Tag: politics

Cool Man, Who Won?

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vote

Last night the mid term election of a lifetime
Did little but upset the balance of primetime
Will it be republicans or will the democrat win
Depends which news you listen to get their spin

The political pundits are hard from return analysis
Either that or they od’ed on too many Cialises
The male winners of last nights mid term elections
Are standing up tall proving they’re the erections

Hopefully everyone got out last night to vote
To save the country from rowing a paddless boat
Cruising up shits creek while paddling by hand
To keep terrorist and viruses out of our land

Isis Ebola and a crumbling economic mess
What is at stake here is our futures at best
Hopefully now a brand new set for u and me
Of douches and douchettes to send to DC

No more commercials, screamers and criers
Time to analyze our spanking new pile of liars
So smile everyone we gottem on the run
Another new congress to get nothing done

Bang Bang He Shot Me Down

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bang

Same old same
Waitin’ on the train
Its where I hear all the latest news
Neighbor comes to sit
So we can shoot the shit
Maybe even exchange political views
He said
Hey did you hear about the plight
In Arizona late last night?
Another lunatic carrying a gun
Got off about 20 round
People were fallin’ to the ground
He murdered everyone that wouldn’t run
I cried
My god not again
What will it take and when
For our lawmakers to do more than just discuss
They should help us feel secure
All they ever do is ignore
Seems like bullets have more rights than us
He said
Well there ain’t much we can do about, guess We’ll just have to cry move on
Talk about mental health and new laws, pretend that the problem is gone

Lets all scream and yell for a week
Hope that makes the problem go away
Blame mental health but not a gun
Protect the sales for the NRA

Blood and bullets litter our streets
hope dies once a politician arrives
Is it really too much for us to believe
That the killings won’t split up our lives

What’s happened to out priorities
When we emphasize our rights
We care less about the one we should
Like our woman or equal marriage fights

The new oath
We promise to protect and serve the NRA
Because we are living in the USA
Where every citizen should have the right
To arm themselves for the ultimate fight
Not just a handgun or hunting machine
But an arsenal to make us lean and mean
We want a cache of automatic killing tools
So we can murder multiple fools
Assault weapons with a hundred round
So we can legally stand our ground

epilogue
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people
Quite often with guns
And grenades don’t kill people, people kill people
So lets legalize grenades
So we can kill people
Because corporations are people
And we won’t be safe until we kill corporations
Like the NRA
peace

No YOU Get Out And Vote!!

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vote

Tuesday, the national day of elections, the day all the bullies on Facebook an Twitter or any other medium for their pulpit scream at me to get out and rock the vote. “You’re vote counts” “If you don’t vote then you can’t complain” Oh yea, they dip it in honey or drench it in sugar so its cloyingly sweet and well intentioned but it bullying just the same. Get off my back!

Its my right to vote. Its also my right not to vote and it my right to complain whether I voted or not. So the voters make up the rules? Bullshit, you think your vote is almighty and uber important? Your vote is a teeny weeny blip on the tally. When the last time someone one by one vote uncontested? Some states flip coins, some draw cards, some have run offs, but its never cut and dried in the event of a tie. But maybe you’re right, maybe my vote is the one vote that will decide the fate of an entire state. Obama was declared winner before all the voting was even done. Bet the west coast slackers didn’t feel like their vote counted, maybe they should have gotten off their assess and gone earlier!

So quit your goddamn bullying and get off your high horse and leave me alone, I am reasonably intelligent (seemingly more so with autocorrect) and I have a pretty good idea how the vote works. I know its today and I know where and how an if I choose to vote that’s my option, I won’t be bullied into thinking that if I don’t I have somehow messed up the whole system and fell short of my duty.

