She Smiles At The World

 

She looks so alive
She seems so revived
The truth is she hurts
Feels dead inside
Beneath all the make up are the bruises she hides
The scars on her soul that have broken her pride
She’s alone on this ride and abused until she cries
Still she denies and buys into his lies
Her world so unsteady about to erupt
Using his fists the hits don’t let up
The man she once loved just can’t get it up
Until seeing her cry with her life in disrupt
Sobbing in pain pleading in vain
It gets him off to see her restrained
A life arcane drenched and Bloodstained
Each time he swears he won’t do it again
Without her permission he implants his emission
He gets fruition with her in submission
The life she once loved is coming unfurled
Gathers her hair and smiles at the world

No one can hear her soft supplication
The mental deflation from profound humiliation
So she lies with him naked in stony sedation
Feigning her love for his sexual elation
Numb from the punches and numb from dejection
Closing her eyes in religious reflection
Faiths all she has in profound introspection
He knows how to hit to avoid any detection
Punching her gives him a rising erection
Blood in his face gives him reddening complexion
But something goes wrong
It never stays hard it doesn’t last long
So the hits keep on coming
Rude crude and lewd
An extra fist pump if she shows attitude
Embraced but alone in her own solitude
All alone she won’t let anyone in
The price she must pay for living in sin
Minute by minute her life comes uncurled
Gathers her strength and smiles at the world
The thin line between love and hate
Thins evermore after just the first date
A cycle of violence
A reign of terror
Loving a monster
Treacherous error
The dickless coward
Feels so empowered
Facing a man would cause him to cower
He’s mud on her shoes
A fungus that grows
He’s just gotta go
Girl its now or never…..
He’ll never stop hitting
You’ve got to be clever
He’s a stain on your lifeline
Isn’t even worth shitting
Not to mention
Ain’t worth one single drop
Of your love and affection
But she never runs away
Can’t break their connection
More painful than the violence
Are the wounds on her soul
So deep have they become
The scars haven’t time grow old
She believes she deserves it
So she fashions a smile
Wears it like a mask
To cover a seizure
Creates an amnesia
Her lone anesthesia
But make no mistake
Its not a weakness but a strength
This warrior girl
Tries to shield us from the dread
The realities of abuse
In a smoldering bed
What can she do
To make life seem worthwhile
But go out in the world
And give it her smile
She smiles at the world
Not because she’s weak
She smiles so we don’t feel her pain
So don’t turn away
Smile in return
Offer a kind word
Maybe even confide
She smiles at the world
Because she hurts deep inside

Justify

 

 

They tell me I should testify
Justify why I’m still alive
They believe by now I must’ve died
But I’m still here to classify
A life that should have passed on by
Is going strong though compromised
So I use my words to justify
The reasons I haven’t gone and died:

 

I believe there was a day
I believe there was a time
I had good reason to stay alive
A cause to justify a life unwise
Because I was the waterfalls
Cascading ashes in to the stream
Then washed away in a watery mist
Where lust for life dries and withers
Like morning dew stretching at dawn
Or just maybe I was waiting for my turn
To fall upon my own mistakes
Slipping in my search for salvation
Over the stick I found in a sanctuary
The perch of forgotten sins
For a life left unlived to its fill
While singing the praises
To the Wizard of my soul
An artist painted my portrait
In matter of gray vagueness
Where dreams are folded away
And reality rules night and day
No fucking way
I’ll pay my own way
Tell my own story

Sing my own song
And dance my own dance
I will testify and justify

My Testament
Why?
Why haven’t I died?
Broke all the rules made a fool of the fools
Misused my tools while filling salt pools
I denied the guy who stands on high
With a sacred smile I walked on by
Maybe I shoulda given him a try
Given the big guy a chance
But I oh so loved the Devils dance
Had me in a trance inside
So I chose another as my guide
And I also made my children cry the tears they couldn’t hold inside
Left them without a place to hide yet I’m still alive
Why haven’t I died?
Perhaps I never really tried
I wish I could have told them why
So I lie
But why should they have to listen
I buried my murky bones of misgiving
Below a mountain of the living
Showed compassion and gift giving
After payment of some heavy lifting
So I try
I to justify…
My lust of lies
My acting fly
Loving the nights that got me high
That got me by
So I don’t die
Why should I?
We grab on desperately to each of our yesterday’s
But what are yesterdays but tomorrows today’s
Not that it matters anyway when destiny gets in our way
The worlds a stage and life is the play
I’m the leading role and that’s okay
I’m staying around for one more day
To take my bow before I go away

