Transcendental Medication (Exploring Philosophy Through Drug Enhanced Acupuncture) E10

On March 17, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Previously on Transcendental Medication
We embraced so tight, neither of us wanting to let go, my body was shaking. “Ambrosina, tell me this is all real, it has to be

I had never before understood the true meaning of unity in love but Ambrosina and I had become one person, one concept. Love is bliss, a joy expressible in words.

The shouting of my name woke me up, the familiar voice of Shea, “JT! Come on buddy, its time to go.” This time I wasn’t angry at him, I wasn’t panicked, I was okay with it, with everything. My huge smile and I walked down the mountain oblivious to our surroundings.

Changing The Plot
J.T. Hilltop

“Please relax while I remove needles JT. I take them out an we give you towel, your body very wrinkle. You in tank for long time my boy. There bed in other room, have something to eat and take nap, when you wake we talk.” I obliged willingly or not, I could barely move. The water from the tank rushed off me and I felt Kha removing the acupuncture needles. Like a zombie I got off the stand of the deprivation tank, walked into the other room and picked up a sandwich. I felt sensations similar to a hangover, but not a feel sick with pounding headache hangover, more like a mental or emotional hangover. The acupuncture had given me some hallucinations but they seemed awfully real to me. My body was certainly feeling the after effects of making love, climbing up waterfalls and such. Emotionally I feared I was in love with a vision but her touch and her words were so real. Ambrosina taught me what love is then told me I would meet her back in my own dimension. I’m not sure what she meant but I believe her, believe in her. As I attempted to sort everything out I looked over to the bed. The bed sent me an invitation so I accepted hoping to become one with the mattress. I lay on my back while reviewing my trip, or whatever the fuck it was I was on. While on some kind of island paradise I learned of love, of free will, and that my conception of time is seriously erroneous. There is a god though nothing similar to the one I was taught as a young boy, and this creator is a female perpetuating a swindle using the bible to conceal real truths, of which apparently there are only four of. Kha promised me a meeting with her to finally explain what nothing is to me. My mind went back to the times I had with Ambrosina. I smiled contentedly before falling into a deep sleep.
As I opened my eyes before I could even focus I sensed someone in the room with me. “Finerly wake up, eh JT?” I was still groggy as I stretched my body, “Yes Kha, I’m awake. But I’m also a bit confused, how much of that was real and how much was a hallucination?” Kha handed me a bottle of water, “It all real my son, it ownry seem like hallucination because it not what you used to as reality. We do again next week and then you get better understand.” He was cleverly dismissive but I pressed him, “I saw Ambrosina again, and I met Shea. They both talked about my time stream, and about the four truths. What did they mean by that?”
“My son you are a curious one, so full of question. Next week we talk of forces, or truths, but for now I tell you about time stream. Each of us have own time stream an we intersect with many other time stream. But you cannot intersect with time stream that not in your own time, like your great great grandfather. That cause big paradox for your reality. Remember time is no straight line, time is like big ball of tiny strings. Okay listen, if you view your life like a movie reel, opening credits to ending credits your life can play like a film. Remember in school when you watch a movie and the teacher played it backwards to rewind. Everyone laughed, it look really funny, but even backward everything in the movie still happen, ownry not in same order. Points of time can be manipulated but not change, everything still happen. You know JT that when you see star shooting across sky it burn out many many years ago, but ownry now you see it. Time same, happen already my son. Every life already finish maybe millions years ago, my life, your life, even Ambrosina life. Your reality, your life stream is ownry how you experience it. You get what I mean?” I gave it a few seconds to sink in, it’s a pretty radical concept that is far from anything I had ever conceived. If I’m understanding him every life has already happened, and each of us are experiencing it in real time as it applies to our point of history. “I’m not sure Kha, but I think so. Your telling me everything has already happened, many years ago like that star, but I’m watching it like a movie right now. Is that it? Doe that mean its not real then?” The old man suddenly seemed so much older, as though I had been gone for years and not hours. Have I aged as well? This is too much to process, what’s real or not real, old or young. “That close JT, but it not movie, it reality. We live in three dimension but there are many dimensions, all stacked up against each other. Like movies at video store, ownry you cannot choose which movie you watch. Movie already happen, but you see movie from start to finish. That your time stream, your history. You very curious and open minded man JT, that’s why I chose you for Transcendental Medication program. But for now I think better you consider all you have learned so far for one week. Take time to sort through, go live your life and forget about all this time stream and dimensions until next session. We have plenty time to talk about time and dimension next session.” As much as I wanted to know I also knew Kha was right, I should figure out all I’ve been through for a bit. Maybe some wine, a night out, to prepare myself for the four truths. I will meet Ambrosina again, I will meet God, then Kha will explain the four truths and the dimensions. No need to overload my fragile brain at this point. Remember what Shea said, change my plot, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going home to figure out how I can change my plot. “You’re right Dr. Kha, I should take the time to sort things out for myself, decide how I want my plot to change.” Kha smiled but I could see a bit of confusion in his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t know about changing plot lines. That’s cool, something I know that he doesn’t. With that I felt much better, got up and left. ‘See ya next week Doc!” I sensed the wind of his head as it shook back an forth trying to figure me out. That made me smile even more.
