Night Tremors

 

I awoke in the eerie dark
Or maybe I was still asleep
It was far too dark to tell
Too quiet to understand
Arcane and unsettling
Something or someone
Was in my room with me
WHAT WAS THAT?
Has fear taken ownership
Am I paranoid or in a dream
Sweating from the paralyzing fear
Droplets begin to roll off my forehead
So fucking scared
FEAR
Am I gonna die!!
Oh……my……god

 

Kick it
This fear has fermented I’m mentally tormented cause the visions I’ve invented
Are relentlessly depressing
A life form unscented from someone’s Hell has ascended it may not be documented but
…..I think that I’m demented….
I’m so tempted to pray to please be represented
But my God is discontented with the sins which I’ve presented
My life is at stake
My soul to take while I’m awake for goodness sake
We all make a mistake
Go away
Let me wake
Slow it down now

 

Perhaps I was dreaming
Dark theater of the brain
Strange noises in my sanctuary
Am I alone or is someone here
My cranium keeps shaking
Tears pool down my cheeks
My reflection in the droplets
I see some movement
A tree branch? No a shadow!
Paralyzed in my bed
Make this end
Please let this be a dream but if it is a dream
What does that mean?
Are dreams simple stories our minds make up
Or are they the realties of what could be?
Why do our dreams never seem to have a beginning
Why do they never have an end….or a taste of the reality
How can they be so vivid and true yet so surreal
I don’t think I like dreams
I don’t want to have them anymore
Please get me out of here or wake me up
I want to be me….to be free
Kick it once more

 

They are a malady of the banality someone’s misplaced morality
Worming its way into my concept of reality
Oh the fucking brutality the Dream Police finding criminality
Crimes against humanity my lack of sanity has to be what it is to be
To bring me to serenity
Stripping away the inside of me a paranoid fragility
My head hurts….just let me be
In the dark absence of light so filled with fright
My heads not right
I hate those fucking tremors in the night

Inner Psychopath

inner

 

 

They laugh at me

Snickering

I can feel their eyes

So much distain

Where does it come from

They don’t even realize

That in killing my spirit

They’re releasing

My inside hate

Ripping off my skin

Peeling away my face

Tearing down

My wall of esteem

Their words are burned

Under my skin

Scoffing at my reality

Karmic retribution

Is coming

From my inner psychopath

 

 

 

Is that what they want

To set free the evil

Churning inside me

Anger boiling over

Scorching their world

Then bring it on

I want the feel

Of warm blood

I want to taste

Life exiting

Breath stopping

Pain flow

I want them to know

Why they suffer

Why they cry

I will wipe that smug chuckle

Into the dirt

Let them burn

Squirm

Its their turn

Feel the wrath of

The inner psychopath

 

 

 

 

I could set him free

Let his havoc fly

Destroy the destroyer

Relieve paranoia

Instead I return

To my tedious world

Meek existence

Just another grain

Of sand on the beach

Another drop

Of brimstone rain

Insignificant

Venn diagram of a life

Never intersecting

Sentenced to life

With my inner psychopath

 

Shadow Traveler

shadow

 

Creeping obscure

Surreptitiously vile

A shadow of bile

Taking me to slaughter

Crushing my head

In pestle and mortar

Mental mutilation

Heart in a vice

Brain sliced

Rumination poised at the brink

Disaster choking emotion

Intent unspoken

Torture sick and profane

Inane

Mindless abyss

Barren and void

Shadow traveler is driving me insane

Shadow companion

Leaves me abandoned

Lonely and stranded

Remanded disbanded

And branded

A loser

Shadow traveler controlling my ride

Destroying my pride

Ripping out segments of my esteem

My dreams

Hidden destroyer

Paranoia

Scraping the insides of my mind

Leaving me blind

Can never escape your shadow

Or what’s hidden behind

 

 

 

 

