Consumed By Memories

consumption

 

She came into my life
Stayed there for a while
Creating a new story
We drank and danced
We sang and laughed
When the music ended
Life parted our direction
Left a memory in the wake
To fill in some blank pages
Of my unfinished novel
A chapter in a love story
On my bookshelf of life
Once again I am consumed
By conflict and resolution
Sad stories sway in the past
Tender songs left unremembered
Hoping to be erased once more
But nothing is ever completely forgotten
Not really
So I add another reflection to my hill
That mountain of memories
That I climb everyday
Which consumes my being
One heartbeat at a time

Sad Smiles And Happy Tears

comedy

 

As the final day comes closer
The memories run further away
Held captive by loneliness
Her ambitions chained to her bed
Shackled to unspoken solitude
Where desperation reigns
She stands blindly confused
As friends just smile at her
Its not that they’re happy
They wear reflective smiles
Tender grins born of sadness
Sad smiles

He doesn’t understand his world
Nothing is ever complete
Thoughts move like clouds
Inside this head he knows
Yet always she’s there for him
Bruised from his confusion
One person who never gave up
Overcome with unexpected gratitude
The autistic boy hugs his Mom
A hug he never gave before
And it made her cry
Tears forged from joy
Happy tears

Sad smiles and happy tears
Confusion falls across the years
Telling lies and facing fears
Smiling sad with happy tears
Puppy love in disguise
She had me with her soulful eyes
Right from the start
I should probably be mad
Her smile looked so sad
But to this day I hold it in my heart
Haven’t seen her in many years
Both our eyes filled by happy tears
Because love made it all worthwhile
Sometimes it’s good to cry
Sometimes its sad to smile
Spending most of my time thinking back on how things used to be and it makes me smile. A sad smile, not because I was unhappy but because these days are gone forever yet remain in my heart.

Spending most of my time thinking about how my baby girl has grown up into a woman, and how those days of believing her Daddy is the greatest man in the world are over. Then she kissed me and said I love you daddy. I cried happy tears

The Strength Of Women Hear Them Roar

nycwm21

 

 

I went to my first sit in in 1967 during a nationwide protest. As cool as it was to be leaving a Jr. High class with all the swagger of a false rebel I was profoundly effected by the movement. I saw first hand what power of the people meant, the power of unity, and the importance of standing up to any injustices I was confronted with. This movement went much further than just protesting the Vietnam war. I was hooked, more sit ins, be ins, and peace rallies followed. I quickly became a real rebel.

Yesterday I was overloaded with rebel pride when I went into New York City to join the March for Women’s Rights. I always believed in the strength of women but they really blew me away when I saw they had the power not only to stand for their own issues but they also had the love and strong shoulders to absorb so many others causes along with their own and turned it into a march and rally for all of humanity. Every race, religion, class, and gender were given equal status, and all were represented. They proved that it doesn’t matter what your background or political affiliation is but what matters is that as a human being we have compassion for each other and the planet we live on.

So I thank all who marched and/or supported the amazing peaceful movement our sisters have started and I applaud the strength of my sisters everywhere and ask that you don‘t let it stop there. Become a joiner and supporter of destroying any injustice anywhere and become a pain in the ass to your elected officials, they work for us. Most important, get out and vote every chance you get, let your voice be heard in every way possible. Real men make quiche and are inspired by strong women, not intimidated by them. Real men don’t feel the need to brag about the size of their hands but are willing to show the size of heart to all.
Live and Love in Peace

The Caregiver

caregiver

 

 
I worked in two different nursing homes during age16 through 22 and they both left many lasting impressions on me. I started out in the kitchen but quickly found myself on the floor flirting with the nurses and the aides, which earned me jobs like vacuuming and helping wherever. I did any shit work the nurses could find for me, like helping with enema’s. That wasn’t the end of the shit either. I was given caretaker charge of a man confined to a wheelchair who had a severe stroke. Bathed him, shaved him, and dressed him. He was young enough to be embarrassed having female aides do the chores so I became the best part of his morning when I worked that shift.

