The First Father’s Day

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**I posted this on my social media on Father’s Day

When Keith and I started talking about getting married, I was really not interested in having children, and since he already had two children from his first marriage, I asked him “are you ok if your two children are all the children you have?” He told me “yes, but I think you will change your mind someday!” I told him, “I don’t think so,” and we go on with our lives.

But then, my beloved grandfather dies, I realized what it meant to have a family of my own, and having watched Keith with his own children, I knew that he would be a great father to our child. I told Keith, “ok I hate to admit it, but you were right.” “I think I want to have a child, just one, and also I want to go back to work after six weeks, are you ok with that?” of course he was thrilled!!

On February 26, 1990, our beautiful daughter Megan was born. As Megan got sick, it became apparent that I would not be able to go back to work. Keith was working at the Marriott Corp. at Paine-Webber, and he took on two more jobs to make up for our lost income! When he would come home, the first thing he would do – if it wasn’t too late – is tell me to get some rest, I will take care of our little girl! He was the calming force in our small family, and Meg loved when her daddy held her in his massive arms against his chest. On the day she died, he whispered in her ear; you can let go, my little little (his favorite thing he called her), we love you, you do not need to hold on for us!

One year later we gave birth to our daughter Kellie; it was challenging being pregnant and mourning at the same time! Keith, was my strength, my rock, and my navigator through our new norm. He took on all the stress of everything so that my pregnancy would be as “stressless” as possible. When are beautiful daughter Kellie was born, completely healthy, we started to build a life again.

In January 1994, Keith’s son Justin had an opportunity to live with us, and just like that, we became a family of four! It was so amazing watching Keith with his children. Cultivating their strengths, teasing them with pranks, reading stories to Kellie and telling Justin stories of his adventures! Both kids were able to go to him and tell him anything. He was not judgy, but he was not a pushover either. If the kids were in trouble, my first reaction was to freak out and ground them, but he would have his calm Keith way, and the kids would usually feel far worse because they disappointed their dad!

As the kids had become adults, Keith, became their best friend! He loved the man that Justin had become! He was proud of the husband and father that he was, and I was so happy that Justin had the most amazing example of what it means to be a husband and father. My heart goes out to Kellie, who has yet to start her life, Keith will never see her career choice, who she decides to spend the rest of her life with, or ever meet her children. I am confident though that with the special relationship she had with her dad, he will be with her throughout every decision she makes through her life, and he will help her to make the right choices.

This Father’s Day will be the most difficult for all of us, but as we think of the kind of father he was, all we can do is smile throughout the day! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! #keithandmegan💜💜 #fathersday

A Dads Thoughts On Life

 

 

At the far too tender age of five my curious daughter peered deeply into my heart through my eyes. Knowing she had my full attention as I meditated she posed me an existential question. “What is life Daddy? Can it merely be blood and breath, flesh and bone, and independent thought?” (Okay, I paraphrased a bit but that’s what she meant) . With a childlike earnestness she continued, “please don’t tell me lies like the other adults Daddy, I trust you.” After a cautionary period of consideration I decided to tell her my honest thoughts. “No one really knows what life is we only know it exists. And some of us aren’t even sure about that my little love but this is my existential theory. I know this probably sounds like adult talk bullshit but the truth is it’s too hard to explain in an antiseptic arrangement of hard to understand words, so I will try an explain it in verse………

Are we here or are we there
Is anybody anywhere
Or is everybody everywhere
Is time real and should you care
When is now and when was then
Get to the end and go back again
Its always spinning so I let it all be
Life is just a cycle to a psycho like me
But who are we and why do we exist
Questions so tempting its hard to resist
Maybe the question that should be asked
What can we do to remove the masks
See each other for who we are
Not so far from outer bizarre
Various colors different beliefs
Similar joys, similar griefs
Free of compartments
But similar contents
Hating anyone simply doesn’t make sense
So the best I have to offer is my thoughtful consonance
One quick trip with the flow of my consciousness

 