So I may vote, I may not. Either way if I am unhappy with the performance I will complain. I have endured weeks of irritating political commercials, robocalls that insult me by assuming I’m such an idiot that I haven’t got the wear with all to make up my own mind, and (ahem) friends on face book who apparently excelled in political science and economics in school although I don’t remember that back in the day and I seem to remember most of them at protests with me. Maybe that was before they got seduced by the almighty dollar, the corporate concept of Inc God We Trust, and having a little money has clouded their youthful idealistic dreams of living in a world that’s fair and just. Maybe we should go back to those idealistic values. Lets take a vote! ……PEACE

Open Your Eyes

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alex

Fight Club, DC rules
Are you a republican or democrat? Oh Tea party? I get it, I get it, don’t take away your guns, get rid of gay people, and stop the handouts because everyone on welfare is lazy. Oh yea, I love the chastity belt, where’d you get it, Lord and Taylor? Oh I’m sorry, did you say its a faction of republican or republican’t? What’s that, an independent “no bullshit politics” believer. Love Jesse’s boa by the way, very stylish. Hopefully it will help him win the gay vote. So how long have you been a moderate? Staunch democrat? Cool, can I borrow a few bucks, I’m a little under employed at the moment.
WTF is up with all these political party fixations and all the fighting, don‘t politicians know the first rule of the fight club? Why does everyone who claims to belong to a political party feel a need to jump on every bandwagon the leader of their party feels will hurt the other party? I feel no obligation to any particular political party because not a one of them have all the answers. You can fool some of the people some of the time but if you lead a republican to gun control he won’t drink an drop of common sense. A democrat in the hand has the other hand in your wallet. There must be some sanity somewhere.
I registered as a liberal back in the 70’s in part because they embraced many of my beliefs and in part because I knew it would piss off my Dad. And it sure did, I endured constant lecturing about how dumb a move that was. That’s because my Dad was a staunch republican’t. He went so far as to vote for Barry Goldwater but that’s Goldwater under the bridge. The demo-cats out of the bag now, I belong to the Liberal party. But that’s in name only because as I understood it I needed to register as something in order to vote, and I wanted to vote. I believed my vote mattered, that it counted. I guess that was the liberal idealism in me.
If smaller government meant less politicos I would be for that in a second, but by smaller government they mean less federally mandated programs. I believe in everyone getting a fair shake, I was taught “share share that’s fair” which I in turn taught my children, and I believe we need to have some specific guidelines to live by. I don’t trust many people to play by fair rules because the game today isn’t the age old its not if you win or lose but how you play the game, its how badly can you defeat everyone else so you can take more than your fair share. As a rule if Trump is against something I’ll be for it, an if he’s for something I’ll be against it, because he represents what’s gone wrong with capitalism. Greed. How much is too much? No limit for the greedy, all they want is more. And then they want tax breaks on top of it. The ones who can afford it the easiest want what I refer to as corporate welfare, because its still a handout even if you don’t need it. Greed leads to corruption and maybe eventually anarchy.
Anarchy is good in theory, do whatever you want whenever you want but what if there were no traffic lights? Imagine how many accidents there would be? And how could anyone run a business if people could just walk in and take what they want. Unfortunately we are way beyond being able to successfully adapt the honor system as a society. The bottom line is we can’t trust each state to work together, as in the “United States” because too many states want unfair advantage and bigger government means they may have to share. Big government doesn’t mean more congress people, it means more rules and regulations to ensure all the states play nice.
So time maybe to abandon a total democrat or total republican view, maybe its time we as “the people” need to stop fighting with each other and begin compromising. The word wars between party enthusiasts is downright hateful, filled with untruths, out and out lies, and twisted views being hot out from news outlets. Maybe even subliminal. And its all the outlets, not far left lamestream media or right wing fair and unbalanced anger oriented made for TV news lies. Stop listening to hate driven opinions from television and research stories yourself. Because if we aren’t willing to listen to each other we have no right to blame congress, they get their strength from our blind faith, which should remain nothing more than an awesome rock band. ..Peace