Children Want To Know Why

 

Why is there war?
What is it for?
Do the rich simply want to have more?
Is that what we have politics for?
Somebody profits that’s for sure
Open your eyes, take the tour
Lost in the street with hunger pains
Clouds crying down in apocalyptic rains
Families sifting through the remains
Searching for their kin
Finding pelts of burnt skin
Like it’s a win
Fracking for the truth
Only to find destroyed youth
And the children just keep on asking
Why?
Why did my parents have to die
What makes them kill what makes them cry?
Hatred spreads like a plague
The truth is far too vague
Children beg
Pray each night to see light
But what they get is fright
Skies explode in burning glory
Streets littered in deaths blood so gory
Wishing mom would read a story
But she’s not home
Agents of war left our world so torn
What shall they leave for our kin yet unborn
A world of scorn? A world forlorn?
Or a nation reborn!
Do children need to die?
Why?
What does is bring save an unbroken chain
Of misery and loss followed by pain
At what cost?
Playgrounds of frost
Balls left untossed
Motherless children wandering lost
For what?
Belief in the Pentecost?
Ignoring lines that adults have crossed
Bombing for serenity
To execute their enemy
Kill one of them kill ten of me
I still don’t see
The children want to know who
Who sends their parents into death
Who sends the bombs from the Ivory tower
Having an orgasm while rolling in power
Far from the battles where puppets die
You’re the one who burnt their sky
Put the tears into their eyes
Filled them with your freedom lie
You destroyed them so you tell them why

Fait Acompli

 

 

Destiny denies and deep inside
Lets out a moan and a pleading sigh
I’m surrounded by the constant sight
Of the decaying visions I try to hide
The ugly remains of days gone by
So I get high trying to hide my pride
That was my life with me as guide
But I tried
It feels like my fate is just a dream
Karma isn’t real just another scheme
Mental stream of an extreme bad theme
An existentialist’s surreal daydream
Kismet can be mean
Fate a concept in my inside pocket
Stale memories trapped in someone’s locket
But don’t knock it cause you cant stop it
Goes way to fast for us to clock it
Too absurd for us to shock it
Destiny is an aura rocket
Fate leads you down the path of no return
You can change direction or crash and burn
Its your decision and you’ll get what you earn
Living through failure is how we all learn
We all go through it when its our turn
Its acceptance we yearn
What is shall be and what shall be is fait
You can choose to love or choose to hate
No time to ponder no time to wait
Like the Rabbit said I’m late I’m late
You need only look to the side in order to see straight
A date with fate is on the slate
And that’s great
For many footprints litter my path
Some I followed in earnest
Some I followed in wrath
Perhaps I’m a Guru or a sick sociopath
I can’t figure out which
You do the math
But destiny called me and showed me the light
A world full of seekers searching for right
Seekers of faith, seekers of truth
Seekers and preachers of forbidden fruit
Seekers of self and seekers of reason
Seekers of greed caught up in their treason
Seekers of knowledge real or inspired
If you ain’t found it yet guess what, times expired
You’re fired!
Carriers of doom pushing the cart
Lock pickers solving affairs of the heart
Out of work actors seeking a part
Unqualified teachers who aren’t so smart
Lessons to learn are so far off the chart
The teachings of age shoulda known from the start
One simple answer it all falls apart
Some solutions stay naked thrown in the wind
I asked the same question again and again
That’s when Fate called out but I wasn’t ready
Wanted to follow but my movements unsteady
Seems all of my travels have brought me to naught
Midnight comes fast with darkness it brought
The sun bows down in defeat of day
Standing in awe I have nothing to say
A lifetime of pains
Soaked from sorrowful rains
My question remains:
“Why is it easier to say I’m sorry to the ones that have died
During moments of quiet reflection
Than to offer up sincere apologies to those who can hear
Instead of doling out quiet rejection?”

