Cerebral Cabal

cerebral

 

Fireflies behind my eyes

Fluttering about

Blinking

Chattering

Softly first

Then screaming

Shut up!

Make them go away

They don’t belong

Who are they?

Why are they in my head?

The answer is within

I am anger

Rage

Livid pain

Burning eyes

Staring hatred

Searing skin

I am you

I am fear

Shivering alone

Petrified

Trembling pain

Paralyzed by thought

Stuck in your worthless void

I am you

I am insignificance

The losing team

Last place

Again

Dejected and ashamed

I suck

Its your fault

I am you

I am guilt

Mortified

Humiliated

Crying in the shadows

Face charred red

Head hung low

Abased, abused

I am you

I am contempt

Displeased

Disgusted

Rotting in your presence

Disdainfully at your side

Putrid vile fool

I am the stench of you

I am you

I am disgrace

Undeserving

Ridiculous

Pity the petty maggot

 

We are you

United and free

You’re cerebral cabal

We are desperation

We are loud

Listen to us

We are you

You are us

All talking at the same time

So an idiot slug like you understands

You are nothing

Open your ears

Hear the disgust

Open your eyes

See the truth

You are an aberration

Miscreant

Wretched piece of nothingness

Go now

Hurt someone

Devour someone

Kill someone

Kill yourself

 

Quiet!

Its you that must die

A capsule of therapy

To help me forget you

A bottle of strength

To shut you up

Make you scatter

Make you leave

You never stop

Leave me alone

You are not me

I am not you

I will stop you all

It will end

We will end

All things must end so let my ending be a new beginning or let me go to sleep

 

Pieces Of The Past

yesterday

 

Tiny brushstrokes of a portrait

Pieces on a canvass

Time bandits

Stealing moments

Charting memories

A life on loan

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

Yesterdays pieces of ourselves

Parts of our puzzles

Triumphs and troubles

Maps of our experiences

No glory just our story

What are were

Flesh blood and bone

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

Lyrics of our songs

Sung with glee

Enthused

Tempered with blues

Notes on a scale

With a soft groan

A whispering moan

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

We are the words of our poem

Gloriously described

On our hearts inscribed

Words of love

Hopes and dreams

Written by us

And those we have known

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

 

A patch quilt of memories

Past and present

The good and bad

Bought and spent

Inerasable lines

Deep and furrowed

Reaped and sown

In the end alone

Just pieces of the past

Never meant to last

Pieces of a storm

Here and gone

Passing through

Today

Never meant to stay

How fast we’ve grown

To be alone

Alone at last

Just pieces of the past

Visit but don’t stay in yesterday for the destination is not of our choosing. Our journeys however belong solely to us….PEACE

 

Five Words

five words

 

 

Heart on high alert

Frustration rising

Panic coursing through blood

Time excruciatingly painful

Every tic a pounding

A rhythm of frenzied dread

Waiting to hear

Waiting to know

Terrified of truth

Nagging doubt

Praying your wrong

Waiting

Nervous

Frightened

Hope almost out of reach

Disarmed

Begging to get an update

Then you hear the five words

The five words that change your life

“We did everything we could”

 

Shadow Traveler

shadow

 

Creeping obscure

Surreptitiously vile

A shadow of bile

Taking me to slaughter

Crushing my head

In pestle and mortar

Mental mutilation

Heart in a vice

Brain sliced

Rumination poised at the brink

Disaster choking emotion

Intent unspoken

Torture sick and profane

Inane

Mindless abyss

Barren and void

Shadow traveler is driving me insane

Shadow companion

Leaves me abandoned

Lonely and stranded

Remanded disbanded

And branded

A loser

Shadow traveler controlling my ride

Destroying my pride

Ripping out segments of my esteem

My dreams

Hidden destroyer

Paranoia

Scraping the insides of my mind

Leaving me blind

Can never escape your shadow

Or what’s hidden behind

 

