WHAT IF

 

A metaphoric chance meeting
A cliché reuniting yesterdays love
Two hearts that once beat together
Cashing in on one of fates offers
After thousands of unshared sunsets
So many that came and went unnoticed
Now two proverbial ships clash
I saw my childhood love by chance
We began to share our histories
So many years have passed yet…
Seems not a day of that on her face
What else but fate could have brought this
An opportunity to explore what if
What if we had shared our lives
What if we had never parted ways
What if we had lived our dreams
What if……

What if you stayed and we prayed and made the life we weighed instead of the charade we played which ended in a relationship delayed and decayed? What if you gave me one more chance and we expanded the romance and danced to enchantment, took a stance, one more ride on that promised moonbeam. Plans and schemes for a love supreme. That was our dream. However it seems this memory is just a fantasy because you see… We both have responsibilities to our spouses and our families so we must choose to let this be, nothing more than a wish unredeemed. Anyway who cares, what does it matter, what’s the diff. Then again…..what if
What if we had stayed together, built a happy life together. A house a home a picket fence, some kids some pets, no regrets living the suburbs and all the rest.
But then again what if we stayed the course affected by a dissonant force creating cheating and sexual discourse? Ending in a bitter divorce. Anger hatred bleeding sorrows terminating our tomorrows. Or not

That was then and we are here now
A night to share one magical chance
We shared a bottle of sweet memories
Numbing the pains that lost time brings
The familiar touch upon my hand
Eyes searching to find forbidden pleasure
Our lips begging for one more reverie
One last delusional trip to speculation
Anything is possible in a dream
And a door once left unlocked
May be stepped in from either side
Maybe if we both open up that door
We can be soothed hearing the echoes of love
Bouncing and tumbling or crumbling across time
The train whistles a warning of truth
We had both chosen out own fate
Its far too late

I can’t count the hours spent in distain, torturing myself with no self restraint. Pelting my mistake with drugs and with sorrow. Living in misgivings for giving up on tomorrow. Treated her shitty when life became gritty. I bathed in Self pity, moved to the city nearly drowned in my trance. Always thought I’d get one more chance, one more opportunity to show some romance. We both found a life, husband and wife and to ruin that now would cause nothing but strife. Cause it’s not just us two. There are children involved and our lives have evolved.. I felt broken hearted in waters uncharted because nothing gets finished if it doesn’t get started. But I’ll always wonder…
What if we had never parted

With a passionless kiss we said farewell
Best to leave it as old friends this night
What never really was can never be
Time seems to travel so damn fast
If you don’t pay attention so much goes unlived
I have negotiated too many wrong turns
And sometimes it seems it will never stop
I know that not to be true for I fear one thing
I am nearing it’s end so must listen to reason
Reason tell me a love lost is gone forever
But I choose not to listen to reason
You never lose what you hold in your heart
I have been through too many rotations
Seen things on this earth not possible
Yet somehow negotiated through blind faith
So I shall close my eyes and believe in one thought
Anything is possible
What if

Live and Love in Peace

 

 

Where The Fuck Is My Karma

 

The Universe is The Abyss
Vast and dark
Full of mysteries
Contradictions
What we call life
Some say it’s a miracle
Others say its Kismet
Or collective consciousness
Alpha and omega
Birth and death
All in the infinite chasm
The abyss has laws
And a truth
But laws are lies
Truth is honest
The one Universal truth?
Life isn’t fair
No good deed goes unpunished
All I really want to know of life is
Something that’s missing
Where is my fucking Karma
But maybe Karma is just memories
The memories that hide in darkness
Remembering is so much harder when we can’t see
Yet I put all my heart in the concept of karma
Hoping its real……

 

 

 

In the days of nights
I chased empty headlights
All the sights and frights
Plus a few fist fights
While reaching for the heights
I yearned and I learned
And what did I earn?
I just got burned
So I made a U-turn
To go home and make my amends
Was I successful
I guess that depends
Just don’t ask my friends
For they will defend my offenses
At least the real ones will
I chose to repent
Let others air vents
Let day shine in the night
Make the moon shake with fright
So what I really want to know
Where the fuck did my Karma go
Doing the right thing just didn’t bring
Redemption or forgiving or anything
Because Karma don’t give a spit
Bout who you are or what good you did
It’ll leave you stranded and buried in shit
A flame all alone in the wind of misfits
Flickering
It aint revenge for bickering or snickering
Its just a word to ease the wilt
Of what we tell ourselves to ease our guilt
Karma’s a hoax we have built
Because that’s our ilk
A scarred and lonely crowd that’s far too loud
Clinging desperately to a fast moving cloud
Maybe if we promise to make God proud
Take cover beneath the religion shroud
But that’s not allowed
Not by The Abyss
So we turn our fragile minds and hide in our armor
Come on big Pharma
Give me some pills or give me some Karma

 

 