In its solitude evening hung its head and sighed
As darkness broke down in tears as I cried
Sometime wish I’d never been born
But more often I wish I had died

Total Destruction, Only Solution (J. T. Hilltop)

 

 

From Cosmo and The Garden Earth.
When last seen, Cosmo was pissed about the dinosaur behavior ruining his garden…….

One morning while sipping some of his favorite caffeinated breakfast beverage, Thors Thunderbolt, Cosmo noticed some strange things happening in his garden Earth. His jumbo dinosaur creatures appeared to be having unusually sloppy sex and puddles of love juice were forming lakes. Also they had become far less discreet as to who’s appendage fit into which aperture. The gigantic creatures were rolling around crushing everything in their way. Tree’s toppled, boulders rolled all the way to Colorado, and even volcanoes had become stopped up with goo. And the moaning, oh my Cosmo it was so loud and frightening. Of course with Planned Parenthood not yet created it was no time before Pangaea became over crowded with giant baby creatures. Not to mention the swamps of dino-sperm on the Easter egg hunt. With the creation of inter-species fuckfests some creative mutations began taking effect resulting in a array of new characteristics. They were larger, wider, more angry, and exceedingly clumsy. Cosmo sensed some other major adaptations taking hold, fortunately nor including longer arms for T Rex.
The sex also seemed to make the creatures extremely hungry and they were eating twice the normal amount of his marvelous Flora. Many seemed to favor this one particular bush, or rather one particular weed, which seemed to give them even more voracious appetites but also made them sort of smile. Cosmo won’t swear to it but he believed munching the weed made his creatures laugh. At the very least they smiled more than the ones that didn‘t partake. Narcosaurs mostly. He wondered if it was co-incidence or if it was because of his cannabis bush causing the effects so he took a few homegrown plants to try himself. He decided he would let them dry out and smoke some with a bottle of Pinot Nuetron after dinner. As he continued to survey Pangaea another curious practice was observed. The creatures seemed to be fighting each other over sex, which was not really a colossal deal but it appeared that the winners where actually eating the losers as some sort of carnivorous prize. Believing it to be from the cannabis he referred to the practice as canibisalism. He opted not to try smoking the enticing weed just yet afraid of what it may make him want to do. The eating of the other creatures as a diet instead of just vegetation also made the meat eaters even bigger and stronger. He would need to keep an eye on these developments.
As time passed more and more creatures were killing each other and eating the remains. And damn were they multiplying. They engaged in sex virtually everyday and babies were everywhere. It was like some kind of Dino-nursery. Every day there seemed to be more and more, and nearly all the vegetation had been eaten. Not only that but they began biting kicking and scratching each other for no apparent reason. Many fights seemed to be over who had more dangling under their tail or who was going to screw the better looking female dinosaurs. Many times these fights caused some to fall down never to get back up. Cosmo was not happy with these developments at all. His garden of creatures was turning into a giant fight club fiasco. His behemoth experiments were simply much to big and clumsy. He decided he needed to start over and this time start with much more compact set of creatures. First though he needed a plan to extinguish and cover up his dinosaur debacle.
His first plan was to go subterranean. He began to churn up the ground at different points of the land masses of Pangaea. The shifting of dirt created numerous effects. The mass of land split in various places and Pangaea began to break up into smaller lands. A few dinosaurs fell off the edges, but for the most part they rode the land mass that they happened to reside on and just sort of relocated. Two chunks of dirt headed out quickly, one due north and one due south. Each went as far as it could go until it turned into a giant massive iceball. Every dinosaur on these arctic edges froze along with it. The other land masses fared much better. Cosmo now needed names now for the different masses. On the east he named his land masses North Columbia and South Columbia. Way across the newly formed ocean there was a dark mass he called Afrika, and a huge piece he called Eurasia. A smaller mass slipped down under while a very green land went slightly north. He would name them later. As for the dinosaurs they had begun to change and were ironically defined by their land masses. The creatures in North Columbia grew more aggressive body parts, like large razor sharp teeth, pointed spiny tails, and large muscular arms. Military adaptations. Cosmo believed they actually thought themselves superior. Called them Mericans. They tried to force all the others live the way they did. Pretentiousauruses! The dinosaurs in Africa were very wild and it took on a predatory nature of survival of the mightiest. In Eurasisa half fancied themselves the more sophisticated and chic while the other half absolutely excelled in math. They had all begun to mutate body parts that were used as weapons or as protective amour. Spiny