Tag: life after death

Death After Death, The Finale

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By J. T. Hilltop

 

I had enough at this point. This creator, this “Al” had made us humans seem so uncaring and in denial of our position in world evolution. As humans we have made immense contributions in the advancement of our planet. Yea I get it, I’m dead and in the afterlife now but I still care about humanity and its place in this planets history. Al had a lot more to say.

“So many of the creatures that have perished from your advances would disagree as to how great human accomplishments have been JT. You believe you are the superior species but you think nothing of killing each other. Sure you pretend to care, but look at it realistically. If you walked down the street with an assault rifle and killed ten men you would be arrested, locked up for the rest of your life. Do the same thing in combat and you’re a hero. You like to pick and choose who and when your killing is okay, but in the circle of life its only okay for impending survival. You kill due to a disagreement over arbitrary geographic boundaries or differing faiths. You never learned to process that important information. Life is precious. You place animals in cages away from where they live so your kids can all gawk at the mighty lion or funny chimpanzees. Ever think of how they got there? I can tell you they didn’t walk in and say could you please put me up here for the rest of my life, this jungle is scary. The journey to your game farms, zoo’s, and aquariums were not pleasant. Animals should be where they’re supposed to be, living on earth like everything else, even humans. But as you say, that barn door is closed, it has gone way to far and it will take an act of profound evolutionary coincidence to reverse it. On some levels humans are a disappointment. You see JT, when I created your universe I had one rule to follow, and that was to never interfere with the process and development of life. We create life and then watch it take its course.”

“Not that we grow things just to look at, we grow them to allow them to experience and hence evolve and adapt. You may not realize this but those mighty oaks you think do nothing but stand tall feel as proud as they look and they enjoy their lives, the dangers and pitfalls as well as the wonder of having birds nest on them and watching as the generations of robins live out their lives. Yes there are dangers out there, and survival of one is often at the expense of another, but life is a happy accident. It’s an honor to have one and you have had a very rich one if you really think about it. You can point out the ugly parts, the funerals you attended, losing people close to you, the tragedies of life, the struggles and hard times, but don’t overlook those good things. That’s what made life so worth living. How many of those mountains and waterfalls and trees and flowers did you have a chance to enjoy? How many moments of intense joy did you experience? More than many I can tell you that. If you think back the magnificence of life will far outweigh the tragedies. The truly sad part is it needs to end. Conscious life ends JT so another life may have its opportunity to thrive and experience. You had a great life and you were part of something very beautiful, those moments in time you had. Like the animal that dies in the forest, you never really leave, you just become another part of the forest. A dead animal was food for grub worms, which were eaten by crickets, which were eaten by owls and so on. Nothing really leaves the jungles, it becomes another form of life. You are more lucky because the cosmos is your jungle, and you get to become other parts of the universe. If there was one thing I wish humans could convey back after they die it would be to shake up the living and tell them to enjoy life. Stop fighting over things that don’t really matter and enjoy the fantastic world around them. But alas, I fear the message will never be brought back down to earth. Anyway, its your time to leave and your going where you were always meant to go.”

