Missing My Love

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My name is Maureen Jaret, and I am Keith “The Existential Baker’s” wife.  With a heavy heart and in case you did not realize it, my beautiful husband, poet, chef, father, and grandfather passed away on February 8, 2018.  Please see his last post of February 1, “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.”

I have been trying to decide what I would do with his blog, which he loved and nurtured for the last six years.  I did not want his blog with all his amazing writings, to die with him. So after much thought and reflection, I decided that I will continue what he started, discussing my life with him, my life without him, and everything that is in between.

I grew up in the dawning of Equal Rights for Women; however, I grew up in a very conservative household where being a feminist was vulgar.  When I met Keith, he not only embraced the fact that I had strong opinions and sense of self, he encouraged it. We always had a funny thing between us, that I am not “The Wife,” I was not Mrs. Keith Jaret or even Mrs. Jaret, I am Maureen Jaret.  It never meant that I was not proud to be Mrs. Jaret, but I was my own person, and he respected that.

So in honor of him, and the fact that I am and always will be extremely PROUD to be his wife, I will be renaming his blog, “The Existential’s Wife”!  I am not the writer he was, but I think this new journey, will be fascinating…to say the least! I do have a passion for Organ Donation, and I want to spread the word about how this has affected my life.  Since we no longer have the New Jersey Stores, I am going to change all my social media to The Existential’s Wife. I spoke to my children about this, and they were happy that their father’s words will go on.  I hope you will continue to follow me as I go on with the rest of my life, without the love of my life, trying to figure it all out! I know he gives me a peace sign over this.

 

Who Am I Now

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Modern beat poetry incorporating a Dylan Thomas technique

And giving Props to On The Waterfront and Palooka-ville

 

Who Am I Now

 

 

Who am I now

What have I become

Every button undone

Unfinished and diminished

A life on the run

Am I not still my mothers son?

She drew me a map to Wall Street

But I got turned around

Jumped on the fastest one way

Headed straight out of that town

I was gonna be someone

I was gonna be a man

She gave me her best directions

But I still turned and ran

I don’t care I love her

But she pushed me under

Its not that I’m trying to offend her but

I coulda been a contender

Instead of a bum

Which is what’s become

Anyhow

Who am I now

 

 

 

Who am I now

What have I turned into

Vacant and complacent

The highs I just keep chasing

Became a loser and a boozer

Always cruising for a bruising

A substance abuser who screwed her

And wouldn’t renew her

An epic fail falling off the rail

Looking for someone to pay my bail

I may look like I made it but

Oh my Gawd

There’s nothing left standing when

You tear down my façade

No more lightning rod

You don’t understand

I coulda had class

I could been somebody

I could taken my shot

Instead I got laughed at

A lot

Anyhow

Who am I now

 

Dead Man Walking

dead walk

Once I got my courage swinging down the Jack
But Jack he ain’t welcome round here anymore
Stuck me in this eight by six shoebox coffin
Got busted stumbling out the wrong back door

Nevermind the furthermore the plea is self defense
But being drunk just don’t give ya scuse to kill
Her husband caught me in his shack naked not alone
Had to shoot or it was my blood gonna spill

Counting hours here on death row ain’t no place to be
Everyone round here knows that yawl about to die
Make room fella’s theys a dead mans walking
Smell of sorrows trail the green mile straglin’ by

Yesterdays horrors haunt the oncoming evil squall
Winds shouting Abandon all hope ye who enter here
Thunder and lightning crackle mocking at my conscience
Crowd awaits my death while shedding not a tear

Strapped to a chair by the pains of all of my victims
Collective anticipation of life departing from my soul
A pinch in the arm and slight burn of the killing fluids
My audience smiles to see me lose all my control

Justice is a precarious and problematic concept
One mans beneficial deed another’s repugnant act
Slippery slopes and a blindfolded constitution
May be the reason the bells of liberty are cracked