Hello Paranoia

silent scream

Hello Paranoia I see you’re back
I can feel you inside me
Trying to deride me
You want to get right next to me but I won’t let you beside me
Why are you here?
I asked you to leave and not come back
Did you even hear?
Disappear!
But you’re back
With a pick axe to my brain
Chipping away till I’m insane
I kicked you out but now you’ve come back
Inflicting constant pain
Cranial confusion
Brain tumor illusion causing massive thought diffusion
Delusional
And as unusual
You left me damaged
Mentally challenged
I’m in fragments, out of balance my mind is getting stagnant
Its madness
I must be crazy
Everything looks so hazy
Like my brain is being shot to shreds in a film by old Scorsese
Shattered into fragments like a puzzle
A jigsaw puzzle
I finally got the pieces back
Had my life back on track
I filled my world with confidence and in one second WHACK!
You’re back
Cheesy sneak attack
But this time I know what to do
This time I’ll see it through
Not gonna run , not gonna flee
Not gonna fall to me knee in a plea
Won’t grab my head screaming like a banshee
Gonna be free
Gonnna be strong and disagree with the debris
Gonna kick your ass out to sea
So listen close to my decree
Paranoia……you’re dead to me

Silent Scream

silent scream

Confusion
Am I damaged?
Deranged?’
Rearranged?
Aggravated and depraved
Never to be saved
Go away
Just disappear
Panic and fear
My constant companions
Forever in tandem
Delusional confusion
Talking so random
The voices
The shrieks
Keeping me together
Tearing me apart
Causing my pain
Folding my brain
Origami nightmares
The stares
Under the stairs
The stares and the glares
Tingling arm hairs
Nobody there
Inside my head
Despair
Its not fair
The era of terror
Is real and forever
I’m broken
Fragmented
Screaming in silence
Denial defiance
I need fixing
Remixing
Not blind confinement
Just an alignment
Set my inner rhythm’
Back to the beginnin’
Don’t just remind me
Of failures behind me
I don’t need a jailor
Because of my failure
I’m only injured
Mentally battered
Broken and shattered
Brain splattered
Grey matter scattered
Doesn’t matter
They can’t hear
No one hears the fear
Screaming in silence
Internally violent
Help!
No one near
Closed ears
Yell and shout
Growing doubt
Help me!
I scream but nothing comes out
A silent shout
Vocal drought
Raucously chaotic
Without a doubt
Franticly psychotic
Is what I’m about
The maddening crowd
Getting much too loud
Carnival shrieks
From voiceless freaks
No help will arrive
Stuck on this ride
Self destructive slide
Even failed suicide
Hide
Been hiding for years
Eyes full of tears
Ears full of jeers
My panic my fears
They’re my team
My life theme
I hope this silent scream
Is only a dream
Can anybody hear?
Doesn‘t matter, it will all be over soon anyway.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline….1-800-273-8255
Criris Hotline….800-784-2433
Depression Hotline..630-482-9696
All numbers are toll free, confidential, and 24/7
Help is only a phone call away
Be heard
PEACE

BRAIN FLU

flu

Voices keep on taunting me
Tell me which one is right
Constant fighting in my head
Like a caged in cranium fight

Everyone just laughs at me
Whispering Kyle’s insane
They won’t get away with that
Ill show them fucking pain

I’m gonna go out and kill tonight
Someone has to die
Gotta go find a thrill tonight
That’ll really get me high

Just one thing I need to know
Not who or what or how
Only thing I need to get
Who’s that talking now?

They’re after us its time to act
Don’t listen Kyle don’t relax
Relax is what they want from you
Don’t sit in silence as you brood
Time to do it now time to act
You can do it
Act Kyle ACT!