Now I was pretty much speechless. All I could do was think over all he had told me. Knowingly Al took me by the hand and walked me into another room, a much more comfortable room. It was warm and inviting and I began to get just a little nervous as if I were in a cosmic hospice. The room was all glass and surrounded by a huge garden filled to the brim with plants and flowers, and chipmunks and birds. Alive with sounds of life, chirps, growls, shouts, running water. Like I was getting a last look at all the beauty my planet had offered me through the years. There was a stairwell that led to what I guessed was an observation deck of some sort. Al pointed up the stairs and I went, all the time taking in the sights, sounds and smells. So beautiful, I hope I’m not going to miss it too much. When I got to the top I was blown away. It was like a dream observatory looking out into space, the cosmos, the multiverses, or maybe infinity. More stars than I had ever seen, even in my younger days before light pollution obscured my childhood nightscapes. “Oh my god Al, this is remarkable.” Al was smiling. “An odd choice of phrase, oh my god, don’t you think?” I knew he was teasing me so I gave him the response he wanted. “It’s a conditioned response Al, I get it. God is a concept we invented to explain how beautiful and precious life is. That’s what the woman I first met meant when she said God is everything. God does exist but its not in the form of a spirit, human, or even a scientist for that matter. God is a concept to help us understand the information we are unable to process. The truth. That’s what I’m here for right.?” Al just gave me a knowing nod and placed his arm over my shoulder. The two of us stared into the sky for some time, inhaling its enormity.
“So what Al, this is it? All the stars out there, is that where I’m going?” I was staring up through the skylight and the view was breathtaking. Literally. “Yes JT, that’s your next destination. You are a bundle of billions and billions of tiny balls of energy and you will be released out there to become energy parts in millions of other matter. That’s why as a young boy you would stare up at the night sky with such awe and wonder, you where looking up to your past as well as your future and it was…No it IS beautiful. All your dreams of astral transport, traveling from star to star, visits to the moon and beyond. It’s happening, it’s real. Except your present self won’t know it. You were meant to gather info on earth and absorb it so you can enrich the cosmos. This my son…this your big moment. You are about to become part of something bigger than you could ever imagine. So go ahead, take off JT.”
I gave Al one last look, and smiled at him. “I’m ready. Sorry I made you look so nerdy Al, you deserve better. Thank you, thank you so much for this.” We stood in silence for a few seconds. “You know you’re right Al, I remember staring up at the night sky and seeing the big beautiful moon, and the thousands of sparkling little stars and always imagined being part of it, being up there and dancing on the stars.” Al was smiling a big smile now and he nodded towards the stars. I knew, knew in an instant it was my time to go, I gave Al one last look, mouthed the words thank you one last time, and left my world a very happy bundle, of billions and billions of balls of energy.
The Beginning


 

