Opiod Solutions

 

My life sucks
I hate it
So I hurt myself
Not cause I dig pain
For the medication
Them Oxy’s help big time
Not just for the ache
But for the torment
The hurt in my mind
One makes it easy
Two make it fade
What will three do?
Maybe it will go away
That and a few beers
No more tears
So I get numb
Novocain for the brain
My life still sucks
But I don’t give a shit
So I get even more numb
Finally I’m happy
Don’t fucking care
Maybe I’ll take some more
What bad could happen?
If I take too many
Worst that can happen
I may not wake up
That doesn’t scare me
Something much worse could happen
I might awaken
Find my feeble existence
Is continuing to be
I hate this feeling
I hate this life
Slaving to my emotions
Shackled to my fears
One sure way out
Death
This is the night I do it
Swallow a handful
Get the fuck away from here
But wait….
Maybe I’ll leave the light on
Just in case I come back home

Kick it

I wanna perish but I still cherish the love and affection even though I’m embarrassed in fairness I’m suffering from over impairment
Not to exasperate one good lesson in oppression but my obsession is a digression into a deeper depression. With a jump into aggression a head shrinking session might lesson the tension. Bur t what the Hell for?
My funeral pyre will burn till they tire of the muck and the mire of my death fire the higher I aspire the more dire I cry….Help me before my desire becomes my qualifier for expiring.
I know I should stop before I die or transpire but truth is…….
I still wanna get higher

You May Be A Racist

 

 

Money for opioid addiction. Man it seems to be a very important issue these days, and Politicians are jumping on the bandwagon in an effort to prove how important it is to them. It’s an epidemic! So is this a new phenomenon? Hell no, its been in the ghetto’s for years but it only infected the poor, the disenfranchised, or the thrill seeking suburban teens. It was a problem for the urban youth, code word for minorities. We were happy as hell to just lock up anyone who used drugs so mainstream America could feel safe, far away from the losers and evil criminals. But now it has infiltrated white suburbia and suddenly addiction is an epidemic that must be addressed. Now white America is prepared to spend all kinds of money because it’s a problem that has infected their youth, urban drugs in mainstream Suburbia America. That’s privilege and racism whether you are willing to admit it or not and like it or not, if it took these circumstances for you to consider addiction a disease which knows no race, class, or environment, you may be a racist.…..

 

 

You’re a racist
Too busy bitching and moaning jawboning and groaning
Screaming so loud that your hatred showing
Your face is all glowing your bullshit is flowing
As you seethe in self pity your racism keeps growing
Believe it or not you continue Jim Crowing
You be exploding and disowning cause you need more melatonin
But shit man that’s whack
You can’t be more black
Sport lash tattoos on your back while smoking your crack
Pretending you’re stacked and hip hop ain’t just black
You don’t know Jack
Time to admit
Who da cap fit let them wear it
You’re a Racist shit
Being politically correct isn’t a solution
You ain’t some old white man exclusive
Verbally abusive full of mental pollution
Read your constitution the retribution and the revolution
Is causing confusion
You’re an unusual delusional on a stay of execution
Aughta be in seclusion
Just an obtrusive nuisance whose abusive excuse is to hate your brother
And become a recluse
Think you got game but you ain’t nothing but shame
Flickering flame looking for someone to blame
Hating on your brother just shows that you’re lame

 

 

 

We traded their blood for free white economics
With atomic vomit poking fun in Ebonics
Time to end the onyx vitrionics
And add to harmonics
Have you even listened
To songs of freedom
Ever really heard the pains
The chains and unheard claims
Of our brothers all bleeding
Pleading and seething in shackles of grieving
Or are you blinded by your heritage
Sipping on your favorite beverage
Using law as your leverage
Is it the garments they wear
Or the skin beneath the thread
That makes you fear and dread
Their lives have been fleeting
Whipped just for reading
They’ve been bleeding and pleading
Too many hearts stopped beating
This shit should end today
I hope the fucking KKK
Simply burns away
Charred by the flames on the crosses
Of the hatred they made
That shit leaves me perplexed
So what’s next?
We need to bear of the scars of the rope burns across their necks
Yes I’m pissed amidst this unforgiving hateful mist
You can continue to say racism doesn’t exist
But if you really believe that…..
Take me off your hypocritical CHRISTmas list

Peace out my brothers and sisters, Live and Love in Peace

Mourning dew

 

In the lonely shadows
When morning is still dark
Nature cries
Into blades of grass
Morning dew or Mourning dew
They’re still tears
Natures sorrows
Crying through the ground
Wafting upwards
From the graves of the gone
The tombs of the gallery
Soulless bodies
I know quite a few
Some from natures equalizer
Illness and disease
Some from natures randomness
It’s wheel of misfortune
Accidents
Murders
Wrong place, wrong time
Some from natures irony
Suicide
Self destruction
Drugs
To numb the pain of leaving the womb
Facing the cold cruel world
Yea, I know a few…..

