Humiliated But Happy (Good bye Self Esteem)

self esteem

 

Kicking it freestyle about getting kicked when you’re down
All is not fair in love
My woman gave me an ill berating
It was humiliating and debilitating…
Downright deflating
My self esteem needs rehabilitating
Save that heat for Satan
Haters gonna keep on hatin’ and hatin’ is so aggravating
Frankly I just tired of waiting
Anticipating
My turn to be real
Spinning my luck at the Karmic wheel
To get my payback from way back
I’m a throwback on Prozac
Having to tiptoe from the git go
Who’s been outsmarted
By Lady Coldhearted
Where all this shit started
It was mean to strip the sheen off of my self esteem
Like some glycine queen
She snuck up like the bee
I closed my eyes so I could see
She stabbed my back and she blindfolded me
Set me free
To stumble aimlessly
Searching for some self esteem

I was depressed n’ obsessed
Screwed by the best
It was disgustin’
I was too trustin’
While I was working and hustling she was midnight lusting
Thrusting and busting
It’s a trust thing
It musta been
She said trust me
Left me emotionally castrated serrated and frustrated
Then rubbed my wounded faith with salt….
I’m needing Gestalt
But in the end its my fault
Took my eye off the prize
I was ostracized
Sized up and cauterized
No surprise
Flaunting some dude
Right before my eyes
She should be exorcised for that exercise
But I got wise
I got it straight
Too little too late
But I don’t hate I’ll take the burn
Live and learn
I took the blow
My dignity had to go
Self esteems at an all time low

She built me up and tore me down
Made me her clown with the run around
Then demonstrated how she conjugated
With heat
What I’m trying to say is she’s a cheat
Stomped my heat with both her feet
From someone else’s back seat
I can’t compete with a sexual athlete..
Bittersweet
But now she wants to reconcile
Crying like crocodile
Tears that only last a while
I should cut her free
Ignore her plea and let her be
Find another love for me
But then I saw her smile
Standing strong is not my style
So it would seem
I know I should kick her ass downstream
But I’ll take her back
I got no self esteem
Doesn’t matter I’ll probably get run over by a truck anyway

SHE HIDES

a tear

 

 

There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
She’s living in Hell but she hides it so well
Promises lost
Abandoned
Like an unopened package
Left in the storm
Pieces of dreams
Scattered across a highway
Fade into fog
One horror filled sunset
One mortal error
A vow broken
A veil fades to black
Hidden from sight
She hides alone
Concealing fright
Her chameleon smile
Shines like she’s fine
But her withered eyes
Can’t hide the whimper
The sobbing from her soul
Living in half
Chained to her memories
Despondent inside
The pain of loneliness the weight of despair
Thinks life would be better if she just didn’t care
So she hides
Stretching each sunrise
To her duty of care
The demands of children
The veins of her heart
Survival her goal
A day at a time
But oh so alone
Its just so exhausting
Life on a treadmill
Trying to outrun stress
No one to shoulder
The burdening tears
Staring at the vodka she hides under the sink
Come my best friend lets have us a drink
She hides
There are tears in her eyes but no one can tell
You’ll never see the hurt because she hides it so well
She turns up the music
So no one will hear
The sound of the scars
That beat from her heart
The wounds lay open
She turns out the light
Feels for some comfort
But touches the wind
All that remains
One lonely sheet
And yesterdays dreams
You can’t hug a memory
Or so it seems
Alone in bed every nigh until the torture subsides
Alone in her bed
She hides