Stress is a most dangerous emotion no matter what religion you practice. I bet given enough time and the right person even the Dalia lama could lose it an be sent into a tirade. “You better hope I don’t see you in next life because Dalia Lama never forget face!” Why? Because stress is just the trigger for being really pissed off, the motivation to become a temporary mixed martial arts expert an unleash your fury on the on pissing you off. At that moment. But stress does other shit to us too, it alters us mentally, emotionally, an even physically in ways that are out of our control. Or is it?
Most of us, unfortunately, are all too familiar with the five steps of grieving. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It takes a long time to reach the level of acceptance because when we lose someone we love very dearly it leaves a void that can never be completely filled but in order to continue living we find a way to manage the pain and the loss. So we go through the stages in order to cope with our loss. The same stages apply to stress.
Stress doesn’t leave a void but rather creates a spike in anger and frustration that raises the blood pressure and effects our overall health negatively. It can be dealt with in many ways, weed, xanax, vodka, primal scream all the way up to murder, which I personally don’t recommend. But the end result is the same as grieving, acceptance. Stress also involves that all too familiar five stage process and as an existentialist I have trained myself to go directly to the acceptance stage at the start, thereby decreasing the power the stressful situation holds over me. As an example I will use the very stress inducing situation of a traffic jam which causes many an over-extension middle finger injury as well as an unnecessary blinding road rage to fill the inside of your vehicle. I find it works best to just realize at the onset that I cannot control the jam, if I am going to be late all the screaming and middle finger waving in the world will not get me to be where I need to be on time.
The anguish riddled inconvenienced traffic negotiator goes through the five stages of stress. He comes upon the traffic jam and heads directly into denial. “Oh no, not now! This can’t be fucking happening, not today. God dammit this is not happening to me.” This often escalates rapidly to the anger stage in which the middle finger exercises its right to free speech, the head often takes to trembling, and the driver voices his opinion paying strict attention to the vocabulary he learned in the schoolyard not the classroom. “Are you fucking kidding me?? Pull the fuck up asshole! Move you piece of shit fucking worthless scum. Get off your god damn phone dipshit and move!!” Anger as an emotion is seldom in a hurry and loves to stay and visit so this stage will last quite a long time. Usually until enough yelling is done to satisfy the stressed out driver that every other driver on the road understands that their appointments pale in comparison to the depth of importance of the angry drivers schedule. But inevitably, once the face is full to the brim with angry throbbing blood vessels anger concedes to bargaining. “Oh my God if you make this traffic go away I’ll go to church every Sunday for a year. Maybe if I go this way I’ll save some time. There has to be an alternative route!” ……….. After all alternative routes have been exhausted and traffic is still laughing it ass off directly into the drivers face is when depression sets in. “God fucking dammit, why always me? Why do I always get stuck in this bullshit? What the Hell did I ever do to deserve this?” Finally the angry driver relents and accepts the fact that we live in a three dimensional world and cannot travel through the other cars but must obey the laws of physics governing that all things are made of matter and solid object such as automobiles and trucks are impenetrable without serious consequences. Once the driver has complete the first four steps, denied it will last, shouted every expletive in the known universe and begins foaming at the mouth, finished figuring out a way out of the mess, an fought back the tears of defeat he’s ready for acceptance. At this point he may begin forming and practicing his role as the apologetic late arriver. “I am so sorry I’m late the traffic was unreal, I swear I left in plenty of time but first there was construction, then an accident, and the traffic was relentless. I did everything I could to get here on time, I am so so sorry” or he may opt to just allow his anger to apologize for him, “I can’t believe this damn traffic, I swear there has to be a better way. If you have to go anywhere DON’T take the highway! Friggen traffic, what’d I miss?” Either way he allowed stress to ruin his day, or at the very least his morning.
