Tag: death

Mighty Meg

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meg

These words are not meant to elicit sympathy or empathy or instill a sense of sadness or regret, but to inspire an urgency to express love, to share love, to experience love, and proclaim love before time denies you that privilege….   Live and Love in Peace

 

 

She sailed into the world
On a gilded cloud
Stars bursting pearl cinders
Platinum moon smiling bright
Comets holding their breath
Circadian rhythms echoing softly
Feathered creatures flapped and crooned
Morning sun rose in admiration
Butterflies danced in adulation
A magical sensation
Cosmic jubilation
Her name murmured softly in the wind
Megan Laurine, Warrior Woman
Mighty Meg
The Universe is put on notice
Our precious diamond would shine
Lifting us towards utopia
Eyes that comfort and soothe
Contagious engaging smile
Igniting the fires of cosmic reality
Life gleamed undiminished
Until the ills of fate crept in
Left its loathsome stench
The burnt smell of betrayal
A gallery of people beside her
The walls of the hospital drenched
In the tears of so many children
Who had come this way before her
The walls screamed in exhaustion
Hearing the Wailing of despondent parents
An unending corridor
A spiral staircase to Hell
The halls of healing fell silent
Machines of life monitoring no more
No longer having purpose
Boasting an analogy of our reality
A once Technicolor world
Now gray cold and lonely
Our crying eyes watched
As heaven burnt to the ground
The smoke blurred our vision
From Iscariots lips
A burning ember kissed my cheek
Leaving a deep laceration
A scar leaving a furrow
To be forever filled with despair
The world turned inside out
Senseless and absurd
Void of purpose
Hopelessness abounded
But a natal event
Lifting our wings once more
Liberated Megan’s legacy
To be shared with everyone
Twenty five years ago today
A tiny little spark soared up in the sky
Finding her place amongst the stars
Where she shines her light on us everyday
We love you Meg
Shine on you crazy diamond

 

Climb Of Freedom

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when-freedom

 

 

My past is my prison
Shame forged shackles
Enslaved for too long
When will I know freedom
Be proud of my name
Unchain my tortured soul
Find a sanction of solace
Immune from all my evils
Shall it be only once I cease?
Some say when you die
You must carry your cross
To the top of the mountain
The precipice of redemption
To confront absolution
Others say when you die
It’s the souls you must carry
Of all you have wronged
Their full ballast on one shoulder
Far to much weight to bear in solitary
Yet the path must be mine alone
Achieve my tribulations unencumbered
Atop the cliffs of eternity
Frightened I request company
Yet I know in my heart
I must climb up that onus unescorted
To the peak of my own making
Where my virtues are stained in blood
And my merits abashed into ruins
There I must stand before providence
Naked in my atonements
That I can finally commence
The unburdening of my ills
Then is when I find freedom
I’m also told that this is only a story
Archaic tales of meandering souls
But what are our souls
But a collection of our stories
Waiting to be told
Waiting to be free

Live and Love in Peace

 

Looking Back In Anger

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looking-back

 

It could have been Tuesday
Or Thursday
The days all seemed the same
Maybe it’ll happen tonight
Or maybe tomorrow
A painful waiting game
But I knew it was coming
Or was it going
Only time can know
Why did I need to watch it
Or worse, live it
See the cancer grow
Cancer is an arrogant shit
Stepping on hearts with depravity
But I remember you you shit
That very night it took my Mom
Cancer spun and waltzed to the ballroom floor
In an ugly miasmic dance with death
Teasing and taunting
Till we could take it no more
Dispassionate
Sucking up all her breath
She didn’t even know she was at home
Thought she was alone
Didn’t know how much I cared
Cancer took her brain away
Left her lonely and scared
With vile indifference
Some unfamiliar eyes looked my way
Like they had something important to say
But it wasn’t mom who was staring
The eyes were too angry
Then in my Moms deaths voice to taunt me
“Who are you? Why are you here? I don’t know you”
“It’s me Mom, your prodigal son. I’ve come back home.”
“You’re not my son, I’ve never seen you before in my life”
The anger in her eyes was vaguely familiar
At the same time completely foreign
Still they cut like a razor through my soul
Bleeding out the shame of virtues past
Burning a hole in my confidence
It wasn’t her it wasn’t her
It was the Cancer talking
Leaving me wounded
One final indignity
To taunt my reflection
Cancer cares for no one