Sex And Leverage

Da-Liar

Dermal switchblade
Dipped in lust
Ripping her nature
Phallic mistrust

Abject refusal
Pornographic fence
Gate swinging open
Seminal offense

Answer with doubt
Reply with a wound
Repetitive scarring
True love is doomed

Says she needs me
Closes the door
Clamping her vice
A visceral whore

Pierce with the blade
All the way in
Deliriously sated
Full to the brim

Lust is erotic
Pain can elate
Submissive reaction
Both numb and sedate

Surrender to hunger
Seeking gratification
Lust driven libido
Metaphoric castration

Satin and tears
handcuffs and lace
Squealing elation
Pleading embrace

Coital alignment
Feral sex lovers
Dance to a climax
Beneath satin covers

Clitoral indulgence
Penile attention
Erotic excitement
And sexual tension

Wanton sexplosion
Flames of desire
Simultaneous release
Bodies on fire

Banished emotion
Forbidden acts
Sex as a weapon
Eternal love pacts

The higher the climb
The steeper the fall
To climax is worth it
Heartbreaks and all

The Thrill In The kill II (Hunters perspective)

kill

Crouched in the shadows a spider in waiting
Fingers anxiously caressing my stiletto
A shape in the distance perhaps a young man
Can’t wait to slice his deep voice to falsetto

He senses my presence he’s looking about
I strategically gain spatial enclosure
He quickens his pace attempting escape
But I’m prepared to invest his foreclosure

Time to pounce and feel élan leave his torso
The zeal of his frenzy warming my soul
Right hand gripping tightly on my death stick
Left under his chin to gain surgical control

The first cuts the deepest it true what they say
But the second bears a dynamic elation
Warm blood is trickling across my knuckles
My heart pounding a glorious summation

Crimson life syrup spurting out from his neck
Filling my hands with thick sanguine mud
He gurgles out once a lame bloody protest
His death a canvas I paint with his blood

Evisceration elates me to orgasmic climax
I writhe in gratuitous anticipation
With lethal precision I slice flesh and bone
Sexual release with each deep laceration

Spin him around so I can view the departure
To watch life drain from his sunken blue face
Wildly my soul trembles a tune of ecstasy
Its almost done and my heart starts to race

Its over he’s dead paranoia setting in
Look around make sure no one can see
Gotta run away now before I get caught
Back to my bed where I bask in the glee

But when I arrive sick replaces my bliss
Vomit extinguishes the once lustful flame
Depression and revulsion will fill up my days
Until the next slaying can wash out my shame

The Thrill In The Kill I (Preys Perspective)

Night air quickly darkened so eerily uneasy
As I tread cautious along a tree lined path
Footsteps in the shadow pursue relentless
Tap out a caution of oncoming wrath

Heart pounds a warning-imminent danger
Perhaps a case of wrong place wrong time
In paranoia the pace of my stride it quickens
My destiny to fall victim of ominous crime

The shadow insists upon closing up the gap
Why am I about to face this stalkers fate?
I shouldn’t have traveled alone down here
What’s done is done and now its too late

My hunter is gaining quick his precious ground
Seconds seem to be ticking in heart pounding silence
I feel the motion from a pair of subversive arms
The killer’s poised to unleash bloody violence

Steel blade is cold against my quivering skin
Rips my flesh changing the ice to a burn
Warm streams of life trickle out from my neck
Sanguine copper taste makes my stomach churn

I can sense ultimate glee as he shreds through a vein
Can almost feel the maniacal menacing smile
His heart is a racing even faster than mine
I try to shout with a voice stuck in denial

Warm streams of plasma pours down my neck
Sap of my essence draining from beats of my heart
Pumping to the rhythms of a dying collective
But its the sheer panic that rips me apart

His breath hot and laborious sprays over my face
I’ve been posed for psychotic viewing pleasure
With wild eye yet empty meaningless smile
Watching my life run out is his reward of treasure

As I fall to the ground no muscles come to my aid
My abandoned body tumbles into submission
I feel ounces of vitality pooling out of my being
As I prepare myself for the ultimate transition

My mind is as blurry as the streaking in my eyes
Waiting for my life to get flashed across the sky
But I lay here stagnant as hope bleeds through
There’s nothing to do but accept I will die