They hate you -hit you- hurt you
They love to see you cry
Make them pay the little bitches
All of them should die
Do it Kyle, go on and do it!
Make their blood flow red
They don’t care about you Kyle
They only want you dead

No Kyle please he’s not real
Don’t listen to his crap
Don’t be a sap
Just get back in bed
He’s just a voice inside your head
He’s the one who wants you dead
Listen to me not what he said
He’s not real he’s just a voice
Come on Kyle you have a choice
Please Kyle Please take your pill
He only wants to see you kill

Not real? Not real? Of course I’m real
We’re each a part of you
Even that voice knows the deal
He’s just afraid but he’s still real
He’s no man
Afraid to take a stand
But we can do it we can kill
Its time to be a man
Get angry Kyle get good and mad
Let go Kyle and kill someone
It’ll stop you’re feeling bad
He wants them to hurt you
You know that he’s with them
They’re all out to destroy you
Kill while you still can

They don’t care Kyle
They don’t give a shit
They’ll kill you Kyle I swear they will
But we’ll have none of it
Time to fight, go ahead Kyle
Go and get the gun!
Get it now before you cave
Get it now its their blood you crave
They can’t laugh from in their grave

No please Kyle no, don’t get the gun, everything will be okay
Go back to bed get some sleep tomorrow’s another day
Don’t listen to him Kyle
He’s a chicken and a wimp
But he does have one point
Tomorrow Kyle is another day
Another day to disappoint
Another day of taunting
Another day of shame
Another day to make you sweat
Like its some fucking game
A day of laughing behind your backs
Get the gun Kyle get the bullets
Get it now
End their attacks
Remember Alice in the sheets
Remember Alice always cheats
Get the gun

STOP!
No more! My head hurts! Oh my Go it hurts so much!
Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!
Shut up all of you – just shut up!
Leave me alone please leave me alone. Get out of my mind
Someone please make them shut up make them stop!
Why do you guys all want to hurt me too?
What’d I ever do?
My heads all twisted my nerves are shot
I hate you all the entire lot
Why are these voice in my head
What am I to do?
Everyone keeps pushing me
I wish this shit was through
Yelling pushing shoving pounding
hurting inside my head
Get out of here go away all of you
I wish that I was dead
Then again, maybe you’re right
It all makes sense now Alice laughs
But the fault is hers
She laughs when I feel hurt
Maybe she’ll be happy
With blood all on her skirt
I’ll kill them both that wretched bitch
Her bastard boyfriend too
There’ll be hundreds dead tonight
Before the evenings through

But maybe I should take the pill
The one that makes me numb
That takes away the inner me
And leaves me feeling dumb
At least it makes the voices leave
For better or for worse
Plus one more night without the need
Of leaving in a hearse

Brain is hot, minds all sweaty
Voices start to muffle
Hope this brain flu ends on the med train
The Thorazine dull shuffle
Getting cool, heads quiet for a while
But who am?
Who are you?
And lastly,
Who is Kyle?

G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
G’nite Kyle
……………..G’nite guys, see ya tomorrow
Seriously, if you need help ask and if you know someone who may be suffering from depression or any other psyche challenging issues reach out. No one should have to fight themselves alone. PEACE

Subliminal Chaos

out

Rock In Peace Robin……

Scorching flames of despair
Stretching the covers obscure
Across the evenings lonely wind
Truths are humble and demure

Stalking the corridors your head
You don’t suspect I’m even there
Your world gyrating upside down
Ambition vanishes into thin air

Feel the eyes around the corner
Giggles and insults from the shade
Suppress the facts deny the deed
Your secrets have been displayed

I creep within perceived reflection
I’m paranoia and I’m here to stay
Spit out all your shards of hope
Secretly haunting you every day

Twisted insecurities are what I give
Until your no longer able to cope
Tease you with artificial mind duller
Get you stone drunk or feed you dope

Because deep inside your thoughts I hide
Hidden from all right in plain sight
No one see’s the damage I inflict
Yet I’m driving you in your plight

What the Hell is wrong with you?
Why do you exist?
I know the reason you should die
I wrote the fucking list

You’re worthless no one likes you
Your world is a façade
I’ll crash land you into death
And end your endless fraud
Follow me