 

 

 

No One Cares

used

 

 

The scars on her wrist

Betray her despair

Nothing there

Barren and bare

No one cares

Pain behind her eyes

Reflects empty visions

Unreachable missions

A life of omission

No one to share

Nobody cares

The tremble in her voice

Screams please end my life

The struggles and strife

Unanswered prayers

Life’s never fair

No one cares

 

Neon Rain

neon

 

Success inside a box of greed

Wall street weed

Cocaine and speed

Not enough… gimme more

A bright downpour

A capital gain

And neon rain

Give me your money

Praise my name

My checkbook commands you

Kneel in vain

Tremble in my presence

More important than god

More powerful than Satan

Praise me and be humble peasants

And don’t complain

For I am rich

In neon rain

So exalt his name

The one he got at birth

Made him what he’s worth

The family jet plane

Flying high above the glow

The flow

And pain

Of the neon rain

Pyrite darkness at his core

Gold running through his veins

Basking in the afterglow

Of his oft ill gotten gains

And neon rains

He took from us

Behold him majestic

Bombastic

So fantastic it’s drastic

But to me he’s plastic

Just a John Doe

Living in a condo

With stain glass windows

And alters of pain

Built from neon rain

Behold

Rising above you

Looking so handsome

So tan yet so vain

Basking from the glow

Of grimy neon rain

Monster dressed in silk

Beady rhinestone eyes

Heart of pyrite power

Deals in cheats and lies

Neon rain never falls

Never fails

Money prevails

Inside the Ivory tower

Above the neon shower

Thinks he’s immune to our distain

Lavish him in platinum

Uncork another magnum

Fill the chalice for his palace

With the sweat of our champagne

Behold him with his playthings

Hottest ladies on fine China

Diamond studded vagina

Stroked like a rigid ego

Everywhere that we go

Rich boys will be rich boys

Spreading prepaid toys

Over silk embroidered sheets

Where kink and pleasure meets

In bed with Cinderella

Covered in a gold umbrella

He cannot feel the distain

From the angry neon rain

So praise him

His money train

Or walk away wet

In the neon rain

 

 

 

 

Making A Plan

 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION DATA

It happened far too early when

The walls of his playpen fell in

Somber loneliness rushed the gate

Followed him out to the playground

Alone in a crowd of children

Hurt he was

Making a plan

An education met with sneers

Weight of the world in a backpack

Classrooms without principles

Falling victim to ridicule

Alone in the lunchroom

Friendless he was

Making a plan

Meaningless tasks they call a career

A hamster wheel in race full of rats

A medical plan does not make the man

Internal decay what’s a madman to do

Bide some time make some cash

Disillusioned he was

Making a plan

Over the border to where nobody watches

To purchase the power he could never obtain

A lifetime of angst on top of his back

A life of ridicule and rage inside his coat

Concealing his emotions he concealed a gun

Fed up with his life

He had a plan

Remember my name

When you assign the blame

I’m the monster from under your bed

My bullet tranquilizer

Is a great equalizer

Its society sins for which they have bled

My memoir to you

Of what I must do

Shredding lives of families I won’t ever meet

Many people will die

At the blink of an eye

Until you get all the death sticks off of the street

 

 

He held his yesterdays tight in his hands

But it always slipped through his fingers

On his journey of self destruction

He took us all along

As was his plan

Natal Anniversary

bd

 

Today is my sixtieth natal anniversary. I’m not looking for acknowledgment or birthday wishes because all it means is I have been able to stay alive on this spinning globe as it completed sixty laps around the sun. So if anyone deserves credit its gravity because gravity did all the work. But holy shit man I’m sixty, or as I prefer to call it sexty. Well sexty if anyone has a thing for potbellied dudes with receding, or maybe disappearing, hairlines, crows feet, and wrinkles.

