Tag: Food

Kitchen Burnout

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

If You Can’t Stand The Heat

Restaurant life is a love story. Right from the start it shoots its arrow and takes you under it’s spell. It casts a love Jones on you that grabs you by both cheeks. Once its in your blood a life sentence without parole begins. Possible time off for regeneration if you stay at it too long. I began my journey into the world of restaurants at the not so tender age of 14. I busted suds, cut lettuce, plated desserts, peeled shrimp, rolled meatballs, and did all the chefs culinary biding no matter what the request. I worked my way up the kitchen ranks and was feeling great. Then I went and hit a plateau. I was a line cook and it seemed that was as far as I would get. Along with a friend one night after an evening of substantial alcohol consumption we went to a diner. Behind the grill were two old relics of cooks, like bald 80 somethings, cooks frying eggs and flipping burgers. I turned to my friend and said, “Shit man look at those dudes. I don’t wanna be flipping no damn eggs when I get that old.” My friend suggested cooking school. Of course! So off to the CIA I went to get a culinary education. I received an associates degree in culinary arts and I secured a job at Windows on the World. But there I was still just a line cook. I learned a helluva lot there, more even than I did at school, and it opened quite a few doors for other jobs. I worked in 2 or 3 other restaurants and continued to learn, mostly through screaming chefs an blubbering angry managers. I learned to sauté, roast, some butchering, sauces, and a ton of culinary “tricks” but was still just a line cook. An experienced one in great restaurants , but I still hadn’t made the jump towards being The Chef.
So I moved back to my hometown on Long Island and took a job an hour away as a sous chef. Now I was moving up and things were getting better. Soon I was in charge of the operation of a very big conference center in the famed “Gold Coast” of Long Island. A huge mansion that sat on 55 acres of beautiful land in Glen Cove Long Island. The conference Center housed about 400 people in an old Pratt mansion, quite possibly one written about in “The Great Gatsby”. I answered directly to the chef who saw very little actual kitchen time. We did weddings and ceremonies on the weekends. I worked 6 days a week, from one in the afternoon until ten at night. The kitchen staff then went out to party. No cell phones, no idea where friends may be by then so we all just kind of stuck together. Party we did! Gallons of beer, pounds of weed, and whatever “special enhancers” came around. We worked really hard and we played even harder. Too hard. Most of us were just beginning to raise families and it was bad enough to miss family celebrations, but to stumble in at 3AM half in the bag an wake up late in the morning with hangovers took its toll. Our marriages broke apart and we spiraled out of control. Basically we were all a mess, but we had each other. Eventually that faded too, as cooks took different paths on their careers. Being a chef can be a seriously burnt out profession, and almost every chef I know has left the business at some point or another due to burn out. Most returned but a few casualties managed to switch careers, or go the way of asshole managers. I was burning out quickly because one of the lures of restaurant life is constant party and fun times. Fun times never seem to last and I had to get out. I was beginning to HATE the industry I had fallen so deeply in love with. I met up with some old school friends who got me a job in construction.
Me, in construction? I sucked at building Lego structures. But this offered me a 9 to 5 life with weekends and holidays off. I was in career heaven. Coffee breaks, lunch hours, a few beers after work, I felt almost human. The trade off? I had to perform mundane tasks like putting together hundreds of clothes racks, and lining the entire parameter of Filenes Basement store with floor boards. It didn’t take long to hate the monotony of the work but I didn’t want to go back to restaurants. Service time in a restaurant is an intense drama that unfolds different each night. Wait staff yelling at cooks, cooks screaming at wait staff. A total vortex of chaotic high pressure.
I continued my patch of escapism and hammered, screwed, tiled and did a plethora of things I had neither the proper talent nor the slightest desire to accomplish. I was miserable I thought, but not as miserable as I was in a kitchen. Yet in some bizarre way I kind of missed restaurant life. I did stay in touch with people working the food industry and one good friend in particular understood what I was going through. She accused me of being in denial, of wanting to go back to working the high pressure world of cooking. I of course told her she was crazy and I had no intention of going back. She invited me to a faux opening of her uncles restaurant. In a faux opening the guests are all family and friends and the cost of the meal is a full critique of service and food. It’s used by many restaurants to get some of the kinks out before opening to the public. She asked her uncle to sit us at a table as close to the kitchen as possible. He put us right next to the kitchen doors where I could hear the ceramic clanging of dishes, the whirling machine sound from the dishwasher, the near tears plea’s and the multi lingual cursing that is the noise and clamor of service time in the kitchen. Ordering 2 beef, 3 chicken, picking up table 5, where is my chicken, all the familiar sights and sounds I had grown up around.
Like the song of the sirens in Ulysses the ceramic clank of plates sang out to me bidding me to return. Seeing the intensity of action just inside those two way kitchen doors screamed out ‘I miss you”. I noticed how those doors always worked flawlessly, in on one side out on the other and stood in stark contrast to the juggling of foods and emotions inside. How the wait staff would be screaming profanities and shouting poisonous darts of anger in the kitchen, then transform instantly into a composed happy waiter driven to make the diners experience as content as possible in the hopes they will return the favor in an over 15% tip. That e transformation occurred in the kitchen doorway, like a magic portal between heaven and hell. Then as the greasepaint is to an actor, all these sights, sounds, and memories whirled around tugging my emotions and I truly did miss that shit.
That was it. all she wrote! The next morning I went straight to the classified ads and began looking for a job in a restaurant. I admit, part of it was because I was sure it was the one thing I was really good at, but I also know that it was my first true love and I just could not live without it. Despite all the bullshit, the horrible epochs of time in which I was completely and utterly debased, despite the long hours, weekends of working and missed family holidays, I was gonna stick with my love. I wanted back with my ex and my ex welcome me back with open arms. A chef position was open at a Cajun restaurant so I studied up, consumed a shot (or two) of vodka, put on some nice clothe and laid on my charm and charisma. I landed the position. It only lasted for six months which was okay cuz I’m not a Cajun cook but it was all I needed to get back into the field. The rest as they say, is history……..PEACE