heads and necks, horns, shells, claws, Talons, scales and many other features that assisted warfare or survival. They continued cross breeding and a host of new genus’s were born. Now he had some walking on two legs, some on four, some eating only vegetation, some only other dinosaurs, and many eating both. The flying dinosaurs alone mutated into over 500 species. The fights became rampant and more frequent and quite frankly it was pissing Cosmo off a bit. The shifting of the land also had an effect on the once enormous Pangaean sea which was all the water surrounding Pangaea. The other lands had created borders which split the Pangaean sea into vast oceans. New weather patterns and water currents came into play, and many of the places he churned up dirt had formed piles, ranging from tiny molehills to humongous mountains that reached up towards the sky. At first Cosmo tried to make all the dirt piles as majestic as the giant ones but he quickly learned he couldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
As time went on things just got worse and worse. The changes in the garden plots were great, but the dinosaurs were out of control. In each land mass they were carrying on and destroying the vegetation, trampling everything in their paths, kicking the everlasting dinosaur shit out of each other. If that wasn’t bad enough the fornicating was maddening. No matter where you looked in the garden you could find many dinosaurs letting it all hang out ready for reproduction. Giant penispods galore. Humping and swamp hopping there was sex going on everywhere. Puddles of sperm gathered that drowned the lower vegetation and while they were knocking horns and creating future fossils it tore up the ground and caused many a fight to the death. Genus were being wiped out, it was a constant state of confusion. The trees they had eaten clear down to the roots. They simply had no respect at all for Cosmo, his garden, or each other and that was the final sipping stick! It was time for a raptor rapture!
The angry Cosmo had had it. He reached up into space and grabbed the biggest asteroid he could hold and hurled it towards earth with all his might. Had it not been an act of destruction one might have thought it a beautiful magnificent sight. Upon impact a huge explosion of colors, bright reds and yellows danced tangos across the planet. A blinding flash of white so brilliant it could be seen as far away as the Tolkien Galaxy. Flames that reached so high they tickled the moon and made it giggle and squirm. Sheer magnifigance. Why it was a fireworks display fit for the gods. But mere minutes after the glowing kaleidoscope of destruction lit up the skies as if to remind everyone that its beauty was marred by violence it was quickly replaced with an ear pounding roar. Bursts of concussion inducing reverberation accompanied the evening festivities with a mushroom plume of billowing smoke dressed in charcoal black from head to toe. A snap. A crackle. A pop. Within seconds garden earth became Earth Krispies. The explosion kicked up an awful cloud of dust with it that pulled the rug of sparkle pomp and circumstance right from under its cosmic ass. For the longest time Cosmo could see nothing but an enormous floating burntout dust bunny. Virtually everything was obscured and he had no clue as to the fate of his living garden below. One thing for sure, if any of the suns rays got through at all it was undetectable. How could anything live without food, without light, without sunshine? Cosmo was absolutely certain he had lost everything. He underestimated the ultra tiny earth dwelling insect known as the cockroach. Will anything kill those bastards?
As time went by the dust began to settle it was becoming apparent not much if anything would survive. Even with only a portion of the dust gone he could see there was not much sign of life. The vegetation tried valiantly to reach back up towards the sun but with limited success. The garden seemed still and void. Even Cosmo couldn’t detect the tiny crawling cockroach foraging at the base of the stringy vines of vegetation. But trust me when I tell you, those cucaracha’s marched on. The once magnificent dinosaurs however were not able to crawl between any cracks let alone march anywhere. A massive open graveyard was all the gardening god could see. Humongous piles of giant carcasses littered the ground and whatever ground that could be seen was scorched to a grayish black. Nary a leaf or a pine cone to be found. Not even a blade of grass on this once animated garden of green and blue. Stacks of bodies and body parts could be seen everywhere with billows of smoke reaching out to the Milky Way cluster. There was a stench quite unfamiliar to Cosmo, charred flesh smelled nothing at all similar to a god BBQ. To call the aroma unpleasant would be an understatement. The forces of fetid decay banded together with burning flesh and gunpowder. The acrid odors began an all out assault that would serve as a rank reminder of the magnitude of failure here. Battalions of rotted mounds of foul fecal sewage mixed with dino debris formed an aerial assault. The army of stench marched up Cosmo’s nose and set up a camp of odoriferous angry troops behind his eyes. Some salted droplets of sorrow snuck down Cosmo’s cheek which he blamed on the carousel of stink spinning in his sinuses. Make no mistake though that was no dew drop, that was a god sized teardrop…..TBC