 
Archaic living statues
Wearing ancient masks
Reflective and forlorn
Performing aimless tasks
Not conscious of the world
But conscious of their fate
They have nothing to do
So they wait
Its all they do
All night, all day
Its all they have left
Even the memories begin to fade
The tears they paid
So they wait
They wait for me
The caregiver
For sustenance
For medication
They praise my dedication
All they have left is to wait
To be told what to do
They wait for me, caregiver
The one who holds their heart together
Informs them of the weather
They wait for me forever
Sometimes I come in the morn
Wake them from their sleeps
Change the wet sheets
Dress them for the day
Give them their pills
Chase their blues away
The way in which we planned
Breakfast tray in hand
Sometimes I come in the afternoon
Put on their favorite show
Just let them know
Someone cares
Then I wait to go home
To a life so removed
From the pain and the heartache
Of the aging machine
The horrors I’ve seen
Time can be so mean
Memories broken like in a dream
These grand folks I cherished
I watch as they perish
But each day I come back for a little while
Covering profound sadness with a smile
Knowing what’s on their minds
Though they really can’t define
They just wait
But its not the food, medicine or even me they sit in anticipation of
They’re waiting to die
And that makes me cry

 

The nurses told us not to get emotionally attached to the patients but we had so many favorites, cute old people who were left up to our care because fore the most part their families abandoned them. I was struck by how much they looked forward to our shifts as though they were visits, how we brightened what little life still sparkled behind their eyes, and I realized we were more than caretakers of their health, we were caretakers of their hearts. Ironically they in turn helped to fill our hearts up with love and gratitude. It was like having 20 of my grandma’s back, and I would give anything for just one more day with my Grandma. I would be happy to be her caregiver.

End Of This Game

end-of-game

 

When all that remains
Is what’s gone by
And darkness fills up the light
Will the records show
He tried hard to glow
Burning a candle to brighten the night
When the clock runs out
Will the people shout
He wanted it all but he did without
But looked down and sighed
Just could never apply
He once had it but now he doesn’t
When it comes down to goodbyes
Once the wells have all dried
Please remember he tried
Just couldn’t be what he wasn’t
So when the ease of his pains
Become dusty remains
Will anyone still softly whisper his name
Or will they laugh at his fate
After such a tedious wait
To reach the end of this game

Goddess

goddess

 

 

With a sirens song she serenades
Gliding lithely across the horizon
Leaving me trembling in ecstasy
Transfixed motionless in her stare
Intoxicated by the nectar of a goddess
Sweet fragrance of passion
With fingertips forging my being
Fulfilling my ardent desires
Numbing my head with pleasure
Hedonistic day dreams caress me
While she slices me with a smile
A stealthily hidden carnal sword
My wound yearning for repletion
Then with a soft spoken word
A tender purposeful embrace
She shatters my mortality
Bringing sight to my blind eyes
On her pedestal she ascends on high
Climbing like a mighty oak tree
With most tender branches
And salaciously intricate roots
Knowingly the Goddess kneads my soul
Denys me possession of her heart
Without attempting to possess mine
I melt into her like a running brook
Trickling down her mountainside
Understanding the pains of her wounds
As they flow effortlessly into mine
Allowing us to scar in union
Sharing the blood of tenderness
Aye when I am greeted by the dawn
Her smile welcomes me to the light of day
With upturned lips she ensures my dedication
And together we set out in regality
To conquer the world

Cost

cost

 
I want that
How much does it cost
I need to have it
At any cost
Nothing is free
Everything has a cost
Falling in love has cost
Falling out of love has cost
Being nice and being mean
Have a cost
Being right and being wrong
Have a cost
So is cost the one true omnipotent?
The omnipresent?
Even faith comes at a cost
God comes at a cost
Allah certainly comes at a cost
Even Jehovah and Vishnu come at a cost
Cost is our one true master
To be an Existentialist or an Atheist
Comes at a cost
Anarchy costs everyone
We all pay a cost
Just to be who we are
To be what we want
For every decision
For every action
Every fucking thing we do
There is a cost
Politics cost us friendships, family, and integrity
Government is nothing but costs
Acting like the chameleon
Hiding what the real costs are
Not money but personal cost
Selling out who we thought we were
Exchanging one cost for another
What is the cost of existence?
The cost of survival?
Do we win at any cost
Must we sufferer the cost of defeat
Cost isn’t just a human condition
It’s a condition set by corporations
Through exploitation
They determine what we want
And what cost we are willing to pay
In the end it the cost of our very souls
That’s what cost us the most
Yet we allow them to set a price
On the cost of our own surrender
The cost of giving up hope
You can have peace if you’re willing to pay
It will cost you dearly
What shall we pay to overcome the costs of being alive
Only death
Never give up, never give in ……
Live and Love in Peace