I get that its hard, but with the practice and meditation it is existentially possible to convert this conundrum of traffic jam into a less stressful and perhaps even temporarily enjoyable ride. The existentialist knows he is going to face whatever consequences he must for being late, but only need to suffer them at the moment of impact with whomever it caused distress. Worrying about the consequence in the car merely prolongs the life of the consequence. Accept that even if existing there are and never have been any god or gods that would concern themselves in the slightest with your traffic plight. They would be far too busy keeping their promises to football players, baseball players, and boxers who have all petitioned them for a win. Accept the fact that no matter how you react, the vehicle in front of you will not simply go away. Select some favorite music, put in a CD,(EB recommends some Grateful Dead, or even some Traffic, ironically) adjust the interior temperature to a comfortable position and go with the flow, however slow. Amuse yourself by checking out the inflamed angry faces of other rivers who are stuck in the stage and far away from acceptance. Wave to them, blow them a kiss. It make them even more angry and stressed and the amusement you get will help you to forget you may be losing your job, or an account, or just en route to an enraged person at the other end of your trip. On the other hand, don’t mistake kindness for weakness because even though you may see an existentialist smiling, almost enjoying a traffic jam he is still just as fragile as the rest of the world and if you happen to push him too far…. I will kick the everloving shit out of you motherfucker!…. I mean, he will respond accordingly….Peace
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Cupcake Wrapper’s Delight… by Vanilla Cupcake Dude
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Voice Of No Reason
Golden is the silent mind
Sound judgment at the core
But silent voices deep inside
Can make ones temper soar
Quiet time is happy time
Serenity has its perks
But in calm and quiet corner
The voice it always lurks
Do you hear the silent voice
The voice from deep inside
If you hear the silent voice
Its best you run and hide
Cuz when you hear the silent voice
It tells you who you are
If the silent voice screams loud
Your brain will burn and char
You don’t want to hear that noise
Or be who it says you are
Cuts deep inside your thinking dome
And leaves a nasty scar
Silent shrieks prohibit you
To know left from the right
Wrong is right and right is wrong
Inside a constant fight
Towering whispers cloaked in reason
A message may change your life
If you obey the stealth command
You’ll find blood upon the knife
When that sound gets hold of you
It bends and shapes your mind
Forcing you in all directions
Commands you from behind
Thoughts they echo in your head
The voice is in control
Smiling at you ear to ear
As you fall through the hole
Break the rules the judges set
Fill your heart with treason
Kneel and pray to what you hear
The voice that’s lacking reason
An Unexpected Trip
Today’s lesson, hide your drugs better!
Alan was feeling a little bit guilty about violating his son‘s trust. He respected Ian’s right to privacy but his suspicions were so deep he felt he had to infringe. He didn’t want his son smoking that evil devils weed or worse. As a devout Jesuit he was responsible to raise his son to be a follower of The Society of Christ and if he found Ian straying he could use that to send his son into a Jesuit school, maybe even go to Loyola someday. His wife Sadie was catholic and had opted not to upset the forbidden apple cart by converting and as long as Ian was swathed in the catholic blanket of Jesus they could compromise. The compromise was a typical agreement between husband and wife in the 50‘s, Sadie agreed to have sex with Alan and not cut him off and Alan agreed to just about anything uner the threat of the vaginal wrench. In truth that was the single bone of contention between them, Sadie insisted on Ian remaining a “Good catholic” and not a Jesuit so Alan gave in for now. That was the one and only time she dared to air any dissidence.
All Alan needed to convince Sadie that being a Jesuit would be in Ian’s best interests was to catch him in a sin. He was relatively certain his son was smoking pot and he wanted to find some evidence of wrongdoing that would give him the upper hand and release the wrench Sadie clenched on his desire. Alan was the man of the house and as such he should in theory have final say in major decisions, but in practice he opted for bedroom bliss over being boss on this one. He looked over his shoulder nervously and began opening the desk drawer as silently as possible. After rifling through the entire desk he was disappointed to not find any evidence but relieved his son seemed to be keeping his head on his shoulders. He wasn’t thinking about anything in particular when he placed the life saver in his mouth, it was more of a reflex. He had no way of knowing he had just unwittingly ingested a tasty tab of Orange Sunshine LSD. In fact it would be almost an hour until he even began to feel any effect, much too long of a time lapse to connect the two together even if he had suspected something. The rest of the covert search also turned up nothing so he left his son’s room and went to his secret haven, his escape room to relax before mowing the lawn. He locked the door behind him and sat down in his lounge chair, his hidden throne to enjoy a quick Budweiser before leaving his sacred sanctuary to begin the chore.
It had always seemed funny to Ian that his Dad spent so much money on a Cadillac but turned the room meant to keep that expensive car into a fortress of escape with no room for the car. A small fridge filled with beers, a lounger, a small TV and a radio all surrounded by his tools. That plus a hidden box full of two years worth of Playboy magazines. But that’s where you could find Alan whenever the stresses of suburban life got to him. He called it his palace. Alan needed to relax because he always stressed out at the thought of performing his most despised suburban chore. Lawn maintenance. People here in Hamilton New Jersey were judged harshly by the state of their lawns. A well kept lawn was the ultimate status in town and would make the homeowner a well respected man about town, but an unkempt lawn was a ticket to the lowest rung of suburban development and a surefire way to have yourself snubbed and ostracized.