Memories are like watching reruns of our lives. Many make us smile, swell with pride and feel the comfort and warmth of an epoch of our younger days. Sometimes they bring on a state of melancholy leaving us yearning for those days while others make us outright sad and depressed, especially when the memory is of something ripped from our hearts. They come as an ending, a final memory, the last episode. This is inspired from my final memory of my Mom who passed from cancer many years ago. I left home when I thought I had become a man to become an adult on my own terms which intensified the already established rift between my mother and I. Fortunately mere months before she was diagnosed with cancer we had come to understand and appreciate each other and our relationship had returned to a strong mother /son bond. On the downside, this made the end so much harder…

I’m Free (Death Stands Naked)

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naked death

 

They find rest as they lie in death…. Isaiah 57:2

 
Death stood naked
In the evening wind
Laughing in denial
Of nefarious intent
Whispering promises
Cloaked in satin sheets
My face in amusement
As I smile broadly
Reminiscing a sexual tango
Twixt the bee and the flower
Tempting flora aroma’s
Bright colored enticements
Genitalia between petals
Singing sensual to the insects
The salacious dance
Of life everlasting
Carnal enlightenment
As Death disappeared
An angel stood naked
In the glow of sunrise
Laughing happily in denial
Of her voluptuous intent
Alley cats shrieking
In agonizing pleasure
While inside my head
My previous partners
Moaning in unison
Sensual memories
Distracting my attentions
While Death creeps low
In the dark underbrush

 

 
Now Death stands naked
Dark in my doorway
Anticipating the collection
Of all my yesterdays
As well as the denial
Of my tomorrows
Screaming all around
In deafening silence
Ever so explosive
Yet never reaching mine ear
In surreptitious slight of hand
Death hath wrapped his arms
Tightly around my heart
Leading me to the sacrificial stone
Like the son of Abraham
I the wandering lamb
Of the flock of the lost
Knelt sadly alone
Until the angel returned
Humming soft rhythms
Unearthing the secrets
Of my innocence lost
She smiles so warmly
An act of comforting
Cradled me to her breast
Soft pillows of compassion
A distant echoing beat soothes me
Her song of days gone by
Come inside my love
All evil will cease to exist
Take my hand
Let me guide you
To your freedom
And a light glowed from where no sun dare to shine
That’s when it became clear to me
I’m free
Live and Love in Peace

Corridor of Death

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gates-of-hell

 

(Freestyle Post-Beat /Street Tempo Mix)
Bad memories like phantoms
Actors of my Divine Comedy
Circling the layers of Hell
Questioning my honesty
The corridor of the inferno
Hatred burns from every pore
The sound that I was fearing
My name whispered behind a door

Kick it……

Got a call from Satan but I kept him waitin’
Cuz I ain’t freighting for no demon hatin’
I’m going straight into a world where
My fate is anticipating my death
My last fucking breath the bottom of my depth
But it’s not your concern I’m in Dante’s inferno
A journey of no returnin’ and so much burnin’
I’m hurtin’

Facing down my demons always busy scheming
Without reason for the screaming and the streaming
About an agreement of redeeming my soul
That’s leaving without beaming to the lord
But I’m ignored because he’s bored
And until my faiths restored there’s no reward
But water boarding by the horned one
I’m being scorned on my way to Hell
Oh well

Slow it down now……
The waters of my River fill with blood
Bones styx and stones block my path
Deliver me to circles down the hall
The corridors of anger hate and wrath
Where I’m a dead man walking
Down Dante’s corridor of doom
Pays no attention to our good deeds
To him it’s just a room
Verily he grabs me by my hand
Motioning down the hall of gore
Showing me the path of destiny
My name now written on that door
Kick it one more time…….