Fly On The Whitehouse Wall

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afly

II.. Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

The short lifespan of a fly doesn’t have all that much in the way of excitement. Oh sure if we find some dead body its like an all you can eat buffet for the entire family but there’s nothing exciting about being a fly. We have very little needs, we like to eat, puke, and eat again, then rub our hands together and head out to look for something gourmet, like a still warm pile of dog shit. And this human has three dogs so I decided it would be cool sticking around here. Of course as long as I’m not sticking on some murderous fly paper. Bastard humans make those sticky tapes smell just like lady fly fluids and I’ve witnessed many a friend thinking he was gonna do some mid-air muff diving only to find himself trapped dangling in a gluey mess. But I don’t want to bore you with the details of the danger of life as a fly, I want you to hear some real interesting conversations I was privy to here on the wall in the Whitehouse during the days of what humans call the Watergate scandal. From my original vantage point of the wall I was able to hear quite a tale with a cast of characters that, well lets just say for them to call our larvae maggots is extremely hypocritical. They think their fecal matter isn’t odiferous but any fly worth its proboscis can smell a politician miles from the beltway. C’mon, I’ll walk you through it.
Seems after The Pentagon Papers were released to the press this Nixon guys popularity ratings were tanking and it wasn’t going to be easy to get him re-elected. That’s when Howard Hunt came in the office and if talking shit alone was a meal I would have had a smorgasbord. I’m still on the wall here in the oval office along with G. Gordon, Tricky Dicky, Howard Hunt, John Ehrlichman, HR Halderman, John Dean, and John Mitchell. There seems to be a lot of tension in the air because Hunt had just offered up a plan to break in to the same hotel I was in just last night to spy on some democrats or something. “Listen Dick,” pleads George, “Howard’s right. Larry Obrien, the chair of the DMC booked a room at the Watergate Motel. My sources tell me he has credible evidence of some bullshit connection with You Mr. President, and Howard Hughes” Nixon shuffled and tried to interrupt but Liddy held him off, “Please Mr. President don’t say a word. Not a single one of us believe you did anything wrong but my source claims he has convincing looking forgeries implicating you and Hughes. Obrien was heard saying he’s gonna use them to bring you down. Not gonna happen! My team is going to liberate those phony papers and destroy them. Then we bug his room. We all know how Obrien loves to chat with his commie pals and I’m certain we can find evidence that the democrats received funds from Cuba.” Tricky Dick isn’t fully convinced and turns to Howard, G. Gordon Liddy’s co-commander. “What the hell kind of proof do we have that those liberal shits are getting some dough from Castro?” Howard was prepared, “Mr. President, I have reliable sources that tell me LBJ and Castro have been involved in private talks dating back before the whole Kennedy thing. Maybe even has something to do with Killing John, who knows. What we do know is the dems are getting a lot of cah from somewhere and we can all guess where. My sources tell me they have confirmed communication between members of the Democratic National Committee and Cuba so maybe we can get a confession or find a paper trail between Castro and the democrats, there’s no doubt they’re in cahoots . We’ll sink those liberal chumps. Those bleeding heart socialists love Castro and don’t have a clue how dangerous he is Its not only in your best interests Mr. President but the best interest of our entire country. Of our constitution!” From my vantage point on the wall I could see a satisfied smirk on most of their faces. Dick began pacing, “Mother fuckers are gonna ruin our nation Howard, no doubt about that. Let me think about this. We have to make sure no laws are broken, I don’t want any implication to anything like that. In the meantime what about you Bob? What’ve you got on that hippie insect John Lennon? How soon can we get him and that oval eyed bitch of his kicked out of the country?” HR “Bob” Halderman stepped forward, “Dick this isn’t gonna be easy, this is a tough one. He’s got a lot of support from a lot of people and the press loves him. I’m not sure taking him on is in our best interests right now. So far we don’t have concrete proof of any illegal activity. Remember what happened with Liddy and Timothy Leary?” Georgie boy shot back obviously pissed, “Fuck you Halderman that wasn’t my fault you piece of shit, it was the fucking judge. But hey, if you can’t fucking get rid of John Lennon then maybe I should have a go at him my way! I‘ll make sure to use concrete!” Shit was heating up and there’s nothing a fly loves more than piles of heated up shit.