I walked down the street with an exuberance I haven’t felt in years. Life was good, I was feeling great and in control. I can’t change the parts of the story already lived, I can’t change the final chapter, but I can alter the coming events. I can write my own history. I was literally bouncing with joy as I walked and spun around saying over and over, “I’m changing my plot” Proceeding with my head in the clouds I spun right into another person knocking them backward. “Oh my god I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, totally my fault, are you all right?” As I reached out to help this person regain the balance I had inadvertently compromised things got even better. It was a lovely young woman. She was more than lovely, she was striking. Thick long onyx black hair in tight curls surrounded a beautiful face with high cheekbones, deep hazel eyes, and soft lips accentuated with the perfect amount of rich red lipstick. I held her by her arm, all five foot two of her. She glared at me, “What the Hell are you doing mister?” I employed my best puppy dog eyes and half smile, “I am so sorry maam, I just got some really good news and I guess I wasn’t paying attention.” Her glare softened as she realized I wasn’t being an asshole perve. We locked eyes and I saw something very familiar and enticing in her eyes, “Well I hope the news was real good because you damn near knocked me over.” It wasn’t anger, more like a flirt so I jumped at the opportunity, “Oh indeed it was, I received news I would be running into a beautiful girl soon and she would accept a dinner invitation and well, here you are, and I I literally bumped in to you!” In an attempt at being coy I gave her my sexy eye look. She tilted her head glancing at me sideways with pursed lips, “seriously, does that lame line really work for you?” It wasn’t a challenge it was banter, “Truth is I never tried it before. But I am hoping it will work, so maybe if I start again. Hi, my name is JT and I’m the jerk who almost knocked you over just to say hello. I am terribly sorry and would be honored if you would allow me to make up for it by taking you to dinner.” She reached into her small purse, took out a pen and a business card flipping it over. After writing something on it she said “My name is Shay, here’s my number. Why don’t you call me tonight and We‘ll see what happens?” I accepted the card as she spun around and walked away. I watched her for a minute, then looked at the card. ‘Shay huh? That’s a pretty name, I am definitely gonna be calling her.” I walked the rest of the way home consumed by our exchange, never once realizing her name was the same as the one in my Transcendental Medication journey. The plot was changing and I wasn’t even aware.
The rest of the world continued completely unaware of the majestic occurrences I had experienced. I had half a sandwich with a big frosty mug of Brown Ale while unable to get the gorgeous Shay from my thoughts. I couldn’t wait until tonight, I took out the card with her number and called. “Hello?” Like a teenager I paused thinking maybe I should hang up, but then how will I ever change my plot if I don’t take a chance. “Hello Shay, its me JT, you know the sexy man the knocked you off your feet earlier today?” Now I realize there is no way one can tell over the phone how someone is reacting but I could swear she blushed and smiled, “What took you so long? And you never actually knocked me off my feet.” After a short pause she continued, “Well are you gonna ask me to dinner or just let the tension build up? I love it when the plot thickens.” I was speechless for a second, did she say the plot? Oh my god this has to be kismet, maybe this is my Ambrosina! Better remain collected, if I start talking about my journey she’ll think I’m crazy for sure. I swallowed hard and did it, “Can I take you to dinner Shay, like maybe right now? I-I mean tonight?” I was excited beyond belief so many possibilities dancing through my head, “I would like that JT, but I have to tell you I don’t normally date men who have initials for a name, what do the initials stand for?” I paused, no one has called me by my name in ages but this woman is turning me inside out. And I’m liking it. “Well, I had kinda hippie parents, my Dad was a joker of sorts, so they name me Justin Thyme, you know like he arrived just in time? That’s why I go by JT, but you can call me Justin.” She laughed out loud, a beautiful wonderful laugh. Oh My God! What is happening to me? “Okay Justin, how about you pick me up at seven? We’ll take it from there. Use your imagination and come up with an idea that will knock my socks off an maybe you will knock them off. I don’t make plans, I hate plans, I like things to be kind of….improvisational.” I haven’t been called Justin since the third grade but it sounded so natural coming from Shays lips. And she hates plans, lives her life like an improv just like me. A dream come true, this must be love. “I will pick you up then, just need to know where.” She gave me her address which is a sure sign she is interested and feels safe with me. No time to waste, gotta pick out my best clothes and get cleaned up, I’m going on a date that is about to change my plot.
TBC