The Hipster Cupcake

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Constructing the Hipster Cupcake

Hipster, noun/adjective- A subculture of generally younger middle class urban adults characterized by independent thinking, progressive politics, embracement of Indie music and Art, and health conscience pan-global dining habits. In “poser” circles it has come to be a pretentious Starbucks swilling, Urban outfit wearing group of upper middle class “artsy” clique of kids that eat healthy in order to say that they eat healthy. Such is the fate of being hip, once too many people jump on the bandwagon the wheels stop spinning and it becomes just another faux trend. But for the sake of the few true hipsters, and for the sake of my self serving post I will focus on the hip new eating trends of new and healthy foods as they apply to the construction of my hipster cupcake.
I have a burning need to constantly challenge myself culinarilly and since I have turned my sights to becoming one of the worlds best cupcake engineers I decided to create the ultimate “Today” cupcake. The Hipster cupcake. A cupcake that will be talked about on pod casts and will “blow their wings.” A cupcake that delights the “crumb crushers“, is “totally mezz and copasetic” and won’t cost over a “nickel note.” That my unhip friends would be “off the cob,” and not worth the “tar under your ground grippers.” But at my age how does one relate to a hipster? Hip I was many years ago but it’s a different world, different culture today. In my era to be hip you needed only know the latest rock band, the ground shearing word twisting folkies, and only smoke the best pot around. No dirt weed for a hipster, only gold or red grass, or when available hash. And if you were fortunate enough to smoke hash it was important where it came from. Don’t be puffing any domestic shit, only the good shit from Lebanon and Afghanistan. That’s where they used real camel or emu shit to bind it The pipe of choice was important too. Any old hitter could smoke from a chamber pipe, but a hipster used pipes like Chillums, un upright funnel pipe from India , or a meerschaum, a soapstone Turkish sailor pipe that colored with age. Today to be hip its more about listening to Indie bands with foreign names (complete with accent) or hip names like The bright Orange Overall Sunslingers. You need to be self aware and self assured and dress that way. You know, that unique style everyone wears, scarves, sunglasses, any inappropriate footwear, (boots when sneakers should be worn and vice versa). They eat things like tofu, or veggie burgers and spice it up with sauces like Sirachi or Harrissa. Essentially you need to appear to be completely different while fitting into the mainstream culture of being aware. So this is no simple challenge I give myself. My first step was research.
The best place to study the habits of a hipster is while they are engaging in social activity. Facebook is out because its been taken over by the mainstream, including dinosaurs like myself. Using the younger social interest sties will make look and feel like a stalker, and probably end up getting me on a pervert list. So I was left with scouring through the blogosphere in search of what a hipster is. Here then is some of what I learned about the young hipsters. Back in my day the cliché pick up line was “what’s your sign?”, an allusion to the fact that horoscopes and the zodiac were very “in”. It worked really good if the other person was so drunk he or she didn’t care what you were saying. Many of us used it anyway because frankly we lacked the self confidence to engage in meaningful conversation. The line was used mostly by Scorpios, Taurans, and Leo’s, but that’s a generalization isn’t it? Today it seems the hipster culture centers more around how young kids perceive health and well being and not so much on astrologic categorizations.. Nothing spotlights how hip a hipster is as by loudly proclaiming (to anyone and everyone) that “I’m a vegan” while slurping down a small glass of organic tigers milk. What bands do you like has been replaced with which type of yoga do you practice. Really, what type? Well shit, there is Anusara, Bikram, Hatha, Kripalu, and Lynegar just to name a few. Yoga poses like downward dog, upward frog, cobra, tree, camel, and Lord of the Dance. TMI to need to have to conversate about, but luckily for the kids they can just reach into their pocket, take out their phones, and Google it. Not so easy being a hipster, is it?
But back to the cupcake. Nothing can be more hip than being the first to know the next trend as its happening. Food trends can be overwhelming sometimes. It gets really hard to keep up with new products and the benefit claims. Foods or food supplements that will strengthen your organs, build your bones, shred the fat from your body and of course, a plethora of things to enhance the sexual appetite an stamina. They’re popping up like cornstalks in a cornfield. So before I can create a health maximizing hipster cupcake let me sort through some of the new additions to the already saturated, or should I say poly unsaturated market of “health” foods.
To begin I am assuming the liberty afforded the scribe of setting my own parameters of what does or does not constitute a health oriented hipster cupcake. Otherwise I jut may end up going off on such a far out tangent that we’ll need to create a new and even more pretentious category of eager diners. I will be looking new and hip foods that are not only organic and free (or low) of additives and preservative, but also high in fiber, anti-oxidants, amino acids, omega acids, and vitamins, yet low in bad cholesterol, sodium, and sugars. As of right now, all I have is a Fava bean flour cupcake stuffed with soy bean curd and topped with pureed carrot icing . As tasty as that may sound, I promise you it will never be sold at Jarets Stuffed Cupcakes. But you have to start somewhere. Now lets find some more pleasing options.
First the cupcake itself. A mixture of flours is in order as the bleached flours of yesterday are laced with the evil destroyer, gluten. Without getting to technical gluten is a protein if things like flour that add a “glue” like te3xture to a product. That’s what allows hot air to stretch a dough during cooking to give breads and the like a porous favorable product. But the cupcake doesn’t rely on yeast to create the air so we have some latitude. I will use almond flour, combined with a little rice flour, organic eggs, and hemp milk (that’s right, not just a cool name its high in omega 3 and 6!)…Sweetened up with stevia and fructose, and leavened with xanthium gum. Add some ground Dutch chocolate cocoa and viola, a hip chocolate cupcake.
Now to stuff it.
Normally I stuff my cupcakes with a variety of custards, mousses, jams, and fruit purees, but as yet I haven’t used tapioca. That would be the hip thing to do, so I made some raspberry tapioca an allowed it to cool. Cool, get it? Anyway, now we have the base. A hip chocolate cupcake stuffed with raspberry tapioca that is begging for a complimentary topping. What could possibly be more hip than a Greek yogurt icing? So there it is, some pomegranate Greek yogurt, a little grenadine syrup, and a touch of powdered sugar. It may not be the number one seller here at Jarets Stuffed Cupcakes, but nary a true hipster around could deny its authenticity…….Peace