Time to meet the great tormentor
At the epicenter the wraith dementer
Death the presenter of dissent or
Is this all just another fucking lie
Say come inside and learn to die
The truth you seek is one big lie
The god you praise is petrified
Been sacrificed on Mount Sinai
Come quantify your sacrifice
Inside
Showing me the path of destiny
The death that lay in front of me
My image in flames of effigy
Enemies scream in ecstasy
An ember is all that’s left of me
I’ve reached my life expectancy
Because I lack integrity
Failure is my legacy
Words will ring in eulogy
He tried so hard but couldn’t see

Abandon all hope all ye who enter
Too late be a repenter

SHE HIDES

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a tear

 

 

There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
She’s living in Hell but she hides it so well
Promises lost
Abandoned
Like an unopened package
Left in the storm
Pieces of dreams
Scattered across a highway
Fade into fog
One horror filled sunset
One mortal error
A vow broken
A veil fades to black
Hidden from sight
She hides alone
Concealing fright
Her chameleon smile
Shines like she’s fine
But her withered eyes
Can’t hide the whimper
The sobbing from her soul
Living in half
Chained to her memories
Despondent inside
The pain of loneliness the weight of despair
Thinks life would be better if she just didn’t care
So she hides
Stretching each sunrise
To her duty of care
The demands of children
The veins of her heart
Survival her goal
A day at a time
But oh so alone
Its just so exhausting
Life on a treadmill
Trying to outrun stress
No one to shoulder
The burdening tears
Staring at the vodka she hides under the sink
Come my best friend lets have us a drink
She hides
There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
You’ll never see the hurt because she hides it so well
She turns up the music
So no one will hear
The sound of the scars
That beat from her heart
The wounds lay open
She turns out the light
Feels for some comfort
But touches the wind
All that remains
One lonely sheet
And yesterdays dreams
You can’t hug a memory
Or so it seems
Alone in bed every nigh until the torture subsides
Alone in her bed
She hides

A Face From The Ancient Gallery

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face

 

 

(Inspired by a Welsh poet who refused to go gentle into that good night)

 

I was King of the evening

Time was my mistress

So many darkness’s ago

Life beckoned my call

I was the survivor forever

Fortunate dreamer

Age clutched me close to her breast

A pillow of confidence

Embraced me in endlessness

Swimming side by side

A vast ocean of pleasures

Drifting in her grace

Filling my vessel

Warm compassionate smiles

And enough comfort to keep me asleep

As she whispered promises

So many promises

Whispered dreams

So many dreams

Visions of greatness and grandeur

Oh the potential of those reveries

Dreams she only leased me

Mine to pay back

 

Endowed with dominion over the night

Writhing in the passion filled light

In darkness of nights

When my world needed observing

She shone her light across my obscurity

Her torch to my ear

She whispered close

“Dreams yet to come will burst with elation

Don’t rush past them in your haste my love

Live inside them and breathe deep

The brass spiral is yours for the climbing

And the world yours to embrace

While you keep your dream alive”

 

 

Time held my hand close to her heart

Laid my head on her shoulder

Tenderly caressing my soul

Her hair smelled of sweet promise

Of vows once confided

She murmured into my core

My prophecy is a life of bliss

With condition

Embrace them together

But heed this warning my love

Do not close your eyes or blink

Never let your lamp grow dim

You may also miss precious moments

She looked past me into the horizon

Eyes hinting of sadness

Sorrows of mine yet to come

Foretelling misfortune

Our eyes once met in an embrace

Together we shared a teardrop

And a moment

A precious moment

 

Time is a calculating prophet

I wish I had paid closer attention

My prophecy I was bound to fulfill

Blindly I continued chasing the air

Sunrises and sunsets came and then left

Leaving me lonely and tired of eye

Until her prophecy emerged full

I shut my eyes too tightly to see

For only one brief second

Moments morphed into memories

Both time and I grew older of age

As time got more distant she added some pounds

Placed the weight of the world on our backs

Stripped me my carefree title of midnights

Made me slave of my own 9 to 5

Stresses of lifetimes pulling me down

Gravitationally held in a rut

My dreams collided confused

Love or success?

 

Please I begged her spare me the onus

No longer can I bear the demand

I was offered beverage of self confident stupor

To lighten the load of spiritual bricks

Took more than my share

Far too many times

Filled my lungs with wisps of contentment and joy

Laughing my way past my life

In constant search

Found euphoric fulfillment in carnal release

Seeking out intimate solace

Passions moaned softly under silken enticements

Blissfully groaning in tandem with love

In the midst of salacious confusion

Of blind indulgence I blinked once again

It was gone

 

 

 

I stood still as my dream ran right past me

Forgotten moments tucked under its arm

My eyes became heavy with lost opportunity

Too much weight for my tear ducts to bear

Dejected I blinked once again

In an instant I was again abandoned

Leaving me alone to negotiate the forest ferocious

Void of strength to fight

Unable to flee

Unwilling to enter the brawl

No longer able to face the dangers I once braved

Behind me trailed ashes of my yesterdays

Billowing smoke of pale ghost dreams

Time left me for another

I’m old enough to care now

But I’m too tired to cry

 

A face from the ancient gallery sang her plea

“Why must it take so long,” she inquired

“Why must it take so long?”

