Justify

 

 

They tell me I should testify
Justify why I’m still alive
They believe by now I must’ve died
But I’m still here to classify
A life that should have passed on by
Is going strong though compromised
So I use my words to justify
The reasons I haven’t gone and died:

 

I believe there was a day
I believe there was a time
I had good reason to stay alive
A cause to justify a life unwise
Because I was the waterfalls
Cascading ashes in to the stream
Then washed away in a watery mist
Where lust for life dries and withers
Like morning dew stretching at dawn
Or just maybe I was waiting for my turn
To fall upon my own mistakes
Slipping in my search for salvation
Over the stick I found in a sanctuary
The perch of forgotten sins
For a life left unlived to its fill
While singing the praises
To the Wizard of my soul
An artist painted my portrait
In matter of gray vagueness
Where dreams are folded away
And reality rules night and day
No fucking way
I’ll pay my own way
Tell my own story

Sing my own song
And dance my own dance
I will testify and justify

My Testament
Why?
Why haven’t I died?
Broke all the rules made a fool of the fools
Misused my tools while filling salt pools
I denied the guy who stands on high
With a sacred smile I walked on by
Maybe I shoulda given him a try
Given the big guy a chance
But I oh so loved the Devils dance
Had me in a trance inside
So I chose another as my guide
And I also made my children cry the tears they couldn’t hold inside
Left them without a place to hide yet I’m still alive
Why haven’t I died?
Perhaps I never really tried
I wish I could have told them why
So I lie
But why should they have to listen
I buried my murky bones of misgiving
Below a mountain of the living
Showed compassion and gift giving
After payment of some heavy lifting
So I try
I to justify…
My lust of lies
My acting fly
Loving the nights that got me high
That got me by
So I don’t die
Why should I?
We grab on desperately to each of our yesterday’s
But what are yesterdays but tomorrows today’s
Not that it matters anyway when destiny gets in our way
The worlds a stage and life is the play
I’m the leading role and that’s okay
I’m staying around for one more day
To take my bow before I go away

Natal Anniversary

bd

 

Today is my sixtieth natal anniversary. I’m not looking for acknowledgment or birthday wishes because all it means is I have been able to stay alive on this spinning globe as it completed sixty laps around the sun. So if anyone deserves credit its gravity because gravity did all the work. But holy shit man I’m sixty, or as I prefer to call it sexty. Well sexty if anyone has a thing for potbellied dudes with receding, or maybe disappearing, hairlines, crows feet, and wrinkles.

The truth is I’m as surprised as anyone that I lasted this long but I have. I really believed after sixty years I would be a lot wiser than I am but that’s just another one of those life fallacies, older and wiser. Now when I was in my twenties I knew absolutely everything. Until I reached my thirties which is when I began thinking perhaps I didn’t know absolutely everything, perhaps there were still a few things I could learn. Then came the forties and I realized I didn’t know shit about life. The forties was like an epiphany of the self. Time to start making a serious attempt at understanding life. When the fifties hit it was like being run over by a dump truck. Things that worked overtime on my body began demanding shorter work weeks. My children and my brothers and sisters children where all starting their own families. My fifties is when I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, “When the Hell did this happen? When did I get old?” Well it sneaks up on us without warning which is why I total support the theory of living life to the fullest, keep an understanding at how precious and quick our lives are.

I don’t know what my sixties will hold for me aside from in four years being able to relate fully to The Beatles When I’m Sixty-four tune but I will promise one thing. I won’t waste my time and energy figuring out the mysteries of life but continue to enjoy them while fighting daily to not become a sixty something grumpy old man. I have never forgotten the child in me and this is certainly no time to start hiding him. I will continue to be the best I can be and I will share myself with all of you free from any judgement because as I see it I have no right to judge anyone else for being themselves when being myself is the only thing I could ever be. Happy birthday to me, Love and Peace to you