Twenty-six years ago today

A natal occasion

I hugged a star

Basked in her luminescence

Was swathed in her love

The moment you were placed in my arms

I swear baby girl I saw you smile

A grin that warmed the soul

Eyes that lit the world

So full of charms

A brand new life

Of sugar and spice

Best days still to come

 

But destiny can take a cruel turn

Because on a Sunday evening

We returned to the halls of healing

The frigid chill of that winter night

Bore the frost of icy cold news

Words spoken through a surgeons mask

Six words that would change our lives

Six words reverberating through time

“Your daughter needs a heart transplant”

Denial for a second

Then a surrender to our dread

We held each other and wept

When I thought to myself

This is the worst day of my life

But I was wrong

 

Because the next morning I woke up

Reality continued to agonize

It wasn’t a dream at all

And horror will pace through our lives

But Megan wouldn’t let that be

She eased a painful smile my way

Though she had yet to learn to speak

Her arms said hold me Dad

Her eyes talked reassuringly

Everything will be okay

Stop worrying about the worst

Each day can be our first

Together we will fight

To make our world all right

We had to get strong we had to survive

Do whatever it takes to keep her alive

To believe better days yet to come

No longer had I suffered the worst day

I had tomorrow and today

 

 

Until the day we feared would come

Our tears witnessed your final breath

In one unending second you left us

An unending second I still live everyday

Our baby gone

Ripped from our lives

Stripped from our souls

Never again to lay her head on my chest

Or to hear me sing her to sleep

The day her heart stopped

Our world mutilated

Pain cut a profound furrow

So deep never will it be filled

Again I said to myself

This is the worst day of my life

But I was wrong

Because the next day when I woke

You were still gone

The pain hadn’t gone away

You were still no longer here

That was the worst day of my life

Until the next day

It hurt again

Forced to continue without you

Each new day seemed worse

Each new day I knew I’d wake

To the next worst day of my life

 

Time doesn’t heal it numbs

As always this day causes me to reflect

I philosophize on the worst day

What would be the worst possible day ever

As an idealist, a romantic, a philosopher and a poet

I formulate my answer

I have always believed that love could cure anything

Love will always be there when I need it

Love would always be enough to carry my soul

That love will see me through

Love is our strength

So the day I no longer have love in my life

That day I will have nothing left

That day I won’t want to wake up

Then that day will most certainly be

The worst day of my life

 

I hear the phrase “it was the worst day of my life” and consider the reality. A phrase used to describe an embarrassment but also when recalling a life changing event like the passing of a loved one. As horrible as that day may have been it‘s not really the worst day of your life, because the following day we still have to wake up and they’re still gone. That’s the worst day…… Until the next one

Our lives can be defined through points of profound joys and profound losses. The losses can leave gaping holes in our purpose, the hurt and anger build up more each day. Sometimes we counter it with a good cry, or a long walk, or through creative energy, painting, drawing, singing, playing an instrument, or writing. When we can share the energy with true friends they know not to judge, not to offer their own beliefs but accept our offer of love as a gift of friendship and just let us know you’re there, you hear us, and you remember. Call your Mom, your Dad, Sister, Brother, Cousin, Friend and just say hi. Peace