In The Details

On March 7, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

He’s merely a concept
A human idea
Vague explanation
Born out of fear

The dark and the dreary
Covered in sin
Its nobody’s fault if
evil creeps in

Repugnance encompassed
Beastly and wicked
malevolent destruction thats
Biblically fitted

We created this concept
A dangerous idea
To resolving transgression
And temper our fear

Monster Mephistopheles
Dangling a probe
Smirking in judgment
Blood soaked black robe

three six river Styx with
Soul taking pacts
Strong arming angels
to perverted acts

Lord of the Darkness
Treacherous Prince
Bloodsucking vermin
Sanguine death wince

During good versus evil
Armageddon prevails
In a quest for the Devil
Its in the details

We never can see him
We know he is near
To blame for our sins and
explain profound fear

Cast out the evil
Cleaning the heart
The devil in the details
Will tear good apart

The Flexible Bible (Stop using Sects as a weapon)

On February 19, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This is not an indictment on god or religion or faith, its an observation of a book, whether fiction or non-fiction, that is too often used as a weapon not a reference for good behavior. Religion is a non issue for me and I applaud anyone who remains true to the tenets of their faith. I have witnessed people escape addictions, avoid lives of crime, and live good lives while practicing their religious faith. The problem for me is when someone takes a book they consider the foundation of their faith and twists it into a weapon to use against anyone else who has different beliefs then they themselves. The weaponized bible is difficult to defend against because it is so flexible its contents can be used to condone almost any acts up to and including killing while demonizing others such as sharing love. There are religious soldiers who use this flexible weapon very skillfully by determining which excerpts can be use in literal terms to further their agenda and which can be more metaphoric to excuse the concept of say stoning someone to death for having unapproved sexual relationships. It’s difficult to defend against because the flex bible is not a conventional weapon engaged to cause physical destruction but rather its used to turn humans against each other and band together against who they perceive as their enemies. They destroy others using beliefs on such trivial things as sexual orientation, race, faith, or even an interpretation of the words that same piece of literature that differs from their own interpretation. An eye for an eye justifies revenge but I suppose if it’s a cheek you turn the other one, its very confusing. Apparently people who have sex with other of the same gender place all true believer in grave danger, and wives who do not “submit” to their husbands should be sentence to death. Hopefully metaphorically.
In order to use this codex of literature as a weapon successfully the user requires an adept ability to use hypocrisy at will while disregarding the fact that hypocrisy is not a foundation of religion. In fact any true religion should consider hypocrisy as much a sin as lying. The user must be able to preach the love of all of gods children yet condemn to dearth any person engaging in same sex relations. A great example of this hypocrisy is how easily they can condemn Russia’s crazy anti gay policies while fighting to deny gay marriage in their own country. Somehow they are capable of sweeping it under the rug the fact that many of the leaders of their religion have engaged in sex with not only a member of the same gender, but underage and incapable of consent. For many church enthusiasts it’s okay to cheat on a spouse, or have a number of extramarital affairs, so long as you pray and ask forgiveness. Pepper the rosary with a few our fathers and hail Mary’s and poof, sins absolved. A few bucks to the church won’t hurt either. But if you have sex with someone of your own gender you are an abomination of god, who aside from a allowing a few million abominations to be created is perfect.
So this is a warning, beware of the warriors that use the flexible bible because they come in sheep’s clothing. They look like average people, they often have big smiles and looks of comfort and compassion on their faces. They offer words of encouragement, understanding, and hope, but behind those words and smiles hide some of the most vicious and evil people around looking to turn you into a clone follower of their own religion or toss you to the lions to be eaten alive. They group together and petition the lord. Not the lord god but the lord of the law, expressing in legal terms that their religion must be considered superior to all others. Any president who does not conclude a speech with god bless America is an atheist, and all atheists are evil and should be stoned to death or turned into pillars of salt. Religion and Patriotism are the same thing, and not concluding a speech with gods name is even worse than the sin of not wearing a flag pin.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti American or anti religion, I’m anti judgmental, but unfortunately that’s one of the most misinterpreted words in many religions. The concept of Judge Not is practiced much too infrequently. On the plus side as I have stated I have seen people conquer addictions, defeat alcoholism, and turn their lives around through religion, relying on that book, but they tend to use it as an aid to lift them up as opposed to a weapon to tear others down. The less perfect people of the world tend not to judge as much because they understand that as humans we sometimes act human, make mistakes, have weaknesses. All I’m saying is be true to yourself, and let others be true to themselves, don’t attempt to force them into your concept of acceptable living. Live and let live, judge not lest you be judged. Basically, mind your own fucking business.

Chasing Time in Search Of Life

On February 6, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Life running out
Time standing still

Once full of wonder
Now had his fill

Behind the sparkle
Light growing dim

Under the smile
World dark and grim

Run out of verve
But not out of time

Hard day by day
Towing the line

Don’t let them see it
Don’t let them stare

Turn on a floodlight
Hide from the glare

Condition and acceptance
Its what they expect

When everything’s gone
You’re left with respect

A wink and a nod
Everything’s great

Life will catch up
Time is your fate

What’s The Frequency Ken? (Modern Meh-taphysical Crisis)

On February 3, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

What’s on TV Tonight?

It’s not that I have a death wish or anything but life these days seems kind of, oh I don’t know, kind of meh! Same shit different day kind of thing. The morning alarm crackles its disturbingly bleak shriek inciting the morning battle with a snooze alarm which ultimately ends in me dragging myself into the shower. Same get clean routine each morning as a few locks of hair that for years had previously set up house on my scalp scamper out of their follicles onto the tile floor. Spinning down the drain in a hopeless vortex they join the other hairs that left before them forming a clog to be reckoned with at a later date. Thinning hair, expanding waist, sagging flesh all taunt me reminding me I’m not getting any younger. The moment I dry off I’m forced to acknowledge the fact that I have become a slave to caffeine. Percolate me please. Meh!

Off to work like all the other drones in metal boxes jockeying for position in rush hour traffic, which oddly never seems to rush. The poorest drivers of some of the other metal boxes become magnetized on the highway attracting to mine every shitty driver on the road in need of remediable road travel instruction. The amount of time spent yelling “asshole” at them is supplemented with countless acts of sticking out my middle finger in the hope it will snap them into driving with focus and sharpened decision making skills. Anger and frustration build up as the daily commute scrapes away every iota of false hope my morning shower temporarlly imparted. Meh!

Undaunted I arrive at my job, take a deep breath, and begin speaking in a robotic tone asking people how they‘re doing in the hopes they will return with an equally robotic” fine, you?” Time to grab another coffee, one of the few perks, pun intended, of this office job. The guys are milling around the coffee maker, “Hey, how about them Yankees last night?” “Oh yea what a game, I stayed up until the bottom of the seventh inning, what happened?” “Holy shit man they pulled it out in the top of the ninth and won 12 to 10. Didn’t end until after one thirty, I hate the west coast games” I sneak away before anyone realizes I have no interest in baseball and nothing to add to any mundane chatter. So off I go heading for my cubicle which has the arcane ability to destroy any creativity that may be near it. As I prepare myself to begin a plethora of mindless redundant acts I notice everyone is dressed pretty much the same wearing our corporate attire like a military uniform. What the fuck, were we all dressed by the copy machine? Whatever, wearing a clean suit and tie with polished shoes will go a long way in sending my highly prized quality of uniquness swirling down the doldrums of corporate team concept. Meh!

Lunch is the highlight, the one moment of the day we can make our own choices not worrying that a memo will be sent around exposing our ineffectiveness. Low self esteem creeps in on the back of hopelessness so I began to get concerned about the extra fifty pounds that have found their way onto my body in the shape of flab. Hmmm, the years have not been very kind to my body and I don’t get nearly enough exercise. Actually I don’t get any. So much for making a choice based on what I enjoy. Now that I’ve reminded myself about my weight today will be another healthy quinoa wheatberry chicken and raisin salad with raspberry viniagrette. Meh!

