Omnipresent Observer

observer

 

Street/Beat rambling wordplay

I need to tell someone
But no one can I confide
An omnipresent observer
Whispering silently inside
I want to hide but my presence is implied
Always being watched my hands always tied
Being taken for a ride without a place to hide
Inside I hear rambling banter and clamor
Is it my doppelganger
A pathogen of anger
Attacking my sanity in cryptic profanity
It’s a Goddam calamity
Is it real or just a fantasy I’m panicking in agony
And he just keeps on nagging me
Dragging me and stabbing me
Shredding my brain and shagging me
…….Oh the humanity
Ripping apart my fragile mind
A voice so darkly unkind
The humiliation the exploitation
No alleviation from the cranial castration
From the brazen maven of invasion
Comes salvation
That omnipresent silent observer
Puts me in a fervor
Silently cursing and perverting me
Hurting and converting me
Churning and burning tossing and turning
Then deserting me
Always watching and waiting
Hating and debasing
My head is rotating and pulsating
So Goddam frustrating
I just want him to leave
Die and let me grieve in peaceful reverie
Give me one full day of brevity
Instead of bleeding in severity
But he stays and misbehaves
Maybe its I who should cease
Not take life any further
But I just stay and gleam away
In the eyes of my observer

This Me

this-me

 

He’s a parasite this passenger
Inside this unwilling host
Haunting me and taunting me
Made me an emotional ghost
Who is this me
Where did he come from
I became undone when I was so young
The passenger is the only one
Who makes me want to run
This passenger inside of me
Forcing thoughts into my head
Reminding me I don’t belong
Making me wish this me was dead
This me is profoundly lonely
In such a crowded world
Where every voice I hear
Comes from the voice inside my ear
People speak in foreign tongues
I don’t understand a single word
Voices trail and faces fade
They go away as yet unheard
And every dream I dream
Refuses to come true
Every nightmare comes alive
Fear is what comes through
So no longer do I sleep
I lie awake and weep
I wish this me could hide
While my passenger would die
I’m like the bee forever lost
Never again to see his hive
My heart beats my lungs breath
But I don’t feel like I’m alive
I know he’s there he speaks to me
I hear him but I never see
Did I create this passenger
Or did this passenger create this me

Damaged Goods

damaged

 

Adrenalin rush
Wakes me from sleep
Reminds me I’m weak
Tossing and turning
Head and heart pounding
Someone’s shouting
At a loss, can’t even think
But can’t shut off my thoughts
There’s only one thing
That could unleash
That level of torture
This intense fear
My passenger is near
Snickering in jeer
Why must you always be here?
Let me be
Set me free
Its been a while
I’d hoped
You had left me
We’d never meet again
But now you’re back
Another attack
I guess its time
To talk to my old friend
So you can damage me again
I wished you had died
I wished you had died
But you’re still alive
You’re always inside
Waiting to manage
Waiting to damage
Take advantage
Because I’m damaged
Re-arranged and deranged
I’m self estranged
I wish I could kill him
Destroy the passenger
Who constantly rides me
Hides me
Derides me
Won’t let me out
I scream And shout
But no one hears
Like they don’t have ears
Can’t see my tears
Of frustration and fear
But to me its real
My inner self revealed
I just can manage
I’m damaged

Brain Flu/The Hunt/Our Secret

failure

 

A dark tour inside the mind of a troubled homicidal fragile mind. Enter at your own risk

 

Voices keep on taunting me

I can feel the corrosion

My brain is melting

Or is it the flu

No one else hears their threats

Conversations I cannot share

Secrets I don’t want to keep

Which voice is the real voice

Constant fighting in my head

Like a caged in cranium fight

Everyone just laughs at me

Whispering Kyle is insane

They won’t get away with that

We’ll make them pay

We need to inflict some pain

I’m gonna go out and kill tonight

Someone has to die

Gotta go find a thrill tonight

Gonna get my high

Just one thing I need to know

Not who or what or how

Only thing I need understand

Is who the fuck is talking now

Is that me or my mental shadow

 

Someone is after us its time to act

Listen Kyle no time to relax

Relax is what they want from you

Don’t sit in silence as you brood

Time to do it now time to act

You can do it

Act Kyle ACT!

They hate you -hit you- hurt you

They laugh when you cry

Make them pay the little bitches

Somebody has to die

Do it Kyle, go on and do it!

Make their blood flow red

They don’t care about you Kyle

They only want you dead

No Kyle please don’t listen

He’s not real

Don’t listen to his crap

Just get back in bed

It’s only a voice inside your head

He’s the one who wants you dead

Listen to me

He’s not real

He’s just a voice

I’m not Kyle, I’m the real you

Come on Kyle you have a choice

Please Kyle Please take your pill

He only wants to see you fall

Not real? I’m not real? Of course I’m real

We’re all fucking real Kyle

Each of us a part of you

Get your knife Kyle

It’s time

Lets get another trophy

It’s the only way to relieve your pain

The warm flow of blood through our hands

The same as last week Kyle, remember

Remember that night?