Awaiting The Raven

mirror

 

Who owns that face
Look deeper
In the mirror
Do you see them?
Sad tired eyes
Echoing back
Tormented orbs
Dimensions of sorrow
Volumes of pain
Clouds of regret
Obscuring the view
But I see
Fragmented visions
Broken glass
Pieces of pasts
Vows crumbling
Degradation and humiliation
People pointing
Laughing from afar
Whispering rumors
Stinging sarcasm
Now I see the reflection
An old man waiting
To meet the Raven
Be brave old friend

 
Look!
There in the mirror
Image comes clearer
Hair of silver
Vaguely familiar
Lines from laughter
Deep of disaster
Tracks from tears
Shed over years
Who owns that face
Who’s been misplaced
That can’t be me
I look so hollow
A bitter pill to swallow
The anguish and rage
My refection has aged

 
I wasted so many breaths
Trying to change
What had already occurred
Can’t change the past
So I guess my advice
Would be this
Waste no time
Attempting to alter
What has come and gone
Focus your efforts
On forging a future
Bury your past
Because before you know it
You become a strained reflection of yourself
Awaiting the Raven

 
Live and Love in Peace

Seeker Of Truth

seeker

 

I knelt naked before a gallery of gods
Waiting in judgment of singular rule
Which divinity will clothe me in faith
I seeker of truth
Searching the chasm of dominions
Pleading for some truth I bared my soul
The mother romancer received me
Adorned me with dreams to dream
Fed me certitude to consume my cynicism
I gave unto her my unwavering fidelity
But it was not truth

 

So many sleeps have come and gone
The dreams so long ago forgotten or gone
Many a deity swaddled me in hypocrisies
I the seeker of truth
Now standing at the dawn of my twilight
Looking to the oracle of enlightenment
Who reveals to me a painting of words
My eyes ached red as I perused salvation
The scriptures given were barren of fact
Yet gleefully exalted in lessons melodic
Cold and calculated I memorized the songs
But it was not the truth

 

I sang of prophesies written on the wind
Which gently blew out the light from the stars
Alone in my darkness I light the lantern of quest
I the seeker of truth
Once more Mother Romancer beckoned me
Asked me to quench her spiritual passions
I gave to her free from the weight of gratitude
Yet still I was cast in the molding of evil
Alone in the unlit passageway I open my eyes
For only from darkness can we truly see light
That is my truth

The Portal To My Heart

portal

 

No more the portal to my heart
Shall be slammed shut in silence
Barren of loves treasures
My empty garden grows weary
The writing scribbled on the stars
Telling me it’s time to move on
To leave the city of my birth
Go without sadness or sorrow
For my days here were too long
With the pains of a hard existence
My evenings seeming yet far longer
Exiled to the pains of loneliness
Ah the bittersweet reelections
Regretful moments of sin and bliss
An insensitive trail of broken hearts
I caused the spirit of many lovers
To lay fragmented on my doorstep
Now destiny beckons once more
So alone and now free of my nest
I would fly off to find a setting sun
A new horizon emblazoned with hope
Yet first I pause to peer over the sea
In which my intensity swam so easy
Where the rebellious waves of the harbor
Disregard the covenant of the land
Yearning for days when I ruled
Riding the ebbs and flows of virility
Hoisting up sails of reckless eagerness
Set afloat on wings of sweet rapture
To endure all the ocean possessed
And all that it left behind
Sunken ships from angry storms
Loves treasure awash on sunlit shores
Broken shells tossed to the shore
Reflecting I took one last breath
One more toke of briny nostalgic sea air
Which had once seasoned my desires
A taste I shall remember forever
Whatever adventure travel brings
No river or stream I shall traverse
Will ever comprehend the freedom
That was abandoned those coral shoals
Aye that all lay in the past now
Histories to be written as ballads
It is the season to shed anchors familiar
Perhaps a new moonlight will impart
An unconditional offer of enduring affections
My moment of self absolution arrives
As the portal to my heart is flung open
To receive the treasure of love once more
This day I shall remain vigilant and true
For a portal once revealed to be open
May be entered from either direction