Incognito Hearts

 

 

An ashen image returned my stare
The mirror had cracked in kindness
The treasures of my passionate boyhood
Descended into memories of mediocrity
I collected my well seasoned masks
Tossed them in a weather worn case
To be placed  on a vacant train
Set them free to travel down the rails
It was time to leave the phony smiles
Shake off the misery of loneliness
Put on a new veil of unstained lace
But before I was able to walk upright
I needed to make my heart incognito
A chameleon hidden in a desert of pain
Camouflaged emotion in a jungle of steel
I must change the weary path I’ve gone
Restore the shine of the fading moon
Illuminate my beacon that had dimmed
Maybe meet a stranger and find destiny
No one should travel alone I was told
So my heart beat beside another once more
Begging for justice of the shared soul
Back on a shore where dreams were born
Two tired victims laughing hand in hand
As the ocean whispered stories of joy
The glowing sunrise revealed us it’s secrets
Offering the comfort of a brand new season
And heart to heart we two became survivors
Allowed love to unfold our forgotten pasts
For once in a world so exceedingly unfair
Incognito hearts offered up a minor victory
Because even one tiny infinitesimal win
A moment of elation that fulfills existence
Is better than another loss

THE BEAST

 

I have so many names Abaddon, Beelzebub, Satan or Serpent Lucifer, Harborym, Prince of Hell awaiting, The devil the demon the seed of evil The Reaper, the Darkness the master of upheaval. Call me what you may but in the end…… I am you and you are me

The Beast

Hidden in the shadow of evil
Holding darkness in shackles
Impregnating the minds of the masses
With the seeds of infernal fire
Chaos his one true domain
Constantly clawing his way
Into the helix of our beings
He is the Beast and his work is not yet done
Laughing haughtily at our ignorance
He berates us, the feeble light chasers
Insignificant followers of sunshine
All the while biding his idle hands
Because the Beast has the wisdom
Every light of life eventually fades
Enslaving everyone to his onyx trance
I am the temptation, the horrid defecation of your murderous nation
I am the intruder in violation of the king of creation
I caused his castration for all damnation
And its you who will pay son
For I am anger I am hate
I am the death you await
The devastation of war
Anticipating the wraith
I’m the Reaper at the door
Here to determine
I am the paranoid priest
With an unspoken sermon
I am the disease and filth on the teeth of vermin
Looking for your mother to force my sperm in
I am agony, the pain, hurt and sorrow
I’ll still be here when God dies tomorrow
I am you
Witness this
The Beast was there on my day of entrance
Overseeing my natal adventure
The vortex of his evil impaled me deep
Staking his claim on the edge of my heart
His servant indentured had I become
Evil that Clung to me like earthborn roots
Delivered me into unrighteousness
Made me the evil who was once the good
Tortured by my never-ending hunger and thirst
Betrayed by the fall of man
The flightless Phoenix in night dress
The smoke of the arisen burnt my eyes
The putrid ashes burnt my lungs
He is hunger unsatisfied
He is thirst unquenched
His wrongdoing never ceased
He is just the Beast
The horrible fucking Beast
He’s hateful and vicious the demon pernicious
Capriciously malicious an ambitious narcissist
Don’t count on him he’ll always dismiss us
He’ll dismember so tender and splendor in our surrender
He goes by so many names even he can’t remember
But in the corner of your eye
The place you never want to see
Hides The Stalker of Misery
He is in you and me

The Pond Of Reflection

 

 

Once delivered to the pond of tranquility
I longed to drink in it’s glorious stillness
Yet my restless soul remained not at rest
My spirit wandered aimless as a stranger
Unguarded and alone I traveled the wind
I the intruder feeling free to commit wrongs
I wandered free
I witnessed the leaves grow bold with color
Only to wither and fall free from their home
Even with the years of profound knowledge
The mighty tree was unable to hold it’s leaves
By the pond the tree outlived generations o life
Upon reflection leaves in the lake was my own
I became enlightened
Moving through the shadows of evening’s image
I had become the bearer of guilt’s incurred
At the same time a victim of my cycle vicious
Condemned to bear weights of self made burden
Where I sacrificed myself to the blameless redeemer
Who stood in judgment of the ill and illicit
Administering ultimate justice only in the afterlife
Which was my journey