Interface Mountain, A Modern Evolutionary Three Act Tale

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By J. T. Hilltop

ACT I
There was a really loud bang, sudden darkness, and a symphony of glass shattering into a million pieces followed by a wall of sound stereo system of twisting crunching metal in an uneven rhythm. “What t remember a thing. Yes, yes that’s it, yea, I was driving down the highway in a mad rush for work and then…..and then… and then what?” Everything is so damn foggy. No, not metaphorically foggy, actual dry ice on a stage foggy. “Wait! Where am I?” Am I in a fugue state filled with hazy wafting smoke. I don’t think so, I feel like an empty shell of a person, like everything passes through me but my memories are a plethora of echoes. Could this be death? No, but maybe I‘m just super stoned…It sure don’t smell like weed though, in fact it smells sort of clinical and pristine, maybe a hospital so probably not in my car stoned. So then where exactly am I? What’s with all the mist? Okay think…I was in my car on the way to work and what? “No! Oh shit now I remember, some asshole car came across the median straight towards me and into……. Oh fuck no, I was in an accident!” I am in a hospital. Yea, that’s it, I’m in a hospital and….. No wait, that can’t be right, the mist, no tubes or wires, no beeps, not in a bed, I’m…ah I’m in a… I’m sitting on a bench? No, not a bench. Wait! Am I fucking dead?” My flair for the dramatic apparently still alive I paused for effect…..That’s when shit began to settle into my head and shine a light on my situation. I am dead, I was killed in a car accident and now I’m in….. In where? The Twilight Zone? A morgue? Not Heaven! Purgatory then? Was I wrong about heaven and hell all this time? Maybe God’s punking me by placing me in the ‘Heaven Can Wait’ waiting room. Or sending me my own personal George Bailey AS2 guardian angel Clarence Oddbody to take me away and earn his wings. Hold on here, I’m an existentialist so if there is God he isn’t about to let me hang out on his turf, he’d probably send me to everlasting church or something just as tedious. So then just where the Hell am I, pardon the expression? As I was pondering my potential fate a loudspeaker broke the unearthly silence. “Hilltop, Justin Thyme? Is there a JT Hilltop here?”
Before I heard this announcement I was merely confused, attempting to piece together recent events. Some weird dream, maybe a coma dream or something but whatever it was I thought I was all alone. There are other people here waiting for what I supposed their own fates would be. I’m in some kind of group of the misplaced dead and I’m being paged. Now I’m like “Pew pew pew BAM.. Mindfuck!” Here I am trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my death when I get mind-fucked by a loudspeaker. Should I stand up or should I pretend I didn’t hear it? I was just about ready to find an exit when standing right in front of me was a young dude. “You’re JT, yes?” I gave this, this, umm, young entity the once over. A nerdy looking kid somewhere in his late twenties with thick rimmed glasses and a bargain store suit that was a bit to big for his small frail frame. He had thick short dark black hair with a pencil behind his ear but not a hint of a smile on his face. He didn’t even look my way as he was reading something on a clipboard waiting for confirmation from me. After a few seconds of silence he spoke again in a monotone voice, “Don’t make this difficult Mr. Hilltop, you’re already dead so you really have nowhere else to go. Nobody gets out so just come with me please.” He never even waited for acknowledgement just began walking away. I followed blindly as he led me down a hallway.