But the yard had to be manicured and Alan dutifully mowed and trimmed his sacred acre of green pride with an unusual joviality which at times made him actually laugh to no one in particular. When Alan finished his dreaded chore he found his smile refusing to leave having found mowing mildly amusing and uncharacteristically pleasant. When he performed the finishing touch of edging it was so funny to him he laughed loudly. A thought came into his head so he talked directly to the yard, “I have to go so you’ll be all a lawn.” Nearly a full minute passed before Alan realize he was laughing with the lawn to his silly joke an the neighbors may see. A sudden wave of paranoia rushed over him which felt foreign. He decided he would be better off alone in hi sanctuary so back to the garage he went.
Alan sat down wondering what was going on, maybe he was catching some strange flu or something because he felt very different. A beer an a nap was in order so he opened one up before putting away his tools. He had done some very deep thinking while tackling this normally mundane chore and surprised himself having come up with some new concepts and theories about life. His life to be exact. He put away his lawnmower and edger and then sat back in his recliner to close his eyes and consider the implications of his newly gained perspective. As he laid back and relaxed a sense of serenity settled across his body and mind. Alan was meditating without even realizing. After fifteen minutes his cheek muscles began to move involuntarily forcing a rather large smile back onto his face. His eyes were closed yet bustling with activity as they entered REM even though he was far away from sleeping. He found himself inexplicably listening closely to all the sounds around him, the leaves gently tickling the ground a they danced clumsily across the cement floor, the wings of some kind of bug flapping melodically, a cricket scratching a tune on its hind legs. Sounds that were always around but never noticed, at least not is such a grand way. Alan was smiling and humming and the visions in his minds eye were churning up childhood memories. Cartoon characters. He saw Popeye and Olive Oyl, Mighty Mouse, Huckleberry Hound, Top Cat, and many more cherished cartoon characters all involved in some bizarre collective cartoon specifically portrayed for his entertainment. He was smiling a huge involuntary smile and he knew it. He felt it! He felt the muscles of his cheeks pulling upwards pressing up against his eye sockets, the corners of his mouth contract inwardly, and his jaw line stretch halfway around his head. He chuckled to himself understanding he was rising to a new conscientiousness.
For quite a while Alan merely sat back and enjoyed his trip as he contemplated his life and what it was all about. His smile began to desert him as he realized what a rut he’d found himself in. “What the hell am I doing? The same thing day in and day out, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. What am I doing this all for?” He continued feeling morose and sorry for himself for living what others had convinced themselves was “The American Dream”. But what the hell kind of dream is this drudgery of existence? Why was he just going through the motions, why wasn’t he an international spy, or an astronaut or something exciting? Anything more exciting than a carbon copy of every other shit middle class robot in town. His mood was taking a dangerous turn from comedy to tragedy in mere seconds.
Alan clasped his head between his hands attempting to squeeze the bad thoughts from his mind. Bugs seemed to be buzzing around e3verywhere but one bug in particular was just outside his ear and singing a song to him. Not a song he recognized, more nonsense singing in a weird bug voice like “eyy ya ya dadada dadeedadee, dadada…..get outta my ear!” Wait, was the bug trying to tell him some profound truth? Could this be where he finds true meaning? Alan contemplated intensely what message this omen bug was showing him when he laughed out loud, “Get out of my ear? Hahaha, did some bug just fly in my ear and say get out of my ear?” He laughed some more, not startled or confused but back in a state of control, of understanding, as though tripping on LSD was his true calling and not some foreign experience impossible to understand. He opened his eyes and continued talking to himself, “Holy shit, I feel so strange. I’m not sure what in the Hell is going on but I think I like it. I feel like I‘m in some bizarre 3D movie or one of those optical illusion pictures” The bug continued to sing the same song over and over in his ear and much to his delight he was neither concerned nor puzzled, he was comfortable with it. Suddenly startled Alan thought he saw movement from the corner of his eye as he jumped up from his chair.
“Is someone here? Come on now I know someone else is here, I can hear you and I know you’re in here. Who is it?” Alan was still chuckling lightly but beginning to feel uneasy. The bug stopped singing and in a much deeper and human voice it said to him, “Its me Alan, Franco. You remember me don‘t you? Saint Francis from project Ultra. I sure as hell remember you, all of you. You guys all laughed and called me Franco. Then you did those things to me, those horrible things. I can still feel the pain.” Alan sat back down now suddenly frightened and uncertain of what was happening. An old buried memory he was unaware of was being stirred up and settling in his head as he flashed back to a room from the days he was in The Agency. The top secret Ultra Project, but what was it? Alan thought back hard, a repressed or even worse an erased memory. He was remembering, the room, the lights, the constant loud noises, and….and “Franco? Oh my God, I remember now Franco. They told us no one would get hurt, we never meant to”….. A knock on the door sent a shiver of paranoia erasing the memory and replacing it with profound worry. “Dad? Its me, Ian. Can I come in? I think we nee to talk.”