 

In a therapeutic session I got the impression that depression was the cause of my dejection
No emergency that I could see but an urgency for my emerging need to escape reality
I got no prescription just a transcription of my transition so I got a subscription to scratch an itch and
Standard transmission for a bitchin’ ride with my magician whose mission was to alter my cognition
What I mean is I got high
Splattered my brain across the sky
I know its not the way
But it made depression fade away
So I did it everyday
Until I couldn’t get away
But misery loves to have company
So I took my best friend Bump with me
The product of such ridicule
Starting back in middle school where asshole kids can act so cruel
Where they forget the Golden Rule
Together we headed into obstruction
Strolling side by side toward our destruction
Seduced by sexy opium seduction
Believe me son
When poppy makes it’s Jones abduction its gonna suck son
You end up shit outta luck son
When it comes flying you better duck son because its the suction of deconstruction
One better know better
What I’m trying to say is I snuck out but he stayed stuck Mon
Sticking himself and tricking himself all the time he was inflicting himself
And addicting himself with the powdered ball and chain
Took away the pain
Faking out the rain
Telling everyone he was cool
Making us seem loke fools for making him look cruel
But he could win it
I turned my head for just one minute
Never realized how deep Bump was in it
He never made a sound
Though I totally related he was so goddam sedated he thought he was elated but to this date he remains underground
Thrilled with pills knowing speed kills but drugs were the only true solace he ever found above ground
I never heard his heart pound
Paid no attention to his pleas
Help me please
I turned away like he was a disease
No one listened
No one cared enough
They laughed it up and
No one helped
Not even me, his best friend
An onus I will carry until my end
The day I betrayed a friend
Now this may sound hypocritical and I don’t wanna get too analytical
But its oh so typical when people ridicule the individual
Waving ones own banner is almost Biblical
This may be cynical but I was his umbilical
Because no one else understood he was atypical
Another wandering child in a world apocalyptical
Just wanted to be who he was
But they laughed from a distance and broke his will
Pointed their fingers to get their fill
Pshhhtt, Y’all called him ill
Now who’s the hypocrite?
Now who’s counterfeit?
Wish I could reciprocate but here’s a promise much too late
His tears rise as my tears fall
When we meet in the early dampness of death
Walking barefoot in the grass
I step upon the mourning dew
I think of him the man I knew
The brother I loved despite your view
His days were far too few
And if one of you fuckers ever laugh at him again…..
I’ll walk your ass out in the mourning dew
That’s it…..I’m through

 

 

Overdose

 

Not all wars are fought on battlefields but every war is real and deadly. This is in memory of a special friend, all others lost and those left to carry on. It should also serve as a warning to the young one out there that the lasting consequences far outweigh the temporary highs…..Peace

Trapped inside a life of ruin
Where I became a slave
The needle and the spoon
And the highs I always crave
I was already dead
Before the dope went to my veins
Easing pains with acid rains
All alone on the mainline
Far before my life’s prime
I OD’ed my body’s dead
Wish I’d chosen love instead
My lover cried baby come inside
But I hit the streets to find a high
She offered me a lovers charms
But it wasn’t her stuck in my arms
Now my dim lit room
Has become my tomb
Left this world too soon
Now I’m dead

But I died right at the start
First time I took the needle
Pointed it at my heart
I died a million times
Death by China white
Powder in my blood
Darkness in my nights
Cotton wad and spoon
The glow of flickering candlelight
Figured only way to cope
Was to cop a bag of dope
Skag instead of food
A crust of bread and such
Couldn’t get enough
Until I got too much
Now I’m dead
And I can’t go back
Overdose
A nice way of saying suicide

Lost Souls

lost-soul

 

 

In memory of a special friend who saw the needle, and all those who survived the damage done. This is a POV piece written from the perspective of people I know and people I’ve known. Addiction is too often viewed as a habit acquired from weak willed people who are low life’s but few addicts set out to get strung out. There are many types of addictions but one of the meanest and hardest to break is heroin.
(In Stream Of Consciousness beat/street rhyme)
I sold my soul
In a dark back alley
Somewhere over there
The city of despair
Where running water
Remains constant
As the despondent
Hiding in dark corners
Amongst the unwanted
Individual and habitual
Cat and mouse ritual
Looking for release
From a world of strife
A way to erase
An unforgiving life
We just want peace
How I wish this shit would cease
Now everyday I need my fix
Started out just for kicks
Basement window transactions
3AM without distractions
We thought we were Kings of the night
But we were just kids on the run
Looking for fun until we got strung
And now we just can’t seem to get right
Enslaved to the world of dope
Trying to understand the dream
Of promise minus the hope
I was a glassine dope fiend hooked on powder self esteem
Popping tons of Benzedrine smoking and toking green weed
Ripping off a limousine hiding from the blue machine
Be quarantined and unredeemed if I don’t get my doped blood clean
Needed someone to intervene so please find that dopamine
Help me flee this fucking scene
Someone please
Save me from myself
I’m a ghost
A blank eyed phantom
Stagnant and abandoned
Searching for good times
Coping dimes
Scoring bundles
Committing crimes
Shootout in the jungle
It’s a asphalt rumble
This concrete struggle
Galleries full of users nodding
Where rigs boot blood
Poking and prodding
Trying to help me hide myself
Make me into someone else
For at least a few blissful hours