I was kinda hoping he was in search of his lost personality but sensed he was searching for my place whatever that may be. A place for me to exit. What a shit word to think of when your dead, exit! I decided I would try and engage this nerd so maybe he could help acclimate me as to just where I was or give me an indication of where we were heading, “So I died huh? Was it the accident? I bet it was the accident. So what, is this your full time job or are you just filling in? Is this even a job bringing the dead to their final destination?“ No response, “Come on man have some pity on a dead dude, help me out a little. Who exactly are you working for?” His pace quickened, “We all have our tasks here Mr. Hilltop. I work for no one and yet I work for everyone now just come along please, no time for idle chatter.” I processed his statement. No time? Maybe he has no time but if I’m dead then time is irrelevant, “I’ve nothing but time young dude, so help an old man out, what’s going on here? What are you like the Geek Death Squad?” The nerd shook his head as though I was exasperating to him, “Mr.Hilltop you died! Expired, kicked the bucket. You have ceased to exist. You were in a car accident and died because a drunk driver hit you head on. Looking over your file sir it seems about as an approprriate way to die as I’ve ever seen given your pension for the bottle. That or cirrhosis but either way how you died is insignificant. Your at the terminal right now, and please no lame jokes about the name terminal its been done a few million times over the years by people far more witty than you think you are. I’m a death agent assigned to take you to your Sherpa who will assist you in your transition. Now please keep quiet and continue to follow me we’re nearly there.” Transition? Great, more questions less answers. I peered at the doorways along the way and it appeared they had different religious symbols on them until we reached one door that had a big red X and the word Atheists on it.
Suddenly I was feeling like my head was spinning. Not really dizzy, but constantly spinning. Grumpy the young douche-nerd death agent opened a door speaking to someone on the other side, “I have a very uncooperative Mr. Justin Thyme Hilltop here sir. He never shuts up and he is now your problem, not mine.” The person on the other side of the door mumbled something incomprehensible and the young agent of death let out an exasperated sigh, “Well techniquely he doesn’t believe in any deity so he’s all yours Dee.” The door opened wide as the agent motioned to me to walk through. I walked inside. That is to say I walked through the door but actually found myself outside. It was about halfway up a huge beautiful mountain. Surrounded by gorgeous greenery of tree’s and shrubs, the sound of running water combined with an assortment of indefinable sounds made from various animals. I mumbled “paradise” as I noticed an old man with long white hair complete with matching silvery beard standing in front of me. “What the fuck are you like Kung Fu Gandalf or something man? Am I in Middle Earth?” The old man smiled warmly like…..well like Gandalf actually, “No Justin, I’m not Gandalf, I’m certainly no magician or wizard or even ninja and this is nothing like Middle Earth. You’re on Interface Mountain. I’m what you might call your Sherpa, my name is Dee Bays. Its my job to lead you back to the Mountain Mainframe after discovering your rightful place. Hopefully you can be re-appropriated correctly.” I chuckled, “You’re who then and this is what now? Sorry old dude but I didn’t get a word of what the hell you just said. All I wanna know is are you the one who can tell me what exactly is going on here?” The man had ancient looking eyes, much older than even he himself. It appeared as though they had viewed centuries of pain and sadness yet they had an incredibly calming effect. It was as though those warm narrow orbs were a separate entity that seemed to wrap me in a hug putting me at ease. Old dude placed his arm over my shoulders, “It’s okay Justin, or do you really prefer JT?” I smiled, “You can call me whatever you want but I prefer JT. How much longer do I have?” The old dude let a small laugh slip out, “Are you in a hurry JT? I can speed this up if you want?” I was pretty sure he was teasing me but just in case I answered with a hint of fear and desperation, “No,no,no, seriously, I’m in no hurry. Its just….Well my head is spinning and I’m confused.” Old dude began walking up a mountain path signaling for me to follow, “Your head is spinning because of the buffering JT, it’s a side effect of dying. It will go away once your operating system is re-booted.” More confusion, “My operating system? Re-boot? What the fuck?”