At that point all the men began yelling at each other about all sorts of things and I couldn’t really hear much until John Dean loudly took control, “Okay everyone that’s enough, calm the fuck down this is getting us nowhere. Lets just concentrate on this Watergate thing.” The room got silent and the leader of the free world weighed in, “John’s right fella’s, lets get back to getting me re-elected then I’ll go after that prick peacenik Lennon. I’ll put Kissinger on that, Henry loves the goddamn publicity anyway. That piece of shit hippie Lennon really pisses me off though! Who the Hell does he think he is coming here from England and telling me how to run my country. Anyone tell that hairbag that we kicked the shit out of his piss ant country and then had to save they’re asses from Hitler. Fuck him and his God save the queen bullshit. Henry will send that peacenik prick back to England. Now what’d you have in mind for the liberal dems? We can’t afford to let Mondale, Humphrey, or Teddy Kennedy get in here and destroy the country. I have enough crap on Ted if he makes a run we‘ll bury his ass at Chappaquiddick. That idiot Eagleton’s gone already and I’ll take the rest of those commie socialists down too. Liddy here assures me plausible deniability, but I’m telling all of you right now, this meeting never happened. I will deny any and all of you here. Remember if we don’t hang together each of you will surely hang separately. Any one of you sonsa bitches caught are on your own, because I never approved anything and this never happened. Now I’m gonna leave the office for a few minutes in case anyone needs to talk about plans. That way I don’t hear or know nothing. Just remember, Richard Nixon does not break any laws.” Let me tell you this fly was pretty impressed. That Nixon guy was one slick human. He left the office and none of the other balooka’s could hear but with my intense fly senses I could hear the tape machine in his drawer still recoding.
Lidddy was the first to speak. “Howard and I assembled a team, they’re broking into Ellsburgs doctors office tonight to get his files. We’ll bury that bastard, but in the meantime we gotta keep Dick in office or none of this shit will matter. The same team that robbed the docs office are gonna break into the Watergate Hotel grab the bogus papers tying the president to Howard Hughes and plant a bug in O’Brien’s room. Then we’ll know everything the democrats are up too.” Hunt stood up and took over, “Look you guys, this is how its gonna be. Anyone, and I mean anyone gets caught at anything its deny, deny, deny! None of us wants to go to jail, we’re all in this together. But at the same time we’re acting alone and any criminal activity will be on you and only you. I didn’t say don’t, I said your on your own, we have to do what’s necessary for the country, that’s our duty. Everything we do here is for America now. Can you imagine what would happen if any of those fucking idiots got control of our Whitehouse? So lets agree right now to work together and do whatever we have to do to get this shit done.” Great Bundle Fly that man was convincing, if they do lose he has a future as a motivational speaker. I think I would have flown head first into a bug zapper if he convinced me it was for the benefit of the entire fly kingdom. And it was obvious the rest agreed because they all began happily planning and asking what they could do to help. Two things at this point, first, I was wrong about the dogshit and getting tired of donut crumbs, and this was really getting interesting so I left my post on the wall and nestled into Georges suit jacket for a change of venue and a new food court to check out. When we left I could still hear the tape recorder running.