A strange object is lodge in my throat
I cough to expunge a ball of bloody debris
Darkness sets in around the eyes of my world
Karmic retribution is all that’s left for me

I feel nothing now the pain and panic gone
Cant even hear the murderous creep
I have no time to think about life
Its…time…for…me…to…..sleep

The Thrill In The Kill

kill

Night air quickly darkened so eerily uneasy
As I tread cautious along a tree lined path
Footsteps in the shadow pursue relentless
Tap out a caution of oncoming wrath

Heart pounds a warning-imminent danger
Perhaps a case of wrong place wrong time
In paranoia the pace of my stride it quickens
My destiny to fall victim of ominous crime

The shadow insists upon closing up the gap
Why am I about to face this stalkers fate?
I shouldn’t have traveled alone down here
What’s done is done and now its too late

My hunter is gaining quick his precious ground
Seconds seem to be ticking in heart pounding silence
I feel the motion from a pair of subversive arms
The killer’s poised to unleash bloody violence

Steel blade is cold against my quivering skin
Rips my flesh changing the ice to a burn
Warm streams of life trickle out from my neck
Sanguine copper taste makes my stomach churn

I can sense ultimate glee as he shreds through a vein
Can almost feel the maniacal menacing smile
His heart is a racing even faster than mine
I try to shout with a voice stuck in denial

Warm streams of plasma pours down my neck
Sap of my essence draining from beats of my heart
Pumping to the rhythms of a dying collective
But its the sheer panic that rips me apart

His breath hot and laborious sprays over my face
I’ve been posed for psychotic viewing pleasure
With wild eye yet empty meaningless smile
Watching my life run out is his reward of treasure

As I fall to the ground no muscles come to my aid
My abandoned body tumbles into submission
I feel ounces of vitality pooling out of my being
As I prepare myself for the ultimate transition

My mind is as blurry as the streaking in my eyes
Waiting for my life to get flashed across the sky
But I lay here stagnant as hope bleeds through
There’s nothing to do but accept I will die

A strange object is lodge in my throat
I cough to expunge a ball of bloody debris
Darkness sets in around the eyes of my world
Karmic retribution is all that’s left for me

I feel nothing now the pain and panic gone
Cant even hear the murderous creep
I have no time to think about life
Its…time…for…me…to…..sleep

Reach For The Stars, The Cosmic Journey Of A Colony

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Special thanks to Tom Tricarico for his assistance and inspiration

High in the arbor of an uncertain world
Rose a climbing presence flourishing with life
In a foreboding dark world a strategy forms
A group safe as the many but alone facing strife

Climbing down from the timber to test the dirt carpet
Searching the mysterious terrain unexplored
A new form of existence was emerging this planet
A congregation that would not soon be ignored

Crouching upright they stood so proud and so strong
Pounding their chests to display domination
They constructed utensils to further their lot
Set forth across the earth a strong new nation

The community formed with an instinctive brigade
Queens and masters the lords and the troops
The province grew stronger though inter-dependence
A reverent colony born of many small groups

Living only in the moment with no questions asked
Enjoying the banality of their routine existence
But a wisdom of framework began to emerge
As they traversed migrations of distance

Pragmatic utensils to build and to hunt
Their bipedal civilization was evolving so strong
From primitive grunts communication matured
Transcribed throughout many a ritual and song

Curiosity remained limited inside the tribal box
Rarely placing importance past the colony’s concerns
But somewhere inside their questions ascended on high
With both minds and hearts they pondered their yearns

A destiny waiting to spread over every expanse
The world seemed it was ripe for the taking
But down every path new conflicts ensconced
Other tribes and ferocious predators lie in waiting

Often times the hunter becomes another hunters prey
Survival of the fittest became the mandate of land
Many pitfalls and perils lay waiting unnoticed
Unperceived colonies would destroy those outmanned

For the good of all tribes boundaries would form
Arbitrary lines drawn to claim regional rights
Defending their new sense of territorial dominion
Millions would die from their purposeless fights

As the powers grew stronger curiosity developed
They dreamed up toward the star speckled ceiling
Wondering what significance the glitterings held
The ball of fire they worshipped while kneeling