The last fifty minutes of the day have ticked by in ultra slow motion seemingly laughing at every tick but it’s finally relents so its time to punch out and get back in the metal box. Now to find my way back to where I started, back on the roadway and a host of new drivers to extend my finger to only this time its with my eyes half closed from a day of mindless senseless productivity. If this is the road to Hell I can tell you this it is NOT paved with good intentions, but with paved with anger and frustration that moves tediously slow. It leaves me unsatisfactorily full of desperation. Meh!

At last I’m home again, back to my comfort zone. I get to remove this movement restrictive uniform of business and put on some sweats and a tee, have some dinner and find my spot on the couch hoping the non events of the day will just melt away and be forgotten. Maybe a glass of red tonight? No, straight to the vodka it was a stressful day even by Mundane Monday standards. Meh!

Life on this revolving ant farm has just become meh! ta-physical and I need to challenge my mind before I go insane. When I begin to utilize my temporal lobe and hippocampus the syntax of eclectic impulses in my brain profoundly ponder the mentally challenging attributes of metaphysics. This is cool, contemplating abstract concepts will bring my existence back to some semblance of active sanity validating the fact that I am indeed still alive. Juggling deep queries such as what is the fundamental essence of my being, how does the intersection of time and space alter existence as it relates to cause and effect, why is there something as opposed to nothing or for that matter can nothing exist? If it exists then it must be something which conflicts with its basic premise. And….know what? I’m tired and burnt out and all this thinking will keep me awake making tomorrow that much more of a difficult routine to follow. Maybe the prudent thing to do is pound down the remainder of this vodka and pour another one. I’m far too tired to deal with all this philosophical bullshit right now, it’s been a stressful day. Its mere hours away from that moment when that alarm screeches out its hideous beep disrupting the only real peace I get. Bring on more vodka, fire up a doob, and hopefully for the next few hours life might not be so….Meh!
What’s on TV tonight?

Sodomy and Go More-ahhhh (A Sick Bastard Bible Story)

On January 16, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized2 Comments

It’s a tale of two cities so revered yet mysterious it gets mentioned many times in the Bible, the Torah, and the Quran. The events go so deep it even makes a few appearances in the new testament. What is it that makes these two cities so popular in religious documents? SEX. Sex sells, and the added stories of Sodomy an Gomorrahhh sold the hell, pardon the irony, out of the bible. It’s a mystery where exactly are these cities were located. Much like the infamous G spot men have been unable to locate the exact area that filled its occupants with so much passionate and decadent joy. But the where isn’t important we can be guided to the spot with a skillful partner so today I focus on the what. How does The Sick Bastards interpret the sexually charged scriptures of orgies and try-sexuality of the legendary iconic bible selling segment of the scriptures? Twisted of course, like this:

God was uncharacteristically sitting on his laurels after his highly successful pairing of Adam and Eve thanks to Christian mingle.com. The whole Cain and Abel thing while troubling worked itself out in the end and he assumed that his flood had eradicated sinning altogether. But you know what happens when you assume, even if the me part of the equation is god himself. Stories were circulating about two cities plagued with sin. To the North in Go More-ahhh, Mayor Ford ran his city allowing copious amounts of drugs and alcohol to flow freely in the streets. Why the mayor himself was constantly drunk and messed up on whatever drug he could get his hands on. He flew into drunken rages lashing out at anyone and everyone but people were so messed up and horny it had zero effect. The streets of this maple tree lined city were filled with stoned out naked couples pawing at each others sex organs right out in the open. A little birdie told God that it was like one giant orgy so the big guy sent Abraham out to investigate. Abe, being the almighty’s chief of staff and right hand man did a hands on investigation. Well actually pretty much every body part on investigation.

He stopped first in Sodomy where instead of finding the dudes ravaging young maidens he was molested by a bunch of horny and well hung gay men that really stuck it to him. At first he was repulsed but the moment he turned the other cheek he was converted. And inverted! He turned to the church for help but ended up shagging the entire priesthood. The whole lot of them ass well as Lott himself. In sodomy the sex was all mano a mano or bumper to bumper, which is to say they all donned their gay apparel if you catch my drift. After waking up after an all nighter with a pounding headache and a throbless knob Abraham had enough. Time to report back to the big guy, but first a parting blow from his favorite dude, Vegas. Abraham was not worried about the need for discretion because what happened in Vegas…. well you get it.

Ever aware of his responsibility Abe told the lustless lord all about the sinning ways of Sodomy and Go More- ahhh, leaving out the part about his parts. The G-man knew what had to be done. Destroy the getting some tail of two cities. Of course, being a drama queen, Mrs. God wanted him to come up with a devious plan, so he scheduled a new show, The Real Housewives of the Fertile Crescent. He sent an angel disguised as a man to punk Lot and expose the homo erectus of Sodomy. When the angel came Lot was required by law to protect his guest who was such a hunk even straight dudes took notice. Hungry homo’s surrounded the house which scared the crap out of Lot. Not literally, just really scared him. He offered his two virgin daughters instead which only pissed everyone off, especially Lot’s wife and kids. Jut like in a future fairy tale the crowd of multi-sexual revelers huffed and puffed and blew the house down. The angel flipped out and struck all the rioters blind telling Lot and his family to leave town pronto and never look back because it was being destroyed.

As they left they could hear the acid rain coming down and knew the city was getting sulphurized. They could hear the cries of agony as the community of sexual sinners burned alive. Lots wife couldn’t help herself, she needed to take a quick photo for instagram, but as she turned around the high and mighty converted her into salt which he later used to season the lip of his margarita glass. Lot and his still virgin girls continued on never looked back. After the brimstoning of Sodomy and Go More-ahhh, no one ever doubted the man upstairs again. Repent or burn was his new catchphrase.