Tale Of The Tapes (Fly on the wall tells all)

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fly-on-the-wall-print

I…Sticky Lips Sink Ships

I swear sometimes its like they don’t even know I exist. Well that’s fine with me because my Dad always told me its better to keep your mandibles shut and be considered a fool than to make some buzzing noise and remove all doubt. Besides, with those new fangled fly swatters and bug zappers my species has been taking a huge hit in the census reports. I prefer to just sit on the wall and quietly listen to these humans ramble on about all their petty nonsense. Interesting surroundings here I must say, much too clean for this flies taste with not even a crumb or juice spill for me nibble on, but I am in The White House and this is The Oval Office so its only a matter of time until I come across a big pile of bullshit.
I’m not exactly sure how I ended up being a fly on the wall in the Oval Office but the last thing I do remember was sleeping at a bar in a hotel nice and warm all snug in the hidden hairs region of a women that picked me up in a bar. Destiny was her name and my destiny was to find a comfy place to sleep in her warm vulvic pubic bed. I had just flown in from Boston and boy were my wings tired! Destiny had been drinking when some dude started hitting on her. “What’s a beautiful woman like you doing alone in a bar like this?” Phhhhtt. Real original! I started dozing off because I had a feeling this clown wasn’t getting anywhere with my soft hair snuggle mattress . He said his name was George and he claimed he was a powerful man in DC. Oh yea, and a Scorpio. I fell asleep when he started asking Destiny what her sign was assuming Georgie boy wasn’t getting any honey tonight, at least not from Destiny. I got the feeling the asshole was married and Destiny would no doubt pick up on that too so I felt safe and sound curled up in her warm curlies. But great God Brundle-fly was I ever wrong. I never woke up from any of the tussling and troddling but damn if when I finally did wake up if I didn’t find myself here in the Oval Office stuck not in destiny’s coochie cot but in a thick and sticky mustache belonging to George, who it turns out is better known in Washington circles as G. Gordon Liddy.
G. Gordon was a real son of a bitch, even by fly standards. Let me just say that I had no trouble throwing up on his smelly-ass liprug to dissolve some of Destiny’s leftover love juice for my breakfast. He makes puking easy. Apparently he was some kind of bigwig in the FBI and has been screwing people over for a living for some time. He was a personal friend of the other asshole in the office, Richard Nixon. Well listen to my tale as I play the taped conversation and you’ll get what I mean.
“George, did you read what those Godless bastards at the Times wrote about me last night?” George started rubbing his lip which is what caused me to relocate to the west wall. “Dick, I’m telling you, some sonava bitch is leaking stories to those damn reporters and they want to print whatever they can to discredit The Whitehouse. What you need is an experienced, um, plumber, a plumber like me to find the leaks and eliminate them.” Nixon was clearly angry and interested, “Your right George, those pricks are out to destroy me, to take me down. Every chance they get The post, The Times, those pricks Severid and Reasoner, they’re all trying to screw Richard Nixon. Let me tell you George Richard Nixon will not be taken down by some liberal atheist commie shithead. What’d you have in mind?” George shuffled a little as Richard stared out the window. “Look, I have a source who tells me the Pentagon Papers were released by someone working for General McNamara. I have a name. The sonova bitch copied classified files and now wants to leak them for his own agenda. There’s something I want to try. This asshole goes to a psychiatrist and I’m going to liberate the files of this ratfink bastard from the shrinks office for proof. Then we’ll nail his communist ass to the fucking wall! No one will believe a word he says. Listen, I know a few guys from the organization I can still trust, and with me as their chief I’ll find him and any other scumbag commie leaker and get rid of them all. You’ll never be implicated in anything, It’ll be my operation and I’ll run it. Of course I’ll keep you informed but this will give you plausible deniability.” Nixon smiled, “Plausible deniability? I love it George, okay lets go with that. You head up my group, the Whitehouse plumbers.” George was one of those control freaks who need to assert his dominance and replied, “Operation Odessa Mr. President, in here we can be called the plumbers but officially we’re Odessa, part of the Committee To Reelect the President. I’m gonna get my guys together and I’ll report to you in two days. I already have my lead and he’ll be the first sonava bitch to go.” Nixon shook Georges hand and said, “No names George, not yet. These prick liberals are trying to ruin me, ya know? They want to bring own America, become commies and make it normal for our kids to be homos. I don’t think they even believe in God. You bring me some results and I’ll make sure you get rewarded.” George shook Dicks hand, “My reward will be serving you Mr. President, just leave things to me. I have the way to deal with the unpatriotic hippies. I’ll get rid of all your problems Dick.” George left and Dick opened a drawer of his desk picked up a microphone and softly spoke, “G. Gordon Liddy and President Richard Milhous Nixon, June 18th 1971.” and closed the drawer. Hmmm, odd these humans, they seem to secretly tape record conversations. I wonder why?
To Be Continued

Don’t Forget To Wipe Your Opinion When You’re Finished

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opinion

PSA on DICKS awareness
Opinions are like religions, everybody has one. Actually, religions are opinions and that’s why we hate the holy piety pushers as much as the opinionated asses. Imagine if someone came knocking at your door to tell you if you vote for gun control you will burn in hell? But some people feel an obligation to spread, even threaten everlasting damnation in the name of their faith, or let everyone else know how wrong and ignorant they are on political issues. In the end religion can’t be proven so its an opinion. Is Jesus is the son of God, did Moses lead your people from Egypt, or has Allah spoken to Mohammed. Vishnu, Krishna, Siddhartha, whoever the god of the moment its only an opinion. I suppose that’s why religion is as hotly debated as right and left wing politics.
Religion and opinions can be of value when used properly. For many people religion is the only hope they have and a good political debate can shine a light on both sides of an emotional coin. But forcing your opinion or religion on someone else makes one a condescending arrogant asshole. But studies have shown that this may not be their fault, they may have little to no control over how they air their opinions or religious beliefs in either public or on the internet. Someone who suffers from this may be actually have an obscure disease called Delusional Idiots and Conceited Know-it-all Syndrome (DICKS), in which they have a compulsion to inject their faith and/or opinion into every forum. Very often they feel compelled to force their political opinions or core faith values in every social media post. Here’s some examples:

I) Post- “Had a wonderful trip down memory lane visiting my old hometown.” Mostly lots of happy replies, but one suffering DICKS may add, “It used to be a great before all those lazy illegal’s moved in.” or “Too many shootings there these days, but if they want to shoot each other they will find guns anyway so don‘t take away my guns, a law won‘t change anything.” Delete that shit.
2) Post- “Just got back from the hospital and feeling much better.” Most responses are supportive, but someone with DICKS may say “You wouldn’t feel so bad if it wasn’t for Obamacare, he’s ruining the nation with his socialism” Delete that shit
3) Post- “Had a great time at Busch Gardens.” DICKS.. “Garden my ass, Bush knew about the attacks all along and did nothing. The worst president ever!! Delete that shit
4) Post “I am so happy for my son, he is now able to legally marry the man he loves” Friends will join in a celebration without judgment but a DICKS challenged person will say “The bible says a man can not lie with another man as he would a woman. Homosexuality is an abomination”, conviently leaving out the parts of the bible about killing one who does, loving each other, or all children being gods children. Delete that blasphemes shit
5) Post-“Wahooo…just won ten thousand bucks in the lottery!” Normal folks happy but DICKS “Well God must have wanted you to win for some reason. Why he chose a sinner like you is beyond me, you’re going straight to hell. Unless of course you convert, you can start by donating to my church“…Delete that shit.

Anyway, you get the idea, and I’m sure you know someone who feels compelled to blame the worlds problems on a Liberal Socialist trying to ruin our country, or an out of touch Conservative who wants to go back to the fifties. Or you know someone who praises god every time fortune blows its fate their way but curses the lousy horoscope of the day.
I love a debate, but a true debate involves open minded people expressing views on a particular subject in a civil manner. But these poor afflicted individuals enter into debates uninvited and unaware that their minds have already been made up and no further discussion is needed. Doctors advise that you not engage these misguided assholes, but do your best to ignore them. They won’t go away, but you can have fun watching them get really pissed off when no one cares, listens, or responds. Here are some of the warning signs of early onset of DICKS:

1. People afflicted with DICKS believe that the universe exists only for their enjoyment
2. DICKS is often accompanied by a compulsion to watch opinion based TV shows disguised as All News Networks
3. People suffering with DICKS give out free advice but are incapable off following any.
4. Often acting as judge jury and executioner the poor schmuck with DICKS feels there is never justice.
5. People with DICKS very often begin their statements with line like, “I’m not a racist but…or Wake up! If you really knew what was going on…”

These are a few of the warning signs but in general doctors recommend avoiding people that have a tendency towards narcissism or project an over inflated ego. The best way to keep DICKS out of your life is to avoid them at all costs and not engage them. Chronic sufferers should be unfriended or at the very least hidden so as not to infect your real friends who are not DICKS and enjoy your time on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other medium these sick individuals tend to frequent. Remember, these individuals are ill and the disease causes them to stalk the internet in search of arguments, and if they can‘t find one will turn an innocent thread into a political or religious statement. They may friend you, your friends, or other people or groups just to have an opportunity to debase others so beware. Finally be patient, and as hard as it may be do not, I repeat DO NOT use sarcasm. They seldom understand it, it seems to go over their heads, and it only frustrates them inflaming their condition causing them to become even bigger DICKS than they already are. Don’t let this obscure disease ruin your good times. IGNORE, UNFRIEND, and continue to live a good life without them. Peace….