The truth is I’m as surprised as anyone that I lasted this long but I have. I really believed after sixty years I would be a lot wiser than I am but that’s just another one of those life fallacies, older and wiser. Now when I was in my twenties I knew absolutely everything. Until I reached my thirties which is when I began thinking perhaps I didn’t know absolutely everything, perhaps there were still a few things I could learn. Then came the forties and I realized I didn’t know shit about life. The forties was like an epiphany of the self. Time to start making a serious attempt at understanding life. When the fifties hit it was like being run over by a dump truck. Things that worked overtime on my body began demanding shorter work weeks. My children and my brothers and sisters children where all starting their own families. My fifties is when I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, “When the Hell did this happen? When did I get old?” Well it sneaks up on us without warning which is why I total support the theory of living life to the fullest, keep an understanding at how precious and quick our lives are.

I don’t know what my sixties will hold for me aside from in four years being able to relate fully to The Beatles When I’m Sixty-four tune but I will promise one thing. I won’t waste my time and energy figuring out the mysteries of life but continue to enjoy them while fighting daily to not become a sixty something grumpy old man. I have never forgotten the child in me and this is certainly no time to start hiding him. I will continue to be the best I can be and I will share myself with all of you free from any judgement because as I see it I have no right to judge anyone else for being themselves when being myself is the only thing I could ever be. Happy birthday to me, Love and Peace to you

 

THE ARTIST

artist

 

 

Standing naked before you

Vulnerable and afraid

Anguish in word

Trepidation in song

Emotionally blurred

Trembling brushes

Their soul on display

Frightened waits the artist

Awaiting applause

Fearing the ridicule

But our art is our cause

 

Using potions and lotions to mask our emotions

As we parade our wounds and our scars

For your gratification we suffer frustration

Then go drowning our sorrows at bars

 

A cavalcade of mental lacerations

Through the center of town

See the procession of distressed musings

The Splendor of our pain

In plain sight for all to enjoy

We’ll allow you a glimpse

Into a world of macabre

Struggles we faced

With love we tussle and toil

A labor of love

To help shed a light

Bring radiance to the obscure

Lucidity in an enigmatic abstract

Luster from our souls

Wounded yet strong

Brighten the path of our pith

Allowing you to see into our thoughts

 

To see yourself

Art is a mirror

A reflection of you

Distortedly real

In my mind

Harshly we judge ourselves so the judges won’t give us new pains

We carry on

Enduring torture in living

Tempered by numbness

To help show the way

The teardrops flow at the strum of a string

Someone singing a song of despair

Painful pictures of reality

Or sweet memories to canvass

In word, in song, in pictures

We see life and report

Groaning from lessons so hard

Disparagement festers in my heart

Flowing through my fingertips

Connected to my mind

Creative thought

Born of aches

Shared internal

Shaken from sneers

Fragile

Ready to bare the soul

Reality is sometimes hard

Not always kind

If you’re sighted yet still remain blind

We let you see inside with our creative wings in flight

We struggle in our darkness so you can see the light

Artists…..show them love but

Handle with care

 

Unfinished Yesyerday

unfinished

 

Tomorrow

One day early

Yesterday

One day late

Today is the day

Make something happen

Celebrate

 

Don’t worry about tomorrow

It knows the way

Don’t live in your history

It never stays

Yesterday is gone

Today will be great

Celebrate

 

Tomorrow is a future someday way back when

Stay inside the now

Today

Before it becomes yesterday

And re-occurs

As it always does

Not gonna fill my closet with regrets

Or store broken dreams hidden in my attic

Don’t wanna end up with a pile of would have beens

And mountains of wish I hads

Too steep to climb

Woulda coulda shoulda

Believe me I have scads

Wandering aimlessly

Procrastinated into complacency

Graciously waiting patiently

For hope to fill the vacancy

Now all the piles are swept away

And all I have left today

Is too many unfinished yesterdays

History is important

But the most important history

Is the history you make today