Disciples Needed Will Train (Easter Special)
A Sick Bastard Bible Excerpt (an equal opportunity offender. Turn off your moral compass before continuing)
It’s not easy making friends when you introduce yourself as the Holy Messiah, even the latter day saints cast their doubts. That made it extremely hard for Jesus to find himself a posse but he knew he needed an even dozen so he set out to find them at the fishing hole. The first two men he met were Andrew and Peter. After a lot of convincing and a few parlor tricks God taught him they finally believed that he was the son of God that they had heard so much about and promised to follow him to hear his teachings. They had some friends fishing over at the pier who they believed would make perfect disciples (for the right price) so they took Jesus to it. With his fantastic personality, great training from Mary Anne, and a few money cards for Bob’s Bait an Tackle it wasn’t long before he had a handful, twelve to be exact, of real life disciples. Twelve men who promised to follow him in exchanger for everlasting life and the latest in rods, staffs, and reels as well as the promise of net income.
Jesus took them to a secluded area where they coul have their first bored meeting. They sat together in a large circle and after a rousing rendition of Kumbaya introduced themselves. “Let me start. My Name is Jesus and I am the son of a Jewish carpenter who taught me his trade. Well let me clear that up, Joseph is my Dad but my real father, my biological father is a God and he sent me here on the garden….I mean the planet Earth to teach man how to live correctly. Men have strayed from the path of nature and are creating wars, killing creatures they don’t like and generally fucking up the landscape. There are those among you acting like the world belongs to them not to God. So in a way I’m here to save you from yourselves. If you guys follow me and listen and learn from me together we can go back to following the natural laws of life and survival an God will give us Utopia. Any questions?” Of course a litany of questions rang out like “Does that mean I don’t have to serve in the military? Can we still have sex? You mean we can’t kill any animals? Etc.” Jesus held up his right hand which would soon become his signature move. “Okay, okay, I get it, you all have a lot of questions. Let me just put it this way. If you follow me and do as I say you will all live happy and fulfilled lives. We are planning to be together for quite a while so let me find out who you guys are and what your names are.
The men began introducing themselves. “My name is Simon, sometimes known by the alias Peter but that’s a long story. I have been a disciple since I met Jesus yesterday. I want to follow to learn the truth of the world and get some brownie points from the big guy upstairs.” Next Pete stood up, “I’m Peters brother Andrew, and I too want to follow.” They all began responding, “I’m James” “I’m John” “My name is Bartholomew but you can call me Bart, and I believe in Jesus” (Friggen brownnose that Bart) “I am Phillip” “My name is Thomas and I must admit I am somewhat skeptical but I’m willing to give this guy a shot. But as I said, my name is Thomas, or Tommy, and I have my doubts.” “I’m Mathew, or the Matt Man as they the ladies call me, and unlike doubting Tommy boy here I trust in Jesus completely.” “My name is James too, but to avoid confusion call me Jimbo.” “Ah, my name is like Thaddeus, no jokes please it was my father idea, but please call me Thad.” “Damn, my name is Simon too, so I guess you’ll have to stick with your Peter alias there other Simon” And finally the twelfth. “Hey Y’all, I am Judas. Judas Iscariot and I do believe in Jesus and I will follow him and listen and obey. You are my liege, my lord Jesus, and I will be a faithful servant unto you“……“Trust me.” (Cue evil grin)
So it was set, Jesus had his followers and would now set out to change the world with their help. It had been very stressful getting to this point and the J man was feeling a need of some relief. He went to a house of ill repute and choose a prostitute with which to help him relieve that stresses. Looking up towards the heavens he mouthed “Don’t juge me a, I’m a little horny an this is one tough job you sent me on”. The hookers name was Mary (What Another Mary?) Magdalene and she comforted Jesus much the same way Jesus’ mother had comforted Gods rod and staff. She spent hours very skillfully extracting every ounce of seminal fluid in his body and did things to him he had only had wet dreams about before. She was satisfied beyond her expectations as well what with Jesus being half god and all, and she had a never ending freshly satisfied smile stuck to her cheeks. Mary sensed a deep connection to Jesus. “Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to problems that upset you. Jesus. Don’t you know everything’s all right?” Maybe it was the sexual explosions or maybe it was her tenderness, but it touched Jesus deeply. It was moving and made Jesus feel calm and relaxed as he never had before. “Mary, I don’t think I told you this but I am the son of a god and I have been sent here to save the world. I have a posse of 12 guys with me and we are going to change the world. Would you follow with us?” Worried she was being asked to pull a train she glared at him suspiciously. “Are you saying with you or do you expect me to do all 12?” Jesus shook his head and laughed, “No, of course its just me and you in that way. By the way, the sex has to be our little secret. On the surface we need to appear righteous and free of sin. In private, well anything goes baby.” Mary smiled. “Okay Jesus, I’ll follow you and be your maiden. Changing the world huh? Ha, and they said I would never amount to anything. Wish my friends could see me now!”