That’s all The Sick Bastard was able to glean from the confusing passages about the story of the twin sin cities but if you have more info that has not yet been released please contact me so I can update the Sick Bastards Bible. Thank you, and please, repent before its to late. You never know when an all loving and caring god can have a bad hair day and turn on us with vengeance. An if you are a sinner, next time it rains run and don’t look back… Peace

Fast Times At Mount Sanai High

On January 3, 2014 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The Ten Suggestions
Moses tied his long hair in a ponytail as he walked some of his father in laws sheep up the mountain to his “spot” where he often went to chiillax with some weed . On this particular day he had stopped off at his best friends hut for a joint. “Oy Sammy, its me Moses, you got a spare joint dude?” Samuel opened the door, “Aye Mo, wassup my main shepherd friend, come on in I got just the thing for you Bro.” Moses knew he could count on Samuel, he always seemed to have the best weed. Claims he gets it from some dude named “The Lion,” or the artist previously known as Snoop Canine. “Check this out Mo, its some killer chronic. I painted the Zig Zag paper with hash oil before rolling it up so its got some real ballz Buddy.” He handed Moses the doob, “Oh snap Sammy, this gonna be fine my man, just what I need today. Wife’s been on my case all day and I need to dee-stress pronto baby.” Moses headed out the door filled with an attitude of gratitude and a slamming joint in his robe pocket. “Catch ya on the morrow Bro, thanks so much.”
Moses wandered up a mountain path with his sheep until he came across his favorite get high rock where he stopped and lit the J. Toking, coughing, toking some more he could actually feel the stress leaving his head. About three quarters of the way down the blunt there was a big seed that Samuel must have missed when he cleaned the herb and it popped loudly. An ember jumped up from the doob and landed in a small bush by Moses feet. At first he didn’t think anything of it although after a while the bush began smoldering. Moses was way to high to do anything. “Hey Moses….Moses its me, The Man.” Moses looked around but not seeing anyone he anwered, “That you Sammy? Holy crap Sam you were right about the chronic man.” Moses took off his sandal and pounded it on his head, “Hear that man? That’s my skull…. I’m sooo wasted!!” Moses looked again, still no one around. “No Moses, its not Samuel, its me God. You know the father of everyone. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, everyone. I’m the lord God, the supreme one.” Moses stared at the smoldering bush, “Come on Sammy cut the shit man, you’re scaring me Bro. How the fuck do you do that voice?” The bush burst into flame and began to crackle, “Its not Samuel and stop cursing. I hear you cursing all the time and it has to stop. I also know what you think when you look at Sarah. She’s not your wife, you shouldn’t think about her that way!” Moses was still leery thinking he was just too high, “What? Sarah’s friggen hot Man, I can’t help it. Have you seen those jugs? And she has hot legs too. Damn man, anyone that wouldn’t want to get between those…..Hey wait, you’re who? Did you say you’re my father? That ain’t funny Sammy, you know my old man died last year.” The bush began shaking, “Not your father, everyones father you jerk, the Lord God, creator of the world. The supreme being. And I told you to stop cursing. Matter of fact that’s one of the things I came here to talk to you about.” Moses walked closer to the bush, “So you saying I’m talking to God and you have some other shi….. Ah, stuff to talk to me about? Man this chronic is stronger than anything I ever had.” Moses took one more toke then tossed the roach aside, “So if you really god, the what’d you call it, supreme being, where’s your sour cream?” Although it was merely a bush Moses could sense its frustration as the flames flickered. The voice got really loud, “I’m not a friggen burrito supreme you idiot, I am the supreme ruler of all men, the lord god almighty himself and I’m here to give you instructions on what I expect from you. I hope to Jehovah I picked the right one. There aren’t any other Mosses’ in town are there?” The bush was shaking again, “Nah G, ain’t no Moses but me. But I could do it man, just tell me what you need.”
God went on to explain to Moses all the tasks that lay ahead. “Go to the elders of Israel and tell them that I have appeared to you and told you I have watched over them and know what went down in Egypt. Tell them I have promised to relieve their people of the misery by the Nile into the land of Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, and the Pez eating Pezanites. You will lead them into the promised land, the land of milk and honey.” Moses was a bit uncertain and felt that a deal of just milk and honey wasn’t enough so he negotiated to receive Manishcewitz wine, Knishes, and a Halvah candy bar along with the milk and honey. That would cure his munchies. Both sides walked away satisfied yet apprehensive, but the deal was done. Moses was to free the Jews from Egypt and bring them back here to Mount Sinus.
It was quite an undertaking because quite frankly the elders thought Moses was tripping, due to his reputation as a “prolific pot puffer” from his days as a bachelor. Moses complained to God who gave him a few tricks to perform. Hadeus, one of the meanest of the elders mocked Moses. “Check this out boys, young Moses over here claims that God has spoken to him. Hey Mo, what’d God have for breakfast this morning? Hahaha, you know what a man with a fourteen inch erection has for breakfast?” Hadeus dropped his drawers revealing a eleven inch erection laughed loud and said, “Well this morning I had four pancakes, two eggs over, and toast.” All the elders erupted in laughter so Moses seized the opportunity. “First of all Hadeus, its plain to see you are embellishing a bit about your endowment, that looks like ten inches at most, and behold, its not an erection, it’s a tiny garter snake.” With the power God bestowed him Moses turned Hadeus’s anaconda erection into a flaccid garter snake. The room fell silent as all stared in horror at the now even more impressive appendage hanging, or rather squirming between Hadeus’ legs. Hadeus screamed and as he ran away he cut his new one eyes snake on the door hinge and it began bleeding. Hadeus jumped into the lake which immediately morphed into blood. The elders no longer doubted and placed all their faith in Moses. No one wanted to suffer the E-reptile dysfunction of Hadeus.