Weiner Lets It All Hang Out

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ant

Weiner Takes Da Bait
No the real headline is not Weiner takes debate, but he was feisty as hell so if you missed it on TV I have my own re-cap here. The front runner is Christine Quinn and Weiner was in Christine’s face throughout the debate. Bill Thompson stood tall and was inching closer but Weiner measured up. Public Advocate Bill de Blasio hammered away at Weiner’s ability to represent the people of New York but he assured everyone that Weiner will stand up for all New Yorkers. Comptroller John Liu expressed concern over Anthony’s transparency to which Tony replied “I have always been transparent. Anyone can see where Weiner stands.” The stage set, on to the debate.
First Weiner’s opening statement. “My name is Anthony Weiner, no relation to Oscar Meyer Weiner, and I am running for mayor because I have swag, and as recent tweeted evidence has shown I have the balls needed to run this city. True my pole has been sagging, um, I mean I have been sagging in the poll numbers but with a little help from my constituents it’ll get it back up again. I know my past indiscretions keep popping up but just to be clear no matter how hard it gets I will not pull out. I’ll stick it out as long as I can. I intend to show New Yorkers everything I’ve got. New York City is a hard town and they need a hard mayor which is what I‘ll be when erected. Oops, I mean elected, a slight boner in my choice of words. Anyway, New York is full of danger and trust me I know danger. In fact my middle name is Danger, so vote for me, Anthony “Carlos Danger” Weiner. Thank you.
The greeting was met with a splattering. That is a splattering of applause and a few Bronx cheers. Now on to a condensed re-cap of the issues. The first subject was the stop and frisk law.
Quinn : “ I’m okay with the frisking but not the stopping, if I’m elected they will have to frisk while the random pedestrian is still moving. New York is a busy town.”
De Blasio : “My wife is black and my son is half black with a big ass afro to prove it, so it could be my son with a cops hand down his pants. No to frisking”
Thompson : “What the hell, are we truly going to allow our police officers to act like TSA agents? This is America where no one is randomly searched unless they are in a busy airport. Just like the large soda and the poop pick up law Mayor Bloomberg saw the poop on the sidewalk and overstepped again.”
Liu :“I’ve seen this epic fail in Chinatown. If they continue to act on this dumb law everybody will be Kung Fu fighting, which is a little bit frightening.
Weiner :“From the beginning I stated cops should wear cameras and I stand by that. I say frisk like nobody’s watching, but take a selfie to send to that special someone.”
On to the next issue, a viewer question, a matter of trust. directed to Weiner. “How can we trust you when we find out you continued your activity even after you were busted?”
Weiner : “I have been up front from the beginning about my personal life. I did a bad thing and I was sick. Now I keep my hand on the problem everyday and have kept it down. It has been a long time since I sent any dick picks to anyone, almost an entire month now of not sexting. You can trust me to have matters in hand and keep it in constant motion. I have been endorsed by Woody Allen, Roman Pole-ansky, Marcia Gay Hard-on, and A-Rod to name a few and I am a member of members only so I will keep my finger on the pulse. Forget my past, look at my future.
Quinn :“You can tell he’s lying by the vein bulging, and not in his neck. He can hide behind the podium but fro here I see his problem growing. Its not just about trusting Weiner to keep it in his pants though, its about lying. I have it on good source that Weiner is at least two inches smaller than his claims. If he’s gonna lie about his dick size he can’t be trusted.”
De Blasio : “Look size doesn’t matter, just ask my son. He’s a half black man with a cool afro to prove it yet he has a portion of him that is half white, mainly his power drill, and he still gets down wit da bitches.”
Thompson :“Hey look, I can drop trow with the best of them but you need to know when to hold it and when to fold it, and Weiner just don’t fold his.”
Liu :“If Weiner is erected everybody will be Kung Fu fighting, which is a little bit frightening.”

Wow they all brought their big guns to that topic, lotta hostility here, now on to the final topic, the economy, and how will they create jobs.

Thompson :“What we need in New York is to have all taxi drivers self deport, so we can hire real New Yorkers in their place. That will be a huge boost to the economy.
De Blasio: “To create jobs in the city I propose making tax laws 50% more complicated especially for the rich who will be forced to hire our creative New York accountants to better hide their money. Companies like H&R Block will thrive and hire. Also I‘m gonna ask every fast food worker to chip in one dollar each to add to the city surplus. My wife is black and my son is half black with a killer afro and he works at Mickey Dee’s. He said one dollar would not be a strain on him, especially if he can take it out of the allowance we give him.”
Weiner :“Elect me and I promise more construction of clubs like Hooters, Scores, and my new company, ’Sexts and the City’, a self text club that guarantees anonymity. There are so many young co-eds in the city that need those jobs to work their way through college. By the way, if any of you young co-eds need part time work send me a text and I’ll hook you up.”
Liu : “I propose to bring the club scene of the eighties back which stimulates the economy by creating a tourist trap of dance clubs. Once finished, much like the eighties, everybody will be Kung Fu fighting.”