Now Jesus had his core group totally set, Mary the repentant sinner always at his side (and then some), and his band of merry men strolling through the countryside giving motivational speeches and teaching classes on how to live the natural laws of life and he was becoming quite well known. But he needed something big. Something that would put him over the top and get him noticed globally. He needed a miracle! The bait and switch.?! That’ll work. There was a high profile wedding in town to which both he and his mother Mary were invited. It was a kick ass affair but the celebration had run out of Ernest and Julia’s jug whine. Jesus’ moms came to him and said “Honey, we’re all out of wine. Can you do something. Jesus was ready, he had eight gallons of wine behind a tree, and spoke very loudly so all could hear what he was saying. “Judas, Simon, no the other Simon, bring me some water.” While his Mom created a distraction Jesus switched jugs and soon the party continued with all in attendance believing he had changed the water into wine. Jesus now had mad street cred’s. It was all anybody talked about for the next two weeks. “Did you hear about this guy Jesus? I heard he took a gallon of water and turned it into 20 gallons of preamo whine. An urban legend was forming and it got bigger as it grew. 20 turned into 40. 40 turned 100. Soon he not only turned water into wine and brought 10 huge pigs to BBQ. He carried them all on his back as he walked across the river! It was incredible. Everywhere you went you heard about some dude named Jesus, his hooker girlfriend, and his 12 faithful followers roaming the world creating miracles, feeding the poor, healing the sick, and stopping war. The towns and villages were abuzz with hope for their future. Everyone was elated. Well not really everyone. Remember that dude Herod, and the salad loving Caesar? They were none to happy. Neither were the hierarchy of the Jewish religion. Seems like Jesus was gonna have some problems with the Romans and the Jews. They didn’t like having their authority challenged. Something evil was afoot…
Love, Actually?
Two years old she came to me said Daddy what is love
I told her
Butterfly kisses and a unicorn dream
Candy of cotton delicious ice cream
Stare at a rainbow visit the zoo
Love is us baby Daddy and you
Not the advice one gets from a sage
But what could I tell her at that tender age
Not that the question wasn’t profound
But those were the answers I felt were most sound
Tens years old she came to me said Father what is love
I told her
Love is my princess with her magic wand
You and me feeding the ducks at the pond
Rolling your eyes as we walk through the town
But hugging your Daddy when no ones around
Perhaps catching frogs with the boy down the street
Then punching his arm and kicking his feet
You feel kind of awkward and give him a shove
These funny little things that we call puppy love
Seventeen years old she came to me said Dad, what’s love feel like
I told her
When you’re this young its just called a crush
True love will come so you’ve no need to rush
When true love finds you you’ll know right away
You think only of the one you love every day
True love will be there a to give you a chance
But tonight’s for fun so just go out an dance
You look so grown up all dressed for the prom
My beautiful girl you look just like your Mom
At twenty one years old my baby girl came to me, Dad, tell me now I need to know
I told her
When somebody loves you with all of their heart
You know that there’s nothing could keep you apart
With equal commitment your love gets returned
Love will come find you child don’t be concerned
You’re always gonna be Daddy’s little baby girl
Even when some body comes rocking your world
One day there will be another who fills up your heart
But if he ever harms you I’ll tear him apart
Twenty five years old she came to me said Daddy I think I’m in love
She told me
I know that he loves me with total devotion
We both share a love of the strongest emotion
I want to be with him the rest of my life
He asked me today if I’d be his wife
There’s one man I’ve loved since the day I was born
Its you daddy dear so please don’t be forlorn
I know in my heart that you’ll always be near
Come give me a hug and I’ll wipe off your tear
I told her
My child I’m not crying that’s water you see
Well maybe a tear for how happy you’ll be
I have worried about you every day I’m alive
I knew deep inside that this day would arrive
Does he promise to treat you with love and respect
Give you all of his love which he’ll never neglect
He better stay true if he knows what is best
Or having him castrated will become my quest
Her new love came to me to ask for permission to wed my baby girl
I told him
You told her you’re ready to share her your life
You asked her to marry and become your wife
But my Childs not a possession for sale or for parry
Its her you must seek your permission to marry
And you better give her the utmost respect
So here’s what I want for you most to reflect
If you give her so much as a slap in the head
I’ll cut off your balls and fill you with lead