Dirty needles carbon spoon candle wax is melting soon
Arm tied off, red balloon mainline skag, shoot the moon
Milking blood in my harpoon hoping to remain immune
caught in a poppy typhoon getting sick but fixing soon
Someone better hear my tune before I drown in the black lagoon
Or am I doomed
How did I get here? Am I repulsive or simply compulsive?
It started recreational galloping the horse inspirational
Then authority became confrontational
Yet it seemed educational…. Sensational
Shooting the avenue recreational Lower Eastside invitational
Where drugs are inescapable and school was plain incapable
Of teaching even vocational or being motivational
Its reprehensible indefensible and dispensable
Yet there I was insensible
China White incomprehensible
It isn’t easy to break free
The entire culture had a hold on me
The vice no longer remains
Rid myself of the chains
Stopped the pains
Of hating the person I’d become
Desperate and always glum
What ever happened to
That boy in grade school
Who got along well with others
Loved by neighborhood mothers
Followed instruction
Why the destruction
Why the seduction
I was a well behaved child
What set me so wild?
Why was it me who survived
Why am I alive
But Randy took the dive
Why did he get the shot
That ripped through his veins
And stopped his heart
Life’s no fucking fair
Until you care
Live and Love in Peace

Powdered therapy

powder

 

Blankly she gazed my way

Eyes two hundred years old

Ancient and weathered

Hollow but hopeful

Just one more shot

We’ll kick tomorrow

This time we promised

Again

But we knew the truth

Because every day we wake up

Its just the same as every yesterday

A purposeless life stuck on repeat

Walking in endless circles

We know exactly what we will do

Even sex has become mundane

Stuck in our own tracks

 

 

A numbing life of monotony

Overloaded with mediocrity

Every fucking day seems the same to me

The two of us in powder therapy

And we just sit back and let it all be

Wondering aloud when we gonna OD

 

 

Still we hide behind our solution

Our addiction merely our masks

To escape detection from the world

So all the hurt each day possesses

Can remain locked away until dark

Until the latch of aguish comes undone

Again

The familiar routine comes around

But the hurt never stays forever

It fades and disappears in therapy

Frantically we seek our appointment

Whatever it takes to get through

Spears poised to  pierce our skin

Fill our veins with delirium soaked blood

Leaving evidence of their constant visits

Deeply etched in little red lines we hide

Soul tattoos that we wear on our arms

The tracks of our tears

 

 

A numbing life of monotony

Overloaded with mediocrity

Every fucking day seems the same to me

The two of us high on powder therapy

And we just sit back and let it all be

Wondering aloud

Who’ll be the first to OD

 

In a dingy room sit’s a candle flickering discreet

Two lonely lives stagnate between flesh and dust

A spoonful of sugar helps the pony downtown

To be buried side by side with our long lost lust

 

Wrapped in each others arms we nod through the night

And promise that tomorrow we’ll get ourselves right

Again

 

 

The roadmap to addition is full of pathways and routes but how and why one got there matters not to anyone who’s addicted. Sometimes its just for kix but far more often its for therapy. Therapy through drugs first blocks the physical pain sensors but you soon learn it also blocks the emotional pain sensors. Self hatred, guilt, emotional emptiness are a few fast highway lanes to addition because this therapy makes all those pains disappear. Perhaps only for a few hours but sometimes even a few hours of relief can seem like a life-line.Just about everyone knows of someone who has died from addiction. Addicts can be very convincing, even to themselves. Don’t enable and don’t give up on them. If someone you care about heads down that road you need to be strong, stronger than you think possible. Love, compassion and consistency are what they may need most.

Live and Love in Peace

 

 

Glassine Rabbits Hole

glassine hole

 

 

 

Life in his hands

World at his feet

Opened his arms

To greet his defeat

Gave up his life

Paid with his soul

Following rabbits

Down the glassine hole

 

 

 

Chasing the Black Tar Dragon

Down the glassine habit hole

The world below

Invites you down

Spins you around the gallows pole

 

His gimmicks are here in his pocket

In his fingers lie a loaded dart

Powdered advice

Cotton device

Mixture coursing straight to his heart

Thoughts dissolve

Life devolves

Its dark and vacant of soul

Same old tune

Needle and spoon

Down the glassine rabbit hole

 

Hallucinations seem lucid and real

Life without turmoil has an appeal

But better beware

Life is not fair

The hole will cost you your lust and your zeal

My friend lost his way

What price he to pay

One last shot for as his final meal

 

Deep into the hole he fell

Compass was not working well

Incoherent alignment

Solitary confinement

Until the needle pointed to hell

 

Despite what many feel addiction is not always a choice, too often it’s an escape from torment and hopelessness. Compassion is the best cure. Peace….