Time chiseled away at my stony regrets
Wisdom finally blossomed it’s bright petals
I understood the separation of the just and unjust
The strangers and friends, the good and evil all
Destined to stumble upon their own ill stones
Whilst clearing the paths of their own choosing
In which all travel naked in the quest of eternity
To reflect the pond

 

A Story About Nothing.. (excerpt from Transcendental Medication)

J.T. Hilltop

The smoke from the Sandal Incense went to my head making me slightly dizzy. As I sat on the doctors bed I was in one realm looking of seeming reality looking into another of…..well I‘m not quite sure yet. It was the freakiest hallucination I ever had. In my normal realm things made logical sense, but that other realm waqs so sensually enticing, it was full of smoke, mystery, and surrealality. Not a noxious smoke, more like an almost friendly and inviting smoke. The thought of sticking my entire head through the hole in the fabric of duality to see that realm up close excited me. This may prove to be the mother of all trips. Forget LSD man, this was the real deal trip like a peyote induced vision from a fucking Mayan priest. Then as if reality was worried it would slip away it answered me in Dr. Kha’s voice, “Come on in JT, you will find nothing here.”

I was feeling lost, my meditation combined with the doctors medicated acupuncture sticks was blurring the lines of sanity and manic realities. I was apprehensive yet I really wanted to see that other dimension, that strange new realm. I could be a witness to the practice of quantum mechanics.  I thought but I took it as more of his acting the teacher. Of nothing!  His voice was steady and even,  “That funny JT, about what Dr, Kha had said, that I will find  nothing and was further confused. Perhaps I was having  a lucid dream. If this is lucid dreaming I’m not sure I like it. I was in control of nothing. Jeez shit man, there it was again. Nothing!  Was I subjected to sensory depravation without my consent?  Maybe it was nothing. Oh fuck, not that again! Something’s going on here, unless it’s…..nothing.
I crawled through the tear in the fabric of reality cautiously wondering if my mind was playing some elaborate prank on me as payback for all the years of brain bending drug and alcohol abuses I leveled at it. Like here you go asshole, hows it feel to lose control. But that’s just pure bullshit man, my mind couldn’t be vindictive. Could it?  I decided to test the waters of my own sane logic to challenge his concept.  “So you say this is nothing Dr Kha? But once I acknowledge nothing doesn’t it become something. How can this be nothing if it is something you‘re teaching me? I know what nothing is, nothing is what poor people have and rich people need.” I looked up slyly and Kha smiled at me in a near condescending way. “Yes JT, I hear that before. Also if you eat nothing for too long you dead. Nothing funny about that, haha….Seriously JT you search too hard for nothing as thing but nothing is concept not thing. Suppose I tell you nobody get here before you JT? By your logic if nobody get here first then nobody must be somebody, because nobody was here. So I speak of nothing in philosophic term. Nothing is a void or vacuum where everything come from. All things begin as nothing. But in science nothing cannot exist because we are always surrounded by matter. Perhaps in black hole nothing exists, perhaps everything exist, impossible to know. So how get something from nothing? Listen  JT, the first organism of life was one singular cell which split into two, and that continue until mutations occur. Over millions of years those mutations become an abundance of life forms each with its own story. But it all come from nothing, just as the universe has. But let me speak in language that universal. Math.”
Many years ago human trade with round trinkets of metals. They count out how many trinkets in sand and trade for food, or livestock, or whatever. When all money trinkets gone nothing left in sand but big O. Therefore big imprint of O in sand come to represent new concept, nothing, zilch, zero.”  He took out a piece of paper and drew a big ole goose egg on it. “So this O here represent zero. Zero equal nothing. Now if I tear apart 0 it would be split much like the organism I mentioned and nothing become two somethings.” He ripped the paper in half to make his point. He scribbled a simple equation on one half of the paper, (1) + (-1) = 0. He smiled at me  “absolute.”