The Kitchen Existential (an existentilal chef explains)

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Culinary Existentialism

My daughter, like most children has a propensity to be actively inquisitive despite being somewhat apathetic as to my responses. Its something that comes natural to kids starting from the finger pointing “What is this” to “are we there yet” to “can I have some more money”. Now that she is a young adult her questions are more simplistically complex. The simple question she posed to me was “what is an existentialist and why are you the Existential Baker? A simple question perhaps, but it entails a complex explanation. Existentialism is often confused with Nihilism or Atheism as it shares many of the same philosophical concepts, but they are from being clones.
For starters while many existentialist do not believe in God, or any gods, existentialism is not Atheism. Actual Existentialism is a philosophy that embraces some of the aspects of Buddhism, some aspects of the Karmic Wheel associated with both Buddhism and Hinduism, and the faith in Kismet associated with some Turkish and Persian philosophies. Many existentialist will put forth a strong scientific argument that God as it has been taught to us does not in fact exist, but its not as simple as God vs. Science. It’s not a matter of whether an existentialist does or doesn’t believe God exists, its more that by the nature of the philosophy any organized religion or faith and its profound belief in an omnipresent master or masters is of no consequence to the living of ones life. A true existentialist views both the big bang and the creationist version of the essence of everything to be competing hypothesis‘. The existence or non existence of God is an argument for faith and science, neither of which can prove their point. I do good deeds, I treat people right, I accept people for who they are, and I try to never judge anyone. I do this without the assistance of any religious nudging because I choose to be this way. On the other hand I recognize that many people need constant reminders of how to behave in order to co-exist and for them religion, at least in theory, works well. To an existentialist bliss is achieved through love and companionship and we choose to either live a good and prosperous life or an evil and consequential life. We understand that consequences do accompany our choices and we accept both the good and bad that are attached to them. We chooe how we live our lives and we deal with issues as they arise.
Many people view existentialism as a philosophy of despair but its the exact opposite. It’s a philosophy that has you grab life by the hand and take it out for a romantic walk every day. To run barefoot with it while singing an laughing or allow it to transport us into all the magnificence it offers.
Take words for instance. I type words out but what are they really but symbols of how I feel or what I want you to know. I use these symbols to express my emotions to you. Your eyes pull these symbols from the screen and transfer them into words that your brain is charged with deciphering. In your brain they are analyzed and arranged into thoughts that make sense to you. If done correctly my words will coax an emotional response or two from you and have you fully understand what I am thinking in my own warped mind. This shit happens so fast that it’s impossible for us to even take the time to appreciate the profound exchange of thoughts that has transpired. Yet the messages are received thousands of times a day and ironically we give it nary a thought to the process.
The core belief of existentialism is that existence or the self precedes the essence of life. In other symbols it means that the me inside, the who that I am and how I integrate an react in the world around me is far more significant than how we came to be a a species. Not that I don’t care or don’t wonder where we came from and if there is a reason we are what we are, but being me, a good person who cares about other peoples dreams and desires is far more relevant to living. An existentialist does not need to be privy to the secrets or the meaning of life in order to live it. The meaning of life in a religious belief system on the other hand is determined by some form of deity or deities. A specific set of rules designed I suppose to explain to followers how they should live their lives and how the should express their gratitude. They make laws not telling people how to live, but telling people what not to do. They create consequences for any violation of those laws. Existentialists worship only life and the beauty it radiates as opposed to a specific entity who may or may not have created life. A nihilist believes life has no meaning or purpose at all. Nihilism embrace doctrines of hopelessness, despair, and eminent death. I have a hard time drawing any similarities between this and existentialism but many people for some reason seem to think they are alike. The existentialist is in contrast to other philosophies believe that there is no meaning necessary and reality is determined by the inner self, or individual. As in Buddhism one should accept that we are here, appreciate it, love life, and move on. Perhaps because they are so often confused with nihilists and challenged by Christians existentialists are sometimes misconstrued as religious combatants with disregard or even distain for life, faith, destiny, and even hope. It has become “hip” to be an existentialist and many use it as a way to gain coolness or appear intelligent. Many people envision existentialists as snooty intellects sitting in cafes in Europe discussing the important issues of the day. Personally I find those who are conveniently existential to be boring and chronically mediocre.
As an existentialist my time is never wasted to focus on circular or unanswerable questions, I just accept that some things simply exist. I have the freedom to choose what is important or meaningful to me and without restraints placed by any doctrines. I can freely use my time to appreciate that which I find beautiful. For instance when I see a waterfall I am free to contemplate it’s beauty. My not knowing why it is there or how it got there has no effect for me in its beauty. I accept an appreciate, the rest is insignificant. All of us witness millions of things daily that have deep rich histories and we barely even notice. How many tree’s did you see today? I can’t remember either, and I didn’t take the time to ponder the life of those tree’s or the trials and tribulations of their long existence, but it is wondrous none the less. The generations of birds that may have nested and raised families in the tree, the various squirrels and chipmunks that resied in it, the massive storms it endured, an the constant attacks from insects and bacteria. An old tree had a long arduous existence to become what it is today. There are so many amazing things with amazing histories and stories around us and as an existentialist it is not my responsibility to discover the value but rather the option to. I don’t lose sleep wondering who or what put them there or why they are there. What matters for me is that I take every opportunity to enjoy them. Free to choose what to place value on as it pertains to me as an individual. To this existentialist there is only one reason we are here. To enjoy and appreciate life during our existence and to interact with the things that come through my path. My responsibility is make as much of my life as possible be a positive experience. This philosophy focuses on inner search to discover how the self and the world can interact. Self actualization through meditation and an understanding of the complexities of life. It’s about how I integrate myself into the big picture. How I exist with the spinning orb of life we call Earth. Nothing organic ever leaves the earth because it’s a circle of life. We are recombinant beings made of matter that has been around longer than we could ever imagine. When something has reached the end of its life cycle it decomposes and feeds millions of tiny and some microscopic organisms which in turn contribute back to earth. These compost diners become food for larger beings and the circle goes on. So how does any of this relate to cooking and food? Let’s have a look.