The Hunt

The night air quickly darkened so eerily uneasy

A stranger treads cautious along a tree lined path

My footsteps in the shadow pursuing relentless

Tapping out a caution of my oncoming wrath

Heart pounding out a warning-imminent danger

Perhaps a case of him in wrong place wrong time

In paranoia I sense the pace of his stride quicken

His destiny is to fall victim of my ominous crime

We all insist upon closing up the gap

Innocent blood about to face a stalkers fate

He shouldn’t have traveled alone down here

What’s done is done and now its just too late

The hunter is gaining quick and precious ground

Seconds seem to tick in heart pounding silence

Feeling the motion from a pair of subversive arms

Poised to unleash a world of bloody violence

A steel blade is cold against his quivering skin

Rip the flesh to change the icy chill to a burn

Warm streams of life trickle out from his neck

Sanguine copper taste making his stomach churn

He can sense ultimate glee as I shred through a vein

Can almost feel my maniacal menacing smile

Now my heart is a racing even faster than his

He can’t shout with a voice exiled in denial

Warm streams of plasma pour down his neck

Oozing out the essence with beats of his heart

Pumping to the rhythms of a dying collective

But its the sheer panic that really rips him apart

His breath hot and laborious sprays over my face

I posed him for my psychotic viewing pleasure

With his wild eyed empty meaningless pseudo smile

Watching his life run out is my reward and treasure

As he falls to the ground no muscles come to his aid

His abandoned body crumples straight into submission

I feel ounces of vitality pooling out of both his eyes

As I prepare myself for our ultimate transition

My mind is as blurry as the streaking in his eyes

Waiting for his life to go flashing across the sky

But I lay here stagnant as hope bleeds through

Nothing he can do but accept he’s gonna die

He feels nothing now all his pain and panic gone

He has no idea that I’m his murderous creep

I have no time to think about his worthless life

Its…time…for…him…to…..sleep

 

Our Secret

Time to do it again Kyle

We can help you kill

Its time to be a man

Get angry Kyle get good and mad

Let go Kyle let’s kill someone

It’ll stop that feeling

It’ll make you strong

Forget the others

They don’t care Kyle

They don’t give a shit

They’ll kill you Kyle I swear they will

But we’ll have none of it

Time to fight, go ahead Kyle

Go and get our knife

Get it now before you cave

Get it now its blood you crave

They won’t be laughing from their graves

Kill Kyle kill

No please Kyle no don’t get the knife

Slow down and everything will be okay

Go back to bed get some sleep

Tomorrow’s another day

Don’t listen to him Kyle

He’s a chicken and a wimp

But he does have one point

Tomorrow Kyle IS another day

Another day to disappoint

Another day of taunting

Another day of shame

Another day of you being worthless

Another day to make you sweat

Like its some fucking game

More laughing behind your back

Get the knife Kyle get the shiny glowing steel

Get it now

End their attacks

Remember Alice was yours

Alice was in your bed until

Remember Alice with someone else

She fucked another man Kyle

Get the knife

STOP!

No more! My head hurts! Oh my Go it hurts so much!

Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!

Shut up all of you – just shut up!

Leave me alone please leave me alone. Get out of my mind

Someone please make them shut up make them stop!

Why do you guys all want to hurt me too?

What’d I ever do?

My heads all twisted my nerves are shot

I hate you all the entire lot

Why are these voice in my head

What am I to do?

Everyone keeps pushing me

I wish this shit was through

Yelling pushing shoving pounding

Hurting my head

It feels like acid burning inside

Get out of here go away all of you

I wish I was dead

Then again, maybe you’re right

It all makes sense now Alice laughs

But the fault is hers

She laughs when I feel hurt

Maybe she’ll be happy

With blood dripping from her soft neck

The silken neck that was mine to kiss

I’ll kill that wretched bitch and her new friend

There’ll be many deaths

Before the evenings through

But what would Mom say?

She’d want me back on my meds

Maybe I should take the pill

The one that makes me numb

That takes away the inner me

And leaves me feeling dumb

At least it makes the voices leave

For better or for worse

Plus one more night without the need

Of leaving in a hearse

Brain is hot, minds all sweaty

Voices start to muffle

Hope this brain flu ends on the med train

The Thorazine shuffle

So many voices

But who am?

Who are they?

Which one is Kyle?

Maybe it’s better if no one ever knows

G’nite Kyle

G’nite Kyle

G’nite Kyle

G’nite Kyle

……………..G’nite guys, let’s just keep this our little secret, yea?

 

 

Cerebral Cabal

cerebral

 

Fireflies behind my eyes

Fluttering about

Blinking

Chattering

Softly first

Then screaming

Shut up!

Make them go away

They don’t belong

Who are they?

Why are they in my head?

The answer is within

I am anger

Rage

Livid pain

Burning eyes

Staring hatred

Searing skin

I am you

I am fear

Shivering alone

Petrified

Trembling pain

Paralyzed by thought

Stuck in your worthless void

I am you

I am insignificance

The losing team

Last place

Again

Dejected and ashamed

I suck

Its your fault

I am you

I am guilt

Mortified

Humiliated

Crying in the shadows

Face charred red

Head hung low

Abased, abused

I am you

I am contempt

Displeased

Disgusted

Rotting in your presence

Disdainfully at your side

Putrid vile fool

I am the stench of you

I am you

I am disgrace

Undeserving

Ridiculous

Pity the petty maggot

 

We are you

United and free

You’re cerebral cabal

We are desperation

We are loud

Listen to us

We are you

You are us

All talking at the same time

So an idiot slug like you understands

You are nothing

Open your ears

Hear the disgust

Open your eyes

See the truth

You are an aberration

Miscreant

Wretched piece of nothingness

Go now

Hurt someone

Devour someone

Kill someone

Kill yourself

 

Quiet!

Its you that must die

A capsule of therapy

To help me forget you

A bottle of strength

To shut you up

Make you scatter

Make you leave

You never stop

Leave me alone

You are not me

I am not you

I will stop you all

It will end

We will end

All things must end so let my ending be a new beginning or let me go to sleep