Congratulations and welcome to the family
The Other Side Of Despair
Clenched fists and crimson tears
Bearing scars across the heart
Filled himself on dreadful dreams
Of the lives he’d torn apart
Obsessive echoes dipped in green
Reverberates to the crowds
Outside they gather spectators all
Castle falling through the clouds
Steadfast bonds of love torn down
Sugared promises now dissolved
So hard to keep strong the vows of love
Once the money becomes involved
Pressure filled his worthless soul
A screaming whisper inside his head
Telling him his loving wife will be
So much more happy if he’s dead
He had the answer in his hand
In the form of Smith and Wesson
As she walked out the door that night
The trigger would be her lesson
Dressed to kill down on the floor
With Scarlet ribbons through his hair
The grass seems richer when you reside
Out on the other side of despair
Today I Am A Man
Today I am a man
fighting hand to hand
Gonna kill a man
Leave him in the sand
Gun firmly in my hand
Today I kill a man
Today I am a man
In a foreign land
I killed another man
His blood is in the sand
I watched it as it ran
Now I am a man
Today I am a man
I finally made a stand
I watched a dying man
I didn’t lend my hand
He bleed out in the sand
Today I am a man
Today they made a man
New member in their clan
Murder was their plan
They made me understand
To follow the command
And kill another man
I am a soldier man
Who killed to be a man
But killing by my hand
Was not what I had planned
But still I am a man
Today I am a man
Transcendental Medication (Life Philosphy Through medicinally enhanced Accupunture) episode XI
The Truth Did Not Set Me Free
J.T. Hilltop
After being chased by a pterodactyl wannabe and the legion of angry rattlesnakes the quiet three mile hike was welcome. I had no clue crossing dimensions could be so unreal but then again, I didn’t know alternate dimensions were real to begin with. Castomar seemed unaffected by the heat and bugs but perhaps that was because the bugs were all busy feasting on me. By the time we reached the cabin I was half eaten alive as well as mentally and physically fatigued. We entered the cabin which was in the middle of nowhere, perhaps even in the literal sense all things considered. Atop a heavily wooded mountain sat this small cabin, or maybe its more of a huge shack but it seemed sturdy enough and functional. As we entered there was a large room to the right with nothing in it and to the left a small kitchen with a eat in table. Castomar pointed to the hallway, “my room is on the left, yours on the right, the bathroom at the end of the hall there. There is water in the refrigerator and tea in the cupboard. Help yourself.” I looked around, clearly it was designed my a minimalist with no concept of decorum. I pointed to the big empty room, “What’s that room for?” Castomar disappeared into his room and returned equipped with bow and arrows a large dog trailing behind him. “That’s the learning room kiddo, that’s where your gonna spend the night until you find your learning spot. I’m going out to catch us some dinner. Have some tea then get some rest, I’ll be back when I have something for us to eat.”
The learning room, was he out of his fucking mind? There isn’t a single thing in that room, I mean nothing save a lone window. “What do you mean find my learning spot, there’s nothing there?” Castomar was frustrated , “Didn’t Kha tell you anything? Oh shit of course not, Castomar will show him. What you mean to say is you don’t see anything in that room but that doesn’t mean its empty. Look kiddo, you relax and have some tea while me and Travis get us some dinner and I’ll explain it all after we eat.” He walked outside without explaining the dog so was unable to hear me when I said, “What the hell is it with these guys and tea?” On the way out of the cabin I could swear the dog chuckled as if he understood what I said, but that’s not possible. Or is it?
Exhausted from the hike and dimension jumping I headed for the kitchen to take his advice. There was a small stove with a black kettle which I filled with water and placed on the burner. In the cupboard was a variety of tea’s, only one of which I recognized. “Guess it’s chamomile tea for now.” I poured a large cup and went to check out my room. The room was a small but functional with an unneeded dresser but a large very comfortable looking bed complete with nightstand. The room was adorned with Native American arts and crafts, a set of four dream catchers at the foot of the bed. I felt like I was in some ancient Native American spiritual ceremonial quarters but it was surprisingly serene. Not sure if it’s the tea or the room but I was becoming very sleepy, totally at ease so I hopped onto the bed and closed my eyes. Outside the forest was jam packed with all the sounds I expected, hooting owls, scratching crickets, howling wolves as well as a number of unfamiliar animal noises. Outside this tiny cabin was a world teeming with some kind of life while inside I was alone with my thought which turned immediately to sleeping. I surrendered to the comfort of the bed.