Most people give little to no thought about what they are eating. Oh sure, we like what we like and we choose to eat what we like, and many people contemplate the nutritive or caloric value of their food, but they don’t really make an attempt to understand the food outside of what wine may or may not go well with it. An existentialist sees much more in the foods we eat. Food has history, is deeply embraced by cultures, is effected by weather and natural disasters, and has life cycles. Food was once a living organism. Very often foods are trained for our benefit to live its cycle for consumption. Whether farmed fruits and vegetables or farm raised animals these foods enter our body to be transformed into energy. Beyond that, as an existentialist baker (and formerly chef) we use our understanding of food and its interactions with human emotions to create foods that not only tantalize our taste buds, but bring out emotions in us. Joy, comfort, ecstasy. Words often used to describe how we feel after eating something especially delicious. It’s not just flavor, its preparation. As a chef or baker we understand that the emotion we put into our preparations will come through in the finished product.
Food has always been a major faction of world history. Famines and droughts have had major impacts on societies and countries, wars have been fought over food, and food was the very first form of monetary exchange. Whoever controlled the food had the power. Why the so called cradle of civilization only evolved us to a higher level of existence because humans learned how to control our environment and maximize the growth of food. The agricultural revolution. But these things are always taken for granted when we eat, even by me. That’s not where I take an existential approach, its more in the understanding of how foods interact with other foods, spices, beverages, and process of denaturization that occurs be it the cooking, agitation, cutting, or freezing to change the nature of the food.
For the sake of discussion I have chosen to deconstruct this meal. Sautéed chicken breast with crimini mushroom sauce, roasted asparagus spears, and mashed potatoes. Sounds delicious and relatively simple but lets see how much of a deeper appreciation we could have of this dish.
First the roast asparagus. Asparagus is a plant native to Europe and Northern Africa and is known to have existed as a food with medicinal value as far back as 20,000BC. That’s some old veggie spears there. Very nutritious and has a nice crisp green chlorophyll enriched fern head. Roasting this marvelous vegetable at very high temperature for 5 minutes with a splatter of oil and a sprinkle of sea salt leaves the bright color and full nutritive value in tact, while keeping it crisp and tasty. Now its ready to play a part in the overall look, taste, and balance of our dish. On to the potatoes.
What can you say about potatoes? The average person eats approximately 7 pounds of potato a year. This starchy tuberous delight can be prepared a zillion ways. Okay, not a zillion, but they are roasted, baked, re-baked, stuffed, boiled, scalloped, creamed, gratined, fried, and any combination thereof. The regal potato first came into existence in Peru and was brought back by the Conquistadores and spread rapidly throughout Europe. It nearly decimated Ireland which became dependant on this versatile veggie. So lets not take this common dining addition for granted, it’s a lot more than just a tasty and filling starch. It has a lot more power than we realize. So the potato adds two things to our dinner, a level of comfort and a feeling of strength. In our dish we have diced and boiled the potato and mashed it up with some butter, milk, and gruyere cheese for nutrition, and some salt and pepper and minced shallots for flavor. This will not only taste marvelous but assist in lending a sense of satiety in the meal so we will not be hungry 20 minutes later.
On to the star of the dish, the chicken. Along with our totalitarian form of farming we presently and for a long time have been raising “livestock” for our eating pleasure. We love our steaks and fried chickens and we don’t really want to know about the farms and slaughterhouses that regularly bring meats to out table. When you think about it its actually a cruel practice, imprisoning another living thing only to execute it when deemed ready for slaughter. But lets face it, who has the time or the wherewithal to hunt for the family food everyday? We need to eat after all, but again, we shouldn’t just take these domesticated fowls for granted. We sneak away the unhatched eggs (ew when ya think about it) for breakfast or other preparations and raise them for our eating pleasure. The chicken gives us much needed protein in order for us to grow strong and help develop us physically. The chicken has a rather neutral taste in an of itself which has lifted it to legendary status when used to describe just about any other food from alligator, to swordfish, to bear meat. Tastes just like chicken! That’s why we prepare it in different ways and add sauces or other enhancements to it. To sauté something is to panfry it on very high heat very rapidly. Sauté is French for jump, and the pan is so hot the food actually jumps up off the pan. This technique gives the outside a nice crisp texture and brings the natural sugars to the surface. We call this carmelization and it will add not only nutrition but texture and taste.
Our reconstructed dish is nearly complete. As it is the balance is beautiful. An array of tastes, aroma’s, textures, and nutrients are mingling and creating a powerful and emotion educing meal that has history vast and important. All it needs now is the finishing touch, the piece de resistance. A wonderful sauce made by deglazing the sauté pan (once the chicken breast has been removed and pan is still hot) with some Chablis wine. This will add some flavor and it will extract the flavors in the pan from the sautéed chicken. Once reduced we add some broth made from the chicken, and some heavy cream which will add richness and a coating texture. Add to that some cremini mushrooms. The cremini mushroom is a cousin of the typical white mushroom but a darker brown and firmer variety. If left to fully mature it will one day grow up to be a Portobello mushroom and take on an entirely different culinary presence. Now that truly balances all the flavors to create a perfect compliment to the dish. An existential delight. You need only accept that it is what it is and enjoy every last morsel.
A Mono-theist cooks because it’s a gift from their god, an Atheist cooks because he can, a Buddhist cooks because he needs to eat, a nihilist cooks but doesn’t know or care why, and an existentialist cooks because he knows he can bring life to food and food to life. That is the existential approach to cooking. An understanding of the importance of each and every component to the completion of the whole experience. It’s history, emotion, flavors, textures, and any other attributes work together as a team to be a treat especially created for your enjoyment. If something we have prepared with love and positive emotion brings out a feeling in the consumer then we have completed our task. Not merely just cooks or bakers, the existential culinary scientist brings much more than just food to the table. We bring a sensation of joy and happiness via the taste buds that hopefully find you smiling and maybe reminiscing of wonderful times in your past that foods prepared with love gave you a feeling of comfort. PEACE