Convincing the elders was one thing, but swaying the Pharaoh’s mind into freeing his people would prove much more difficult. The Pharaoh had a bevy of snake charmers leaving the snake trick to assume the position of a parlor trick. Moses spoke to God, “God, I told him to let my people go but the Pharaoh just laughed in my face. He was totally unimpressed with the snake trick. I told him you would do some really bad shit to Egypt if he doesn’t free them so….um, whatta ya got?” God raised his voice, “What did I tell you about cursing? What do you mean you told him I would do something? What do you expect me to do?” Moses put on his puppy dog eyes, “Well G, I was kinda hoping we could do something with some frogs, insects, and like some ice balls and shi…..stuff.” Gods voice chilled a few octaves, “Okay, okay, I’ll think of something, but why frogs?” Moses smiled, “My Mom used to tell me a story about an evil witch that turned a prince into a frog, and I just thought that would be fitting since the pharaoh was once a prince.” Moses couldn’t see God but he felt the wind suggesting God was shaking his head, “You are incorrigible young Moses. Okay, give me a week and then go back and get our people the heck out of Egypt!”
The very next day Egypt was inundated with frogs crawling and hopping out of every corner giving the Egyptian people warts and boils. The next day it was lice and gnats, the following day flies.Two days later and ice storm followed by a rash of locusts. Moses chuckled at the thought of the Pharaoh covered in warts, insect bites, and lumps from hail balls pleading for it to stop. He confronted him to find him near insane. “I’ll say it one more time, let my people go. God said he will kill the firstborn of every Egyptian family until my people are free.” The Pharaoh handed Moses the key ring with shaking hands, “Here, go. All of you get the fuck out of here, I never want to see any of you again!” Moses took the keyring to unlock the prisoners but gave the Pharaoh one last demand, “And stop the cursing!”
Well M-Dog was real proud of himelf, he was leading all the jews out of Egypt and had scored some killer black hash and a few grams of some whack Lebanese red cocaine in Cairo, so off they went into the desert. The trip was wracked with misfortune because Moses was stoned much of the time and kept making wrong turns. He put a young dude named Joshua in charge who fared a little better, but it was difficult traveling with armies chasing them all the time. Joshua made a huge misjudgment and suddenly Mosses and his people found themselves trapped at a river. Once surrounded Moses was prepared to give up when he heard God talk to him, “Moses, I saw you buying drugs in Cairo and you know how I feel about that, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Use those drugs to get across the sea.” Moses was perplexed, “How the fu…er how the fudge can I use drugs to save us?” But Gods voice didn’t answer so Moses set out a plan of his own. He asked for a private meeting with the soldiers in charge, “Well boys, you got us. Before you kill us its customary back in my hometown to smoke a few bowls with your captors.” He lit up the hash and passed the pipe getting the soldiers high as kites. He then went to his people and pulled out the Lebanese red cocaine, “Everybody take two quick hits up the nose then we swim like mother, er melon farmers across the river.” Joshua was a bit concerned, “What is that Moses?” Moses smiled, some red “C” I purchased at a caravan in Cairo. Quick, snort it up and lets get the heck out of here!”
After snorting the Lebanese Red “C” they all swam across the river like it was an Olympic event leaving the Egyptian soldiers too stoned to chase them. Now they would have safe passage to Mount Sinus. A bit late perhaps, but be there they will! His people laughed at the stunned soldiers who were wondering what just happened as the group safely headed towards the promised land of milk, honey, wine, knishes, and Halvah bars. Without GPS it took a while but they made it to the foot of Mount Sinus. It was time. Moses headed up the mountain telling his people he’s be back shortly with a message from God. “Listen up guys, this shouldn’t take too long, Ima bust up the mountain to see God, you guys just hang and wait. And please, stay out of trouble. Josh, your in charge dude.
Moses trekked up the familiar mountain looking for his get high rock. Still a huge smile on his face Moses checked every bush around but none were burning. Not even smoking! Suddenly a tall dude with long wavy silver hair and a smoking silver ZZ Top beard walked towards Moses, “Where the heck have you been Moses?” Moses looked up sheepishly, “Oh, um, we got lost God, sorry. Wasn’t my fault the friggen soldiers kept chasing us, I made a wrong turn, Joshua got confused and before we knew it we were running in circles. Anyway, I’m here, your people are at the bottom of the mountain waiting, and its time to lay it on us big guy.” God was holding two tablets in his hands, marked RORER 714. Moses eyes got bugged, “Man, I ain’t see Quaaludes like that in years God. Are they for me?” God passed the tablets to Moses warning him to jut take one at a time. ZZ Top chinhair strap then lit up an enormous rolled joint and the two got high. Moses took both tablets. The two smoked a bit too much and passed out for forty days. When they came to, God had his ten suggestion ready. “Bring this list of ten habits to our people an tell them they need to follow this like law if they want to enter heaven.” Moses looked over the list, “Whoa, God, you gotta go over this shi…..stuff for me first, let take them one at a time. I‘ll paraphrase and write them down so we get it right”
Suggestion 1.….Remember that God is the lord, who freed you from Egypt, and invented weed
Suggestion 2.….Don’t worship before any other gods, wait until after
Suggestion 3.….Don’t put anything in your veins then say “God damn that feels good”
Suggestion 4.….Remember that on Sunday you should play Black Sabbath (or any solo Ozzie efforts)
Suggestion 5.….Be with your Father and especially your mother. Be on her and off her all night
Suggestion 6.….Don’t kill anyone with kindness.
Suggestion 7.….Do not commit to being an adult
Suggestion 8.….Do not steal. Shoplifting is okay, but stealing is a no no.
Suggestion 9.….Do not witness bears doing it with your neighbors.
Suggestion 10.…Do not cover your neighbors wife. (you’ll wanna see everything)