At some point I heard Castomar and his dog enter the cabin and could tell he was in the kitchen. I got up and walked to see the dog coming down the hall towards Castomar’s room. As he walked past I heard someone say, “Remember the crow, the crow will show.” I could hear Castomar at the sink so it wasn’t him but no one else was around. I looked at the dog suspiciously and asked, “Did you just say that? Are you a talking dog?” He stopped in front of me staring waiting for me to pet him but said nothing. I’m not sure exactly what kind of dog he was, he looked kind of like a Retriever but hairy as an afghan hound. I patted his head, he moved on but before he went into the room I heard it again, “Remember the crow, the crow will show.” Someone was fucking with my head.
When I got to the kitchen I noticed Castomar was cleaning some sort of flying animal in the sink. I say flying animal because I’m not sure if it’s a bird or a winged monkey the way things have been around here so far. “What’s that?” He stopped cleaning and turned to me with a huge smile, “We’re having Ringneck Clomart for dinner” He stepped aside revealing three dead animals, two plucked and clean and one that looked like a cross between a pheasant and a duck the size of a small turkey. The feathers on the counter were brightly colored former plumage, red, green, and orange. They looked almost jubilant although I suspect the families of thee fowls would disagree about the jubilant terminology. If they could talk that is, and well, who knows? “What’s a Ringneck Clomart?” Beaming with pride he returned to the sink, “Only the tastiest and hardest to catch fowl around these parts. I got two with one arrow and the third as it attempted to escape Castomar. I’ll put one in the freezer, we can share one tonight, the other tomorrow. It’s the tastiest thing you will ever eat JT.” He wrapped two of them up placing one in the fridge and the other in the freezer compartment on top, then skewered the last on a spit. “You relax, I’m gonna cook the bird and have a mug.” He poured something into two mugs, handed one to me, “Here kiddo, have some meade, it’ll do you good.” I had learned at this point to just shut up and do what he says. Castomar yelled out loud, “Come on Travis, outside boy!” The dog came running out of the room sneering as he ambled past me. “The crow.” I squeezed my temples together, “Don’t start that shit again Travis!”
Reduced to talking back to a dog I tried to find solace in the meade. It tasted like a liquid honey cough drop only not as sweet. Had a little burn to it but I kinda liked that, goes down like bourbon but tastes like honey. The more I drank the more lightheaded I got like I was sipping grain alcohol or something. By the time Castomar came back with the cooked Clomart I was downright tipsy, “Hey Castomar, what’s happening my man?” He laughed heartily, “Enjoyed the meade did you?” He had cooked the fowl outside on a spit and it looked like the most amazing huge rotisserie bird I’ve ever seen, twice the size of a chicken. He plopped it down at the small kitchen table and motioned for me to join him. He grabbed one of the legs ripping it off, “Don’t got no forks or knives, grab what you want.” We ate dinner Castomar style, ripping an chomping on appendages of Clomart tossing pieces to Travis who waited patiently at Castomar’s feet. Travis never said a word, not even a thanks. I have to admit it was a delicious if somewhat barbaric dinner.
After we ate Castomar brought me to the learning room, “Before I teach you it’s important you find your learn spot. No two people have the same learn spot, the universe has chosen yours and will not reveal anything to you until you find the spot.” I eyed him suspiciously to see if he was pranking me or something. He was quite serious. “Okay, so here’ what were gonna do. You will have a cup of Psilocate tea then enter the room. I’ll be resting in my bed until morning. If you are in your spot when I get here I can begin your enlightenments, if not, we will need to try again another time.” I was slightly confused, “How will I know when I found my spot?” A warm smile came across his face, “The spot will let you know Justin, drink your tea and find your spot.” I felt slightly vulnerable hearing him call me Justin. Something in the way he said it struck a familiar chord, as if the words came from my Mom but in his voice. But my Moms been gone for years. One thing Kha said is ringing true, things really aren’t what they seem.
When I turned to look at Castomar he was gone, a cup of steaming tea sat at the table. I did as told, finished the bitter tasting tea then began the search for “my spot.” I felt silly walking around the room waiting for something to happen. How the hell am I gonna do this? I decided I would just keep going around randomly, sitting for a few seconds and see what happens. After four hours of frustration I felt nothing spot worthy. Not one single thing felt different. A gust of wind blew the door open and a green bird flew into the room. It looked like a normal bird, like a bird from my world except for its unusually bright green coloring. It flew in four circle around the room then came to rest on the sill of the window. I stared curiously as it just sat there motionless. For twenty five minutes it didn’t move and neither did I, when just as suddenly as it flew in it sprouts its wings, flew directly toward me stopping by the side of my head for one second, just long enough to say. “Travis sent me” before flying back out the door. “What the fuck is going on here?” A bird just talked to me saying a dog told him to. Are they partners or something? What the hell? Suddenly it dawned on me. That bird was a bright green crow, that’s why it looked familiar. I ran to the spot under the window sill and sat down. Believe it or kiss my ass I knew straight away that it was my spot! I found my learn spot, I was sure of it. I didn’t move for the rest of the night, waiting anxiously but patiently for Castomar to return.