Cupcakes and Valentines

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The Passions of the Cupcake

Brrr. As the cold settles in and forces us into hot chocolate mode I am reminded we have a special day coming soon that will warm us up. Warm our hearts up anyway. I speak of course of that special one day in February celebrating a romantic festival of love. Valentines day! St.Valentines Day to be auto correct, which as I hope you know is quite different from autoeroticism which of course is the act of having sex with a car. But I digress, back to the big day. Historic reports of this particular globally celebrated love fest stretch way back, as do many of our traditions, to a celebration of pre AD Pagans. The celebration was said to have started in ancient Rome and was a five day festival from Feb 13th to Feb 18th. It’s unclear if it was wolves or humans but that was believed to be the ultimate annual epoch of fertility opportunity back then. It’s obvious they relied on the rhythm method. But like most other celebrations of that time it didn’t involve the exchange of cards and gifts or flowers, candy, and dinner. It centered around sacrificial slaughtering. Fortunately around AD 269 (you can’t make these dates up!) a more modern version of the celebration of love took flight. Updated by St Valentine of Rome (not Rudolf Valentino like my idiot brother convinced me of many years ago) the expression of love week was forged into a civilized celebration. It was inverted into a single day celebration in part to discredit Paganism, and in part to immortalize the execution of St Valentine who was persecuted for being Christian. Rumor has it he sent a letter to the daughter of his jailer and signed it “Your Valentine” Apparently that is the reason for exchanging cards, and calling the one you love your “valentine”. So romantic!!
Brrrr. It’s still cold. So that’s the condensed version of the history of Valentines Day. I’m not totally convinced about the card exchange thing cuz it sounds more like Hallmark Hall of Fames historic account. But since it’s cold and I need to keep typing to stay warm I think I will look into some of the other symbols and traditions of the day of love. Cupid, Roses, hearts, doves, note exchanging, Flowers, candy, and of course food (yes, including cupcakes). Why do these things seem synonymous with February 14th?
Brrr. It’s still cold. While the Superbo, oops I mean the Big Game (no lawsuits please) may pump up even the most scrawny fan into a ball of fiery hot fury and anger that is merely a temporary feeling of warmth. There is however coming however a heartbeat of hope and a body warming celebration. That’s right Valentines day is jogging around the corner getting ready to break into a sprint. What is it about this day anyway? And cupid, how on earth did a diaper clad child sporting a bow and arrow become such an influential icon of love? Cupid it turns out is the son of Venus, which in and of itself is pretty impressive. In Roman mythology Cupid is the God of erotic love and the name Cupid translated from Latin means desire. Carpe Cupid! Cupid represents to us the ultimate love inducer. Personally I believe the whole diaper thing was more a warning of what may occur if the passions are left unchecked completely. Legend is that Cupid did in fact allow passion to get the better of himself by pricking (no snickering please!) himself with an arrow an falling in love with Psyche. They had a female child they named Voluptas. Go figure! The image of Cupid has wings apparently so love can take flight once the arrows have hit their mark. Oh yes, the arrows! I’ll leave it up to you as to the exact significance of the arrows but suffice to say whether the arrows are one in a million of swimming omelet searching fertilzers or the more obvious looking phallic aperture ever, it’s believed that whatever one of those arrows hits its mark all control is lost. In short, once the pointed figure is shot an penetrates a female she will fall helplessly in love. Damn that’s one big, um…. ego!!
Enough on Cupid though, there’s more to Valentines Day then a half naked brat shooting arrows around. Why is everything associated with love heart shaped? Hot tubs, beds, pillows, all kinds of kinky heart shaped love paraphernalia. Hundreds of heart shaped boxes of candy will be bought and many a name in heart tattoo will be etched into the skin to profess eternal love. Why the heart? It seems the symbol goes back to Aristotle who determined the beating thing in one chest must be the center of emotion, thought and reason. But since surgeons hadn’t been invented yet there is no way they could have determined the shape of the blood pumping muscle that pulses life through our bodies. Popular belief is it resembles a flower or plant which was used as an herbal contraceptive. No matter, today the heart stands strong as a symbol of romance and love.
Not surprising it may have been designed after the shape of a flower. Flowers have always represented passion for humans. The beautiful aromas can sneak their way up into the olfactory glands and put us in the mood. Well it works for bees anyway, who are attracted sexually to the scents given off by flowers, and then one look at the unabashed beauty hanging out on a plant sends the bee into a visual frenzy of apiary sexual desire. And why not, flowers proudly display their genitalia out in the open for all to see and appreciate. That’s right, flowers let it all proudly and even salaciously hang out for any an all viewers pleasure. Easy to figure out now why we give our loves bouquets of beautiful flowers, but this added bit of information also makes us aware of the importance of choosing the right flowers to put in bouquet for the desired effect. Roses are the most often chosen flower because it was believed to have been the favorite of the Goddess Venus, who reportedly gave many to her son, our old pal Cupid!