TBC

Dead To Writes

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eulogy
Beginning With My End In Mind.

I’m writing a eulogy for someone. It’s a person I know inside out, that’s been there for me through thick and thin. Someone I’ve known my entire life. Me. After all, I was there when I traveled down that birth canal without a paddle, I was there when the doc smacked my ass, and I’ve been with me ever since. Obviously I’m not dead yet, but I’ve been to too many funerals and heard too many eulogies to know that without my assistance in memorializing me it would lack the humor, conviviality, and sarcasm my last formal spoken memory should encompass. I don’t want my wife or my kids to struggle over what I would want said so I’m taking out the guesswork.
When I say I’m writing it sounds like I recently started it but the truth is its been a project now for a few years. I keep putting it on the back burner and tell myself “No worries, you have plenty of time.” Hope I’m right because I love writing and I’m not ready to stop. I still have way to many things to say. Ergo I write. I’ve got tons of other projects in the works. I’ve done quite a lot of writing over the years. I wrote poems, most of which suck, a song or two, also sucky, as well as a number of short stories. I’d like to write a few more before my best used by date. I’ve been working on a novel on and off that so far has taken up more than three years of my life. But fuck it at least I’ve settled on the title. Of course nothing is certain except taxes and de…….Nevermind! It’s the third title actually but I really like this one. And as of now only two or five chapters have been re-writes and I am relatively certain of its direction.. So between being the foremost authority on me combined with my love of writing, it only makes sense that I should write my own eulogy. In fact, I highly recommend it everyone but get started soon because its not as easy as it seems.
The first problem a writer encounters during their own eulogy is that dreaded re-write. Nothing is ever perfect. First I just change a word, then I change a sentence, and before I know it I’ve said fuck it and erased the whole thing just to start over. I have my strong finish, and my cheery opening, and know most of what I want to include so I just need to settle on the finality. As I was writing it I struggled with what my format should be.
After a number of musings and a fair amount of wine I finally settled on a basic format. The first paragraph should be about what I don’t want. I don’t want anyone to mention god in any way shape or form. I respect others faiths but I’m the dead one here so I call no mentioning god. Check that, god can be mentioned if its like “Oh my fuckin god he was a pisser“, or “god damn he was funny” or “oh god don’t stop, oh god yes,yes,yes” anything along those lines is permissible. Maybe the last one should be in the privacy of your own whereever. Also I don’t want anyone to say to my family that I’m with god now. If I’m wrong about the whole heaven and hell thing I’ll be taking the elevator to the basement anyway. That doesn’t mean you should tell them “It’s okay, he’s with Lucifer now” either. And by all means stay away from the clichés. “I’m sorry for your loss” sounds like something Mr. and Mrs. Hallmark says to their grieving loved ones. Just share memories and remember the good times. I’m not really going anywhere I just made it to the next level.
Also, I don’t want anyone reciting religious scriptures or saying prayer over me, especially a stranger. You want to pray do that shit on your own in silence. And pray for yourself not for me, I don’t want any prayers. I’m an existentialist, we don’t pray we think. So meditate, its my funeral and I’ll have it the way I want. Seriously guys it’s the most important day of my death so cut me some slack. Here’s what I want everyone to do. Laugh, tell jokes and funny stories, get drunk, sneak out and smoke a joint, do whatever you need to do to make it fun. Thats what I want, a fun funeral like Chuckles the clown got. I want people to say “Damn I wish he was alive so he could die again. What a great time I had. This was the best funeral I’ve ever been to.” That shit would please me to no end. Maybe even make a dead man smile. And please don’t worry about making me blush I have no circulation.
The next stipulation was to honor me as my life was. I ask for a mug of beer. The good shit too, not that crap beer flavored water, but a good craft brew. It’s not like you need to buy it for me ever again. Next to that a shot of vodka, preferably Grey Goose. Leave them at a table as if I were sitting there and then have a party. My son will toast me adios ghost by downing the vodka at the end of the night. No sense in wasting good vodka!
The final stipulation was choosing a good play list. I may be dead but that’s no reason I should be subjected to crap music. No disco, no opera, no hymns. Good music, party music, maybe a tribute to the different decades. Ones with a good beat that you can dance to. I made a list of all my favorite tunes and even chose a few lines of lyrics to highlight that meant something to me. I don’t want my dead spirit to rest in peace I want it to Rock In Peace!
As far as what’s done to my remains, here’s where it gets a bit dodgy. Realistically whoever gets left behind should choose what to do with the physical remains cuz they’ll be dealing with them, I’m moving on sans remains. If it were up to me I actually have two choices. One to be put into a compost somewhere so I can continue to enrich the earth. A sort of true eternity, always contributing life back somewhere. But as I understand it that’s complicated. The second wish is that whatever is left, be it bone or ash, be buried under a dance floor at a popular club. How cool would it be to have thousands of people dancing on my grave?
By far the writing of the eulogy is what was the most difficult. I had to write it with humor, candor, and a degree of sensitivity. As much as I’m writing it for myself, my family will hear it as well so its probably not the best time to let out any secrets. But it will give me an opportunity to let everyone know I don’t regret dying, I had a wonderful life. Hard as it may be I’d prefer people be happy for me. It’s the loved ones left back on earth that need consoling, not me. I’m the lucky one, I’ve gone to those proverbial greener pastures.
I believe I am about three quarters done with it but as some of you may know once I get started I sometimes become long winded. Sometimes I just go on an on and on about this and that until….never mind. I’ll just say its close to being done. I’m trying to so as much of the event planning as possible. I‘m a really good cook and I wish I could do the cooking but that would be way too creepy. The party is almost there. I’ll tell you one thing having almost completed the written segment of my passing has been quite liberating. I feel like once I finish this eulogy I’ll be ready to move on, to go wherever it is I go, to say good by sweet world. In fact I know I’ll be ready to take the next step. Bring on the closure! ………..Then again, maybe I’ll put it on the back burner just a little longer………….PEACE

