silence
Denial defiance
I need fixing
Remixing
Not blind confinement
Just an alignment
Set my inner rhythm’
Back to the beginnin’
Don’t just remind me
Of failures behind me
I don’t need a jailor
Because of my failure
I’m only injured
Mentally battered
Broken and shattered
Brain splattered
Grey matter scattered
Doesn’t matter
They can’t hear
No one hears the fear
Screaming in silence
Internally violent
Help!
No one near
Closed ears
Yell and shout
Growing doubt
Help me!
I scream but nothing comes out
A silent shout
Vocal drought
Raucously chaotic
Without a doubt
Franticly psychotic
Is what I’m about
The maddening crowd
Getting much too loud
Carnival shrieks
From voiceless freaks
No help will arrive
Stuck on this ride
Self destructive slide
Even failed suicide
Hide
Been hiding for years
Eyes full of tears
Ears full of jeers
My panic my fears
They’re my team
My life theme
I hope this silent scream
Is only a dream
Can anybody hear?
Doesn‘t matter, it will all be over soon anyway.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline….1-800-273-8255
Criris Hotline….800-784-2433
Depression Hotline..630-482-9696
All numbers are toll free, confidential, and 24/7
Help is only a phone call away
Be heard
PEACE
Love Memorandum
We were taught to create
A wonderful trait
Creating is great
Working together we build
Curiosity filled
And thrilled
Constructing with good reason
A perfect artesian
Adhesion
We were taught to destroy
Shooting a toy
A horrible ploy
What we don’t like we harm
Break a leg or an arm
Sound the alarm
Teach our children to kill
One less plateful to fill
What a thrill
Create or destroy – your choice
No fists to repent or rejoice
Just use your voice
Scream for peace from a mountain
Spout your love like a fountain
We’re all countin’
We need all to be strong
To know right from wrong
And get along
We need to stand tall in tandem
Hatred just seems so random
Here’s my love memorandum:
Stop all the hate
Before its too late
Open loves gate
Together we’re great
Share us a soul
Make it a goal
to keep your love whole
Smile and cajole
Take off the blinder
As a favor its minor
Be gentler and kinder
This is a love reminder
its not just random
It’s a love memorandum
Love, the more you give it away the more of it you have. Peace
Dream In Flight
Cute little puppies we rocked the world
Initials etched into tree bark forever
Eternity we sought in a quest of true love
Sweet young romantics we dreamt oh so clever
I promised one day a world written in gold
My thoughts floating in love on bound papers
But she wanted everyone to know her by name
Misplaced our dreams in a haze of false vapors
She searched for a place to build her own statue
A cherished monument on the hills of the stars
Spreading her wings reaching out to the coastline
I stayed right here reaching across hometown bars
She bartered her dream under sheets of white satin
Empty promises traded into evenings untrue
Fell victim to parasitic gold digging gourmands
Dined on of her spirit before turning the screw
Stoned on the journey all alone in the crowd
Salted droplets of blood running into her veins
Nursing her hopes with the scars of the dreams
Innocence and love had been circling the drains
And I was unable to nurture my dream as well
Story never written and name yet unpenned
Advised by the man with a rag and a shot glass
Shifting through ice cubes in search of a friend
Exchanging my keyboard for some bottles of faith
To erase the initials etched deep on my soul
Tree bark and memories are all I have left
Forgetting my past has been taking a toll
Two lovers in evening flying unbound in sight
Two dreamers not knowing nor touching their fate
The hopes of the lovers passed by without witness
Separate misfortunes that fate to never equate
No dream can soar without wings of aspiration
You can have whatever you want so they say
Beware when your dream takes off in the night
It doesn’t grab your soul as its flying away
Peace
BRAIN FLU
Voices keep on taunting me
Tell me which one is right
Constant fighting in my head
Like a caged in cranium fight
Everyone just laughs at me
Whispering Kyle’s insane
They won’t get away with that
Ill show them fucking pain
I’m gonna go out and kill tonight
Someone has to die
Gotta go find a thrill tonight
That’ll really get me high
Just one thing I need to know
Not who or what or how
Only thing I need to get
Who’s that talking now?
They’re after us its time to act
Don’t listen Kyle don’t relax
Relax is what they want from you
Don’t sit in silence as you brood
Time to do it now time to act
You can do it
Act Kyle ACT!
They hate you -hit you- hurt you
They love to see you cry
Make them pay the little bitches
All of them should die
Do it Kyle, go on and do it!
Make their blood flow red
They don’t care about you Kyle
They only want you dead
No Kyle please he’s not real
Don’t listen to his crap
Don’t be a sap
Just get back in bed
He’s just a voice inside your head
He’s the one who wants you dead
Listen to me not what he said
He’s not real he’s just a voice
Come on Kyle you have a choice
Please Kyle Please take your pill
He only wants to see you kill
Not real? Not real? Of course I’m real
We’re each a part of you
Even that voice knows the deal
He’s just afraid but he’s still real
He’s no man
Afraid to take a stand
But we can do it we can kill
Its time to be a man
Get angry Kyle get good and mad
Let go Kyle and kill someone
It’ll stop you’re feeling bad
He wants them to hurt you
You know that he’s with them
They’re all out to destroy you
Kill while you still can
They don’t care Kyle
They don’t give a shit
They’ll kill you Kyle I swear they will
But we’ll have none of it
Time to fight, go ahead Kyle
Go and get the gun!
Get it now before you cave
Get it now its their blood you crave
They can’t laugh from in their grave
No please Kyle no, don’t get the gun, everything will be okay
Go back to bed get some sleep tomorrow’s another day
Don’t listen to him Kyle
He’s a chicken and a wimp
But he does have one point
Tomorrow Kyle is another day
Another day to disappoint
Another day of taunting
Another day of shame
Another day to make you sweat
Like its some fucking game
A day of laughing behind your backs
Get the gun Kyle get the bullets
Get it now
End their attacks
Remember Alice in the sheets
Remember Alice always cheats
Get the gun
STOP!
No more! My head hurts! Oh my Go it hurts so much!
Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!
Shut up all of you – just shut up!
Leave me alone please leave me alone. Get out of my mind
Someone please make them shut up make them stop!
Why do you guys all want to hurt me too?
What’d I ever do?
My heads all twisted my nerves are shot
I hate you all the entire lot
Why are these voice in my head
What am I to do?
Everyone keeps pushing me
I wish this shit was through
Yelling pushing shoving pounding
hurting inside my head
Get out of here go away all of you
I wish that I was dead
Then again, maybe you’re right
It all makes sense now Alice laughs
But the fault is hers
She laughs when I feel hurt
Maybe she’ll be happy
With blood all on her skirt
I’ll kill them both that wretched bitch
Her bastard boyfriend too
There’ll be hundreds dead tonight
Before the evenings through
But maybe I should take the pill
The one that makes me numb
That takes away the inner me
And leaves me feeling dumb
At least it makes the voices leave
For better or for worse
Plus one more night without the need
Of leaving in a hearse
Brain is hot, minds all sweaty
Voices start to muffle
Hope this brain flu ends on the med train
The Thorazine dull shuffle
Getting cool, heads quiet for a while
But who am?
Who are you?
And lastly,
Who is Kyle?
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
……………..G’nite guys, see ya tomorrow
Seriously, if you need help ask and if you know someone who may be suffering from depression or any other psyche challenging issues reach out. No one should have to fight themselves alone. PEACE
Terrapin - The Journey 