Back to the day itself. I have watched Valentines Day evolve since I could walk. Back in Elementary school I went out and got a package of tiny valentine cards and was instructed by Mom to give one to each girl in my class, and my teacher if it were a woman. (Mr. Thompson and Mr. Williams didn’t want them from me anyway) If there was one special girl in class, I would buy a box of heart candies and blush as I read the inscription before offering her one. If she batted her eyelashes my vocal chords and my dignity would go away on vacation until I could get hold on my out of control beating heart. Back to the heart again? Those days of innocent Valentine celebrations are long gone. Over the years it became essential to up my valentine game. I have employed all the basic techniques that have been suggested over the years which we have all used. The number one hope of ecstasy practice used as an adult has always been food, which is where my specialty really lies. So before I tell you what treats We will be offering up, a little bit about food an how it figures into romance. One word in particular comes to mind. Aphrodisiacs.
To assist lovers on this day of burning passions and anticipation of desire fulfillment we in the food industry have scoured the culinary horizons in search of natures most effective consumable aphrodisiac’s. Asparagus, oysters, chocolate, cinnamon, avocados, ginger root, truffle, and pomegranates top the list of mood enhancing foods. Many of these foods reported to increase sexual appetite. The only proven and effective consumable products are chocolate covered Viagra, or Caramel coated Levitra, but lets see what help nature can give us in following natures course. Like the floral sex flaunting bouquets of flowers, food can increase sexual desire due to appearance and smell. Foods also has the extra advantage of taste to make us happy and a sense of comfort and satisfaction. In addition to just plain making us feel good some foods have nutrients or other substances that can have a physiologic effect on the body. Foods that can act as aphrodisiacs get blood flowing, hopefully to the appropriate areas. Others simply release hormones which make us feel……happy. Spicy foods get the blood pumping and activate the sweat glands. Oysters and other seafood are vital to the thyroid gland which is essential for energy, especially sexually charged energy. Chocolate and ginger root provide blood flow and may be what adds spring to ones step. The other usual suspects of sexual awareness are either a phallic visual aid or an aromatic gland enticing culprit, but nothing is proven as a 100% sure thing. That my friends, is where you come in. The correct amount of attention, an exclamation of how deeply you love, holding hands, affectionate kisses, and a few well placed compliments are your best chance of making Valentines day a successful night of love. But get a present as well so as not to seem insensitive.
Now comes the shameless plug, the moment of truth for Jarets Stuffed Cupcakes. Of course I use only the freshest and most aphrodisiac enhanced ingredients, and I always bake with love and passion and what one puts into cooking come out ion the eating. So just bringing home some of our delicious stuffed cupcakes will open some doors, but here at Jarets Stuffed Cupcakes we are true romantics at heart (get it??) Therefore we are offering some extra special valentine choices. If you don’t celebrate, of if you find yourself alone on valentines day we have you covered as well. So here they are.
In addition to our crowd pleasing Red Velvet and our assortment of delectable chocolate and vanilla cupcakes we are offering some lovers specials. The “C’mon Baby Do the Casanova” is a vanilla cupcake stuffed with banana’s foster (banana’ cooked in spice rum) and vanilla cinnamon icing which has been falsely reported as the treat Casanova used to seduce Brazilian Bossa Nova dancers. Brining cupcake love to a new level is our “Just Like Romeo And Juliet“, an Amaretto cupcake stuffed with a raspberry champagne custard and covered with a sensuous dark chocolate icing. And speaking of Elvis we will have the “All Shook Up“, a banana chocolate chip cupcake stuffed with peanut butter mouse an topped off with vanilla icing. The perfect compliment for your little “Teddy Bear”. In addition to just cupcakes we will have some other creative and seductive treats including our annual tradition of fresh strawberries dipped in Belgian Chocolate or White Chocolate.
Like I said, if you don’t like Valentines Day and don’t celebrate it or are in between relationships we have you covered as well with two special Anti-Valentine Day cupcakes. Buck the tradition with the all new “Love Stinks” the cupcake inspired from the classic cliché of sitting on the couch dipping a cookie into an ice cream sundae to peel away the guilt laden layers of being a solo artist, it’s a half chocolate half vanilla cupcake with a chocolate chip cookie baked into the center, covered in chocolate whipped cream and topped with a cherry. It’s a cupcake that simply drips of self indulgent bliss! Even if your not alone this is a crazy good treat because even if love does stink, the cupcake does not! The other Anti-Valentine Day cupcake is the “Emotional Rescue” a cupcake originally designed to offer a bit of emotional rescue to some special friends who needed it. The Emotional Rescue is a red velvet cupcake filled with Heath bar custard an finished off with a cherry brandy whipped cream. I have no doubt The Rolling Stones would be proud to sing a song about it.
So there it is, my soliloquy on the annual celebration of love we know as Valentines Day. Take it from me though, limiting your expression of love to a single day is not enough. Like life, love is incredibly precious and fragile and if you are fortunate enough to have it in your life you should nourish it and appreciate it every single day. Don’t merely say the words, follow them up with action. I leave you with a single line from one of my favorite lyrics from a Grateful Dead song professing the importance of love….“Without love day to day insanity’s king.” Stay sane my friends, hold on to love with all your might, but don’t keep it to yourself, share it!………PEACE