I subscribe to a positive vibe and apologize for this diatribe
But Goddam it how does one describe this feelings inside?
Mama told me I’d survive once Karma arrived but I was denied
Worse still I was alive and Karma was deprived…
I just cried
How long must I wait for my moment to thrive
Will I get my comeuppance while I’m still alive
Or will I die waiting to be revived
I was rehabilitated and humiliated while standing naked
Vulnerable and afraid of my own dehumanization
Praying creation would not bring my damnation
But making things legit became a fixation
Tried so hard to make things right
To make life tight
For so many years I did the good thing
Gave of my time offered my wings
But karma laughed and gave me the spurn
Got no return
Just got burned
Karma left me without having my turn
I believe in a spiritual transformer
I’m a tried and true performer
Righted my wrongs
Harmonized my songs
Still I never belonged
Destiny you owe me
I sowed the seeds that you sold me
Did good deeds like you told me
And what did I get in return?
Went from harmer to charmer
From reaper to farmer
But no matter how kind
What I need I could never find
And I don’t want to alarm her…..
But where the fuck is my Karma

 

 

Fait Acompli

 

 

Destiny denies and deep inside
Lets out a moan and a pleading sigh
I’m surrounded by the constant sight
Of the decaying visions I try to hide
The ugly remains of days gone by
So I get high trying to hide my pride
That was my life with me as guide
But I tried
It feels like my fate is just a dream
Karma isn’t real just another scheme
Mental stream of an extreme bad theme
An existentialist’s surreal daydream
Kismet can be mean
Fate a concept in my inside pocket
Stale memories trapped in someone’s locket
But don’t knock it cause you cant stop it
Goes way to fast for us to clock it
Too absurd for us to shock it
Destiny is an aura rocket
Fate leads you down the path of no return
You can change direction or crash and burn
Its your decision and you’ll get what you earn
Living through failure is how we all learn
We all go through it when its our turn
Its acceptance we yearn
What is shall be and what shall be is fait
You can choose to love or choose to hate
No time to ponder no time to wait
Like the Rabbit said I’m late I’m late
You need only look to the side in order to see straight
A date with fate is on the slate
And that’s great
For many footprints litter my path
Some I followed in earnest
Some I followed in wrath
Perhaps I’m a Guru or a sick sociopath
I can’t figure out which
You do the math
But destiny called me and showed me the light
A world full of seekers searching for right
Seekers of faith, seekers of truth
Seekers and preachers of forbidden fruit
Seekers of self and seekers of reason
Seekers of greed caught up in their treason
Seekers of knowledge real or inspired
If you ain’t found it yet guess what, times expired
You’re fired!
Carriers of doom pushing the cart
Lock pickers solving affairs of the heart
Out of work actors seeking a part
Unqualified teachers who aren’t so smart
Lessons to learn are so far off the chart
The teachings of age shoulda known from the start
One simple answer it all falls apart
Some solutions stay naked thrown in the wind
I asked the same question again and again
That’s when Fate called out but I wasn’t ready
Wanted to follow but my movements unsteady
Seems all of my travels have brought me to naught
Midnight comes fast with darkness it brought
The sun bows down in defeat of day
Standing in awe I have nothing to say
A lifetime of pains
Soaked from sorrowful rains
My question remains:
“Why is it easier to say I’m sorry to the ones that have died
During moments of quiet reflection
Than to offer up sincere apologies to those who can hear
Instead of doling out quiet rejection?”

In its solitude evening hung its head and sighed
As darkness broke down in tears as I cried
Sometime wish I’d never been born
But more often I wish I had died

Once Upon A Ginge

ginge

 

 

A city boy at heart who loves the urban chaotic

The asphalt pathways and concrete concubines

Where sirens and horns replace the blackbirds at night

I was positive I could never leave that behind

But the lady I cherished asked me to visit her home

Fields dreamed and the beauty in which she’d grown

Where we could be the keepers of each others secrets

Off to nirvana of farmlands last stand

For me a world unknown but grand

 

The wind tugged lightly on her bright orange curls

Sweet smelling wind pressed close the polka dot dress

Outlining her form and betraying salacious intention

A fiery red silhouette against the waning prism of day

Waiting for evening to lock tight the bright door of sunshine

Obscuring the once vibrant fields of yellow green and black

The towering sunflowers bowed their heads good night

Allowing the dark sky to light up unto a diamond landscape

Lust beckoned in the Kansas field

Two lovers both prepared to yield

 

Cicadas sang cricket love songs to the distant horizon

Tongues tangoed furious an erotic passion dance

The still night air was soaked in aphrodisia essence

Arms legs and torso’s in a desperate search of belonging

The ground trembling and writhing with reckless abandon

Where we clutched tight a duet of burning desires

An explosive vortex shrieked shattering the glass moonlight

A cantata of emotions led a orchestra of sizzling emotion

Satisfying of our carnal hunger

Brought us to a peaceful slumber

 

 

 

 

In morning the solar king held golden specters of light

Above grains of our love reaching up to the heavens

Creating Waves of wheat, corn , and tall shining reeds

And a carpet of green for lovers to frolic and stroll

We tip-toed the sharp blades of grass whistling a tune

One lasting song hummed in a lifetime serenade

The grandeur of serene bliss in this captivating pasture

Far from the garden iron barriers of urban decay

Passions equaled and skilled

Two lovers hopes fulfilled

 

But it seems nothing lasts

So time passed

An old cliché that may seem contrite

But

She turned left

And I turned right

Yet saving our brief magical connection

Is out of sight