The Day I Died

day died

So this is it!? Not how I thought I would die that’s for sure, I was certain I would be killed in a car crash or something equally spectacular or at least condusive to how I lived. Like back in the day I thought I would either OD on drugs, or in a bar fight too drunk to defend myself but drunk enough to say something stupid to put me in a dangerous situation. One thing I was sure of is it wouldn’t be suicide, I always play the hand dealt no matter how shitty the cards. I will admit though like a lot of people I have over the years contemplated if suicide was an answer. You know, during any one of the countless worst moments ever! So now I’m laying here feeling the life slowly seep out of my body. At this point I’m oddly serene, maybe even ready. Finally after all the years of meditating and practicing out of the box strange arts rituals I’m having a true out of body experience.
Its not like I obsess about death. Okay maybe a little now that I think about how much of my writings revolve around death, but everyone obsesses about death a little. Or at least have often pondered about their own best if used by date or at the very least how and when they’ll expire. With the exception of a few sick bastards we all hope our death will be quick and painless when our time comes. Mostly I think because we work ourselves up in a tizzy from viewing or reading about so many horrible deaths. Ghost stories, zombie apocalypse, serial killer stories and that’s just the nightly news. I personally watch an assortment of television shows delving into the minds and actions of evil, laced with just enough violence to make me wonder why I suffer from insomnia. Movies and shows with people being buried alive, (OMFG, not that one please), murdered for money, shot during the commission of a crime, revenge killings, chainsaw hacking (far worse than computer hacking), military explosions, viral infections, even tortured to a slow death by someone with the sadistic tendencies of the old Marquis De Sade and the pain bringing skill of Jack Bauer. One of my own worst case scenario’s is suffocation. I grew up near a beach where we used to play chicken diving down in deep water to come up with a handful of sand to prove you made it, and on a few occasions I was worried I wouldn’t make it back up in time only to spring out of the water panting like an Eskimo Sled Dog that took a wrong turn on the Iditarod then ran all the way to the equator. Television and movies have given me a plethora of horrible and unwanted deaths so all in all I guess dying from a gunshot wound ain’t so bad in the scheme of things. I mean either I’ll go into shock soon or I’ll get pumped up with morphine so an ending like this is almost welcome.
Anyway, I don’t think I have much time left so I won’t waste it philosophizing over which manner of death is or isn’t cool. How did I end up with a bullet in my chest? Damned if I know, I was just going about my normal day when I heard a few loud bangs. At first I thought some asshole kids were shooting off cherry bombs or M80’s or something, until I saw people with an unmistakable look of terror on their faces scattering around, diving to the ground behind cars or whatever. Not me! Oh no, I was doing my usual head in the cloud meandering taking care of errands when I felt someone punch me in the chest. I say punch, but it felt more like my chest was catching for a Cy Young pitcher’s fastball. Before I knew it I was on my back looking up at telephone wires and tree tops. Within seconds I felt the warm syrupy blood spreading across my tee shirt. I tried to look down at it but my head wouldn’t move. I grabbed my chest with both hands and felt the blood oozing between my fingers. My first thought was who the hell hit me. Then I thought oh shit almighty I need to do a finger in the dyke maneuver or something. Finally it sunk in and I thought, holy shit, I think I’ve been shot.
I laid there with my chest throbbing and pulsing at the same time. I tried to cry but nothing came out, not even a gasp. It was hard just breathing. WTF? Did it hit a lung or something. Seconds passed by or minutes maybe, IDK, I’d lost all sense of time and reason. That’s it man, I’m freaking dying. Hope I have clean underwear on or my Mom will pissed, that is if I go to wherever she is. I soon, or maybe not so soon realized the pulsing and pounding pain were fading. Taking a breath on the other hand was harder than ever. Next I’m laying here and the pain subsided completely so either I’m getting close to the end or shock has set in. I guess this is the point where my life is supposed to flash before my eyes but honestly I am a bit too tired to watch my own rerun. All I want to do is sleep. Wait, what’s this? Someone is putting their hands on my chest and there’s a lot of commotion, people and noises all around me and people touching me. Appropriately. That’s weird, the noise is oddly soft and fading in and out, not loud and chaotic. Oh oh, the sound seems to be fading out completely along with my eyesight. I know words are being said but they don’t sound like words, more like muffled reverberating sounds. I think I hear sirens but I’m not sure if they’re far off or just more of an illusion. I think I feel some people picking up my body and putting it on some stretcher or something but it doesn’t matter, too little too late. I feel my essence, my very being slipping out through the hole in my chest along with the flow of blood. Weakness took over and silence is filling in my ears now. My last breath, my last whimper. Time to pronounce, wanna make the call doctor? (I watched a few medical shows too) No more anything, done, over, ipso facto, adios ghost, see ya later terminator. Nothing more to do, no more fun and laughs, no more tears and pain, only darkness. My final game of Clue. Colonel Deranged Stranger , on the street, with a handgun!
My Epilogue