Looking Through A Glass Onion

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn Uncategorized2 Comments

The misunderstood onion is the multiple personality disorder victim of the culinary universe. Is it yellow, red, or white? Spanish, pearl, or cocktail? One minute a flavor enhancer and then quickly a breath altering son of a bitch. Sometimes a taste bud joy bringer and oft times a tear jerker this mood changing bulbous veggie staple is a well known in kitchens throughout the world. People are often compared to these versatile ever popular  alliums. “He is a complicated Person, with as many layers as an onion.” Indeed concentric in nature the royal onion is as complicated as a vegetable can be. “An onion a day keeps everyone away” That man was so ugly he could make an onion cry.” “ A cat has nine lives but an onion has seven skins.“ “An onion by any other name will never be a rose.” Okay, I made that last one up but you dig what I‘m saying.

         Ranging in size from tiny pearls to giant softballs the onion can in fact be peeled one layer after another. A staple in nearly every culture despite having an essence so peculiarly strong and venomous it rivals the skunks ability to cause one to pinch their nose shut tight. It can turn ones breath into a date breaking whiff of “please don’t call me ever again.”  Alfalfa was turned away by Darla on occasions when he had recently indulged in scallion chewing. It has a unique ability to coax salty droplets of liquid from our tear ducts which are normally saved for more emotional occurrences.  Only the slightest provocation of cutlery piercing its flesh brings teardrops scampering down our cheeks in a sometimes uncontrollable frenzy. This audacious vegetable permeates our olfactory senses in an all out assault that challenges the garlic’s long standing reign as king of tasty but offensive vegetables.

       The reason these bulbous alliums make tears come to our eyes is because of a chemical reaction that is much too scientific for me to memorize.  Suffice to say the onion contains amino acids in the sulfur family that gets released into the air. These guilty gasses travel up into the air and rub their irritants into our eyeballs prompting the tear ducts to come to our aid and flush out the acrid acid with a tear or two. I have heard many methods that “really work”. Keeping your mouth open will indeed work for a while because you will inhale the noxious fumes into your lungs via your oral cavity, but eventually so much gas will enter the atmosphere you will still tear up and have onion breath on top of it. Other methods such as running water, cutting near a flame or on the back burner of a stove produce even less successful results. Keeping something in your mouth is the same principle of an open mouth but for the less disciplined of us. The only real advice I have on this is to keep the onion as cold as possible or keep a small fan blowing away the fumes as you slice, dice, mince, or chop.

       Once past the tear inducing cut up stage the onion performs its intended task, the enhancement of flavor to almost any dish. In Cajun cuisine they call the onion and its often present partners peppers and celery the Holy Trinity of cooking.  It is the basis of nearly every soup an stew in the world, it adds umpf to pilaf, zing to zucchini and pop to popcorn shrimp. Its in sauces and sides, dressings and dinner entrees, salads. In appetizers and entrees, starches and sides, veggies and meat combos. Fried in rings or just  bloomin it makes solo appearances and it even has a starring role in cocktails. Yes the onion has a many faceted personality and it brings tremendous flavor enhancement to just about any dish. With a presence so pronounced in the culinary world you may think it deserves a birthday celebration all its own. Only problem is, we have no idea exactly when that would be.

       Some botanists say it was born in Iran and Pakistan, others argue it is originally from Central America, but the omnipotent onion seems to have been around forever.  Many anthropologists believe it was used by our cave dwelling ancestors, so a birthday would be next to impossible. They have seen evidence of onions in ancient Egypt where they believed it potent aroma could bring the dead back to life. Perhaps until the first unfortunates soul tried shredding the much more aggressive horseradish which may very well have the ability to awaken the non living. The onion made its way into Bible passages as well. The book of Numbers has the Israelite children lamenting of a diet filled with leeks and onions as they traveled the desert. The Romans, Greeks, and Indians all recognized the healing power of the vitamin rich veggie. The Olympians of ancient Greece fortified themselves with onions before their grueling events. Even the Middle Ages showered glory on these globes of culinary prominence. The three main foodstuffs of that era were cabbage, beans, and onions. Sounds more like weapons of mass stinkation. The magnificent onion was believed to have incredible medicinal properties curing everything from mouth sores to insomnia. I can only assume the happy sleeper was in bed alone! These special kitchen necessities were even taken on board the Mayflower, adding a special flavor enjoyment to the first Thanksgiving. It was one of the very first botanical treasures planted by the pilgrims on American soil.