Dying To Be Something Special

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The physicist creator of this universe takes time to explain life and death at the end

You believe you have made this world a better place? So many creatures that have perished from your great advances would disagree as to how great those human accomplishments have been. You fancy yourselves the superior species yet you think nothing of killing each other. Animals don’t kill for sport, or torture each other for revenge or just sick pleasure. Sure you pretend to care, but look at like this, you walk down the street with an assault rifle and kill random ten men you’d be arrested for the rest of your life. Do the same thing in combat and you’re a hero. You like to pick and choose who and when killing is okay but why should humans get to choose? Humans are willing to kill over disagreement of arbitrary geographic boundaries or differing faiths. You never learned to process this most important information. Life is precious. You place animals in cages away from where they live so your kids can all gawk at the mighty lion or laugh at the funny chimpanzees. Solely for your amusement.
Ever think of how they got there? I can tell you they didn’t walk in and ask if you would put them up here for the rest of their lives because this jungle is scary. The journey to your game farms, zoo’s, and aquariums were not pleasant. Animals should be left where they’re supposed to be, living on earth like everything else, even humans. Yet you raise animals to slaughter them, shave their hides for fashion. But as you say, that barn door is closed, it has gone way too far and it will take an act of profound evolutionary coincidence to reverse it. On some levels humans are a disappointment. You see JT, when I created your universe I had one rule to follow, and that was to never interfere with the process and development of life. We create life and then watch it take its course.
Not that we grow things just to look at, we grow them to allow them to experience. You may not realize this but those mighty oak trees feel as proud as they look and they enjoy their lives, the dangers and pitfalls as well as the wonder of having birds nest on them and watching as the generations of robins live out their lives. Yes there are dangers out there, and survival of one is often at the expense of another, but life is a happy accident. It’s an honor to have one and you have had a very rich one if you really think about it. You can point out the ugly parts, the funerals you attended, losing people close to you, the tragedies of life, the struggles and hard times, but don’t overlook those good things. That’s what made life so worth living. How many of those mountains and waterfalls and trees an flowers did you have a chance to enjoy? How many moments of intense joy did you experience? More than many I can tell you that. If you think back the magnifigance of life will far outweigh the tragedies. The truly sad part is it needs to end. Life ends JT so another life may have its opportunity to thrive and enjoy. You had a great life and you were part of something very beautiful. All those moments in time you had are a part of not only your memories, but the memories of those who loved you. You leave their lives but not their hearts. Like the animal that dies in the forest you never really leave the universe you just become something else. A dead animal was food for grub worms, which were eaten by crickets, which were eaten by owls and so on. Nothing really leaves the jungles, it becomes another form of life. You are more lucky because the cosmos is your jungle, and you get to become other parts of the universe. If there was one thing I wish humans could convey back after they die it would be to shake up the living and tell them to enjoy life. Stop fighting over things that don’t really matter and enjoy the fantastic world around them. But alas, I fear the message will never be brought back down to earth. Anyway, its your time to leave and your going where you were always meant to go.
Now I was pretty much speechless. All I could do was think over all he had told me. Knowingly Al took me by the hand and walked me into another room, a much more comfortable room. It was warm and inviting and I began to get just a little nervous as if I were in a cosmic hospice. The room was all glass and surrounded by a huge garden filled to the brim with plants and flowers, and chipmunks and birds. Alive with sounds of life, chirps, growls, shouts, running water. Like I was getting a last look at all the beauty my planet had offered me through the years. There was a stairwell that led to what I guessed was an observation deck of some sort. Al pointed up the stairs and I went, all the time taking in the sights, sounds and smells. So beautiful, I hope I’m not going to miss it too much. When I got to the top I nearly was blown away. It was like a dream observatory looking out into space, the cosmos, or infinity. More stars than I had ever seen, even in my younger days before light pollution obscured the nightscapes. “Oh my god Al, this is remarkable.” Al was smiling. “An odd choice of phrase, oh my god, don’t you think?” I knew he was teasing me so I gave him the response he wanted. “It’s a conditioned response Al, I get it. God is a concept we invented to explain how beautiful and precious life is. That’s what the woman I first met meant when she said God is everything. God does exist but its not in the form of a spirit, human, or even a scientist for that matter. God is a concept to help us understand the information we are unable to process. The truth. That’s what I’m here for right.?” Al just gave me a knowing nod and placed his arm over my shoulder. The two of us stared into the sky for some time, inhaling its enormity.
“So what Al, this is it? All the stars out there… that’s where I’m going?” I was staring up through the skylight and the view was breathtaking. Literally. “Yes JT, that’s your next destination. You are a bundle of billions and billions of tiny balls of energy and you will be released out there to become energy parts in millions of other matter. That’s why as a young boy you would stare up at the night sky with such awe and wonder, you where looking up to your future and it was…it IS beautiful. All your dreams of astral transport, traveling from star to star, visits to the moon and beyond. It’s happening, it’s real. Except your present self won’t know it. You were meant to gather info on earth and absorb it so you can enrich the cosmos. This my son…this your big moment. You are about to become part of something bigger than you could ever imagine. So go ahead, take off JT.”
I gave Al one last look, and smiled at him. “I’m sorry I made you look so nerdy Al, you deserve better. Thank you, thank you so much for this.” We stood in silence for a few seconds. “You know you’re right Al, I remember staring up at the night sky and seeing the big beautiful moon, and the thousands of sparkling little stars and always imagined being part of it, being up there and dancing on the stars.” Al was smiling a big smile now and he nodded towards the stars. I knew, knew in an instant it was my time to go, I gave Al one last look, mouthed the words thank you one last time, and left my world a very happy bundle, of billions and billions of balls of energy.
The Beginning