As I contemplate my insignificance whether fate or just coincidence
I remember a certain incident that creates some dissonance
But given due diligence I can remove the belligerence
Lackluster ignorance doesn’t offer you deliverance
It just makes you numb
Makes you sound like you’re dumb
The outcome of which could make you succumb
To groundless conclusions and downright confusion
Delusion exclusion and illusion seclusion
Until some half wit human picks up a gun
Scatter and run
Because hate has no conscience
Once begun its been done
And though my eyes close theres one thing I see
Death in the end has not one ounce of mercy

We contemplate our significance to the Universe while arguably every other species on earth simply goes about surviving. But us, in this tiny pocket, of this small galaxy, of this immense Universe, we simply assume we must be the important species. Ants, Lions, Whales, whatever have no purpose, only humans. Instead of spending so much time trying to congratulate ourselves for being so damn superior, perhaps we should address why we are the most destructive species. We destroy eco systems, we throw our trash across the planet and call it progress, and still we live and breathe, love and die, and still fight, sometimes to the death, to prove to ourselves that we are important in the big picture. There is no big picture, there are only scant few moments to enjoy what life offers. Take life’s offer while you’re still here……
To all whom it applies Happy Fathers Day, to everyone alive,

NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS

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A Little Ditty of Dads Advice
Stand up for yourself
You need to have guts
If he hits you hit back
No ifs ands of or buts

Work hard in school
Don’t become a putz
Get your diploma
No ifs ands or buts

You all need haircuts
You look like lost mutts
Find yourselves a job
No ifs ands or buts
You need to stand up tall
No time to be a klutz
I can’t stay here forever
No if ands or buts

Raise your own family
Love has no shortcuts
Give all of yourself
No if ands or buts
When its time for me to go
When I strut my final struts
Smile and carry on
No if ands or buts
I made a lot of mistakes in my quest to be a good Dad, but I always tried to keep the torch lit so I could pass it to my children. My kids have kept the torch lit showing the way for their own families and have done a far better job than I did which is how it should be if progress has any hope of moving forward. I am very proud of my children despite my shortcomings they have prevailed and excelled as parents which is a job suitable only for someone who can handle the daily parental pressures of be driven nuts. No ifs ands or buts.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY

An Ode To What Is Owed

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They come by snail mail every day
And in emails to my phone
They even call me on my cell
They wont leave me alone

I get so anxious at their threats
I reach for calming pills
Relentless chases every day
Those neverening bills

Bills bills bills
That all I ever get
Bills bills bills
Aren’t they over yet?

Bills bills bills
Everyday a threat
Bills bills bills
Keeping me in debt

Even my kids will suck me dry
they pluck my wallet clean
C’mon pops I need some cash
I’m their ATM machine

Credit, debit, cash, or check
How can I pay today
Everybody wants my money
Make them go away

Bills bills bills
Pouring like a flood
Bills bill bills
The Man is out for blood

Bills bills bills
Piled up at my door
Bills bills bills
They’ll take my life for sure

Car payments mortgage payments
Electric bills and gas
Sales tax and income tax
They even tax my ass

Collection agents , IRS
Both federal and state
Mortgage was refinanced with
An unfair interest rate

Bank fees, home repairs
so many bills I’m seething
Late fees and penalties
Plus extra cause I’m breathing

Bills bills bills
Getting bigger all the time
Bills bills bills
Think I’ll have to turn to crime

Bills bills bills
Maybe I’ll rob a bank
Bills bills bills
I can hear the handcuffs clank

Every time I turn around
Someone’s hand is out
Looking for my money
There just ain’t none about

Insufficient funds again
Better find another bank
have no money to start anew
And only bills to thank

Bills bills bills
In such a giant pile
Bills bills bills
They rob me of my smile

Bills bills bills
Creditors want a lot
Bills bills bills
Can’t give what I don’t got

Cashier’s keep acting all sarcastic
Don’t be so unkind
Maybe you should pay in cash sir
Another card declined

Politicians want my money too
They hang around and linger
They tell me I should lend a hand
But all they gets my finger

Bills bills bills
The death of me yet
Bills bills bills
I’ll never be free of debt

Bills bills bills
Make me drink till I get blotto
The only way I’ll pay my bills
Is if I hit the lotto

Happy Father Day to all you other ATM Dad’s out there