Moses wrote all the stuff down and headed back down the mountain to share his newfound knowledge. As he got close he dropped the paper he has written out. Standing in shock Mosses became infuriated. All of the people he had saved were drunk and having sex, some with a blowup doll. The doll was oddly attractive with large breasts, full thighs, and amazingly realistic calf’s painted gold. The golden calves! He ran around like a madman because he was mad man. “You fools, worshiping a sex toy? Are you fucking kidding me?” Gods voice rang out, “Moses! What have I told you about cursing?” Moses acted as though he hadn’t heard as he ran up and pulled the plug on the sex doll, screaming at the revelers. As the air went out it made a loud sucking noise, and the one who had his rod inserted into the dolls staff let out an “Oh My God” as he reached a feverish orgasm. Mosses turned disappointed, “Of all, people Fellatio, I never expected this from you.” Moses was so crimson red and angry no one noticed that he grabbed at his chest. Moses suffered a heart attack leaving Joshua in charge of the rest of the journey. God had to rewrite the Ten Suggestions this time with corrections. The reworked list still stands today, as does fellatio’s rod.
The End

Resolution For The Hell Of It

On December 29, 2013 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

If you’re old enough you may remember Abbie Hoffman, counter culture activist who wrote “Revolution for the Hell of It” as a follow up to his “Steal This book” novel, then like me you have broken so many New years resolutions the only sensible resolution is to never make another one. For me that’s been a long running resolution, I haven’t broken it for six years now. But like records resolutions are made to be broken so this year I will break that one to make room for some new ones. The prudent and easy thing to do would be to just take my bucket list and turn it into my resolution list. There’s two problems with that, first what fun would that be, and second and most important is I have never made a bucket list. In fact until I saw the movie I believed a bucket list to be all legs and thighs from KFC. Either that or a list of available buckets from Home Depot when it comes time to kick it.
On the brighter side, it already gives me my first resolution. I resolve to have an honest bucket list by the time 2014 comes to an end. Relatively easy so far, what’s next? I checked with Google to see what the top resolutions have been so I have a reference point. It seems the top resolutions are losing weight, quitting bad habits, exercising more, eating healthier, drinking less, learning more, and vacationing more. Then I looked at Google for a list of the top broken resolutions, and yup, same list! Well that sucks, I guess I better throw out that list and get creative.
Holy crap, that means I’m already up to three resolutions. 1, make a bucket list, 2 throw out the other resolutions, and 3 get creative. Having been out of the resolution racket for so long I’m not really sure how many resolutions are typical, what’s the norm? Back to Google. Not much help, I got lists of ten, forty, and fifty top new years resolutions. Best to just pick out the most meaningful and go with that, lose weight, exercise, and eat healthy, which realistically is one resolution. Lose weight by eating right and exercising. Now I have four, I think one more will make it five and that sounds like a sensible and fairly attainnable number.
I have always loved to read so to make it an even more achievable resolution list I added read more books, specifically ones I loved when I was younger, one that helped to shape my young mind. A few I already have and others I can buy with the Nook gift cards I received for Christmas.
I believe I am now ready to make my list. I will make a bucket list, throw out unachievable resolutions like less drinking or quitting bad habits because lets face it, if I am serious about a bucket list it gonna be jam packed full with bad habits and alcohol driven antics. I’ll keep on writing which will help me become more creative, I will moderately change my eating habits and walk more, and last but not least reread some of the books that were so important to me in my youth. This is a much more fun list to make, the books I’m going to reread. Siddhartha, A Clockwork Orange, The Teaching of Don Juan (Carlos Castaneda), The Stranger, The Prophet, Brave New World, Breakfast Of Champions, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Electric Kool Aid Acid Test, Steal This Book, and Revolution For The Hell Of It.
I looked over the list, felt it was relatively comprehensive then began reminiscing on how each of these books changed my life. Before reading these important works I was a naïve follower who like water always took the path of least resistance. I never objected to anything, I conformed to everything, allowed my opinions to be forged by my Mom and Dad, and basically offered no resistance to any aspect of life. But with each book I became more and more aware of myself, and how screwed up the authorities around me were. I became a rebellious long haired draft card burning member of the counter culture, growing my hair and adopting a hippie fashion style to piss off my parents, attending peace rallies, workshops for yoga, meditations and astral projection. I smoke the devils weed and danced with danger. I ingested liquid courage and chemical mind expanders. Drugs and rock and roll took my soul through eminent domain. Because of those magnificent works of literature I turned on and tuned in. Those books taught me well. So well in fact, that I’m saying fuck this resolution bullshit, I refuse to conform to mundane practices of the mainstream that are meaningless in the end. I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want to do without any stupid lists pushing me to be someone I‘m not. So that’s it, nor resolution lists, one resolution and one only. Do whatever makes me happy. I’m having a resolution for the hell of it…I bet Abbie would be proud….PEACE

A Festivus Visit (Twas the night before….)

On December 24, 2013December 19, 2016 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized1 Comment

T’was the night before Festivus
When all through the house
No computer was working
Not even with the mouse

The stalkers were hung by their necks with such care
In the hopes that the end of their peeping was near
The children ate Nestles they,d snuck in their beds
And bounced off the walls banging their heads

Mom in her sexy teddy straddling my lap
Had just bound my hands with a Festivus strap
When down in the kids room there arose such a clatter
Got dressed and untied to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash
Dropped my baggie of weed losing my stash
It fell on the breast of the new fallen snow
I watched as my reefer was falling below

When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
A hallucination of eight tiny reindeer
With a leprechaun in red so lively and quick
I knew in a moment my eyes played a trick

A rainbow of unicorns his coursers they came
He yelled at all eight as he called them by name
Yo Bashful yo Sleepy yo Doc and yo Sneezey
Hey Dopey and Grumpy and Happy and Sleezy

He opened the dresser where Mom hides her thong
Now dash away dash away and put back my bong
Then in a twinkling they all climbed up on the roof
A sled full of presents, this must be a goof

