Breaking news from JT Hilltop reporter for RUSCNN (R U Stoopid Cable News Network) the leading 24 hour Snooze News on cable.
In a dramatic move both Texas and Florida have seceded from the United States of America to form the commonwealth of Flexas. (pronounced flex ass) Both former states claim they are called Flexas because they are flexing their 1st 2nd and 13th amendment muscles to break away from the dictatorship of the presidency. They have officially declared war on the USA and the former Texans have launched an all out attack on worker bee’s, taking especially sadistic pleasure in the destruction of the Africanized killer bee’s. Their army is led by General Anesthesia who claimed, “We’ll show this communist fascist socialist sommofabitch country what real drone strikes is all about !” while in former Florida citizens have armed themselves to the tooth with weapons. “We aims to stand are groun no matter what!” Former Florida took even bolder action after bingo hour and ran all the scientists out of the commonwealth. General Dee Nyer explains, “We will put an end to all the icecap and glacier melting worries by removing both ‘global warming’ and ‘climate change’ from the already limited vocabulary of Flexans.
The new Flexas flag is all red with a pair of crossed six shooters in-between the motto’s “Stand Our Ground” and “Don‘t Trend On Us“. The Whitehouse could not be reached for a comment but reliable sources tell me there was a loud echoing din of laughter and a number of choruses of and I quote, “Don’t Mess With FlexaS” from the West Wing.
If you missed any of the story have no fear, our network promises to bring in experts, people with ridiculous opinions, political strategists for both parties, and will explain the story over and over again ad nauseum until another story comes along we can beat to death. This is JT Hilltop, R U Stoopid news….