Castomar finally walked into the room smiling wide, “I knew you would find it. Kha knew you would too. Not everyone does ya know?” I felt an enormous sense of pride as he came and sat with me. “Lets get started kiddo, we have a lot to cover. Kha tells me you have an intensely inquisitive mind that remains open. We have shown you things about the universe most never see because Kha believes in you. There are many forms of life, many laws of nature, many new and unique things in this world far beyond what most ever see. Universes’ are like bubbles, soft and pliant edges that can rub up against each other shape around each other without bursting. Inside each universe lie an endless amount of mysteries, Kha will get to them, I am here to tell you of your world. Infinitesimally small in the scheme of things, but important none the less. Your world is framed with four truths.”
I chose to do as I had been instructed, silently listening but the questions were building up already, the first being why is he saying my world. What world is he from? Whatever, I just want to hear about these four truths right now. “The four horseman of the apocalypse, four seasons, four strands in your DNA, and four noble truths. The concept of four is etched deeply into your cultures and your selves because it is a reflection of the universal four, the four forces. The horsemen represent, conquest, war, famine, and death, the noble truths are suffering, craving, death, an acceptance. Even the stages of grief were originally four, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance, only bargaining has been added in the modern model. Your DNA is a series of double helix’s held together by strands of four guanines. This ain’t no accident kiddo, its mirroring of the four forces that define your universe. The four forces are what make life in your universe possible. The truths, the horses both represent life stages. We are born, we survive, we reproduce, we die. Truths are unchanging rules and these four truths can never change in your universe. Religious scholars interpret them more dark in nature, suffering, famine, war, but all truths come down to the four unchanging forces of life. The weakest of these forces you all know well, gravity. Strong as it may seem keeping everything on earth, and pulling everything in space towards it, keeping all planets in orbits gravity is still the weakest yet its gravity that binds everything. Gravity is survival. The other three forces are electromagnetic, strong nuclear, and weak nuclear, and in terms of your universe they represent birth, reproduction, and death. These are highly complicated energy forms even your most brilliant physicists grapple with them so I will explain them not so much on a technical level but on a vibration level, on their energy. The sun is a huge ball of pure energy that sends portions of energy to earth. The sun is life. You absorb the energy, convert it to strength. It makes you warm, it colors your skin, but you feel it and take it for granted. You have spent years absorbing energy so where do you think that energy goes?” I remained silent. “Time for you to answer kiddo, you can speak.” Castomar was smiling and I liked him more an more as the day wore on, “Um, in the things we do, like walking or push ups, or like even catching Ringneck Clomart?” Castomar laughed heartily, “yes, like catching Ringneck Clomart. But everything that lives uses that energy. Every species consumes something else to absorb that energy, like you an I absorbed all the energy the Clomart had an now its energy iss part of us. When a male and female combine energie, or DNA’s, the result is another of its own speciess carrying not only information from both parents but energies. That’s electromagnetism, or birth. The sun sends own energy through electromagnetic waves to insure birth occurs, the second truth you learned but the first truth of your universe. Birth and survival, without those you would not be able to live. The next two truths are important for the continuation of life for you, reprouction and death. Those are the four realitie of your univers, all other realities can change and life will adapt to that change. That’s a lot to take in, we can pick this up tomorrow. Have some meade plus, the enhanced mead will help you sleep.” He poured me another mug of meade and placed a capsule in it which began instantly smoking like dry ice. “Drink this down and take a short nap. When you wake up Travis is going to take you across dimensions for some perspective. You must be exhausted. I chugged down the meade plus because he was right, I was very tired. So tired it never even registered that he told me that a once I awoke I would be traveling across dimensions with a talking dog.
TBC
I Want You
You shredded my heart put me on the back shelf
All that’s left for me to say is go fuck yourself
Because
Baby I want you
With all my heart I do want you so
But I don’t want you to want me back
Cuz babe I want you to go
You tore out my heart just to kick it around
Now you say you want our two lives to split
You once gave me dreams and hopes of a life
But you have nothing to give but your shit
You said you’d always love me and I loved you too
Together with our hearts out on our sleeve
But you tell me you want someone else
I really do want something of you baby I want you leave
You hit an all time low no place left to go
So I want you to know that I want you to go
I won’t take you back for love that you lack
I want you so bad so please don’t come back
Leave me one last kiss to show you have class
So kiss of you cheat with a kiss of my ass