Time blinked

Confused by her query

Once more she offered dreary supplication

As we waded in my teardrops she spoke

“Why must it take so God damn long to die?”

Time held me tender caressing my head

“Close your eyes my love, and let me hold you a while ”

She sang a song so soft and sweet

A warm embrace

Her lullaby was like a dream

So I slept

 

 

Happy Mothers Day Mom

Inner Psychopath

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inner

 

 

They laugh at me

Snickering

I can feel their eyes

So much distain

Where does it come from

They don’t even realize

That in killing my spirit

They’re releasing

My inside hate

Ripping off my skin

Peeling away my face

Tearing down

My wall of esteem

Their words are burned

Under my skin

Scoffing at my reality

Karmic retribution

Is coming

From my inner psychopath

 

 

 

Is that what they want

To set free the evil

Churning inside me

Anger boiling over

Scorching their world

Then bring it on

I want the feel

Of warm blood

I want to taste

Life exiting

Breath stopping

Pain flow

I want them to know

Why they suffer

Why they cry

I will wipe that smug chuckle

Into the dirt

Let them burn

Squirm

Its their turn

Feel the wrath of

The inner psychopath

 

 

 

 

I could set him free

Let his havoc fly

Destroy the destroyer

Relieve paranoia

Instead I return

To my tedious world

Meek existence

Just another grain

Of sand on the beach

Another drop

Of brimstone rain

Insignificant

Venn diagram of a life

Never intersecting

Sentenced to life

With my inner psychopath

 

Shooting Star

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shooting star

 

Intense and beautiful

And so sad

A star shooting across the sky

Luminescent laser

In the evening celestial

Yet flying in despair

Mournful

Desperation in air

Extinguished so long ago

A beautiful sight

Even though it’s dead

Sorrowful elegant flight

Sad and beautiful

Shooting stars

Beautiful endings

Why must death appear to open our eyes

Just to recognize what matters

To appreciate the star

That is beautiful

But sad

 

 

 

 

A ballad so blue

Makes me cry

Because it’s beautiful

Because it’s sad

Somber lamenting music

Beat of the soul

Nothing is really sad

Until it ends

But when the music dies

Beauty subsides

Only the sad remains

Making us real

Sad and beautiful

Our world conflicted

Love restricted

Why does it take the worst to bring out our best

Shit happens

Just to feel sad

To make us act

To make us stand up and shout

We will survive

That is beautiful

But sad

 

 

 

 

 

FU Cancer

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fu cancer

 

Somewhere in everyone’s life

Cancer comes creeping

Looking for a place to stay

Cancer says can I come in?

You want my answer

Fuck you Cancer

Taking away my friends

My friends friends

And worst of all my Mom

I was her baby boy

The last of five dudes

Plus a baby girl with attitude

Until you got us all riled

Just after Mom and I reconciled

Years of angers subsided

Cancer your so damn vile

Ripping away my smile

With a sarcastic guile

So soon after I had it back you attack

Killer disease laughing all the same

And its you alone whose to blame

She didn’t even know my fucking name

On the last day that ever was

For my Mom

 

 

Got the word from my brother

A phone call from Hell

Didn’t wanna hear what he had to tell

Hey Man, Moms dead

She died in her bed

You mean she was alone?

No Bro

Cancer was with her

In her bones

Along with moans and groans

Our worlds so damn cluttered

We both shuddered

It was our Mother

Then we cried

As the cancer tried to hide

The coward disease

Attacking with such ease

Fuck you

Cancer you sleaze

 

Oh that horrible day

My eyes filled with tears

My life in arrears

Can I please make amends?

Depends

Is your heart on the line

You’re purpose genuine

Will you honor her dream?

Did you ever heard her scream

I barely even knew she was sick

I was such a dick

I’m so sorry Mom

It was me who was too combative

Too erratic

You deserved more than I had to give

If only you had lived

But cancer made It’s choice

And the lord expects me to rejoice

Take umbrage in his vision

In Gods decision

She’s better off now

So that’s your best answer?

Well fuck you cancer