Religions transpired from the fear of unknown
Flags began waving to represent their devotion
Revolutions in farming translated to power
Building empires spanning across every ocean

Industry soared as human progress continued
Armaments of destruction would threaten the planet
Too many died protecting meaningless banners
Thanked with their names etched deep into granite

Curiosity returned to the distant starry night
Manifest destiny would reach for the moon
Brilliant minds toiled together to develop a ride
Believing their world will come to end soon

Technology soared into global connections
Population grows logarithmic in rapid expanse
The planets resources began to rapidly dwindle
Colonizing the cosmos will be their last chance

Upward the skies they soared out into space
Searching inter-planetary cosmic migration
Traveling the galaxy for a suitable home
To pioneer their exoplanet colonization

The colony now that once was naïve
Concerned only with day to day living
Constructs cyborgs and drones to further their lot
In the hope of extra-terrestrial Thanksgiving

Ode To Australia

ode

At’s one beaut of a vegemite sandwich
Said the smiling man from down under
Never toss an insult to the men at work
Dissing Oz would be a right drongo blunder

We got some onions bloomin in the outback
The barbies ready for a few more shrimps
Ats naught a noife mate iss is a noife
Australia ain’t no bloody place for no wimps

Threw me boomerang hard about a week ago
Think I saw the bloody thing just last night
With me Sheila on my arm and Joey in the yard
Chinwag bout either and you’ll end up in a fight

Because all of us Aussies we are Foster kids
That’s just the way that we like to guzzle beer
We value our bronzer mates and we give a fair go
Australian’s ain’t nothing if not humble and sincere

Me rellies got kangaroos loose in the top paddock
While me Koala she chews on a eucalyptus leaf
Maybe it was a Dingo what took your baby
Maybe she’s swimming in the Great Coral Reef

Chillin on Sydney Harbor at the opera house
Or in Tasmania for the devils crazy thunder
Just beware of the stinging of the jelly fish
In the marvelous myteries of Down Under

No worries mates, we love you heaps Australia, you’re a bunch of fair dinkins Aussies

Last Call

last call

Last call for alcohol
Last call before I fall
Last drink at the brink
Reload for the road

Toss them knucklebones praying for a seven
Man I need the roll of a lifetime
Fell on snake eyes just a little bit too often
But gambling with life is now my pastime

Need one good draw let the river flow high
Please give me some straight loyalty
Waited all my life to pull that inside line
And fill my house with royalty

Because I’ve come up for air already three times lucky
And now its time to sink or swim
Bartenders about ready to make that final call
The lights they are a growin’ dim

Last shout before lights out
Last rites before I shut the lights
Last chance for one last dance
Last save before I’m in the grave

Just not sure I have the stamina to go one more round
Maybe I should take a fall
Laces are undone the sparring mittens are off
Ref’s about to make the call

The whistle is a blowing its time to punch the clock
Hit it for the final time
Everybody reaches retirement in the by and by
Everybody makes that climb

So line fifteen numbered ox bones on the felt of green
Rack em up one last time
I need a combo off a cushion down into the corner hole
I’m playing with my final dime

Last call for alcohol
Last call before I fall
Last drink at the brink
Reload for the road

Belushi Ball

bell

Belushi ball such a dangerous game
To play it seems so intense
John said it felt like kissing god
And that makes perfect sense

One brings you up, one takes you down
The mixture is off the chain
The ultimate rush before the ultimate zone
And brother you feel no pain

But its also the way his movie ended
Eyes shut in a speeding hotel
Spinning round on a powdered horse
A life knocked off the carousel

Getting there seems safe and fun
It can seem like such a blast
Once your there you head downhill
The top becomes the bottom fast

Then its really not a happy game
If you’ve never played don’t start
When you mess with powder drugs
It’ll eventually stop your heart

When drugs take hold of someone’s life there are many more casualties than just the user, the family and friends suffer intense consequences as well. If you are or know someone who is addicted get educated about addictions, don’t give up give love. The addicts problems are often very deep an not easy to deal with, but every life is worth an effort. Peace