       Yet with all of this, still no mention of a birthday celebration for the used and abused reigning king of culinary staple foods. This then has become my New Years resolution for 2013. I will do everything in my power to raise awareness of the injustice we have bestowed upon this essential aid in recipes around the world So I am asking you to join me in wishing the fabulous culinary workhorse, this noxious bulb, this fortune bringing, tear coaxing stench maker of the vegetable kingdom a very happy birthday the very second after the ball drops in NYC. Don’t cry for me Argentina, just slice me a few of those birthday onions to have with my champagne. Happy Birthday you many layered edible gem you……PEACE

Zen and the Art of Cupcake Making

On By Terrapin - The JourneyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Image       I’m just a man who makes cupcakes. That’s my job, it’s what I do. Everyday I set out on a quest to achieve cupcake Nirvana. I begin my quest by assembling an assortment of biodegradable food products in an attempt to get them to form an allegiance with a single goal in mind. To reach out and grab your taste buds  by the hand, take them out to the dance floor and have them spinning and tapping into a deliciously satisfying frenzy of a Tango that leaves you with a blissful smile and lasting memory. No small undertaking is this.  I enter into this task every day with enthusiasm and optimistic energy .It’s  a responsibility we take very serious at Jarets Stuffed Cupcakes. Each and every day we combine a variety of foods that if left on their own would be relatively insignificant and transform them into  1,000+  taste bud pleasing treats. Thats over 1,000 blissful smiles produced daily. We make vanilla, chocolate, red velvet, lemon, coconut, and peanut butter cupcakes. We take flours and flavors and mix them with other organic foods like eggs and milk, and lay them carefully in a bed of paper inside a special cupcake pan. We subject these mixtures to extreme heat for the perfect amount of clicks of the clock and they rise to the occasion.  Exposing them for the proper time is like getting the perfect tan at the beach but avoiding a painful sunburn. Once the cupcake has achieved its full and even body tan we cool them down and give them a rest. Fully cooled the time has arrived for them to be injected with another flavor concoction designed to unite with the chosen cake and create an even more complex structure of flavors.  It might be a mousse or custard, a jam or jelly, or any number of creative and innovative treats. One cupcake actually gets a hand chopped portion of apple pie, crust and all. But we’re not finished yet, as if that weren’t enough we then top it off with something sweet that compliments the final product. “Your hair looks great today cupcake, and you haven’t changed a bit since the good old mixing bowl days.” “Thanks for the compliment icing, now lets go take some taste buds on the dance floor and cut the rug!” At this point the cupcake has become a tower of deliciously harmonized flavors clamoring to complete the task of brining your taste buds into perfect balance with the universe.  That’s what this unassuming cupcake maker does. I create astral symmetry using every ounce of culinary training I’ve experienced. I’m The Cupcake Dude and The Cupcake Dude balances the universe by making pleasurable sweet treats. I make cupcakes.

      But The Cupcake Dude is just a name and making cupcakes is job, it describes what I do. It doesn’t define me. It does give me a few titles though. I’m a chef, a baker, a business owner. I’m also a hippie, a rock and roller, a writer, a culinary poet and an existentialist. We go to great lengths to try and identify categories to stick each other in. The butcher the baker the candlestick maker. It’s what we’ve been taught since we were young and it just gets more complicated as we age. In school we were nerds, jocks, hippies, greasers, stoners, or just plain losers. In the workplace we were grunts, stockers, sweepers, laborers, supervisors, managers or bosses. That wasn’t enough so we created sub-categories and we get downright obnoxious at times. She’s a slut and he’s a ladies man. He’s an aggressive go getter and she’s a bitch.  Pretty one sided for a double standard.  We try to compartmentalize each other based on opinions or beliefs. Are you a liberal or a conservative? God fearing or Atheist? Winner or loser? Rich or poor? Gay or Straight? Male or Female? Every one of those categories have one common denominator. They can all fit into the category of human being. All too often we work so hard to find our differences we forget how similar we are.  We focus so much energy on what sets us apart  that we  forget how alike we are. For some people its an attempt to somehow make themselves feel superior. That seems rather insecure to me. In reality we are living breathing snowflakes. Not any one of us is an exact duplicate of any other living snowflake. We all have special points that make us unique and beautiful. When snowflakes co-operate and band together they create beautiful landscapes, blankets of slick snow banks that thrill many a skier, or even a powerful storm, but when they fight each other they melt and become droplets of water destined to become lost in a river or sea. Snowflakes are innately beautiful in part because a snowflake by nature is an existentialist. Without question or complaint they are constantly working together and helping each other out with total disregard of compensation. We could learn so much if we paid more attention to all the other snowflakes. I believe  if I could learn how to make cupcakes as incredible as snowflakes I could be a cupcake deity. But then I would be put into another category and we sure do have enough of those.

       The Cupcake Dude is just a name, it’s what I do. But now, as soon as the first person reads this, I will be transformed into an existentialist philosophical cupcake making hippie hipster business owning blogger. How many of us are out there?…Never underestimate the power of a cupcake. Peace