Death After Death, part 1

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Sometimes you just need to treat yourself and splurge a little. That’s how I justified having that humongous double bacon cheeseburger and fries on that one fateful night. Holy guacamole it sure was delicious going down and man oh man did it make me feel good. All smiles and satisfaction on my face. Oh yea, beer, bacon, and burgers make everything on the outside feel all tingly and giddy. However, things on the inside where not quite as jovial. Unbeknownst to me there was an acidic uprising throughout the gastro battlefields. The war between the intestines was engaged and acids were flying around everywhere. An all out acid attack was underway which was bad enough, but even worse, in the cardio corner a shock and awe campaign was fully engaged. While the intestines battled it out they sent waves of nausea up through the esophagus in a campaign to create a reflux warning. Tossing and turning, tumbling and churning, the gastro intestinal system did its best to raise the threat level to red and wake me up. But the eight or so beer and the large glass of boxed wine had seen to it that nothing short of an absolute hydrogen explosion or an atomic disturbance would wake me from my comatose sleep. The battle ensued and intensified through the evening as much of the fat from the bacon, cheese, and hamburger had forced their way past the intestine walls and into the already weak liver. There it jumped on the hemoglobin bus and took the main artery directly to coronary quadrant. The bus let off exactly where the cholesterol had been preparing for its moment. Ah yes, the cholesterol, the bad kind of course, had been planning this for years, setting up roadblocks all along the arteries to prevent anything from passing through to reach the life center. If it can cut off all paths to the heart an prevent the flow of life giving liquids to blood pumping center the evil cholesterol will be declared the winner! The blood supply line was doing its best to bring its humanitarian supplies to the heart, but this huge bacon cheeseburger gave cholesterol just the proper blockage it needed to shut down its opponent forever. No blood flow and its just a matter of time. I guess I’m glad I was asleep at the time, but what follows death is what may interest you most. Here’s how it went down.
Something felt a little off that night. Not sure how to put it into words but I get to feeling lethargic at this time of night often, and usually attribute it to being tired from a long day of work. But there was something more to it tonight. I mean sure, the beer made me a bit woozy and sleepy, and the work its gonna take to digest that huge fucking bacon cheeseburger is taking a lot out of me, but still an unusual lethargy tonight. An almost sinister lethargy on this eve. That’s what made me think a few Zantac washed down with a tall cup of wine would take of the edge and then I could enjoy a serious chillax on the couch. “Never again!” How many times have I said that?
If I was still feeling weird the wine successfully masked the sensation. Done with the mind numbing exercise of staring at the glowing colored pixels shooting out from the TV screen and processing worthless information that is supposed to entertain me. Now I’m just flat out tired as shit and I need to get to bed. It would be the last time.
I woke from my sleep, or that is I thought I woke, but I wasn’t really awake. It was a surreal state. My eyesight was strained kinda like I was looking through the thick bottom of a coke bottle. Not so much blurry as if I was seeing ten dimensions and they overlapped causing an almost fractured view of the world. But what world? I mean like where the fuck am I? Think back JT, where was the last place you were? Oh my god a delicious bacon cheeseburger with a….Fucking A, a ton of cholesterol laden bricks fell on my head! I had a fucking heart attack! This is it! I’m dead. Now I’m gonna find out now what happens next right? Right??
I finally started to put it together. I’m dead as a doornail yet I can still think. Is this that phenomenon of life after death? I can see my body but I cant feel anything so why am I still thinking? What am I here for? I took stock of the room. The walls seemed almost oval and I am encased in water yet I’m breathing normal. Some kind of joke or something? I’m back in the womb? No, its not that, I’m not being reborn but I see a kind of tunnel to the right, and a stairwell to the left. Could this be my final decision? Was I completely wrong about God and all the mystery surrounding him or her? Am I stuck between heaven an hell? The tunnel like thing is sorta dark so that must be hell, and the stairwell is lit up at the top so that must be heaven. Okay JT, time to choose. One glance down the tunnel revealed absolutely nothing but darkness so the decision was pretty easy. Up the stairwell I go.
