The First Books Of The Cold Testament

There Aughta be a Law
So now the scene was set for the so called “Old Testament” to branch out in different area’s. This is where it gets kinda murky with a few different accounts of what happened next. But like an automobile accident, everyone swears that their story is the (Insert name of favorite Creator)‘s honest truth, and of course the truth will set you free. Or will it? The Roamings chose to be monotheist and worshipped God as told by Abraham, the Muscle’ems also monotheist but called their god Allah. Mosey led the remaining suffering juice into their holy land insisting to them all that they were the chosen ones. But chosen by whom and for what? The adventure begins
Mosey decides he should clear up the laws for the Juice in their long bloody trek to the promised land so he began writing his fifth book. He had already written four others. His first was titled Genesis, and it was about how things began according to the disciples, Peter, Gabriel, Phil, and Collins (not Tom Collins, the other one). His second work of fiction was called “Exodus” and it was based on a song by Bob Marley. (easy on the ganja next time Mosey) His third book was a math book he called simply “Numbers” and his fourth a short story about the maker of blue jeans which he called “Levi-ticus. The working title of his fifth and final book was “ Dude-a-Ramen Noodle” but that may change due to Ron or me. It’s main purpose will be to set all the laws required to become the chosen ones, the real Juice. During the years they wandered in search of the real estate they were promised Mosey made up those laws. He created dietary laws, (pissed off the pig farmers) sexual laws, laws of marriage, laws for religious festivals and ceremonies, and the most important law of all. The mother of all Mitzvah laws. The law insisting that every family has a no holds barred all out extravagant party their children when they reach the age of 12 or 13. (boys take longer to mature).
But first things first, on to the promise land. Mosey surveyed his able body men and decided to make Joshua his general. Joshua was a strong and smart man who was once the world wrestling federation champ. He had also trained at Far West Point, the highly regarded Ninja military school run by Genghis Kahn. Joshua began getting his troops in shape with exercises and combat training games. In two short months he had a formidable assembly of fine tuned fighting machines. And good thing too because it wasn’t long until the first battle.
In their quest to take the promise land they came upon a mighty river they needed to cross in order to proceed. Mosey had been told by Yehaw that he was not to cross the river, but to allow Joshua to take over and lead his people. His task was complete and it was time for him to pack it in, to buy the farm He had to die. After all, it had been a great 4,000 years and he was losing his hair, bladder control, and the arthritis was getting too painful. So here it was that instead of a sea parting, it was Mosey and Joshua. “Josh my friend, our years together have at last come to an end. I leave it up to you to lead our people into the promised land. Just promise me that when you do you play nice with the neighbors.” Joshua smiled and shook his head while he place his hand behind his back and crossed his fingers. “I promise you dear friend Mosey, I will lead our people into the promised land and treat our neighbors like they were family.” With that, Mosey went off to die peacefully and Joshua uncrossed his fingers, smiled, and mumbled to himself, “Like the abusive family that fucking abandoned me, hehehe.”

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