“Split evenly JT nothing equal two something, a positive one and a negative one. Same thing happen when  universe created out of nothing. First there  nothing, zero, then zero split into two portions, positive one, what you know as  Universe, and negative one, the one we are in now, alternate Universe. Newton figure concept out but never apply  to creation. Einstein as well. For every action there is equal but opposite re-action. This alternate universe you are in now is the opposite and equal re-action to your big bang universe you just leave. This Universe equal to your universe only opposite. The laws of physic opposite too. Here there no gravity. Planets push off each other like opposing magnets. The suns don’t give energy they extract it. Time very different here go backward not future. Here future is pat and past is future, but much beauty and wonder as universe you know. Alternate universe as real as your universe but it take some getting used to if you want to be here. And nothing is what make this second world possible. That  enough for one day JT, you come back in two days if you want learn more.” With that Kha disappeared as I slipped back from behind the bi-universal fabric of time returning to my cot in my real world and just closed my eyes.
I could still smell smoldering Santal incense and the music was still on only now it was soft drum beatings mixed with some sort of whirling organ sound softly playing repetitive chords. A young woman entered the room wearing a nurse uniform. I began to wonder if this has all been one crazy hallucination, maybe a flashback or something so I gave her a closer look. She was very attractive with piercing hazel green eyes and long straight burnt orange hair tied up neatly in a swinging ponytail but allowing perfectly cut bangs to cover her forehead. Her eyes were as stunning as a Montana sky and just as vast. I sensed both intense pain and intense pleasure in the depth of her retinas and I melted into her glance. Mesmerized I heard a soothing throaty voice saying, “You’re finished for today Mr. Hilltop, will you be coming back for another visit?”  Her bright red lips barely moved as she spoke making it hard for me to concentrate. She caught me staring at her eyes and I have little doubt my leer was bordering on creepy but I  couldn’t look away.  I was held hostage by her deep beauty, hypnotized with delight. I tried to look away but was drawn back to her face. The rosy red high cheekbones, \ flawless skin dotted sparsely with perfect freckles, and those deep red full and pouty lips were so warm an inviting.  I imagined the sirens sweet song dominating the entire essence of Ulysses. I began clumsily shaking my head and muttered a weak “yes, I would like that.” Sensing my awkwardness she smiled warmly,  took my hand and sat me up. It was then I noticed the acupuncture needless were all gone. “When would you like to come back for a session?”  I was feeling disoriented and only barely able to reply “In two days” The nurse put her soft full lips close to my ear whispering, “Come back Friday at seven JT. We have much to teach you. Remember JT, nothing ventured, nothing gained.” The warmth of her breath and moist spray of her tongue inside my ear sent shivers up and down my spine and gathered in an area which I feared had become obvious. Butterflies had left my stomach and created a chrysalis caravan traveling through my digestive tract straight towards my  reproductive organs. It was complicated  even more profoundly her sensual and suggestive tone echoing through my soul in a tease frenzy. I looked up to sneak  look at her in the hope of affirming my imagined connection but she was gone. Maybe she wasn’t even there to begin with, the line that separated reality from non-reality had become wafer thin.
TBC

Overdose

 

Not all wars are fought on battlefields but every war is real and deadly. This is in memory of a special friend, all others lost and those left to carry on. It should also serve as a warning to the young one out there that the lasting consequences far outweigh the temporary highs…..Peace

Trapped inside a life of ruin
Where I became a slave
The needle and the spoon
And the highs I always crave
I was already dead
Before the dope went to my veins
Easing pains with acid rains
All alone on the mainline
Far before my life’s prime
I OD’ed my body’s dead
Wish I’d chosen love instead
My lover cried baby come inside
But I hit the streets to find a high
She offered me a lovers charms
But it wasn’t her stuck in my arms
Now my dim lit room
Has become my tomb
Left this world too soon
Now I’m dead

But I died right at the start
First time I took the needle
Pointed it at my heart
I died a million times
Death by China white
Powder in my blood
Darkness in my nights
Cotton wad and spoon
The glow of flickering candlelight
Figured only way to cope
Was to cop a bag of dope
Skag instead of food
A crust of bread and such
Couldn’t get enough
Until I got too much
Now I’m dead
And I can’t go back
Overdose
A nice way of saying suicide