A Life Of Mediocrity

 

Will my world end
In the shadows of a lonely heart
Dissipate and disintegrate
Let out its final breath
With a whimper and sigh
Or will I choke violently
Upon the mistakes of the flesh
Suffer in my vanity
Such a sad way to perish
Watching time run out
Waiting for the sun to cease
When darkness bids me hello
Why do I even ponder this
I really don’t need to wait
Unless I want to

 

 

Standing right in front of me was a life of mediocrity the point of which I cannot see an existence lacking synergy. I was a sinner see? Like all who came and went before me, no matter how much Mom deplored me, I turned my head and ran. Right into self fulfilling prophecy
Now the question facing me is should I continue consciously or place a bullet inside of me become a suicidal wannabe, an oddity of novelty.
Not to be
I refuse to die for me
I’m gonna let my life be what it was meant to be
An anomaly of honesty, possibly a comedy or possibly a tragedy
Ill just wait and see

 

 

Up on the mountain of age
The sun heads somewhere west
Sinking into a deep sleep
Darkness smiles and says come with me
Reminds me of my bridges torched
Consequence watches and cheers
Sated that it’s time has arrived
Avenging all the misplaced causes
Accepting the rent due its heart
As always my payment is in arrears
You can’t pay regret with a bucket of tears
The ferryman waits for his toll
With oars that have been paid for in years
You can’t cross the bridge once you’ve burnt it to embers
You just have to cross

Live and Love in Peace…….
Invest in memories of love, only love pays dividends in life

Justify

 

 

They tell me I should testify
Justify why I’m still alive
They believe by now I must’ve died
But I’m still here to classify
A life that should have passed on by
Is going strong though compromised
So I use my words to justify
The reasons I haven’t gone and died:

 

I believe there was a day
I believe there was a time
I had good reason to stay alive
A cause to justify a life unwise
Because I was the waterfalls
Cascading ashes in to the stream
Then washed away in a watery mist
Where lust for life dries and withers
Like morning dew stretching at dawn
Or just maybe I was waiting for my turn
To fall upon my own mistakes
Slipping in my search for salvation
Over the stick I found in a sanctuary
The perch of forgotten sins
For a life left unlived to its fill
While singing the praises
To the Wizard of my soul
An artist painted my portrait
In matter of gray vagueness
Where dreams are folded away
And reality rules night and day
No fucking way
I’ll pay my own way
Tell my own story

Sing my own song
And dance my own dance
I will testify and justify

My Testament
Why?
Why haven’t I died?
Broke all the rules made a fool of the fools
Misused my tools while filling salt pools
I denied the guy who stands on high
With a sacred smile I walked on by
Maybe I shoulda given him a try
Given the big guy a chance
But I oh so loved the Devils dance
Had me in a trance inside
So I chose another as my guide
And I also made my children cry the tears they couldn’t hold inside
Left them without a place to hide yet I’m still alive
Why haven’t I died?
Perhaps I never really tried
I wish I could have told them why
So I lie
But why should they have to listen
I buried my murky bones of misgiving
Below a mountain of the living
Showed compassion and gift giving
After payment of some heavy lifting
So I try
I to justify…
My lust of lies
My acting fly
Loving the nights that got me high
That got me by
So I don’t die
Why should I?
We grab on desperately to each of our yesterday’s
But what are yesterdays but tomorrows today’s
Not that it matters anyway when destiny gets in our way
The worlds a stage and life is the play
I’m the leading role and that’s okay
I’m staying around for one more day
To take my bow before I go away