October Go Away

meg

Megan “Little Little” Jaret… Did you ever know that you’re my hero

How beautiful the tree colored lanes
Vividly vibrant and richly chromatic
Crisp morning air filling up incognito
Evenings chill settling in so dramatic

Innocent faces in Halloween masks
Bags full of trick or treat sweetness
That was the October that I once knew
In peaceful autumnal completeness

But on a precarious cold day one October
Hearts were wrenched straight outta our chest
Our baby girl taken away in an ambulance
Left us profoundly confused and depressed

After one year of hospitals doctors and testing
Another October morn came around to betray
That day all of our hopes prayers and dreams
In one harsh second were all washed away

Much too distinctly I remember that moment
So clearly do I envision the sad in your eyes
Our final day of all the tears shared together
Etched in regret cried our final good byes

We knew that your pain was monumental
It made our hearts overflow with dismay
Letting go was so dramatically painful
October won’t you just please go away

Cruelly each year we are choked with a flashback
Of the worst possible days in both of our lives
The harshest month of the year is upon us
With merciless regularity again October arrives

Filled with thirty one days of emotional torture
We attempt to force our misery down underneath
But something draws us to that one vivid morning
We stared speechlessly numb and unable breathe

A parents reflection should only consist
Of holding hands with unsolicited smile
Not the burden of carrying recollection
Of bitter days from the loss of their child

Time now passes by with tremendous effort
Relearning how to live and to manage the grief
But all of our bitter October anniversaries
Are far too short on sparing us any relief

So October please hurry past without haste
It hurts us both all this month every day
If mercy is real please let it be tangible
October won’t you just…….. go away

Love you Mighty Meg
Peace

I’m Fine She Said

im fine

He inquired are you feeling allright
You’ve been looking kind of down
Never listens to what she’s responding
This time distracted by familiar sound

She said I hate my life I want to die
I just feel like I’m always alone
He held one hand up in the air
With the other grasping his phone

She continued sometimes I don’t even care
If my entire world would come to an end
I mean we all gotta go sometime ya know
But he was deep in conversation with friend

She just sighed, grinned and turned away
Didn’t feel deserving of devoted attention
The same routine that he always followed
Feeling she isn’t even worth any mention

And he never listened anyway barely ever heard a word
If only he took the time out here’s what he might have heard

I’m just a ghost
A random phantom
I’m here but everybody see’s past me
I’m unworthy
Undeserving
I have opinions but nobody ever asks me
I’m never missed
I get dismissed
Like I don’t exist
Someone unkind is in my mind

They talk so loud
Form a crowd
I hear far too many voices scream in my head
My brain is melting
Nothing is helping
Soul outta control
Would anyone even notice if I was here dead
Having a bad day
A bad week too
The bad just never stops
God dammit I’m having a meaningless sucky life
And you don’t hear it
You don’t know me
Never look inside
Or you’d see me struggling with my internal strife
Never goes away
Same shit everyday
A Never ending cycle

Only thing on your mind
How to get me primed
I’m drowning in this massive sea of dread
My solution has no problem
My answer has no question
All you care is to see me naked in your bed
I’m just your toy
To give you joy
I’m here and I’m at your service
A sexual toy
For you to enjoy
that’s only scratching the surface

My life is morose
I feel gross
Comatose
I got nothing
I am nothing
Worthless
Serving no purpose
I wish I’d pass away
I hate myself
I’m gross
Burnt toast
I’m a ghost

His ears and eyes were open but his mind was shut tight
The hour will be much too far passed at his feeling contrite

With an evasive glance in her direction
He inquired what was it she had just said
She mumbled soft s’no problems Hon
Just got this slight pain inside my head

Deep down inside her spirit broke
Her neglected soul took to crying
A happy chameleon outside on her face
But internally her heart was dividing

Here ya go Babe a couple of aspirins
I bet that will help ease your pain
You believe you know just what I need
But you don’t know I’m halfway insane

With hand in the air “Hold on one sec Babe”
Johnnie needs to talk about something frustrating
She considered an end game of one thousand pills
He stayed wrapped up in deep conversating

No one had listened and not one soul knew
The pain she kept well hidden inside
All that they heard is it’s okay I’m fine
Nobody to comfort her world as she cried

Bravely she faces one last “how are you”
Fighting the forces at work in her head
Her eyes tell sad stories her mouth something else
With an artificial smile “I’m fine” she said

Peace

Subliminal Chaos

out

Rock In Peace Robin……

Scorching flames of despair
Stretching the covers obscure
Across the evenings lonely wind
Truths are humble and demure

Stalking the corridors your head
You don’t suspect I’m even there
Your world gyrating upside down
Ambition vanishes into thin air

Feel the eyes around the corner
Giggles and insults from the shade
Suppress the facts deny the deed
Your secrets have been displayed

I creep within perceived reflection
I’m paranoia and I’m here to stay
Spit out all your shards of hope
Secretly haunting you every day

Twisted insecurities are what I give
Until your no longer able to cope
Tease you with artificial mind duller
Get you stone drunk or feed you dope

Because deep inside your thoughts I hide
Hidden from all right in plain sight
No one see’s the damage I inflict
Yet I’m driving you in your plight

What the Hell is wrong with you?
Why do you exist?
I know the reason you should die
I wrote the fucking list

You’re worthless no one likes you
Your world is a façade
I’ll crash land you into death
And end your endless fraud
Follow me

Soul Tattoo

soul tattoo

Deep behind my eyes
Beneath the plastic smile
Deep into the abyss
Down to my soul
A mural of pains
And pleasure internal
Scar tissue streak the walls
Etched in emotions of color
Retelling the travesty
Of life trails
Tattoos on my body
Whisper tales of honor
And carefree times
Tattoos in my soul
Scratched deep underneath
Speak fabled lessons
Learned at hard knocks
The scars tell my tale
But they’re my scars
My soul tattoos
And I show them with pride
Before the fall

Tattoos of my soul
When you look into my eyes
Deep in the black hole
Images of torment and ecstasy
Mark the tattoos of my soul

Memories good or bad
Happy or sad
Etched into my soul with life ink
Scars day to day
Proudly on display
Pain and elation amassed at the brink

With every wrinkle that haunts my face
The crows feet and the tracks of my tears
A painting emerges from all the crying
A mosaic drawn from my strength and my fears

Torment has a certain style
Bliss can be vile
Together in a rainbow of commotions
Moments of triumph
laughing defiant
An endless mural of jumbled emotions

I’m the sum of my past
From first to last
Bearing the scars of lessons learned
At times I’m nefarious
Others gregarious
Each an every tattoo has been honestly earned
With every wrinkle that haunts my face
The crows feet and the tracks of my tears
A painting emerges from all the crying
A mosaic drawn from my strength and my fears

When you look into my eyes
Deep in the black hole
Images of torment and ecstasy
Expressed by the tattoos of my soul