As I ascended the steps I couldn’t feel my feet. I didn’t so much walk as I did float up the steps slowly, one at a time. The tension was building up and I was anxious to see what was at the top. When I arrived there was a beautiful image looking at me and straight away I could somehow tell she knew everything about me. I knew instinctively that if I were going to plead my case this was the time and she was the person. Time to get pro-active.
“I made some pretty bad decisions, didn’t I?” She looked at me knowingly and shook her head. In the most soothing voice she said, “Yes JT, you have made some very poor choices which caused undue harm to people who did not deserve it. On the other hand you have helped out a great many of people as well.” Hope rose up in my throat like magma burning to escape. “That’s true, I did, I helped so many people in many ways. I know I made some mistakes but I did a lot of good too. Right?” I can’t be sure but I think I was breathing hard. If I was even breathing at all. She smiled and it lit her face up. I got a closer look. Her hair was light brown and hung around her face in slight curls. So thick an full her locks were billows of blustery clouds. Her face was perfectly round and beautiful. Somehow she looked like every girl and woman I have ever known. Slightly raised sleek forehead one moment, perfectly flat and silky smooth the next. Her face was absolutely wrinkle free and she had a nose that epitomized the button mushroom one second then jutted out regally the next. It was quite disconcerting and confusing. . By far the most intriguing and alluring part of her face were her eyes. I was peering directly into two mirrors aflame and with burning life. Her thin warm lips did not move so I assumed it were those reflective orbs that spoke directly to my soul. “You know JT, it had taken you many a year to learn the preciousness of life and you have been so very honorable to so many, yet you did not take much care of your own well being.” I knew she was right, I have a long history of various forms of self medication, I didn’t get check ups and tests as was suggested, I ate and drank many things I knew were not good for me, and overall took little care of the maintenance of my body outside of daily personal hygiene. “True that Ms. Spirit, I have put others ahead of myself but isn’t that a good thing? I mean, I care for many others and not taking care of myself was more or less a well deserved self punishment right? Those who have little give everything and take nothing, or something like that. I’m paraphrasing here but it is true, I forsook of myself so that others may benefit from my deeds.” I closed my eyes so she couldn’t see my fear, but of course she’s not human so I have no idea what she may be seeing. “That’s what we’re here to decide JT, whether or not your deeds and attributes outweigh your mistakes and earned you the right to hear the truth.” I looked right into those all seeing disks, “I have tried to make amends for all the stupid things I have done. I have given much of myself and here it is, the end. This I how it works? You choose who is worthy of going on and……and what happen to the rest, what is the fate if you decide they are unworthy? Are you God?”. Again the smile which by this time was actually beginning to piss me off with its condescending sneer. A belly laugh from this female god faker seemed almost evil and my mood was changing rapidly. Was she laughing at me? “It doesn’t matter who I am JT, and as for you the decision was made long ago by you. I’m not real because you created me JT, I am a sort of collage of lives that have been central to yours. Do you see your mother in me? I know you do, they all do.” Now anger was rapidly being replaced by confusion. What the hell does she want from me? I created her, are you fucking serious? But here it was, an image I apparently conjured up from people I love or loved and it’s already been decided what my fate will be.
“So what happens now?” My spidey senses were tingling, or I think they were, not really sure of anything anymore. “Now its time for you to go see the creator.” She said it so matter of fact and non chalant. Her words hung around like a morning mist lingering the mountaintops waiting for the sun burn away the fog. I hoped she was preparing to shine a clearing light of knowledge. But the words themselves betrayed and threatened all my beliefs. Thoughts swirling in a vortex of confusion I uttered the most appropriate response I could muster with what little strength I had. “ You mean God?” I just stared at the woman I had begun to think might be God and she smiled that so familiar smile that seemed to warm my soul and put me at ease. I couldn’t move or talk, could only observe. “Relax JT, its nothing to be alarmed of. There is no one God as you have been taught. You are God, and I am God. Trees and bees and lions and tigers and bears are God. Everything you have ever loved is God. You are not meeting God you are going to see the truth. The creator has the truth JT, and the truth has been waiting for you. It’s time for you to meet the creator. Go to the bottom of the staircase.”