That wrapped up the questions, to save time I will just recap Weiner’s final statement.
“I want to thank Eyewitness News for such penetrating questions. I have never been afraid of penetration and I am happy to wrap my head around them every chance I get. So here’s me promise in a nutsack. Oops, I mean nutshell. The people of New York deserve a mayor who is in touch with the youth, and no one had touched more youth’s than me. The economy need stimulating and no one knows stimulation better than I do. The city needs someone who isn’t afraid to show everyone they are willing to stand up and I have proof of standing up in front of anyone. New York was at one time the fornication capital of the world, and if I’m elected I promise you New York will get fucked royally. Please vote for me, Anthony “Carlos Danger” Weiner. I’ll always be just a phone number away.

Lovers gonna love & Haters gonna hate–Savers gonna Save but Liberals liberate

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized5 Comments

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Those goddamn liberals are gonna ruin our country. What? Wait, let think this through a minute in terms I hope even the oldest whitest 50’s value clinging paranoid can understand. Words. Terrorist, one who inflicts terror, as a means to control. Terrorist would like to ruin the country, that’s clear enough. But how could a liberal ruin a country. Liberals seek to liberate, to create a power balance in which all share equal value and opportunity in a society. Kinda like Jesus did. Jesus was a liberal, at least according to the lame-stream media of his time, The daily scriptures. Was he trying to ruin the Fertile Crescent? In the dictionary liberal is defined as favorable to progress or reform. Favorable, not destructive. Terrorist-terror, Liberal-liberate. Women’s lib didn’t ruin the country it made it better, with many powerful women adding greatly to our society. Liberate the oppressed, that’s basic. Liberals believe in freedom and not just to other liberals but to all. Even conservatives.
Ah yes, conservatives. The very ones who use the word liberal to project an image of peace loving, tree hugging, environment caring, do nothings who would ruin the country by striving for racial equality, gender equality, a clean global eco-system and worst of all, world peace. What does the dictionary say about this odd group of take it or leave it change resisting conservatives? Conservative, disposed to preserving existing conditions or institutions, to limit change. Who would want to limit change? Obviously if one likes the way things are they wouldn’t want anything to change, wouldn’t want to liberate anyone. Not like that long haired liberal from Nazareth, someone different. Oh yea, King Herod. Lets face it, Herry had his choice of women, lived in a huge palace and was surrounded by wealth and power. Who wouldn’t want things to remain the same if that’s how life is for you? Conservatives conserve and that’s what they do. What they are best at conserving is money and power, and they prefer to conserve it all for themselves. They resist change because that would mean others may have equal value or opportunity and well, they want to conserve it all for themselves.
Not too long ago liberal was a derogatory term spat out with distain. Stinking liberals, bleeding heart liberals. In ’73 I had to choose which party to register as in order to vote, which made no sense to me at all. Why does everyone else have to know what party I believe in. But I dutifully followed the rules and marked my self down as a member of the liberal party partially out of spite to my staunch republican Dad and partially out of my own pure rebellious nature. When my conservative father found out we elevated our “disagreements” from my hair length to my disgracing of the family by becoming a liberal. I was warned it would follow me around like bad body odor. I wore that stench proudly in 1973, and I wear it proudly today. Politically I am liberal but I don’t define myself or others through a religious or political microscope because that’s what we believe not what we are. If you’re and atheist or a bible waving Christian that’s fine, but if you’re an asshole its not because of what you believe, but HOW you believe. Don’t force your beliefs on anyone else, enjoy them for yourself, allow other to enjoy their. The same in politics, if you’re a tea bagging homophobe its not because you’re a republican, you’re just an asshole. You can believe in the republican party without discriminating or fearing people unlike yourself. My Dad was staunch republican as I said, but I will credit him with having the sense to breakdown the stereo-types without sacrificing his core beliefs. It took time and a lot of nudging from me but in the end he understood we are not defined by our unconventional appearance, lifestyle, or religious practice. In name we are all human, and if you feel you must judge, judge not by political or religious beliefs, but by deeds and actions. I believe mine are worthy of any religious or political movement, but more importantly could be accepted as beneficial to humanity.