As I drew in a big toke and was turning around
I opened my hand my bong dropped to the ground
The dude dressed in fur from his head to his foot
Was laughing so hard and he was covered in soot

Bundles of medicinal buds were on top of his back
Just like a drug peddler he was carrying a sack
His eyes how they twinkled and dimples they sank
His cheeks red as roses yet his stare was so blank

His droll little mouth drawn up like a joke
His hair on his chin was snow white from some coke
The stump of a chamber pipe he clenched in his teeth
Second hand smoke circled my head like a wreath

He had a big broad face and a little round belly
I aired my first grievance and said he was smelly
He was also too chubby that right fat old elf
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
He rolled a sweet fatty he’d bought from a dread
He spoke not a word but played his big Festivus role
In the middle of the room placed an aluminum pole

With a feat of strength placed a finger to his nose
An sniffed up more coke through a dollar bill hose
His grievances he aired till his team blew the whistle
And feats of great strength had broken the thistle
But I heard him exclaim the illegal drugs out of sight
Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night

Enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate and take time to smile an share some love
PEACE

Existential for Death

On December 7, 2013 By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Existentialists are so often misunderstood, even by other existentialist. They are not nihilists or anarchists, nor are they atheists. Existentialism is a philosophical belief not a faith. Many today are jumping on the ex train because its believed that existentialist are clever intellectuals that speak in profound quotes of some of the more famous existentialists. While most of us are clever, not all of us are brainiacs who sip cappuccinos at cafes and discuss matters of global implications. We are just average people whose beliefs do not fit in to a mainstream belief that we all need a god to believe in and a religion to tell us out how and why. That’s not to say we can’t.
Existentialism does not rule out the possibility of a creator although for the majority if there is a creator its nothing like the one most of us were force-fed as children. No all knowing all seeing god who demands praise from everyone, no angels waiting up in any paradise community after we die. But that’s not to say that some form of energy or entity didn’t have a hand in getting the ball rolling so to speak. For us it’s a little clearer than a magic image in the sky watching to make sure we behave. It’s a cycle of life, we are born, we live our life, then we die. We are in that cycle just the same as every non worshiping living thing on earth. I can’t prove this but I firmly believe bacteria do not worship any pathogen gods or pray in any amoebic temples yet they live the same cycle we do. The bottom line is everything lives, everything dies. If we view it in a strictly linear form then all of existence is in a line, like a time line where we have a starting point and ending point and all people and events in our timeline intersect at various points. Our lives are Point A to Points unknown. We all accept that others lived before us, and others will live after us, and in every religion death is an accepted stage. However temporary, whether it leads to paradise, another life, another stage of existence, or pure nothingness it happens to us all. What occurs after death we tend to disagree, but death is imminent.
Accepting that makes it no easier to live ones life and like anyone else existentialist fear not death per say, but are more intrigued by the mysteries surrounding it. Only in death will we find answers. I was born into a Catholic family, raised as a Methodist (a matter of convenience for my parents), but told my true roots are of a Jewish heritage, so its no wonder my religious faith was so confusing. I doubted the existence of the god I was taught at a very young age so to help sort it out I studied many religions. I adopted many Buddhist philosophies and principles because much of it made sense. I did not however adopt any of the ritualistic behaviors because to me structuring faith makes faith void of integrity. If I need to follow a ritual then I am merely a copy of someone else’s belief. To me joining a specific religious society forces one into a clone relationship. If there is such a thing as soul or spirit it comes from within.
Religion is described as an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. That makes your religion a random happenstance, an accident of birth not different from gender, or class. I didn’t seek out religion when I was young I was handed a religion to believe in. If my parents had stayed loyal to Catholicism I would have been a catholic, but I was switched to the protestant religion because the Methodist church was near home and more importantly next to the volunteer fire department in which my Dad was the Chief. And according to ancestry.com. somewhere along my family lineage a family was forced to hide its Jewish heritage to avoid persecution and the name was never changed back. The illusion of being Christian gave my ancestors a much needed advantage. Not uncommon, look at the collection of Amish living in Lancaster known as “The Pennsylvania Dutch” A religion of Germanic settlers who didn’t wish to be associated with the German Deutschland so they misled people to believe them Dutch and not Deutsch. With so much switching back and forth, with interfaith marriages and families, how is it even possible for any religion to be the one true one?
Existentialism is relatively simple. Our existence precedes our essence leading us to an understanding that the self is what’s important, that we are merely tiny specks on tiny cogs in a complex universe. It gives us the ability to defy classification, especially when it come to religion. Its what’s in our hearts and our minds that matters. Live your best life, treat others as you wish to be treated, help out your fellow humans when they are in need, share and do not judge how others live their lives. Live and let live. Many religions claim to teach those principles yet they condemn others for their lots in life. Its hard for me to get behind a religion that tells you we are all of Gods children then tells you if you’re gay you are an abomination. Clearly forgetting judge not lest ye be judged. It irks me to see a person on social media claim their love of God and tell me how blessed we are and how we should rejoice in one post in social media, then spew hatred at someone because their politics are different in the next. Unfortunately it seems we live in an age of intense hypocrisy, especially among the holy rollers. Religion shouldn’t allow you to feel superior, but humble. Unfortunately most religions fall far short on the humble. This is the reason most existentialist show distain for religions.
I was born scraping and scratching my way through life and now I’ve reached a point where death becomes more and more imminent every day. One of the cruel jokes of life is when we finally realize how much of living is bullshit we are too tired to live the life we should. We allowed money to be the center of our lives, putting us not in a solar system like every other living thing, but a dollar system in which we all revolve around money. I should stop before I become more like the people I’m ranting about! Damn, looks like my equine ride has been puffing my weed again. Time for me to get own of my high horse. PEACE

Terrapin – The Journey

Tag: existentialism