It feels unnatural being dead. I see my body in a sort of file cabinet awaiting confirmation of who I am. I’ve seen a lot of morgues on TV and movies but its way less spooky and far too clinical and dare I say cold. I am at this very moment preparing to move on to my next phase and frankly I’m a little excited. Aside from my obsession with dying and death I’ve always had a deeper obsession with the afterlife and now I’m about to find out for real. Am I going before a judge with angel wings, on a hot escalator to Hell, into some weird meeting place for everyone who died, preparing for reincarnation, or just going to sleep? If I can tell you when I get there I will, but I’m afraid they may have rules about “spoilers” in the afterlife. But before I embark on my new journey I’m just curious about something. We….oops, sorry not used to this yet, I mean you live in a society that actually has sub-genres of killings. Random shootings, (like mine), School shootings, Mall shootings, workplace shootings. You have witnessed hundreds of families go through hell after their child’s school was shot up, or someone’s father and mother were murdered for shopping in the wrong place, yet you continue to bicker and fight over personal rights for gun ownership without thinking twice about having to jump through hoops to get a drivers license and registering your car. I mean people get arrested for not keeping their license current, or cars are removed for violations of non registration and non insurance. One could argue cars don’t kill people, people do, and on some level maybe that’s true, but that’s why we have global wide regulations for moving vehicles. Are peoples lives so insignificant that you can’t come to a reasonable compromise that will allow responsible people who want to own guns get them in a reasonable and safe manner, like I don’t know, a handling, care, and using of firearm mandatory class? Kinda like the driving thing ya know what I mean? Is arguing and posturing and allowing corporations sway the voting the best you can do as a society? If that’s so then I guess I really am in a better place as has been suggested.(overheard actually) I have no idea what’s next for my dead ass, but take some advice from a dead guy with nothing to lose. Do something more than just cry about amendments on paper and protect the actual living breathing lives of the innocent. If you all don’t start to take this gun thing real serious and do more than just talk about it after every shooting, wherever I’m going now is gonna get a lot more crowded far too soon. Peace

Support the troops by posting on Facebook


An Editorial
Support the troops! What a noble sounding statement, placed on bumper stickers, made into memes with waving flags, and posted on the walls of patriotic facebookers everywhere. People want everyone to know that they support the troops but is it for the soldiers or to make them feel good about themselves? On patriotic holidays their walls are cluttered with statements accusing the rest of us of not remembering the real reason for the holiday, how we should thank the soldiers for their sacrifices. So what that it? Hey man thanks for risking your life, it was an honorable thing to do. Here, take this thanks and a big boorah to you soldier. I’m sure that when they are in the middle of a firefight those thank you’s save their sanity. Do you truly want to show support for the troops? How about supporting them with something a bit more tangible than “Thanks for your service”. Help them acclimate back into society with more than a slap on the back and a thank you.

In my existential an humble opinion the most appropriate and effective way we can thank the troops is to SHOW them. Show the troops that we do not take for granted the freedoms and liberties they fought for. Let them come home to a sane world where the theory of democracy, the belief that everyone has equal rights, racially, culturally, religiously, and socially, is fully intact. A system in which everyone can be involved in the proposal and development of laws. You know, a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Instead they come home to see our congress fighting each other over petty posturing, and debates devolve into character assassinations, and the preponderance of their work pointing fingers at the other side in media photo ops. We need to work together to pass sensible legislation designed to keep us free and safe. I was truly hopeful at one point that we would pass sensible gun laws. Can you honesty tell me you believe our troops put their lives on the line and withstood the horrors of war so any half witted ass clown can own an automatic rifle with enough rounds of ammunition to decimate a towns population? We have stricter laws for our automobiles than we do for guns. And please stop with that ridiculous guns don’t kill people, people kill people crap defense because I could say the same for hand grenades or bazookas. Should every American have the right to own a hand grenade an use it if they feel threatened? I’m not saying no one should own a gun, but is it too much to ask that the owner act responsible? Show the troops that the country they are fighting for cares about its own people, and will not tolerate the streets being filled with maniacal twisted sociopaths who watch and plan as other killers, citizens, gain notoriety in the media. Yes if they are going to kill they will find a way shouldn’t we make it harder for them to arm themselves rather than easier? And what if legislation only saved a handful of lives? Believe this, if one of the lives save was your own child it would be a hugely significant handful an you would be thankful for sensible gun control. Truthfully I worry this may never happen, if the cold blooded murder of elementary school children hasn’t effected the laws to protect then there is little hope that the big businesses that influence and own congress will ever place human life above profit. But lets not stop trying, our children deserve more than we have been able to provide them. Just asking for sensible legislation, not abolition.

How about supporting the troops by cleaning up our own messes at home. They return from a foreign country helping to rebuild that country and come home to bureaucracies preventing basic affordable healthcare, streets littered with garbage, people killing each other in the street and in the schools, crime everywhere, people beating each other up over lifestyle choice, or religion. In other countries the troops witness home being destroyed, families torn apart, villages bombed, or gassed, then come home to a bunch of haters hiding behind the American flag proclaiming how patriotic they are while they deny basic human rights to people they feel don’t fit into their concept of what American means. Quit hiding your hatred behind a flag or a god. Its not being “American” to pass laws allowing you to shoot others if you feel threatened. Its not patriotic to deny that the world climate is changing and continue to support businesses that are destroying our environment. Its not pleasing god to hate gays or lesbians, maybe give them a beating in the name of Jesus. Its not dissing god to believe the proofs that science place in front of us. You want to believe in god you still can, but don’t exploit your ignorance genes by denying the truth, incorporate it. What the Hell, maybe god created evolution, maybe his days lasted a million years. Incorporate the truths into your religion and move on, don’t use it as an excuse to judge others, to prosecute others, celebrate your religion as all inclusive and love filled, not hate filled your gonna burn in hell for all time if you don’t believe in my faith!

If all you want is for all your friends and family to know how much you support the troops and love your country superficially then go ahead, post it all over your wall, put it on a bumper sticker to proudly display on your car. Honk if you support the troops. Hell man, get a damn American flag tattoo on your forehead if you want, but as far as I can tell the very best way to support our troops is to welcome them home, listen to their stories, assure them prompt medical attention, work to pass sensible laws that reflect what sacrifices they have endured, and work and strive hard every day for peace so that we can tell the troops no more of our American kids will be forced to endure the horrors of war like they did. Again, just The Existential Bakers opinion. PEACE